Meant to Be
      Chapter 12
 

It's been over a week since I left Danny at the stables and I'm keenly aware that he's getting married in 3 days. The thought of it makes me physically ill. I haven't heard from him and for that I am thankful. If he came to me, I don't think I would be able to resist him. Mama gave me his message, but I can't think about it. It hurts too much. I haven't left my apartment, nor have I been able to eat or sleep very well since that night. The night that changed my life forever. I've played it over and over again in my head at least a thousand times, and as painful as it is to remember, I never want to forget it. My memories are all I have left. If I close my eyes, I dream of him. I can still feel the wetness of his lips, the smell of his cologne and the way our bodies fit so perfectly together. Visions of our gentle lovemaking haunt me and I cry myself to sleep. I sometimes wonder if it's possible to die from a broken heart.

I need to pull it together here and get on with the business of living. I've missed all of my classes and I'm falling way behind. My concentration is off and I'm doing myself a terrible disservice by not keeping up with my studies. I don't want to disappoint Mama more than I already have. I manage to pull myself out of bed and brush my teeth. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't recognize the face that's staring back at me. My hair is a mess and I'm in bad need of a shower. I step in, turn on the faucet and welcome the feeling of the scalding hot water flowing over my body. His masculine scent remains on me and it rises up with the steam. My heart sinks. I scrub my skin hard trying to get rid of it, but it just lingers in the air, surrounding me, choking me until I fall to the shower floor and hug my knees crying and praying that it will go away. I crouch in the corner trying to get away from it, but it's still there, haunting me. I can't deny it - it will always be there. I sit and let the water splash down on my face mixing with my tears until the heat is gone and the water runs cold. I watch it flow into the drain wishing it would take my pain with it. I'm so cold and so very, very alone. I turn the water off, wrap my hair in a towel and slide into a silky robe. The texture feels good against my skin and I feel better than I have in days. My plan is to get dressed and make it to my physics class and I know it's going to be a struggle, but I've got to do it. I have no other choice. Danny is moving on with his life and I need to as well.

I walk down the hall towards the kitchen, my stomach reminding me the whole way that I'm hungry. A good sign I think. I literally haven't eaten in days and it's important that I keep my strength up if I'm going to make it through this. I round the corner, take one step onto the carpet and it hits me like a freight train. I freeze. The smell of him has paralyzed me. It's everywhere, surrounding me, choking me again like in the shower. Instinctively, I raise my hand to my throat trying to breathe. I'm afraid to turn around because I know what I will find. My body is covered with chill bumps and a shiver runs the length of my spine causing me to shake. I close my eyes and will my myself to move, but I can't. And then I feel him. His fingers are on me. Lightly tracing the back of my neck at the hairline. I'm going to faint and my knees start to give away, but his arm sweeps around my waist and catches me before I fall, his hot breath burning into the tender flesh of my ear as he nuzzles his nose against my skin.

"Michelle......" he whispers, breathing in my scent. "The smell of you is forever burned into my memory, but it will never compare to the real thing. I've missed you baby."

My head falls back onto his shoulder and his lips glide across the side of my neck branding me with the heat of his tongue as it darts out to taste my flesh. I'm so weak and out of breath that my words are broken as they barely escape my lips.

"Daaannny.......how.......how did.........you find me?"

"I'm a mobster baby, it wasn't that hard."

That word, "mobster." It shakes me to the core and I'm instantly reminded of my mother's words.

"He’s engaged. He's made a commitment to his family that he can never turn back on. You must fight to resist him with everything you have Michelle - everything."

I muster all the strength I have and turn to face him. He thinks I’m giving into the passion, but I shove him away instead. The look on his face is one of shock and confusion and I find myself screaming at him.

"What are you doing here Danny? I thought I made it perfectly clear in my note that what happened between us was a mistake!" For some reason he flinches at that word, but I continue. I can't look him in the eye and speak my next words, so I turn and face the wall. If I don't, he'll see right through me. "I don't love you Danny. What don't you understand about that?" I spin around to see his reaction, and he's covered his ears, shaking his head back and forth not wanting to hear what I'm saying. He's mad as hell now and he screams back at me, his voice getting louder with each word as he points his finger in my face. My back is against the wall. I'm trapped and I begin to cry.

"DON’T SAY THAT MICHELLE! DON’T EVER FUCKING SAY THAT! YOU CAN'T STAND THERE AND TELL ME YOU DON'T LOVE ME. YOU CANT!" He bends at the waist, placing his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath and control his anger. He knows he's scaring me and I watch as he tries to regain his composure. He looks up and I see that his eyes are brimming with tears as he places his hand across his heart patting it as he speaks.

"Jesus! You're killing me here Michelle, you're killing me. Please don't ask me to live without you because you're asking the impossible. I've tried for over a week now and I can't do it anymore. I can't. I'm miserable without you Michelle. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I don't know how to go on living without you."

I want to go to him. To tell him I do love him, but I know I can't. If I give in to him now, there's no turning back for me. I will my heart to turn cold and spit out bitter words I don't mean.

"So what do you want from me Danny? WHAT? You want me to be the cheap mistress you fuck on the side when the urge strikes you? Well guess what! That's what your wife will be for, so FUCK HER INSTEAD!" He lurches at me and grabs my face in his hands.

"I HAVEN'T TOUCHED HER SINCE I MADE LOVE TO YOU MICHELLE AND I NEVER WILL AGAIN! NEVER!" I stare him straight in the eye with all the bitterness I can gather.

"I don't believe you Danny! You're just like every other man walking this earth! A stiff wind will blow, you'll get a hard on and BAM! Just like that you're gonna need to stick it somewhere for release, and guess what? I'm sure she'll be right there waiting for you all warm, wet and ready, so don't you FUCKING tell me you'll never touch her again! I know better!"

He starts laughing and I'm taken aback by his reaction. I stare at him in disbelief.

"You think this is funny Danny? You think I'm joking here? I want you to get out and leave me alone. I never want to see you again! GET OUT!" I slap him hard across the face and he doesn’t even flinch. I slap him again and this time he grabs me by the arms and pins me up against the wall. His unshaven face scraping and burning my skin as he presses it into my cheek.

"No Michelle. I don't think this is funny. I don't think this is funny at all. But I do know what you're doing here. Your just trying to piss me off so I'll leave, but the jokes on you Michelle. I'm not going anywhere. I'm never leaving you. Never. And if I have to, I’ll die trying to figure out a way for us to be together. I'll never stop trying Michelle. Never."

I sag against the wall, tears streaming down my face. This isn’t working. He doesn’t believe me and he never will. "Danny please," I beg. "Don't do this to me. Please. Don't ask me to stand by and watch you marry another woman. I can't do it. I CAN'T! DO YOU HEAR ME? I CAN'T DO THAT!" He's sobbing now and he falls to his knees hugging my legs, begging me to be honest with him - to tell him I love him.

"Michelle........God please. I just need to hear the words. That’s all baby, just three simple words. All you have to do is say them and I'll do anything you want. Anything. I have money put away Michelle, enough to last a lifetime. We'll run away together, just the two of us. No one will ever find us."

"Danny, I.......I can't. I could never leave my mother!"

"We'll take her with us Michelle. Just say it.......please just say it!"

He’s grasping at straws now, desperately trying to find a way out of this marriage to Theresa. I can't think straight, but I know that what he's proposing can never happen. He has to marry her, there is no other choice. I can't refuse him or deny my love for him any longer, and if I can’t have this man for the rest of my life, at least I’ll have him for tonight. I’ll make him understand in the morning. My hands grip his hair and I whisper the words he wants to hear.

"I love you Danny. I love you."

He releases the breath he’s been holding and whispers a thank you to God as his hands slide up the sides of my legs lifting my robe to reveal my naked body. His kisses are passionate and frenzied as his tongue tastes my thighs. He repeats over and over again. “I love you Michelle, I love you.” His hands are squeezing my ass, pressing me harder into him as he licks his way up to my stomach. In one pull with his teeth, the sash is untied and my robe falls open revealing the hardened peaks on my breasts. I bite down hard on my lower lip as his hot mouth captures one and nips at it, his teeth exquisitely sharp against my skin. My back arches in passion trying desperately to get closer. My other nipple is not to be ignored. His thumb glides across the tip, lightly pinching and pulling until I scream with pleasure. My head falls forward into the crook of his neck, the towel falling to the floor. My wet curls spring free and drape across his back, soaking his shirt. I kiss his neck, his ear, my tongue darting in and out. The taste and smell of his flesh is the sweetest I’ve ever known and I can’t get enough. Our mouths find each other and slam together with a reckless need. My lips are bruised from the intensity of his kisses and I can feel them swell with desire as he lovingly sucks on each one. My hands grab for the front of his shirt attempting to undo his buttons. I’m not quick enough and he places his hands on top of mine and forcefully rips it open. I hear the buttons hitting the wall as they fly across the room. His pants are the next to go, and his boxers shortly follow. The first time we made love, it was slow and gentle. But this time it’s fast and rough, and I like it. He backs away looking at me with lustful eyes and I notice just how beautiful he is. I feel a slow flush staining my cheeks as he gathers me in his arms and places me down on the dining room chair. There’s no time to make it to the bed. We make due with what we have. He parts my legs and I slide to the edge to better accommodate him. My lips part and soft murmurs escape as I watch him work his magic. His tongue is licking me, his nose buried in my curls smelling my sex. I am basking in the sweet sensation of his attention. His fingers delve into me and I nearly come up off the chair as the first orgasm slams into me. I’m screaming, begging him to bring me to completion as my muscles contract into waves of pleasure. Before I can catch my breath, his lips have captured my own again and his tongue explores my mouth offering me a taste of my own sex. He sweeps me into his arms and lays me down on the dining room table. Our hands are flying about like the gale force winds of a hurricane trying to clear away anything in their path. I hear my vase crash to the ground and shatter. My school books are the next to go. My shaky hand reaches down between us to stroke his erection and his voice is sexually agitated as he moans my name. “Michelle……..my Michelle.” He reaches down and removes my hand and guides himself to the entrance of his own slice of heaven and drives into me with a force so strong I cry out and new tears spring to my eyes. We are locked together as we devour one another. I meet him thrust for thrust as he buries himself deeper and deeper into me. “I love you’s” are whispered in breathy sighs as we both near the end. I can feel my own orgasm fast approaching as he grunts and explodes inside of me. His body jerks and the liquid feels like hot molten lava pouring into me. My own muscles contract with pleasure and I clamp down on him as he continues to stroke into me sending me over the edge. A second orgasm spreads across my body, just as delicious as the first, and my head his thrashing about as Danny sucks on my nipple.

We are both crying from the intensity of our lovemaking. Our bodies racked with sobs. I know we’ll make love like this over and over again tonight, but tomorrow I will make him leave me and return to the life he was groomed for. A life that will not include me.