Meant to Be
      Chapter 11
 

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! My fists slam into the steering wheel and my vision is so blurred I can barely see the road as I race in a desperate attempt to find Michelle. MY MICHELLE! The words of her tear stained note ricocheting around in my mind like a fucking bullet piercing my skull. “Last night was a mistake. I don’t love you.” A MISTAKE? A MISTAKE! I scream. She can’t do this to me! I love her…..I need her. Last night was the most beautiful……..the most…... Oh God ……I feel sick…..I can’t even think about it……the words we shared, the love we made……please let her be there, please let her be there. “I don’t love you. I’m leaving. Don’t try to find me. Marry Theresa.” The words won’t stop. I can’t get them to fucking stop! I don’t want to hear them anymore. Please God!!! I wipe my tears away trying to maintain control of the car. I need to find her. I can’t live without her. I can’t! I step harder on the gas and swerve onto the driveway. The house is in full view now and I’m praying, begging God to please let her be there. I don’t even bother to turn the car off. The motor is running and the door remains open. I’m running, and running trying to get to Michelle, but I can’t feel my legs – only the pain in my heart. I bang on the door with my fists.

“MICHELLLE!!!!!!” Bang, bang, bang. “MICHELLE!!!!!!”

The door opens and standing before me is Maureen. The expression on her face a mixture of anger, sadness and understanding. She doesn’t even need to tell me what I already know. Michelle is gone. My beautiful, exquisite Michelle. She’s left me to live a life without her. It’s over for me. Over. Without her, I have nothing. I am nothing. I fall to my knees grabbing Maureen about the waist. The sobs take over my body as she gently strokes my head. My own mother has never treated me in such a loving manner and I realize how starved I am for her motherly affection. She continues to hold me while I mourn a love that will never be.

I pull myself together and stand. I am humiliated in her presence and I can’t even look at her. She takes my hand and leads me to the bed. I quietly sit beside her and wait for her to speak.

“She’s gone Daniel.” My heart sinks as she confirms what I already knew. “You must find it in your heart to love her enough to let her go and live her life. She deserves a life of happiness Daniel, not one of heartache and pain.”

“Where is she?”

“She’s gone back to school and you must leave her be Daniel! You must!”

I know she’s right but I don’t want to hear it. My heart can’t stand to hear it. She continues, her voice more stearn.

“Daniel. Look at me. You know as well as I do that your mother and Mr. Rivera will never release you from your obligation. You must marry Theresa and make the best of it. You have no choice. You’re a good man. I know that, and I’ve always admired and respected how you’ve risen above the way you were raised, but I cannot sacrifice my daughter’s life for your happiness. I just can’t. Now, I don’t know what happened between you and Michelle last night – I only have my suspicions, but if what I suspect is true, then it was a mistake Daniel, a mistake.”

There are those fucking words again – a mistake, a mistake. I run my hands through my hair trying to control my anger and my words, but I can’t and I find myself yelling at her.

“IT WASN’T A MISTAKE MAUREEN! THE LOVE I HAVE FOR HER IS NOT A MISTAKE! IT WILL NEVER BE A MISTAKE. I LOVE HER AND I KNOW SHE LOVES ME. SHE’S JUST SCARED! She’s just scared………” My words taper off as I find myself collapsing again, my emotions taking over. I don’t know if I’m trying to convince myself or Maureen, but I continue. “I’ll find a way out of this Maureen. I will. And so help me God, when I do, I’m going to find her and we will be together, we will.”

I’m scaring her and she’s all but pleading with me now. She’s desperate to save her daughter from me and I understand, I do, but my need to have Michelle is so strong that I can’t see the forest for the trees.

“I’m begging you Daniel, please don’t go after her. Please. Just promise me you’ll take some time to think about what your doing. You still have 2 weeks before the wedding. Please, just take a step back and try to look at the whole picture, you’ll see things differently. I know you will. You’ll realize that Michelle is better off where she is and you’ll leave her be. You’ll leave her to have the life she deserves.”

I feel sorry for her and I want to comfort her the way she did me, but I can’t make promises to her I can’t keep.

“I can’t promise you that I won’t eventually go after her Maureen, but I will take some time to think about what I’m going to do. I will. My emotions are so out of control right now, I can’t think straight anyway and I need to pull myself together.”

She is relieved, but not completely convinced. “Thank you Daniel, thank you.”

I open the door to leave. “Maureen.”

“Yes?”

“If you talk to Michelle, please tell her I love her.”

“I will.”

I shut the door and walk to my car. I find myself driving back to the horse stables to think. I don’t know how I’m going to make this work, but if there’s one thing I do know, it’s that I can’t live without my Michelle.