* Chapter 6 *

Kevin embraced her close. What a revelation. "It's okay, Riah," he whispered into her hair. "Your experience doesn't matter to me. I love you. That's what matters."

"You don't hate me?"

"Hate you? Why? Because you have strong morals?"

"I don't know. It's stupid."

"No, no it's not." His eyes stared into her own, seeing her entire existence. "Listen to me. I do love you. We'll take this slow - as slow as what makes you feel comfortable."

"I love you, too, Kev. Thank you for being so understanding." She hugged him again.

Kevin continued to hold her until she fell asleep that night, but he lay awake. He wasn't certain how to process the information she'd given him. He had said what he knew she needed to hear, to reassure her, but he wasn't so certain he believed it. Now he was forced to try to reassure himself that he was capable of carrying out the promises he'd made to be the "noble boyfriend".

Her love, the very thing that fueled his desire to be with her in every way possible, was also the thing that had to control it. He felt so attracted to her that he felt it in every heartbeat. Every cell in his body ached with the need to be close her. He couldn't fathom being so close to her and yet not close enough to satisfy his every need. He just knew he couldn't hurt her by pushing too hard. What if he wanted more than she was willing to give?

'So much for the perfect relationship,' he thought.

The next morning when Mariah rolled over to snuggle into his body, she found a note on his pillow.

Ri -
I had an early meeting at the studio. I'll call you later. I love you.
Kev

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

As the next few weeks passed, Mariah noticed some changes in Kevin and in their relationship. He hardly ever had time to spend with her. He was always rehearsing for the next tour or writing or recording for the next album. Kevin used his work to curb his emotions and desire. She could feel them growing apart and had thrown up her own defense mechanism not allowing herself to become any closer. More than anything she feared losing him, but in giving into that fear, she was doing exactly that.

What time they did share together now was also shared with any number of his friends. The rare opportunities to be alone were spent without the physical and emotional closeness that used to be. They continued to exchange I love you's. She strained to hear the emotion that once accompanied the phrase. She just didn't see it or feel it in his actions anymore. If either one of them initiated any attempt at physical intimacy, Kevin abruptly stopped it.

Frustrated, Mariah turned to Howie for advice. She had become comfortable enough around both he and Pollyanna. The one song had become two. If nothing else, working on the arrangements and music would keep her mind off Kevin. On that particular day, Kevin had once again left before she had awakened leaving her confused and hurt.

"Howie, does Kev ever talk about me, about us?"

"Yeah, he hardly ever says anything else. You have always been his favorite topic of conversation. Why?"

Mariah tried to explain to Howie Kevin's behavior and justified her fears as best she could without sounding too overbearing. But all could be summarized in one phrase. "He doesn't love me anymore, D."

Chapter 7
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