Celtic's Series
        Fighting Memories

 

Michelle's head was nuzzled into Danny's chest where the rhythm of his heartbeat soothed her being. His arm was wrapped around her back and waist, and any time she moved he would tighten his grip. He was warm and breathing deeply. Her head just fit in the groove between his pectoral muscle and his shoulder. A smile crossed her lips and she brought her hand up and stroked his chest. He responded in his sleep by letting out an inaudible sigh and pulling her closer to him.

He was holding onto her so tightly that she could barely breathe, but she still didn't seem close enough. She nuzzled her head deeper into his skin and brought her bare leg up so that it lay across his. Almost simultaneously, his free hand came down and squeezed her thigh. She moved her hand from his chest to around his waist and pulled herself closer to him; she could feel his warm breath wisp her hair away from her forehead.

"Oh, Michelle, what are you doing? You know you would never do this if he were awake! Just go to sleep!" She thrust her eyelids shut and tried to steady her breathing. Thoughts raced through her head and she attempted to focus on one so she had hope of sleeping, but her mind wandered to how it felt to have her husband's arms around her. They were strong and protective, and absolutely unwilling to let her go. And she didn't want them to. Her breathing synchronized with his, and she started to slip from consciousness.

It was their annual trip to the city. Every year, Miguel Santos would pack up the family, and take them to New York. He always said it was to take in some culture, check out the art museums, catch a Broadway play, get some shopping done for his girls…. Mick loved the craziness of it all; he was born to be in the city. But Danny knew better. He knew they were there on business, no matter what the folks said. They would always get dropped off at a museum or something, Mama, Mick, Pilar, and himself, but Papa could never stay, he always had to run an errand. No matter how much Danny would beg him to stay, he would always leave.

"Don't worry, Daniel. Take care of the family, and I'll be back by the time you get done looking around. Come on, they need you. I need you to be strong. I'll be back before you know it. Now get going, I have an appointment I need to keep." It was the same speech every time…be strong for the family. And then Senor Santos would get into his car and drive away, leaving Danny standing there, unable to do or say anything, simply to watch with that heavy feeling in his stomach. He would walk back to his family, take a fake punch from Mick, and share a knowing look with his mother. He had turned 14 that year, but it just never got any easier.

This museum trip was the same as all the others. Carmen would take her children around to examine the paintings and the sculptures, ancient artifacts collected from historical civilizations. Pilar would gasp at every piece they passed, and Mick would be busy checking out the fellow female art admirers. Danny could never stop glancing at his watch and wondering when his father would come back. He was getting particularly worried this time, they were starting on their second trip through the building. That had never happened before. Usually Miguel was waiting for them at the entryway and they would go get something to eat. But not this time. Danny caught his mother glancing over her shoulder at the empty entrance with the same curious look on her face. "Mama? I'm starving! Can we get something to eat? Please?" Pilar was barely tall enough to meet her mother's hip. Carmen looked down at her pouting daughter and smiled.

"In just a bit, Baby. Papa's going to be here soon, don't you want to wait for him?"

"Oh, I guess. But my stomach's growling, so I hope he hurries."

Danny couldn't help but smile. He looked at his sister; she was so innocent and unknowing. "Don't worry, Pilar. I'll let you have whatever my stomach can't finish, so there's no way you'll stay hungry. But you have to be good and not nag Mama, ok? Deal?"

"OK, Danny. Just order something good."

They both laughed, but Danny noticed his mother's changing expression as she headed toward the entryway. His eyes followed her as she broke out into a slow run to the door.

"Mick, come on, I think Papa's back." Danny yelled at his brother who was busy trying to see up a young girl's coat in the reflection of a cased wall painting. Danny grabbed Pilar's hand and followed his mother.

The Santos family filed out of the museum door and anxiously eyed the gray luxury car for what seemed like a year. The back door opened, and Miguel Santos emerged with a pained look on his face. "What? I don't get it. That's not our car. And I know Papa definitely left in our car. What the heck is going on?" Danny's mind went into overdrive as he stood behind his mother and unaware that he had stepped in front of Pilar to shield her from the uneasiness that stood before them.

Miguel caught the curious looks from his family and shot them one of his comforting 'don't worry about it' smiles. Their expressions of worry remained unchanged. A large man in a black suit got out from the passenger side and walked up to Miguel, leaning into his ear. Carmen started toward the car, but her husband gave her a warning look to protect his family from a distance.

"Mama, what's going on?" Danny's curiosity was building to the point of pain.

"Oh, I'm sure your father is just wrapping some things up, Danny. We'll just give him a few minutes to finish up and then we'll go get some food." Carmen's words trailed off at the end as her eyes narrowed at the round man clenching Miguel's arm. The men shared a hard look, and Miguel waved for his family to come meet his acquaintance.

"Roberto, this is my family. My wife Carmen, my two sons, Mick and Danny, and my baby girl, Pilar." Miguel nervously introduced his family before changing the subject to pull the attention away from them.

"Nice looking family, Miguel." Roberto eyed Carmen up and down before making eye contact with Mick and Danny. Danny's eyes shot fire at the man; he could sense the tenseness between him and his father. He stood up straighter to appear taller and pursed his lips.

"Miguel's told me so much about all of you. My wife would have my head if I didn't invite you over to dinner while you were in town. Are you free tomorrow evening?"

Camen looked at her husband for some sort of signal as to whether or not to accept, but he was unable to look at her. She had seen enough of the business to know that turning down a dinner invitation would not set well with their 'business associates'. She made the executive decision on her own. "Roberto, I'm sure I speak for the rest of our family when I say we would be honored to be your guests tomorrow evening."

The man smiled and straightened his coat. "Great. I'm looking forward to it, and I'll tell my wife to expect you." He nodded his head good-bye to the family and looked back at Miguel. "Don't forget what we talked about, I'll be expecting an answer soon." He smirked and got back into the car.

Danny tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry. His eyes were locked on the man getting back into the car. While the door was open, he caught a glimpse of another young man in the back seat. He looked about his own age, and returned Danny's stare. His eyes were dark, and his features were very angular. Danny could see his jaw muscles move. The door shut and the car started on it's next travel. The boy looked out the window and gave Danny that same smirk he had seen given to his father just a few minutes before.

Miguel clapped his hands together, trying to shake the blanketing uneasiness that had fallen over his family. "So, I figure by now I've got a very hungry daughter." He looked down at Pilar and she smiled up at him and hopped over to him throwing her arms around his waist.

"Very! Can we go eat now?"

"Sure, Baby, let me just call for another car, and we'll go get you the biggest meal you've ever had. And I bet we may even be able to get some ice cream afterwards, how does that sound?"

Pilar's eyes grew massively round and she let out a shriek. Miguel still would not meet Carmen's wondering gaze and looked at his oldest son. "So, see anything educational, Mick?"

Mick looked at his father. "Oh sure, there were some great pieces on…um….anatomy."

Miguel's gaze continued onto Danny. He had seen that look before, the extreme curiousity and worried look in his son's eyes. He raised his chin in his way to tell his son to hang in there, that the family needed him to be calm so they didn't worry so much.

Miguel took Carmen's hand and started to lead her away, Pilar and Mick close in tote. Danny stood there, with that growing knot in his gut and the blood shoving it's way through his head. He tried to shake the feeling, but it wouldn't leave. The image of that boy was imprinted in his mind. He dropped his head and bit his lip.

"Danny, come on. Keep up." He heard his mother and reluctantly followed her voice.

Michelle struggled to open her eyes and felt a tug at the nape of her neck. She licked her lips to moisten them from the nighttime dryness. Her eyes never fully opened, and her lids were still heavy enough that they locked shut tight again for a few seconds before she felt the tug again.

"Ow, Danny, you're pulling my hair." She reached her hand up to her tangled tresses and found Danny's hand enmeshed in the strands. She forced her eyes open. "Danny… Danny… come on, you're gonna make me go bald. Stop it." She felt his fingers tighten again. He grunted slightly and she felt his body go rigid. "Danny, wake up, you're having a bad dream." She shook his shoulder lightly. No response. She gripped his shoulder a little tighter and shook him more firmly. "Danny… Danny… wake up." Still no response. Her hand moved to his face, and without opening his eyes, he jumped out of bed and landed defensively on his feet.

"Wha? Hold on, ugh…" Michelle saw the outline of his curls look around in the dark. She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp and they both squinted in the glaring light of the soft-watt bulb. Danny looked around trying to catch his bearings and peered at the blond beauty looking at him inquisitively. Reality shot him back to present time.

"Michelle… ugh" he shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

She slid to his side of the bed and reached for his hands. "Are you ok? I think you were having a bad dream." He swayed as he looked down at her. She looked perfect even in the middle of the night with her hair tangled and sheet wrinkle imprints on her skin. His eyes followed his arms down to his hands and saw hers. She was gripping them tightly, not in the normal timid way that he was used to. She was holding onto him like she wouldn't let him fall. His mind burned.

"Um, no, not a nightmare, just…ahhhh" he let out an exasperated sigh and felt control come back over his body. "It wasn't a bad dream, more like the beginning of some bad memories." He moved to the bed and sat beside his wife, not letting her hands go.

Her eyes followed his face; he looked confused and alone. She was right there beside him, but wherever the place was that she had just brought him out of was a lonely one, and she couldn't help but feel like he was still there. "Wanna talk about it?"

He sat there silent for a moment before her words registered. "Huh? Oh. No, it's alright. It was nothing, don't worry about it.' He shrugged his shoulders in his usual way, the way that said, 'I'm fine, don't worry about me, I'm the one watching out for you." Those eyes she had come to know so well were having a hard time meeting hers.

"You sure, you look kind of shaken up. Do you need some water?"

"Michelle, I'm fine. I'm just… I'm just gonna go splash some water on my face. Go back to sleep, ok? I'm sorry that I woke you up." He abruptly shook her hands off and rose from the bedside, not looking back at her as he walked to the bathroom.

She sat there, unable and unwilling to simply lay back down. Her heavy eyelids had suddenly become featherlike and she had to concentrate on blinking. She kept looking at that bathroom door that suddenly seemed like it was welded to the doorframe. Her fingers rapidly tapped her thigh. Nothing ever really got to Danny. At least not enough to keep him up at night. She wiped the hair away from her face and stood up. Her mouth was dry, and she poured two glasses of water. While she had the glass up to her mouth, the bathroom door opened, and a distracted man walked out. His eyes glanced up at her and his lips parted. He hesitated before letting the words out.

"Michelle, go back to sleep. Don't you have that test coming up? You need your sleep." He continued walking to the other door.

"Well, where are you going?" Her body spun around to follow his.

"I'm just gonna go get something to settle my stomach. Please, just don't worry and get some sleep. I'll be angry with myself if you do badly on your test simply because I had a bad dream."

"So you admit you had a bad dream."

His shoulders dropped and he glared at the woman standing there that made his heart pound and his legs numb. "Michelle, c'mon, not now, ok? I'll be back, just go sleep." He slipped out the door before she could reply.

The stars outside the Santos Mansion had rotated their position from where Danny had observed them just a few short hours before. The backyard garden had proven to be a late night haven many times growing up. He closed his eyes as he remembered pushing Michelle on that swing. The corners of his mouth raised as he felt his shin to see if the swelling from her kick had gone down. He couldn't help but let out a chuckle. He dropped his head back and to the side as he took a deep breath in. His lips straightened as the image of her glistening brown eyes had locked on him, and then he remembered the words. "I wanna be your wife, Danny." He felt a palpitation in his chest as those words ran through his mind. He opened his eyes and stared at the sky before him. Finally, he finally had a chance.

And then he remembered the rest of the evening. Michelle's face was replaced by his mother's worried look, and Nino breathing in his face. He rubbed his temples and let out a sigh. He remembered his recent dream. His father's uneasiness. That boy in the back of the strange car, his smirk. That had been the first time Danny had ever seen Sammy. No introduction, but looking back on that one moment, he had known then that smirk would eventually prove to be the source of distress. That smirk had happened 4 years before it all happened. His mind began to continue filling in the following spaces before he saw a shadow approaching from behind.

Michelle stood there in her pink silk robe. He couldn't see her face until she carefully stepped forward and the tired moonlight illuminated her features and enveloping mane. She held a tray with what looked like sandwiches and fruit. She bit her bottom lip before speaking. "Sorry, don't get onto me, I couldn't get back to sleep because my stomach was growling, and well, you can't get expect me to do well on my test on an empty stomach can you?"

He slowly rose to his feet from the bench he had been sitting on. "Michelle, you could eat breakfast in the morning before class, couldn't you? You'll be hungry again before then anyway, right?"

"Well, technically it is morning, and…" His expression was unchanging and she knew her weak argument wasn't penetrating his mood. "Oh, c'mon Danny, you know how stubborn I am. I'm not changing my mind so there's no point in arguing about it. If you don't eat this, you're just going to hurt my feelings."

He dropped his head in defeat. He had too much running around upstairs to put up much of a fight. "Fine, why don't you set it down over here." Michelle walked over to him and put the tray down on a stool in front of the bench. She bent her head back and examined the sky and smiled as the same memories that had teased her husband just moments before played in her mind.

He couldn't help but follow her exposed neck with his eyes. His lips moved as he remembered the taste of that skin. For a fleeting moment, the thought of Sammy escaped him. He needed her. He needed to hold her, to have her hold him and to not be afraid. He needed all of that so badly that his hand reached out.

She saw it and looked at him. She started to raise her hand to meet his, and that smirk infiltrated his mind. He quickly moved his hand to point to the bench. "Um, why don't we sit down." He cleared his throat and turned his eyes away from her. They sat down. She moved a little closer to him, and he got up to get one of the sandwiches. He sat down farther away from her.

She scratched her head. "Ok, Danny, what is going on?"

"Nothing. I just figured since you went to all this trouble that I would eat something. It smells pretty good actually, thank you. " He book a huge bite so his mouth was too full to reply to anything she answered back.

She sighed. "Ok, fine. You know, I really don't get you sometimes. Why is it that we're never on the same page?"

Danny fought to get the food down; his mouth was so dry. He knew exactly what she meant and couldn't look at her. "What do you mean, Michelle?"

"What do I mean?! You have been fighting for months to get me to open up to you and trust you, and just when we're about there, and I think we're understanding each other, some sort of wall goes up? You know, you asked me just hours ago why I always ran from you anytime I could feel a connection between us? Well, Mr. Hypocrite, you do the same thing! Why should I even try?"

"Michelle, you're over-reacting. I've just got some stuff going on, that's all."

"Okkkk, like what?"

"Mich-" he played with the sandwich he had left on his plate. His stomach was too knotted up to finish it and he flopped it back onto the stool. "Michelle, look, don't worry about it. It's just business, it doesn't concern you."

He looked at her and felt the humbling slap from her gaze. The feel of her pressed against him in bed covered his body. He remembered how small she seemed when walking next to him and he cleared his throat. "Ok, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take this out on you." His shoulders relaxed a bit and he shifted to face her more. "It would really be better if I didn't talk to you about it. I know you get tired of hearing that, but it would really would. I need you to trust me on this one, ok?"

She looked back up at the sky. It had taken on an orange-ish hue and she could see a bright arc on the horizon. "I can't help it, Danny, I just have this feeling like this time is different." She looked back at him.

He slid closer to her and twiddled her hair between his fingers, but she didn't lean into it this time. "You know I wouldn't ever let anything happen to you; I need you to trust me." He needed her; he needed her at that moment like she would never know.

She pulled her hair out of his reach and stood up. "You know Danny, it's hard for me to trust anyone that has to know what's going on with me at all times but won't ever trust in me."

"Well, I'm sorry, this is better, even if you don't understand right now." His gaze was intent and unchanging.

She swallowed and straightened out her robe. "You know, it's too late to get any sleep now, so I'm just going to get ready for class, and leave early to study some." She walked back toward the house, detangling her hair with her own fingers.

Danny let out a sigh and buried his face in his hands. He studied the half-eaten sandwich sitting in front of him. His chest felt heavy. "Ok, Santos, get it together. You have to do this." He looked back at the house in time to see the pink figure slip inside. He grimaced. "I can't lose you, Michelle. I have to do this. I have to do this for you." He stood up from the bench and straightened his shoulders. He headed back to the house, following the newly made small footprints in the grass.