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Screenplay (Continued)
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CONSERVATORY - NIGHT
Time for coffee and chocolates. Beside William sits the final,
perfect girl. She is Rosie, quite young, smartly dressed,
open-hearted. It is just Max and William and Bella and her.
ROSIE:
Delicious coffee.
MAX:
Thank you. I'm sorry about the lamb.
ROSIE:
No -- I thought it was really, you know,
interesting.
WILLIAM:
Interesting means inedible.
ROSIE:
Really inedible -- yes that's right.
They all laugh. It's going very well.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S CORRIDOR - NIGHT
William is with Rosie by the door -- just about to say goodbye.
ROSIE:
Maybe we'll meet again some time.
WILLIAM:
Yes. That would be...great.
She kisses him gently on the cheek. He opens the door -- she
walks out. He shuts the door quietly and heads back into the
living room...
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Max and Bella wait excitedly.
MAX:
Well?
WILLIAM:
She's perfect, perfect.
BELLA:
And?
William makes a gentle, exasperated gesture, then...
WILLIAM:
I think you have forgotten...
(he looks at them)
what an unusual situation you have
here -- to find someone you actually
love, who'll love you -- the chances
are... always minuscule. Look at me
-- not counting the American -- I've
only loved two girls in my whole life,
both total disasters.
MAX:
That's not fair.
WILLIAM:
No really, one of them marries me and
then leaves me quicker than you can
say Indiana Jones -- and the other,
who seriously ought to have known
better, casually marries my best
friend.
BELLA:
(pause)
Still loves you though.
WILLIAM:
In a depressingly asexual way.
BELLA:
(pause)
I never fancied you much actually...
They all roar with laughter.
BELLA:
I mean I loved you -- you were terribly
funny. But all that kissing my ears...
WILLIAM:
Oh no -- this is just getting worse.
I am going to find myself, 30 years
from now, still on this couch.
BELLA:
Do you want to stay?
WILLIAM:
Why not -- all that awaits me at home
is a masturbating Welshman.
Music starts to play to take us through these silent scenes.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Max lifts Bella off her couch and carries her upstairs.
Mix through -- William sits on the couch downstairs -- eyes wide
open -- thinking.
INT. MAX AND BELLA'S KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - DAY
Morning. Max, all in his suit for the city... Bella kisses him
goodbye. William sees this from the kitchen. She is also
dressed for work -- and moves back into the kitchen to pack her
briefcase with law books from the kitchen table.
EXT. MAX AND BELLA'S HOUSE - DAY
William emerges from the house, a little ruffled from a night
away from home, a heads off.
EXT. NEWSAGENT - DAY
William walks past the newsagent, heading for home. We see,
though he doesn't, a rack of tabloid papers, all of which seem
to have very grainy, grabbed pictures of Annie on their front
page. Headlines --'Annie Stunned'-- 'It's Definitely Her!'
and 'Scott of Pantartica.'
INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY
William is shaving. The bell goes. He heads out to answer it.
EXT./INT. WILLIAM'S HOUSE -DAY
William arrives at the door and opens it. There stands a dark-
glassed Anna.
ANNA:
Hi. Can I come in?
WILLIAM:
Come in.
She moves inside. Her hair is a mess -- her eyes are tired.
Nothing idealized.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
The two of them.
ANNA:
They were taken years ago -- I know
it was... well, I was poor and it
happens a lot -- that's not an excuse
-- but to make things worse, it now
appears someone was filming me as
well. So what was a stupid photo-
shoot now looks like a porno film.
And well... the pictures have been
solid and they're everywhere.
William shakes his head.
ANNA:
I don't know where to go. The hotel
is surrounded.
WILLIAM:
This is the place.
ANNA:
Thank you. I'm just in London for two
days -- but, with your papers, it's the
worst place to be.
She's very shaken.
ANNA:
But these pictures are so horrible they make me look so radiant they make me look...
WILLIAM:
Don't think about it. We'll sort it
out. Now what would you like -- tea
... bath...?
ANNA:
A bath would be great.
INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike enters through the front door. William doesn't hear him.
Spike is reading newspapers with the Anna pictures in it.
SPIKE:
Christ alive... brilliant... fantastic
.... magnificent...
He heads up the stairs. Opens the bathroom door, walks in.
INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY
Spike heads for the toilet -- undoes his zip...
ANNA:
You must be Spike.
She's in the bath. Spike turns in shock -- and sidles out of the
bathroom.
INT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike calms himself down. He then opens the bathroom door
again -- and looks in.
INT. WILLIAM'S BATHROOM - DAY
Anna is still lying low in the bath.
ANNA:
Hi.
SPIKE:
Just checking.
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
Spike comes back out into the corridor. Looks to heaven.
SPIKE:
Thank you, God.
INT. WILLIAM'S KITCHEN - DAY
William and Anna at the kitchen table, eating toast.
ANNA:
I'm really sorry about last time. He
just flew in -- I had no idea -- in fact,
I had no idea if he'd ever fly in again.
WILLIAM:
No, that's fine. It's not often one
has the opportunity to adios the plates
of a major Hollywood star. It was a
thrill for me.
(she smiles. Pause)
How is he?
ANNA:
I don't know. It got to the point where
I couldn't remember any of the reasons
why we were together. And you... and love?
WILLIAM:
Well, there's a question -- without
an interesting answer.
ANNA:
I have thought about you.
WILLIAM:
Oh no no -- no.
He doesn't think she has to talk about this.
ANNA:
Just anytime I've tried to keep
things normal with anyone normal --
it's been a disaster.
WILLIAM:
I appreciate that absolutely.
(changing subject
tactfully)
Is that the film you're doing?
ANNA:
Yes -- start in L.A. on Tuesday.
WILLIAM:
Would you like me to take you through
your lines?
ANNA:
Would you? coz it's all talk, talk, talk.
WILLIAM:
Hand it over. Basic plot?
ANNA:
I'm a difficult but brilliant junior
officer who in about twenty minutes
will save the world from nuclear
disaster.
WILLIAM:
Well done you.
EXT. TERRACE - DAY
A little later. They're in the thick of the script.
WILLIAM:
'Message from command. Would you like
them to send in the HKs?'
ANNA:
'No, turn over 4 TRS's and tell them we
need radar feedback before the KFT's
return at 19 hundred -- then inform the
Pentagon that we'll be needing black
star cover from ten hundred through
12.15' -- and don't you dare say one
word about how many mistakes I made in
that speech or I'll pelt you with
olives.
WILLIAM:
'Very well, captain -- I'll pass that
on straightaway.'
ANNA:
'Thank you.' How many mistakes did I
make?
WILLIAM:
Eleven.
ANNA:
Damn. 'And Wainwright...'
WILLIAM:
Cartwright.
ANNA:
'Cartwright, Wainwright, whatever
your name is, I promised little Jimmy
I'd be home for his birthday -- could
you get a message through that I may
be a little late.'
WILLIAM:
'Certainly. And little Johnny?'
ANNA:
My son's name is Johnny?
WILLIAM:
Yup.
ANNA:
Well, get a message through to him
too.
WILLIAM:
Brilliant.
(the scene's over)
Word perfect I'd say.
ANNA:
So what do you think?
She sits down.
WILLIAM:
Gripping. It's not Jane Austen, it's
Not Henry James, but it's gripping.
ANNA:
You think I should do Henry James
instead?
WILLIAM:
I'm sure you'd be great in Henry James.
But, you know -- this writer's pretty
damn good too.
ANNA:
Yes -- I mean -- you never get anyone
in 'Wings of a Dove' having the nerve
to say 'inform the Pentagon that we
need black star over.'
WILLIAM:
And I think the book is the poorer for
it.
Annie smiles her biggest smile of the day. He is helping.
INT. WILLIAM'S DINING ROOM
Anna and William. Sat down at table. There's a picture
hanging on the wall behind.
ANNA:
I can't believe you have that picture
on your wall.
It is a picture of a Chagall painting of a floating wedding
couple, with a goat as company.
WILLIAM:
You like Chagall?
ANNA:
I do. It feels like how being in love
should be. Floating through a dark
blue sky.
WILLIAM:
With a goat playing a violin.
ANNA:
Yes -- happiness wouldn't be happiness
without a violin-playing goat.
Spike enters with three pizzas.
SPIKE:
Voila. Carnival Calypso, for the
Queen of Notting Hill -- pepperoni,
pineapple and a little more
pepperoni.
ANNA:
Fantastic.
WILLIAM:
I don't mention that Anna's a
vegetarian, did I?
SPIKE:
(pause)
I have some parsnip stew from last week.
If I just peel the skin off, it'll be
perfect.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Later in the evening. William and Anna on their own. They're
sipping coffee. A few seconds of just co-existing. Anna looks
up.
ANNA:
You've got big feet.
WILLIAM:
Yes. Always have had.
ANNA:
You know what they say about men with
big feet?
WILLIAM:
No. What's that?
ANNA:
Big feet -- large shoes.
He laughs.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A few hours later -- eating ice-cream out of the tub.
ANNA:
The thing that's so irritating is that
now I'm so totally fierce when it comes
to nudity clauses.
WILLIAM:
You actually have clauses in your
contact about nudity.
ANNA:
Definitely. 'You may show the dent at
the top of the artist's buttocks -- but
neither cheek, in the event of a stunt
person being used, the artist must have
full consultation.'
WILLIAM:
You have a stunt bottom?
ANNA:
I could have a stunt bottom, yes.
WILLIAM:
Would you be tempted to go for a
slightly better bottom than your own?
ANNA:
Definitely. Ths is important stuff.
WILLIAM:
It's one hell of a job. What do you put
on your passport? Profession -- Mel
Gibson's bottom.
ANNA:
Actually, Mel does his own ass work.
Why wouldn't he?
WILLIAM:
The ice cream or Mel Gibson's bottom?
ANNA:
Both. Equally.
WILLIAM:
But you wouldn't, necessarily, lick both...
ANNA:
Well, this is tart. And fuzz-free.
INT. WILLIAM'S UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - NIGHT
They are walking up the stairs -- and stop at the top.
ANNA:
Today has ben a good day. Which under
the circumstances is... unexpected.
WILLIAM:
Well, thank you.
(awkward pause)
Anytime -- time for bed. Or...
sofa-bed.
ANNA:
Right.
Pause. She leans forward, kisses him gently, then steps into
the bedroom and closes the door.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
William downstairs -- on a sofa -- under a duvet. Eyes open.
Thinking. Pause and pause.
He waits and waits -- the ultimate 'yearn.' But nothing
happens. William gets off the sofa decisively. Sits on the
side of it. Then gets back in again.
Pause, pause, then... in the darkness, a stair creaks. There's
someone there.
WILLIAM:
(to himself)
Oh my God...
(then...)
Hello.
SPIKE:
Hello. I wonder if I could have a
little word.
He drifts round the corner, half-naked.
WILLIAM:
Spike.
SPIKE:
I don't want to interfere, or anything
... but she's split up from her boy-
friend, that's right isn't it?
WILLIAM:
Maybe.
SPIKE:
And she's in your house.
WILLIAM:
Yes.
SPIKE:
And you get on very well.
WILLIAM:
Yes.
SPIKE:
Well, isn't this perhaps a good
opportunity to... slip her one?
WILLIAM:
Spike. For God's sake -- she's in
trouble -- get a grip.
SPIKE:
Right. Right. You think it's the
wrong moment. Fair enough.
(pauses)
Do you mind if I have a go?
WILLIAM:
Spike!
SPIKE:
No -- you're right.
WILLIAM:
I'll talk you in the morning.
SPIKE:
Okay -- okay. Might be too late, but
okay.
Back to William thinking again. Dreamy atmosphere. And then...
more footsteps on the stairs.
WILLIAM:
Oh please sod off.
ANNA:
Okay.
WILLIAM:
No! No. Wait. I... thought you were
someone else. I thought you were Spike.
I'm delighted you're not.
The darkness of the living room. We see Anna in the shadow.
INT. WILLIAM'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A few moments later. William and Anna stand in the middle of
the room. He kisses her neck. Then her shoulder. What a
miracle it is just to be able to touch this girl's skin. Then
he looks at her face. That face. He is suddenly struck by who
it is.
WILLIAM:
Wow.
ANNA:
What?
WILLIAM:
Nothing.
And kisses her.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The middle of the night. They are both sleep -- a yard apart.
In sleep, her arm reaches out, touches his shoulder and then
she wriggles across and re-settles herself, tenderly, right
next to him. He is not asleep and knows how extraordinary this
all is.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - DAY
WILLIAM:
It still strikes me as, well, surreal,
that I'm allowed to see you naked.
ANNA:
You and every person in this country.
WILLIAM:
Oh God yes -- I'm sorry.
ANNA:
What is it about men and nudity? Huh?
Particularly breasts -- how can you be so
interested in them?
WILLIAM:
Well...
ANNA:
No seriously. I mean, they're just
breasts. Every second person in the
world has got them...
WILLIAM:
More than that actually, when you think
about it. You know, meatloaf has a very
nice pair...
ANNA: (laughs)
But... they're odd-looking. They're
for milk. Your mother's got them. So
they're thousands of them --
what's all the fuss about?
WILLIAM:
(pause)
Actually, I can't think really -- let
me just have a quick look...
He looks under the sheet at her breasts.
WILLIAM:
No, beats me.
She laughs...
ANNA:
Rita Hayworth used to say -- 'they go to
bed with Gilda -- they wake up with me.'
Do you feel that?
WILLIAM:
Who was Gilda?
ANNA:
Her most famous part -- men went to bed
with the dream -- and they didn't like
it when they woke up with the reality --
do you feel that way with me?
WILLIAM:
(pause)
You're lovelier this morning than you
have ever been.
ANNA:
(very touched)
Oh.
She looks at him carefully. Then leaps out of bed.
ANNA: (smiles)
I'll be right back.
INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - MORNING
William on the bed. The door opens. It is Anna with a tray of
toast and tea.
ANNA:
Breakfast in bed. Or lunch, or brunch.
She bends across. She smiles and sits on the bed.
ANNA:
Can I stay a bit longer?
WILLIAM:
Stay forever.
ANNA:
Damn, I forgot the jam.
The doorbell goes.
ANNA:
You get the door, I'll get the jam.
INT./EXT. WILLIAM'S CORRIDOR - DAY
William heads down the corridor and opens the door. Outside
are hundreds of paparazzi -- an explosion of cameras and
questions, of noise and light. The press seem to fill the
entire street.
WILLIAM:
Jesus Christ.
He comes back inside, snapping the door behind him. Anna is in
the kitchen.
ANNA:
What?
WILLIAM:
Don't ask.
She heads back the corridor, with no suspicion.
ANNA:
You're up to something...
She thinks he's fooling around. She opens the door, the same
explosion. In a split second she's inside.
ANNA:
Oh my God. And they got a photo of you
dressed like that?
WILLIAM:
Undressed like this, yes.
ANNA:
Jesus.
