Chapter 22
December 22/23, 2006
Rachel walked into her bedroom and quietly closed the door. She rested her forehead against the polished wood briefly, trying to put things back into perspective. The last time she had felt this way was back in October. The feelings that had surfaced during the argument with Kevin on his birthday had been successfully pushed back down into her subconscious in the weeks that had followed. But now they were back again-and stronger than before.
'You're an idiot', she told herself. 'What the hell were you thinking of-putting yourself in that position? Firelight-mulled cider-letting him touch you!?!' She shook her head in disbelief at her own stupidity. 'You're supposed to be helping him deal with his grief-not-well, whatever it was that you thought you were doing tonight! You know where this leads!'
* * *
Kevin lay on the sofa, watching the embers of the fire glow and pulsate with light. His mind was churning in circles. He couldn't decipher how he felt about Rachel. Now that she was gone from the room, he was realizing that he probably shouldn't have behaved the way he had. But while she was here, he thought, everything had seemed to come so naturally. And who was trying to seduce whom, he thought with a grin? She had decorated this room-his room-this way. She had built the fire and mulled the cider. What was going on in her head? But then she had backed away. And yet it hadn't felt like a tease. Either she hadn't really realized how all this might be interpreted, or else she had decided she'd made a mistake. He closed his eyes. Couldn't blame her, could you? Why would she want to get involved with me, he thought bitterly? Just asking for trouble.
He looked back at the fire again and sighed. Time to bank it down and get to bed. He sat up and as he moved, Rachel's hair clip fell from the sofa. She had forgotten to take it with her when she made her hasty retreat from the room. He picked it up and turned it over and over in his hands. Remembering the way her hair felt beneath his fingers, and how her face looked with the light from the fire flickering over it. His body reacted and he cursed softly. He'd been at home for too long. And then he laughed at himself. 'What's wrong with you? The only place you can get laid is Los Angeles?' And then he was startled by the thought coming unbidden that that was probably true. At any rate it was probably the only place he could get laid without feeling guilty about it. And why the hell was that, he wondered irritably? He looked at his watch. It was only ten-thirty. Plenty of time to go out for a while. He certainly wasn't going to get any sleep in the near future feeling the way he was right now. And maybe he'd get lucky. He smothered the fire, grabbed a jacket from the closet and let himself quietly out of the house.
* * *
"Rachel?"
The fear in the little voice pulled her quickly from sleep. She opened her eyes and found Aaron standing beside her bed in tears.
"What's wrong honey?" she asked softly. He just sobbed. "Aaron-are you awake?" He nodded. Rachel sat up and pulled back the covers. She glanced at the clock-two-fifteen. "Come here Aaron. Climb in." When he was snuggled next to her in the bed, she brushed his hair out of his eyes. "What's the matter? Did you have a bad dream, little man?"
"Uh huh," he whispered. He looked up at Rachel. She always made him feel safe. And she smelled so good. He wiggled closer and Rachel tightened her arms around him.
"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" she asked softly. "Was there a monster?"
"No monster-I just got scared," he yawned.
"Can't remember why?" Rachel asked with a smile.
"All alone," he mumbled. She looked down at him. His eyelids were drooping and his breathing was becoming more regular.
"You're not alone sweetheart-not anymore," she murmured as she stroked his hair and gently kissed his forehead. Aaron tightened his arms around her neck briefly and he sighed. As he slipped back into slumber, Rachel tucked the blanket around his back and thought, 'Please let that be the truth.'
Half an hour later, she was floating between sleep and wakefulness when she heard a car pull into the driveway. Kevin? Had he gone out again? He must have, she thought as she heard the front door open and close and his footsteps on the stairs.
Kevin was returning home in a calmer frame of mind than when he had left. He had hit two clubs and danced with some very eager ladies-eager in more ways than one. But when it came right down to it, he had gotten as far as taking one of them to his car and getting her crazy enough to go down on him, when he found he just wasn't interested. Nothing she was doing was having any effect. She had been offended and he had apologized and she had gone back inside. And after she had gotten out of the car, he had proven to himself that he wasn't the problem. But it was a little disturbing that the images running through his mind as he masturbated were not of Kristin, but of Rachel-particularly as she looked earlier in the evening. It's just that she looked so different tonight, and I was already wired, he told himself. At least the edge was off now.
He went to his room and undressed and showered. Coming out of the shower, he decided that even though it was late-well, early-he wanted to look in on the kids. It had become a new routine-peeking in on them when he came up to bed. He was finding it soothing somehow to watch them sleep. He threw on a robe and stepped into the hallway. Opening the door to Jemma's room, he smiled and walked in. She had kicked the covers completely off the bed, and was huddled in the middle clutching her pillow. He picked up the quilt and spread it over her, watching as her body relaxed into the warmth it was providing. He brushed back her curls and kissed her cheek before tiptoeing out.
He walked down the hallway to Aaron's room. The door was already open, but not enough to see into the room. He gently pushed on the door. As it swung wide, he looked toward the bed. And his stomach knotted. The bed was empty. Caution was gone. He strode into the room and looked on the far side of the bed-maybe he had fallen out. He wasn't there. His head snapped up toward the windows. They were both closed and locked from the inside. He flipped on the light switch and yanked open the closet door. Aaron simply wasn't in the room. He started to panic. He opened his mouth to shout for Rachel and then remembered that Jemma was asleep. Five long strides put him outside Rachel's door.
"Rachel." His voice was low and urgent as he tapped on her door. He couldn't wait for her to respond. He opened the door and stepped into the room. "Rachel, Aaron isn't-"
"Shhh," Rachel whispered. And Kevin slowly exhaled. Aaron was asleep in Rachel's arms.
He walked over to the bed. "Is he all right?" he whispered. Rachel nodded.
"He woke up and got scared and came in here. I was tired so I let him crawl in with me. I'm sorry," she smiled sleepily. "I didn't mean to panic you."
"It's okay. I just-."
"Just discovered how much you love him?" Rachel finished for him. Kevin nodded. He sat down on the edge of the bed and gently touched his son's cheek. When he looked up at Rachel there were tears in his eyes.
"I'll put him back in his bed-you get some sleep."
He pulled Aaron away from Rachel and into his arms. Aaron stirred and whimpered. "Rachel?"
"It's okay, Aaron. It's Daddy. I've got you son," Kevin murmured as he stood up and shifted Aaron onto his shoulder.
Aaron raised his head and blinked at Kevin. "Daddy?" he said softly and then snuggled his face into Kevin's neck. The tears that had been swimming in Kevin's eyes slid down his cheeks. He took a deep, shuddering breath and smiled down at Rachel. She nodded silently to him and returned the smile. He carried Aaron back to his room and gently settled him into his bed.
When Rachel got up at seven, she found Kevin asleep in Aaron's bed, his son cradled on his chest.
Chapter 23
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