Chapter 17
December 12, 2006
"Come on, Rachel! You promised!"
"Calm down, Jemma. We’ll go-just not this minute." Rachel frowned at Jemma.
"I have to finish the dishes, and Aaron isn’t even awake from his nap yet.
It’s not going to disappear."
Kevin walked into the kitchen mopping sweat off his face with a towel.
"What’s all the ruckus? I could hear you all the way from the basement!"
"Rachel promised that we could go to the library today. They’re lighting the
Christmas tree. And now she won’t get ready to go!" Jemma whined.
Kevin sat down at the table and turned the chair to face Jemma. "Come here,
Jemma." She walked hesitantly over to stand in front of him-her eyes focused
on his shoes. Kevin looked up at Rachel, panic etched on his face. She
nodded encouragement to him and he took a deep breath. He put a finger under
Jemma’s chin and brought her face up to look at him. "If I’m not mistaken,
I’m pretty sure I heard Rachel say that you were going-but that you’d have
to be patient. Isn’t that right?" Jemma
nodded, tears beginning to gather in her eyes. "So if you give Rachel a
chance to finish what she’s doing, and give your brother a chance to wake up
from his nap, you’ll get to do what you want to do too. Okay?" Jemma nodded
again. She started to turn away. "And", Kevin continued, reaching out to
pull her back to him. "Since I’m finished with my lifting for today, I think
I’ll take a shower and join you all. I’d like to see this tree at the
library too."
Jemma’s eyes grew round and as big as saucers and her mouth dropped open.
"Really, Daddy?!?"
"Really", he smiled. Jemma hesitated only a moment before throwing herself
into his arms. And he hesitated only a moment before wrapping his arms
around her. As she squeezed his neck in her little
arms, he looked up at Rachel with tears in his eyes. She smiled at him. He
cleared his throat. "But you have to let me go get my shower, okay honey?
And then when I’m finished, you can tell me about the
tree."
"Okay, Daddy. Hurry!"
"Jem-ma!" his voice lifted in warning, but he was grinning.
"Okay, okay. Please, hurry!" She grinned back at him.
"I’m going", he chuckled, shaking his head as he walked out of the kitchen
and headed for the stairs. If he had looked back, he would have seen Jemma
standing in the middle of the kitchen, twirling around
and around for sheer joy. Rachel watched her for a moment before turning
back to finish the lunch dishes.
He was trying, she thought. In the two weeks since Thanksgiving, he had made
a real effort to be with Jemma and Aaron. Much of the time it wasn’t more
than sitting in the same room with them, but once in a while he would find a
way to interact with them. Well, no, Rachel corrected herself-not them-just
Jemma. This afternoon was a good example. Aaron was not around, so he could
talk to Jemma, hold her, even make a first attempt at discipline. And that
was fine, she thought. It was when Aaron was there, and Kevin responded to
his daughter, that was the problem. Rachel knew that eventually he would
have to deal with his anger over Kristin’s death-0and his perception of
Aaron’s involvement in it-or a whole new set of problems would arise. Aaron
wouldn’t be ignored indefinitely without some kind of a fight. For now,
Rachel could see that he was watching what was happening
with Kevin and Jemma and biding his time. Waiting for his turn. But he
wouldn’t wait forever.
Kevin stepped out of the shower and picked up the towel to wrap around his
waist. He looked into the mirror over the sink and examined his reflection
critically. He was rapidly losing the pasty, sick
pallor that had lain just beneath the surface. The circles under his eyes
were receding too. The hair’s getting too long, he thought. G-d, it’s longer
than it was when we were first married. He clenched
his jaw and turned abruptly away from the mirror. And discovered he was
being watched.
Aaron stood shyly at the doorway to the bathroom. He smiled up at his father
hopefully. Kevin quickly shifted his gaze away from the boy’s face and
stifled the urge to order him out of the room. "Hello,
Aaron. All napped out?"
There had been only a split second of hesitation, but Aaron had felt it. His
smile drooped and he nodded in answer to the question. "Is Rachel
downstairs?", he asked quietly.
"Yes, she is," Kevin answered. "Why don’t you go down and let her know
you’re awake? We’re all going to the library to see the tree, and I know
Jemma’s been waiting for you to get up." He turned back to the mirror,
relieved that he had gotten through the unexpected one-on-one. That wasn’t
so bad, he thought. Just don’t look at his eyes.
‘We’re all going.’ Aaron caught the implication there and his smile
widened again. Daddy was going with them! He looked back up at Kevin and saw
him frowning into the mirror again. "What’sa matter Daddy?"
The voice startled him. He thought Aaron had left. Without looking down at
him in the mirror, Kevin shrugged his shoulders and said, "Just trying to
decide what to do with my hair. It’s getting pretty
long." He paused. "Think I should get it cut?"
Aaron stepped into the room. He wasn’t going anywhere now. Daddy was talking
to him-not to Jemma, and not to both of them-just him. He tipped his head to
one side, and looked critically at Kevin’s hair. Kevin glanced down, aware
that he had reopened the conversation. If you didn’t look at his eyes, he
thought, he looks just like me when I was his age. Okay, try. "Well??
Whaddaya think? Ponytail or barbershop?"
Twenty minutes later, Kevin and Aaron walked into the kitchen. Rachel looked
up to see Aaron carrying a pair of scissors-sharp scissors-in his hand,
point carefully aimed at the ground. She gasped. "Aaron! What are you
doing?" She looked up at Kevin. "Did you give him those?!"
"Not until he was down the stairs", he answered. "He’s being careful."
Rachel swallowed hard. She didn’t want to disrupt whatever was going on
between the two of them. "But why does he have scissors at all?" she asked
quietly.
"Daddy needs a haircut." Aaron smiled up at her as though that explained
everything. Rachel just stared at him.
Kevin grinned. "Aaron said that you cut his hair-so he thought you might do
the honors for me too." Now Rachel was staring at Kevin. "It’s too long", he
added unnecessarily. "I need a change." Rachel
hadn’t moved. "Hello?" He waved a hand in front of her face. "It shouldn’t
take too long, should it?" Kevin pulled a kitchen chair away from the table
and sat down. Aaron handed her the scissors.
She continued to stare at Kevin. "Is this legal? Isn’t your hair insured or
something?"
Kevin burst out laughing, and Aaron-not really sure what Daddy was laughing
at-grinned. Jemma appeared in the doorway, having heard her father’s
laugh.
"Trust me, you’re not going to get in any trouble", Kevin chuckled. "It’s my
hair. And it looks like you do a pretty good job with Aaron. If you can cut
a wiggly three-year-old’s hair, I guess you can handle
mine." He grinned up at her. "Come on, we want to go to the library-right,
Jemma?"
Rachel stepped behind the chair and combed his hair back with her fingers.
"Did either of you think to bring a comb with you?:, she asked, trying to
put off actually doing anything with the scissors. Kevin sent Aaron back
upstairs to get a comb. When he returned, he and Jemma sat on the floor to
watch this unprecedented operation.
"Are you sure about this?" Rachel asked. "We’ve all sort of gotten used to
you with it long." She draped a towel over his shoulders and pulled the hair
away from his neck.
Kevin was having trouble focusing on what she was saying. Her hands on his
hair and neck were distracting him. Stop it, he said to himself. The kids
are sitting right here. Somehow, that made a difference. "Yeah-I’m sure.
Just-take a couple inches off it-and then I’ll hit it-with some mousse-or
something."
"Okay..." She pulled the comb through a section of hair and applied the
scissors. Kevin closed his eyes and tried to breathe normally.
* * *
The tree at the library was beautiful. As they were driving back to the
house, Jemma piped up from the back seat. "When are we getting our Christmas
tree, Daddy?"
"Well, let’s see-today is about two weeks before Christmas-I guess it should
be sometime soon,huh?"
"Today!" Aaron crowed. "Let’s get it today, Daddy!"
"Whoa! Hold on there!" Kevin said cutting him off. "I think we have to check
with Rachel first. We can’t just bring a tree into the house without moving
some furniture and things. This takes a little
planning."
Aaron subsided dejectedly. After the haircut, he’d lost the close feeling
that had been growing between him and his father. Jemma was there and Kevin
had talked easily with her, but every time he had tried
to join the conversation, he had felt the avoidance in his father’s
responses. He couldn’t articulate it-even to himself. He just knew that when
Jemma was around, Daddy didn’t want to talk to him. He
looked up to see Rachel watching him from the front seat. She smiled at him
and winked. He looked away again. Her heart went out to him. She sat
quietly, listening to Jemma chatter and Kevin answering
her when he could get a word in. Neither of them seemed to notice that she
and Aaron had no part in the conversation.
Chapter 18
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