Chapter 35
February 26, 2007
Rachel was settled in front of the TV with Jemma and Aaron. The Grammy Awards were coming on, and she had promised them that they could watch Daddy and the guys, who were nominated and were going to perform as well.
The pre-show was beginning, and limos were pulling up to the red carpet. This was the kids first look at something like this, and Rachel was monitoring it very carefully, knowing how some of the celebrities were likely to be dressed-or undressed, she thought.
Another limo pulled up and Rachel's breath caught at the familiar face that emerged into the sunlight. Kevin looked rested and excited all at the same time. Her eyes devoured him. Then he turned to give his hand to someone still inside the car and she gasped. The woman stepping out to stand next to Kevin looked just like Kristin. Well, not really, she thought once she had taken a second look. But close enough. The voice-over commentator announced that Kevin Richardson was escorting his new lady friend, model Kelly Courtet. They waved to the crowd and started into the theatre as Brian and Leighanne took their place at the curb.
"Who's that, Rachel?" Aaron asked indignantly.
"That's the lady your Daddy's been dating," Rachel said quietly. She saw the disbelief and anger on his face.
"Why?" he asked.
Rachel was sure she couldn't explain that to him, so she relied on the oldest parental dodge in the books. "Because he is, Aaron. That's all."
* * *
Why? Kevin thought to himself as he helped Kelly out of the car. Why am I doing this? I want Rachel. But Rachel said you have to try, and she's never tried to hurt you. There must be a reason.
As they took their seats in the auditorium, Kelly leaned toward him and placed her hand in his lap. He knew she was waiting for him to take her hand, but he was uncomfortably aware of the cameras panning up and down the aisles and that Rachel would probably be watching the program at home. Even though she had said she wanted him to do this, he felt like he was cheating on national TV. After a few moments, Kelly removed her hand and sat up straighter in her seat. He sighed and when she looked at him, he smiled apologetically.
I wish I knew what was going on in his head, Kelly thought. He's all tender and attentive one minute and he shuts me out the next. The one thing I know that he wants is sex. There'd better be more than that. I didn't go on birth control pills for him and gain ten pounds just to have him decide that all he wants is a trophy.
The lights dimmed and the band began the warm-up intro music. People were scrambling last minute to their seats. Once things had quieted down and the focus was on the MC, Kevin got up and left his seat with a whispered apology to Kelly. He moved quickly up the aisle and out into the lobby. Rita saw him go and nudged Howie. He nodded and followed Kevin out.
"What's up, man?" Howie asked as he joined Kevin at the bar. "Nervous about the nomination?"
"A little," Kevin said hesitantly.
"Or the cameras?" Howie pressed.
Kevin turned slowly to him and stared. Howie returned the gaze. Neither one of them said anything more. Howie turned to the bartender.
"One Corona and one bourbon and branch." He looked at Kevin. "Just one."
Kevin nodded. "Thanks, D."
"You miss her?" Howie asked.
Kevin's eyes closed as he nodded. "Yeah," he whispered.
"Then why are you doing this? Why isn't she here with you?" This is crazy, Howie thought.
"She doesn't think I'm ready-for a new relationship." He swirled the drink around in the glass. "D-I'm still-I'm still having nightmares. They won't go away. Rachel says that until I can get past them, nothing's going to work right." And she's more right than she knows, he thought.
"So this is just a temporary thing?" Howie asked. Kevin nodded and took a sip of his drink. "What if you find out that you'd rather be with someone else?"
"That's what I'm supposed to be finding out," Kevin said softly. "So far the answer is no. But it hasn't helped get rid of the dreams."
* * *
"Where's Daddy, Rachel?" Aaron asked. "There's that lady, but Daddy's not there."
"I don't know honey. But look-there's Cousin Brian and Leighanne. And Uncle Nick..."
"Uncle Howie's not there either," Jemma said. "Maybe he and Daddy had to go to the bathroom."
Rachel smiled at her. "Maybe, sweetheart." Where was Kevin?
* * *
Kevin drove into the parking garage at Kelly's building. "Coming up for a little while?" she asked with a smile.
"Just a little while," he agreed. "I've got a long day tomorrow."
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You couldn't get them to give you one day off? After a big night like tonight?"
Kevin grinned at her. "It was a big night, wasn't it? I'm glad you were there with me."
"Are you, Kev? I wasn't really sure." She smiled at him. "I mean that thank you speech was a little generic, wasn't it? I've never known you to be at a loss for words."
~ ~ ~
"...and the Album of the Year winner is-Backstreet Boys-All I Want."
Kevin stood up slowly, grinning and hugging Brian. The five of them made their way to the stage, and Howie and Nick pushed him up to the podium. He picked up the statuette and held it up. "We all want to thank everyone at Jive and our management team. You guys have been awesome. And we also want to thank all our fans who have stood by us through the years-we wouldn't be here without you. Like the title song says-All we want is to grow old with you..." He paused. "And on a personal note-Thank you, honey for making me look at things so carefully. It was worth it." Another pause. "Thank you all again." And they headed backstage with their escort. The cameras panned to the audience and picked up Kelly who was smiling broadly.
Jemma turned to Rachel and said in surprise, "Rachel! Why are you crying?" Aaron looked up at Rachel and then back at the TV. As the cameras picked up the BSB ladies in the audience again and focused in on Kelly, he scowled. He climbed up onto Rachel's lap and placed his hands on either side of her face.
"I love you Rachel," he said softly. When Rachel hugged him wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around her neck and held on tight.
~ ~ ~
Kevin emerged from the apartment and quietly closed the door behind him. He hesitated as he heard muffled sobbing, but shook his head and kept going. There just wasn't any easy way to do this. And now that it was done, going back to try to comfort her would only create more problems. He hadn't planned to end it tonight, but when Kelly had pushed for more of a commitment, he couldn't play her along any more. So he had finished it. And had immediately felt better-lighter-happier. He couldn't go back on that, no matter how much he had hurt her.
As he rode down in the elevator to the parking garage, his mind had already left Kelly behind. Rachel-Lexington-that's where he wanted to be. He wondered if she had watched the broadcast, and whether she had understood his personal thank you. He fingered the cell phone in his pocket. No. It was five in the morning in Lexington. He'd wait. Just a week and a half and he'd see her again-then he'd know. The memorial service was on the twelfth. And this year he was going to be home for Aaron's birthday. He was whistling softly to himself as he started the car and headed back to the hotel.
Chapter 36
Coming Home
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