Celtic's Series
         Unspoken Words
 

She crawled into bed beside her husband secretly masking her excitement that he was watching every move that she made. He laid there trying not to notice the flow of her hair as she placed her head upon the pillow and pulled the blankets away from him to cover her own body.

Another silent night. Every night was the same. Husband and wife lying in bed together without saying a word and facing opposite directions. Every night they both lay there awake listening to the other breathe and trying to bury the hope that their spouse would fill the void with words. Any words. How was your day? Did school go alright? How was your test? Any words would have sufficed.

At times she could feel the lump in her throat as she felt a symphony of words planning their trip out of her mouth and she would swallow them back down with a painful gulp and moan. "No, it can't be me. I can't be the first to give in. He's got to make the first move. It's not really my fault that we're in this mess. If only he didn't' look at me the way that he does! Why does he stare at me like that?! He makes it so hard to hate him!! But I have to! I swore that I would never give into him and I can't! I can't give him that satisfaction!" She had this fight with herself so often that she knew the dialogue by heart and could experience it without even thinking the words anymore.

A similar bickering went on in the head of her husband. "Ah, Michelle, this would be so much easier if you weren't so…ah. Why can I not control what I feel with you? You're spoiled, ungrateful, opinionated, loud,naïve… innocent, scared… beautiful." Danny closed his eyes and let out a silent, agonizing sigh. "I can't help but wonder what it would have been like if we had met and you had never heard of the name 'Santos', and it was just that, just a name. Would the look in your eyes have been different? Would those big, beautiful brown eyes not have run away from me?" He bit his bottom lip to keep this question from bellowing out from the bottom of his knotted gut. "Oh, Michelle, what if? What if I asked you that? Would you be honest with me?"

Michelle still lay there, still, unmoving, desperately wondering what was going through her husband's head. She didn't really know how she would react if he did reach out to her one night like he claimed that he wanted to. Of course, she knew that he would never push her if she didn't want to. Danny was a perfect gentleman, and it made it that much harder to hate him. His breathing was quiet and quick, so she could tell he wasn't asleep. "What is he thinking about?! Maybe he's trying not to talk to me… should I give him some encouragement? No, I can not give in! I can't say anything! He would want to talk every night if I started something tonight. We can be friends during the day, but at night… at night the line has got to be drawn…" She reached up her hand and brushed a few tickling wisps of hair out of her face and pulled the covers up tighter around her neck.

Danny couldn't help but suck in his breath when he felt the slight tug on the sheets. He knew she was just pulling the covers closer to her, but deep down, he couldn't help but wish she was really pulling him closer to her. Without even realizing it, he slid closer to her anyway. He lay breathless for a minute, noticing that she didn't slide farther away from him. "Maybe she didn't notice. That's got to be it. Normally I repel her away like a cat from water, there's no way she wouldn't move away if she knew I moved closer to her. Get ahold of yourself, Santos, it didn't mean anything. She's probably asleep." He swallowed the lump in his throat down and fought off the urge to turn over and face her. He went back to gnawing a sore into his bottom lip.

But Michelle was all too aware that her husband had slid about 6 inches closer to her. It was such a minute amount of space, but the temperature in the room had suddenly increased by about 80 degrees. Their backs were still a good 1 ½ foot apart, but she could feel his rib cage expand with every breath. She pulled her hair out of her face more frantically this time. "Geez, it's hot in here! My back's gonna start sweating soon. How am I gonna sleep like this?! I've got to do something. It's not like I can really move away… I'll hit the floor if I scoot any farther over." She closed her eyes and let out a quiet sigh, hoping that it went unnoticed. It, of course, didn't.

"She sighed. Was that a sigh of disgust? She knows that I'm closer." Danny wiped of the sweat beads from his upper lip and forehead. He had noticed the temperature increase, too. Their bed had suddenly turned into some sort of sauna. "Should I move back? Maybe she'll think that I'm just moving in my sleep…" Swallowing the painful reality that tonight wouldn't be the night to move closer to his wife, he rolled away feeling the cool air fill the larger space between his bare back and the silk covered back of his wife. He grabbed the edge of his pillow and knotted it into a ball underneath his head. He gripped those edges until the skin over his knuckles turned a painful white, and he closed his eyes.

Michelle felt the chill on her back and let out a little shiver. She tried to ignore the newly dug pit in her stomach that had formed when the bed had suddenly grown three times it's size. "He moved away. Well…good. Save's me the trouble. It was getting too hot in here anyway." She let out another little sigh, realizing that her mouth had grown incredibly dry. She licked her lips and debated on whether or not to get up and get some water. "No, I can't. If I get up, he'll just watch me like he always does. I can't handle that. He makes me so nervous when he watches me!!" She knew fully in the back of her mind that she missed it when he didn't watch her. "Just go to sleep, Michelle, and this night will be over!" She forcefully closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing. The silence in the room was piercing. Too distracting. Danny dug at his ears trying to quiet the silence and pulled his knees in closer to his chest. Tying himself into a physical knot every night seemed to somehow keep her farther away. There was less surface area of him for her to reach… for her to get to… Michelle had been able to cool herself off somewhat, but Danny hadn't received the same luck. "It is suffocating in here! Why is it so hot?" He tried to smooth out the adam's apple in his throat.The silence had grown deafening and he slapped his hand over his ear to block it out for good.

Miles away, Michelle sensed the growing tension. The quietness of the room was nibbling at her ear drums, too. She tried desperately searching for something to think about. "Maybe the 'counting sheep' thing actually works." She closed her eyes and pictured white, fluffy sheep jumping over a little picket fence. First one, then another, and it just continued in a train of repetitiveness until Michelle felt herself begin to drift off. "54, 55,56, 57…" Her eyebrows scrunched up in their confused way over her sleeping eyes, and suddenly the picture in her head changed. **58,59… one after the other, sheep after sheep. But number 60 was different. Michelle reached number 60 and was surprised to see herself running towards the fence, all dressed up in her white wedding dress and her hair flowing in the breeze. No veil, no bouquet, just her running, the fence nearing, and then she leapt with one swift move. Over the fence she went and braced herself for the landing below, but the ground never came. She just kept falling, arms waving and legs kicking, desperate for something to grab onto. She wanted to scream and opened her mouth, but found it impossible to make any noise come out, only inaudible whimpers. The fall was endless and numbing; she began to feel as if she were floating. Looking down, searching for the eventual landing, she saw a cement ground racing towards her. A sense of panic surged through her body as physically felt herself hit the ground.

Shaken, Michelle mustered up the strength to look up around her. The sunny pasture she had been was gone. There was nothing here but dark, stony buildings lit by billions of stars all around. "Where am I?" She held her head and moaned as she rose to her feet. She looked around helplessly, so scared to move or to think about anything. "Ohhhh, now what? How am I gonna get out of here?" Hesitantly, she took her first step on her new ground and headed down an alley in front of her, the only direction she saw that she could go.

The wind was blowing and she felt the chill on her neck. She rubbed her shoulders trying to warm them. She felt so alone, so isolated, so terrified. "Oh, I wish Rick were here. He'd know what to do. He always found me when I was little and lost." She held on to the memories of Rick finding her in the mall when she had wandered off, and how safe she had felt when he would run up to her and throw her up into the air, elated to see her. Those memories always had given her comfort. But Rick wasn't here. She didn't see anybody. Nobody was here. At least in a crowded mall, there were people who offered to help her find her family.

The alley proved to be as long as her fall down to this place. It was a quiet night. The only sound to be heard was the sound of her small footsteps cautiously making her way down the barren alley. She couldn't help thinking it. "Oh, I'd even settle for Danny being here. He at least always looks out for me…" She shuddered as she felt another chill go through her. She pulled her chin into her chest and hugged herself tighter.

She reached a bend in the alley, and it split into two directions. She looked first to the left, and then to the right. Each direction was completely dark, not even a hint of shadow from the stars above gave any clue as to what may lay before her. Motionless, an hour went by with Michelle looking first one way, and then the other, incapable of making a decision of which way to go. She opened her mouth, but still not a sound would come out, only muted breath. She dropped her head and felt the warmth of a tear fall down her left cheek, too tired to wipe it away. She dropped to her knees in her torn dress, and began to sob.

The chilly wind abruptly stopped, and she looked up. The coldness was just… gone. No warning, it just disappeared. "Someone's here… I feel it." She quickly looked around, but every direction was just as empty and dark as it had been before. "I…I…I don't understand," she thought. She felt her breathing hasten as she sensed someone approaching. There he was. From her right, she slowly raised her head and saw a silhouette standing there. The starlight playfully bounced off the shiny black curls on his head. She still couldn't see his face, but couldn't take her eyes off those curls anyway. They danced in the light, and she felt a calmness come over her. The man hesitantly took one step further as if not to scare her. She didn't panic, so he took another step, and another, until the features of his face were basking in the same starlight as his curls. Full, intent eyebrows and penetrating dark eyes were aimed at her. She tried to breathe, but found in labored. They stayed there like that for what seemed like forever, her on the ground and him standing beside her, eyes never leaving each other. "Why can't I talk to him? I'm sure if I asked him to show me the way, he would! I can tell, I can tell by the way he's looking at me. He cares what happens to me. He really cares. Why can't I talk? Where the hell is my voice?"

The man looked down at her and sensed the tension going on in her head and saw it in her shoulders. Carefully, he came closer to her and knelt on one knee beside her. He brought his face in about 2 inches from hers and they shared each other's breath for another eternity. Michelle's eyes just roamed over that face, his cheeks, his lips, his nose, his brows, his eyes. Those eyes never left her. Her lips parted, but no words. "Why can't I talk?!! He's listening, Michelle! He's listening to me and I'm not even saying anything to him. Michelle, what is wrong with you?" He slowly raised his hand to take hers. She just looked at his hand, calm and steady. Strong, sure. She looked back up at his face. Those eyes. Complete power in those eyes. She raised her shaky hand and placed it in his. His grip tightened, and he gently pulled her to her feet. He took her other hand in his remaining one and just held them, still never looking away. He caressed her hands as he held them, and for the first time in months, there was absolutely no fear in her. Complete and total peace. "This is how it's supposed to be. This feels right." She longed to tell him these things and felt the courage welling up inside her belly. Her lips parted again only to be silenced by one of his fingers. His hand caressed her face, his eyes never leaving her. She felt confused. "Why won't he let me say anything?" He brought his face in closer to hers and stroke her face with his nose. He pulled away slightly and looked at her.

"I know, Michelle, you don't have to say anything. Just let me show you. Just let me take care of you. Trust me." She felt light, and if he hadn't have been holding her up, she would have fallen again. He pulled her towards him a little bit, and started leading her down the alley. She gave in. She followed him. She trusted him. His eyes never left her.**

Michelle began to come to with that same sense of someone being near her. She opened her eyes slowly at first, then they flew open wide when she saw her husband's face above her.

"Wha, what are you doing?! " She bolted up in the bed and pulled the covers up around her neck protectively.

"Mich-, Michelle, you've been laying over here shivering for twenty minutes now, so I got another blanket for you and was covering you. That's all." Danny looked at her puzzled, and hurt. He could tell she questioned his intentions. He got defensive. "You know Michelle, it's hard to sleep when it feels like someone just popped a quarter into the bed and it shakes like that. I'd like to get some sleep tonight, too, you know."

Michelle bit her lip as she realized what her dream was about. She couldn't look at him. Those eyes. Damn those eyes. She tried to collect herself. "Well, I'm going to go get a snack." She still couldn't look at him.

He put aside his defensiveness. "Do you want me to get it for you? These floors get cold at night, and seeing that you almost have frost bite as it is-"

"NO! No, no. That's ok, I'll go. " Those eyes. She smirked at him and cocked her head. "Maybe you can get to sleep before I get back and we can skip this nightly chit chat." They stared at each other.

She gathered the mass of blankets around her and jumped out of the bed. She turned her back to him and walked out of the bedroom. He sat there, alone in the darkness and sighed. He put his head into his hands. " This is impossible. What the hell did I say?"