Critique of the traditional dating process
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You know, I think I have a problem with the "traditional" dating process.. Two people go out on a date to some nice fancy restaurant or some elegant dance.. and they both have to say everything exactly right and have the utmost etiquette.. if he follows these rules, she invites him inside or whatever. I simply don't like all the formality and pressure. The point of dating someone is to get to know him or her better... you date the person for WHO THEY ARE.. NOT how well they conform to a set of rules and procedures laid down by society. If you're nervous the whole time about doing and saying everything precisely right, how can you possibly enjoy yourself.. or even BE yourself!?? All I think you really need to do.. is just go somewhere.. together.. be yourself.. talk about things..get to know the other person.. it could be something as simple as a walk in a park, sitting by a pond or lake and just talking, I don't know.. anything.. The important thing is that you BE TOGETHER.. that's all. The fancy restaurant scene also requires that the man put out a decent amount of money to take his girlfriend on these dates. Why should someone have to spend that kind of money simply to get to know someone? I think some of us have other expenses to worry about and don't particularly have all the money in the world to spend on... having some girl evaluate... the degree to which I do/say everything "right" and don't even appear the least bit awkward. Again, its just too much pressure.. why put yourself through that. I do realize, however, that an argument against what I'm saying is that.. through the man's choices of restaurants and the way he treats her.. she gets an idea of his tastes, his class, his courtesy, his manners, etc... and that this might actully facilitate getting to know each other better through a non-verbal medium. BUT I think that all the pressure, anxiety and tension would put a significant damper on open communication between the two individuals. Once an individual is a bit older, has a relatively high-paying job, doesn't have acadmic obligations to worry about and stuff like that... then perhaps this very formal style of dating would be more appropriate.. and affordable.
I will also admit here that there are some potential problems to what I suggest. Say that you decide to simply 'be together' over the girl's house or something.. and her parents aren't home. As a man who yearns deeply for passion and affection myself (and having a basic understanding of male psychology/sociology), I realize that temptations may arise. If an individual exhibits a little self-control, such temptations can be avoided and you can carry on intelligent conversations to get to know one another better. It is nice to go out and do things sometimes too.. especially if/once you start getting serious about one another, but why put so much strain and stress on yourself. Just go out, talk about what you like, talk about experiences you've had.. and just BE YOURSELF.. that is what is most important. Again, I am interested in someone for who they are.. not how well they conform to a set of social standards that have been deemed acceptable for dating etiquette.
Concerning Parents and The Rearing of Children
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This tends to be a topic I can be passionate about as well. I think that we are seeing more and more children grow up without being properly raised by thier parents. And often you can tell simply by the way a child, adolescent, or even adult acts.. a lack of discipline, lack of respect for anything or anyone, a lack of maturity, and just a whole host of psychological problems are often signs of a child who was not properly brought up in a home with two loving parents. One factor I might argue that is contrubuting to this is the (feminist) push for women to work outside the home. Of course I agree that women sould be allowed to work outside the home.. BUT.. I think that, out of the man and the woman, the man (often being more assertive, confident, and competitive) is best suited for most professions in our capitalistic, competitive society. There are exceptions to every rule, yes.. sensitive men exist and assertive women exist.. but IN GENERAL men are more dominant, competitive, assertive, strong, confident, logical, practical, and such.. while women IN GENERAL are more sensitive, emotional, nurturing, inutuitive, and the like. It is vitally necessary that at least one parent be available to stay at home and take on the responsibility of raising the children. Perhaps it is possible that both parents can hold part-time jobs and each stays with the child for a certain time each day. But there is a problem when both parents go to work during the day leaving the child either unattended, with a babysitter, in front of the TV, whatever.. for extended periods of time.
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Parents need to spend time with their children, do things with them, take them places, read to them, and discipline them when they act up. To avoid problems with discipline, rules and boundaries need to be instilled in children as early as possible (using non-physical means, of course). I believe that the older someone grows, the more difficult it becomes to deal with discipline problems. I do firmly believe, however, that an unruly child or teen who does whatever they wish with no respect for their parents, for moral standards,for authority figures, and for the law.. needs to be disciplined physically if necessary. Parents should not be afraid to slap, to spank, to hit their children. I am not talking about merciless beatings, causing bleedign and broken bones.. that would most definitely be going too far. What is this "time out" bullshit... "time out" might work for young children, but by the time they're like 11, 12.. they learn to resist the "punishment" and it loses its effectiveness. Two objections are frequently raised against this notion of physically disciplining children: Opponents argue (1) that physically disciplining a child leads to repressed anger and leads them to be violent individuals later in life and (2) that parents may abuse their discretionary privelage of being able to use physical means to discipline a child or teen. I would respond to the first argument (1) by pointing out that very few individuals who are modestly disciplined as children have these problems later on in life. Talk to your parents or your grandparents... most of them had parents (especially fathers) who were not afraid to discipline them physically if needbe.. and they (your parents and grandparents)(most of them anyway) did NOT turn out to be these crazed individuals with repressed aggressive tendencies. On the second claim (2) I would argue that MOST parents DO NOT abuse this privelage. Only those parents who have legitimate psychological disturbances will abuse this power.. but most parents love their children.. and will not derive pleasure from harming them. Also, I see a 'lesser of two evils' decision here.. which is worse.. a FEW parents who discipline their children more than would be considered necessary OR a whole society of people who don't have any fucking discipline, morals, or respect for anything? Of course the latter of the two is the least favorable end. I think that in the case of child rearing, the ends justify the means. With a modest amount of physical discipline (applies ONLY if necessary and ONLY if respect is failed to be instilled in the child at a younger age), albeit perhaps unpleasant at the time, the child will emerge a strong, valued, principled adult with a respect for authority figures, the law, the value of education, etc... Which reminds me.. it is truly amazing to me how many middle school, high school, and even to a modest degree university (although the maturity level IS a bit higher at this level) students have little or no respect for teachers and school administrators. When children do whatever they wish with no respect for rules and boundaries, this creates countless problems.. in this example, it is education which becomes difficult. These kids have no fear of getting in trouble in school.. they see no real consequences, they don't care, nothing gets through to them. If the school finds them too disruptive, they often send the kid home.. but the parents just frown or do a little "time out" routine (accomplishing NOTHING) and the kid's back in school the next day with the same goddamn problem. I would almost fear having my parents get a call from a teacher or school guidance counselor.. because I knew that there would be repercussions.. they wouldn't neceesarily hit me.. they would take away privelages and restrict my freedom.. but if I challenged their authority or attempted to do something which they forbade me to do.. I have litle doubt that they would have stood, physically, in my way. And, hello, parents.. you are bigger than children and adolescents and nothing is stopping you from physically blocking them from walking out the door.. or restricting their access to certain privelages such as the telephone, the computer, snacks and sweets in the house, etc... exercise your discretion!
It is a very sad thing when the television ends up raising children rather than that child's parents. When a kid grows up watching nothing but Barney, the Tele-tubbies and Spong Bob Square Pants.. they will almost certainly be fucked up in the head and have psychological/emotional problems growing up. Teach your kids values and morals.. raise them right.. do things with them.. PLEASE don't just sit them in front of the television for 8 hours.. its just not healthy. Some TV is fine.. especially if it helps you learn.. such programs as (the late) Mr Rogers or Sesame Street are examples.
I may yet add to this section
To Have Loved and Have Lost
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Do you have any idea what its like to truly be in love? To hold the object of your desire.. the ONE you want... in your arms.. to hold her tight.. to kiss her a thousand times.. to stare deep into her eyes telling her how beautiful she is and how much she means to you.. to make love to her. What we shared seemed so special. Making love was absolute magic. It felt so complete.. so truly wonderful just to hold her.. just to know that she was happy. I had a companion with whom to share the world.. and to snuggle up with at night (well night, day, whenever we had the chance to be together.. at summer camp we did spend the night with each other a few times.. regardless of whether or not we physically made love). Eventually I came to fully realize that there was a true lack of personal chemistry between us, she was lying about things, she was putting herself in suspicious situations, her actions contradicted her words, she had a reputation, etc... The distance relationship became tough as well. There was a number of issues.. too numerous to mention here. If you want to know more about why my relationship with Lauren failed... why I had to ultimately break it off.. ask me online or something and I will discuss it with you. It was very disheartening for me to discover the truth about our relationship... it was difficult to gain the knowledge that she never really loved me on the truly deep, profond level on which I loved her. That crushed my heart. When she remained aloof and detached when I was telling her that we were breaking up.. and demonstrated little emotion... it became obvious to me that she didn't have the deep feelings for me she once claimed to've had. The decision that.. our no longer being together.. would be for the greater good.. was indeed a difficult one. I was torn between my heart and my intellect. It is painful to tell the heart that it cannot have.. that the seemingly sweet girl who dwelled there in my heart had to be let go. Losing her.. perhaps more significantly, losing love, passion, and affection was a profound loss to me.. it is an emtpiness that fills me to his day. I am a very affectionate indicidual, I have found, at least since this occured. I am once again alone. I have no one. All I want is to cuddle up with someone and kiss them a thousand times.. and just make them (her) happy. I would love to give a potential female partner exquisite pleasure.. however I am the last person on this planet to ever be pushy in that respect. My primary motivations are not sexual. My primary motivation, I would say, is my loneliness and insecurity. I am accursed with this loneliness.. with his hunger for passion..this longing for love. I value independance in the utmost.. while my heart starves to death. Tis a cruel paradox. I am also accursed with this face... with this hideous visage. How ugly and unattractive I am. Perhaps because of this, perhaps for other reasons, I do not have a wide social circle at all. Very few truly know who I am. I see the emptiness and hypocrisy of society.. I have observed how women can be cruel and manipulative.. yet I cannot ignore this desire inside of me. I think marriage foolish and have no plans to marry, but I believe my loneliness and desire will convince me otherwise. Is it better to have independence or to have love? Tis the question (in this case). Perhaps a compromise of the two.. a woman who is beautiful, sweet, caring, strong in value, not so dominating, respectful, etc... Yet I know that when I am in love, I will want to spend every minute of my existence by her side.. in her arms.. and in her heart. Emotionally, I am like a child.. I need to be nurtured, cuddled, told that everything is going to be alright, held, and most important of all.. loved. Love.. Love Love Love Love Love. Love for love and no other sake. Love because you want to see each other happy. Love because your human nature drives you to do so. Be honest in love... there are few worse pains than living and loving a lie.
<< will type more when I stop crying in this damned computer lab>>