Well I must say, the general population of driving people have become swamped with utter blithering IDIOTS!!!! It seems that the laws and regulations of the road dont apply to anyone with a fast car or over the age of 60. I cant stand these little usless wastes of air and fleash that roam the road in there "tricked out" honda civics, looking for stop signs to blow through and people to tail gate. These people volentarilu go out on to the road to drive "their" car that mommy and daddy paid for and then when they encounter someone doing the speed limit or, god forbid, being a concedrite driver they will go out of their way to make your live just a little bit worse. Wether it be to ride you tail for 30 min with their highbeams on in the day time or to just pass you through oncoming trafic and then slam on their brakes infront of you because ::smacks his head:: there is someone going just as slow infront of you!! ERRRGH!!! What is even better is when you will be turing in an area where you have the right of way and one of these wastes of human debris decides that it would be just keen to bolt out and try and beat you throught the turn, when the adolesent prick sees that he cant make the turn in time he slams on his brakes and honks his sissy little japaneses horn at you, then he will tail you for the next 10 min and try and pass you or force you off the road, just because this result of a broken condom decided that he was going to sleep throught the class part of driver ed. These people make me want to travel back in time and hit them with their future car, wait correction, thier mommy's future car, while they chase a ball arcross the street. I hope that one day these wortheless pukes crash into a tanker truck filled with AIDS and Ebola and drown in moose vomit.
Ahh thats better
Chris
CWB
As you all well know, Chris and I are working out of different locales, for the most part. He's stayed at the Delaware home base, while I've decided to torture myself by staying at Drexel University, with the aptly named Drexel Shaft looming overhead. Since I usually come down to visit Chris, we decided that for one weekend, he should come up to visit me. Big mistake. Within the first day, I had almost lost him in the train station, had him get accosted with hunger while we waited for friends of mine. Then, he not only lost $30 dollars from a Mac machine transaction, but he got bitched out by some stupid new army cadet for having sargeant pins on the lapels of his camouflage shirt. Now, anyone that knows me knows that I have a hard time with the military as it is. When this little shaved-head mutant came up like he was some amazing authority on all things army related. Sure, people died and whatnot to get those rank markers. Yeah? Well lotsa Gauls died before pants became accepted, and no one recognizes my people for that, so why don't you take off your pants cuz I'm offended by them, you scuzzy mutant of diminished masculine presence?!? On top of this, fantastically enough, there's less to do here than in Delaware. We have a little place where you can run around and learn things, a South Street... uhh... ah... and PhillyJacks, which I do NOT wanna be a part of. Ewewewewew. Chris eventually got his money back, but public transit's a total piece of crap, so we had to jump from subway to bus on our way to South Street... which isn't that entertaining. Manly Weekends will now be consigned to Delaware until further notice. Yay No Sales Tax!
There's one phenomena that seems to be taking the nation's angst-ridden teenage youths by storm, and it sure as hell isn't pretty: Face Paint Bands. You might say, "Hey! Alice Cooper put on make-up, and so did Iggy Pop and David Bowie, and they weren't that bad." Primarily, they put on make-up, as stated, and not icky-ass grease paint ripped straight from the Creepy Gland of a clown. From this, we get such wonders as Slipknot, in their dumb ol' masks, Twiztid, and Mudvayne. Psh. Seems that once again, illiteracy has struck the music world like a bottle full o' gin, but this time, it isn't as funny. I sure as heck don't find a bunch of guys that try really, really hard to either look like bad Michael Myers audition rejects, the devil, or your mom with her mud mask on in the morning all that entertaining. Personally, I'd rather be watching a Cash Money video, where you know that these guys aren't just unaware of how stupid they look, but they also revel in it. Long live metal teeth.
As of now, I've only dissed the appearance. Let's all move on to their musical stylings. Most of the really creepy bands fall into the camps of either Rob Zombie or Spinal Tap. Somehow, these kids missed both by a long shot, and ended up hitting the camp of Big Drunk Bear Calls. It sounds like a middle aged man trying to sound like "Macho Man" Randy Savage trying to sound like the devil. Henry Rollins could scare the crap out of me just by saying "I'm out to get you" in that scary calm voice, let alone dropping his massive Tick-like bulk in front of me like some freaky statue of death, while when these fellows doll themselves up like little dickens and scream out their lungs, they just look like monkeys that got into the fingerpaint. So, what have we learned? If you look like the devil and scream a lot, chances are, Rollins can kick your ass.
If there's one completely inescapable situation during a person's childhood, it's when one or more of the person's guardians goes totally bat-ass crazy. My dad, aka Wedgie, is already showing signs of a drop of sanity. For one, if you ask what's wrong, he'll give all of the details that don't pertain directly to the topic, and only after being presented with a frustrated bellow will he actually say what it is. Also, if he calls, and I have to either a) pee b) call someone about plans that're impending within the half-hour period, or c) keep away from human contact for fear of falling into a berserk rage, he'll give me his week's itinerary, including what he's gonna do after lunch, where he's going to have it, and the daily value percentage of Vitamin B12 in the tea that he's having at his fiancee's house later on that day. I could go on, but really, I don't need to be mad right now. -Ben
Update: I miss my dad. Hanna's now scaring the crap out of me.
Dad: Hey Chris!
Chris: What?
Dad: Where are you going?
Chris: (insert somewhere important)
Dad: Before you go, Wash the goat.
Chris: We don't have a goat
Dad: Don't Back talk to me! And make sure that you wash the goats car better this time.
And to add to the fun he enjoys one or seven Manhattans when he comes home from work. For those of you who don't know what a Manhattan is made of, here is a quick discription. Alcohol cut with more alcohol with a dash of alochol (for color). Oh and don't forget a cherry. This drink could be used for either rocket fuel or embalming fluid, yummy. If you were to light the stem of the cherry the thing could be used for a cherry bomb. I personally try not to drink anything flammable. It appears that he is changing into the Pengiun. waaquaquaquaquaquaquaquaqua
How to make a horrible commerical (for the old navy company)
1.get a new actress with no talent to be your spokesperson.
2.Write incredibly lame and trite one-liners for her to say every 5 seconds.
3.Make sure to show the over-inflated price at the end of the commerical.
::if done right you will be able to make a horrendous commerical everytime.
It seems that old navy used this formula to the T for every one of their commericals that advertises their new line of tasteless clothes. I mean if you have seen their previous adds you probably already know about the lack of quality in their adds. However, their new adds make their old ones look like the Matrix. This is a new low in advertising and I would not want any more of this filth on the air if I could prevent it. Please Respond.
Chris
CWB
