Chapter 9
August 21, 2006
Rachel shook her head. Another memorial service. It seemed like that was the only reason Kevin would come to Lexington. This time it was a joint service for his mother and his father. And the only difference between this one and Kristin's was that Tracy was there, holding her new baby boy.
Parker Richardson had been born in July and was thriving. Tracy and Tim however were dealing with mixed emotions. Parker was their fourth child and would be their last. He was healthy and alert, but Tracy had suffered mild pre-eclampsia. And had recovered without a hitch. Obviously the comparisons to Kristin's last pregnancy were too marked to be ignored. And so while they were very happy, they worried about how Kevin would react.
He reacted as Rachel could have predicted he would. He avoided all contact with the baby and barely acknowledged Tracy's existence at the house. Tracy-who Rachel knew Kevin was fond of. Rachel now understood Jerry's frustration with Kevin.
She thought back to March. She had never mentioned the disaster of the night following Kristin's memorial service to anyone. She had simply cleaned up the mess and tried to reassure Kevin that she understood. When he had come downstairs that next morning, she had breakfast ready for him. He had tried to avoid any interaction with her, insisting that he wasn't hungry. But Rachel had informed him that breakfast was ready and that since the children had already eaten, it would simply go to waste if he didn't eat. He sat down and she had placed a water glass full of orange juice in front of him. At his look of resignation, she wondered how many times his mother had done the very same thing. He wouldn't look at her, but he did eat a full breakfast with several cups of coffee. She hoped that once he was recovered from the hangover that was plaguing him, he would be willing to talk to her about the kids. But he had retreated back upstairs to his room, and sometime during the morning had packed his bags and slipped away. He hadn't said good-bye to anyone. He had just left.
For a while she had tried to make excuses for him. It had been a difficult day for him. He was embarrassed by his drunken behavior, the evening before and then after the service. Too many memories closing in on him. But eventually she sifted through them and realized that he didn't have to react to things that way. Plenty of other people suffered losses as great or greater than his and managed to go on. It was at that point that she started to get angry. And to see that Jerry was probably the only one in the family who was seeing things clearly and objectively.
The service for Ann and Jerald was over and once again the family gathered at the house. Entertaining the children wasn't as much a concern this time since it was summer. The backyard was fenced and the children could run and play at will. The babies were the only ones who needed attention. Rachel was free to attend to hostessing, and Tim and Tracy seemed to expect that she should be taking that role.
Despite the fact that this was the first anniversary memorial for his mother, Kevin seemed better able to cope with his emotions today. He joined his brothers and Brian and Harry outside, by the pool. Though he was silent most of the time, at least he was with them.
The five of them had been reminiscing about Jerald and even Kevin was chuckling softly as Tim reminded them all of the day that Jerald had caught them skinny-dipping in the camp pool.
"I don't think any of us ever moved that fast before or since," Harry laughed. "Talk about the fear of God!"
"He sure could freeze you in your tracks when he wanted to," Brian chuckled. "He scared the crap out of me that time."
"Well, just imagine having him at the breakfast table every morning!" Jerry grinned.
"Oh, come on," Tim laughed. "It wasn't that bad!"
"You and Kev weren't on the line for everything," Jerry retorted. "Being the oldest may have had its perks, but I didn't get away with much. Neither did Harry."
"Hell no," Harry laughed. "I was always getting in trouble with Dad twice over-once for me and once for Brian!"
"And you still take it out on me," Brian grinned.
"It's you or my kids," Harry chuckled. "And I'm trying for a gentler approach with them. So I guess you're stuck with it."
"I think we're all trying for a gentler approach," Tim said. "But there are times when I think Dad and Uncle Harold had the right idea. It may be better for their psyches this way, but it's a hell of a lot harder than having total control."
Kevin was retreating further and further away from the conversation, and Jerry was aware of his discomfort. Maybe this was the time to try to get through to him.
"What do you think, Kev?" Jerry asked. "Which is better-total control or negotiation?"
Everyone froze. Kevin looked up at Jerry and after a moment said softly, "I wouldn't know, Jer. I haven't had much experience with either."
"Well, you have to have an opinion," Jerry pressed. "I'd like to hear it."
"Drop it, Jer." Kevin's voice was still soft, but there was an edge to it.
"Why? You've got two kids. What is it? You don't have any trouble fathering them, but you can't be bothered to raise them? Maybe you need some help. Ask Tim what works with your kids-he and Tracy had them for months." He snorted in disgust. "Better yet, let's get Rachel over here. She seems to have a real good handle on what they need."
"Jerry." Tim put a hand on Jerry's arm, trying to draw his focus away from Kevin. "Let's not get into this today."
Jerry pulled away from Tim's hand. "Why the hell not?" he snapped. "We're here remembering our parents. We're all parents. But one of us seems to have trouble remembering that."
Brian tried to intervene. "Jer…"
"No, Brian. I want some answers. My niece and nephew haven't had a father for the last three and a half years."
Kevin's control over his body was misleading. He looked completely calm. But when he spoke, he left no question in anyone's mind as to how he was feeling. "Jerry? Just shut the fuck up. Get out of my face. You may have his name, but you're not my father."
Jerry stood up. "Oh, I'll get out of your face, Kev. No problem. Because I can't stand watching what you're doing to those kids. I can't stand watching you kill yourself. It's tearing me apart inside, bro. And I have kids of my own that I need to be there for. So I'll be getting out of your face-permanently. I can't have anything more to do with you, Kevin. I just can't. You can call me if you ever get yourself together. Otherwise, don't bother." There were tears in his eyes as he turned away. "Ellen, get Maddie and the boys. We're leaving."
Kevin went completely white. Nobody moved for a moment. Then Ellen came forward to Jerry's side and they walked away. Rachel and Tracy moved toward them and Jerry hugged both of them.
"I'll call you," Rachel whispered to Ellen. Ellen nodded.
Tim looked down at Kevin. "Kev-he didn't mean that. He's just upset."
"Yeah, sure Tim." Kevin got up and disappeared into the house.
Hours later, when Rachel was cleaning up, she knocked on the door to the den. "Kevin?"
"What the hell do you want?" His voice was low and hoarse. Like he had been crying.
"Kevin, can I help?" She opened the door and stepped into the room.
"Yeah-you can take this away," he said, handing her an empty liquor bottle. "And you can leave me alone."
That's the last thing you need, she thought. But she had no right to do anything other than what he said. And she was becoming worried about him. Tim and Brian and Harry were doing nothing to help him. And he had just driven away the one family member who knew that he needed help.
Chapter 10
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