Meant
to BeChapter 16
Today’s the day. Danny’s
wedding day. I want to die a thousand deaths as I lay here tracing the imaginary
features of his handsome face with my hand. I close my eyes and slightly lift my
head off the pillow as I rise to meet his hungry kiss. When my lips find nothing
but air, I fall back into the fluffy softness, turn to my side, and cry an
endless river of tears.
He left while I was sleeping. At first, I was angry. But I suppose it was better
that way. Had I been awake, I probably would have changed my mind and ran away
with him just to keep him from going. But I know,………….I know the
decision I made was the right one. I just have to hold tight to that and pray
that things work out in the end. I want to call Mama and tell her what’s
happened, but I can’t bear to hear the disappointment in her voice. I decide
against it.
I try to shove all thoughts of them together to the back of my mind, but I
can’t help but wonder what she’s like. Who is my Danny marrying? Is she
beautiful, thin, fat, ugly? Was Danny ever attracted to her? Did he make love to
her the way he did me? My guess is that she’s no prize. Probably has a wart
the size of Texas on her nose. But I don’t really know that, do I? I think how
sad it must be to have to force someone to marry you. I almost feel sorry for
her………almost.
The devil on my left shoulder wants to show up at the wedding tonight and watch
from afar, but the angel on my right says to steer clear…….way clear. Danny
would be furious with me! I ignore my thoughts of what Danny wouldn’t want and
the devil is quickly winning out as I begin to rationalize all the reasons why I
should go. Danny’s family has never seen me before and neither has Theresa. I
could wear a big hat, sit in the very back and sneak out at the end. Why not, I
think? It’s a plan! A dozen ideas are unfolding in my head when I come to my
senses and realize what I’m actually contemplating, and it scares me to death.
Jesus Michelle! What are you thinking? This is not a game here! There’s danger
involved, not to mention the small fact that you’re never going to be able to
sit there and watch him marry another woman! And besides, if Danny sees you,
he’ll never go through with it. Never! This is just crazy………or is it?
My devious wheels start spinning and a delicious smile breaks across my face as
I conjure up a plan. A plan that unfortunately involves me watching Danny marry
that bitch. I know he doesn’t love her and we’ll battle this thing together
after the wedding, but in the meantime……….there’s really no reason for
all three of us to be miserable on his wedding night, is there? Absolutely not!
I think that misery should be reserved for Theresa and Theresa only! My decision
has been made. I’ve got two hours to shower, dress and drive to the church. My
stomach is a twisted mass of knots, but I know if I don’t do this I’ll go
insane waiting around to hear from him.
An hour and fifty minutes later, I pull up to the church with 10 minutes to
spare. Right before the ceremony is about to begin, I slide unnoticed into a pew
in the very back. I’m wearing a dark green suit and a wide brim hat, and
surprisingly, I find I’m not out of place. A lot of the women are wearing hats
as well, so I blend right in. The church is decorated with hundreds and hundreds
of white roses and hurricane lamps filled with ivory candles. I’m thankful for
the dim lighting as I try to keep my head down and avoid eye contact. So far, no
one has taken an interest in me. I’m startled when the music begins to play
and I see the door to the right open. My heart catches in my throat and time
stands still for me as I see the priest emerge and then…………….my Danny.
It’s been two days since I’ve seen him. Two days. Chill bumps cover every
inch of my body and the butterflies come to life in my stomach. He looks so sad.
So very, very sad. His eyes are glassy with dark circles underneath and I find
myself hating this woman with everything I am for what she’s doing to him. To
us. The tears commence and my heart breaks. I want to run to him. Kiss his
beautiful face. Tell him I’ve changed my mind and run for it! But I
can’t………I can’t! My pulse starts racing and I realize I’ve made a
terrible mistake by coming here! A terrible, terrible mistake! I have to get out
of here and now! I can’t watch this! I can’t watch him marry her! Oh God
help me! If I get up and leave, he’ll see me. I search for a way out and
realize I’m stuck. Panic and fear sweep over me and I can’t
breathe……….I can’t breathe………….I can’t…………and then
she’s there. Standing at the end of the aisle just a few feet away. I stare at
her with my hand over my mouth. She’s beautiful and radiant,……………a
vision of beauty. I want to die as I sink into the pew in shock. Everyone stands
around me making me feel so small and insignificant. I watch as she begins her
descent down the aisle on the arms of her father, the train of her expensive
white gown flowing at least 10 feet behind her. She smiles at my Danny and I
want to scream out for him. Let him know I’m here and not to do it! But I
can’t………I can’t! She looks so beautiful that I start doubting his love
for me. I suddenly feel so small and plain and wonder what Danny sees in me. How
can I compare to her? How can I? Danny! My thoughts go back to him and I turn to
see his reaction to his bride. It’s a look of disgust and a surge of hope
courses through me. He hates her as much as I do. He does! But it doesn’t ease
my pain.
As soon as she reaches the altar, she places her hand in Danny’s and I can’t
bare to look anymore. I manage to escape unnoticed, and run. Large tears are
blinding me and I trip as my heel breaks, flinging me to the ground. My knee is
bleeding and my pantyhose are ruined. I pull off my broken shoe and somehow to
make it to my feet. I feel the blood running down my leg as I hobble the
distance to my car and lock myself inside. My body is racked with sobs and there
coming so fast, I can’t catch my breath. I grab a paper bag from the back seat
and place it over my mouth. Breathe Michelle! Breathe! For one fleeting moment,
I think about killing myself. I want to end this pain. I wish I’d never come
here. I wish I’d never seen how beautiful she is. Doubt continues to cloud my
better judgment and I tell myself he won’t be able to resist her for long, but
then the voice of reason chimes in and I yell at myself. STOP IT MICHELLE! STOP
IT! HE LOVES YOU…………….He loves you and only you! He would never betray
you for her. Never. My heart knows it’s true, but I need him so badly. I need
to hear him tell me one more time. I collapse in the seat, clutching the ring
around my neck and I remember his words to me.
“I’ll love you until my dying day Michelle Bauer. Don’t you ever forget
that. And until we can be together……………truly together, I want you to
wear this ring close to your heart as a symbol of our love. Never doubt it
Michelle…..never doubt it.”
“I won’t Danny. I won’t,” I whisper.
I pull myself together and sit up. Wiping the tears away, I see the bride and
groom exit the church and climb into the limo waiting to wisk them off to the
reception. It’s done. He did it. They are now man and wife.
