Not Always What They Seem
Chapters 6 - 10
 

Michelle sat in Company looking at her Psychology book with a blank expression on her face. Hadn't she read that paragraph already? She couldn't remember. The black marks on the page blurred together into a blob. Just like the inkblots, she thought.

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Concentrate, Michelle," she told herself. "You've got a midterm in three days and you're not even close to being ready. Just forget about him."

"Forget about who?" The voice was unmistakable.

"Do you enjoy sneaking up behind me? You seem to be making a habit of it."

"Just trying to keep your life interesting," he replied, sliding into the seat across from her.

"You've missed two days of class."

"I know."

"The midterm's in three days."

"I know that too. Michelle, we have to talk."

"About what?"

"About what happened at Millennium the other night. I haven't thought of anything else in days."

Neither had she, but she wasn't about to let him know that.

"Danny, I think you're a great guy, but you said it yourself, your life is complicated. It's also full of violence and crime. I don't understand your life and I don't want to. What I want is to become a doctor and to do that, I've got to pass this midterm, so if you'll excuse me." The tone and pitch of her voice hadn't changed once during her short speech. She almost had herself convinced that she was telling the truth.

Danny's arm reached out and the next thing Michelle knew, her books were on the floor, papers flying in every direction.

"Michelle," he said, looking directly at her. "I know you haven't forgotten that night. I can see it in your eyes."

She blinked, but did not look away from him.

"Danny," she began.

"I'm not going to tell you that my life is typical, because it's not, but it's not some Godfather movie, either. It's not just about people in dark suits holding secret meetings behind closed doors. I'm not Al Capone."

"Bet you look great in a fedora," she quipped.

He smiled. "Sorry, I must've left it at home." He continued. "Most of the people in Springfield think of my family as a bunch of cold, unfeeling monsters. We're people, just like you are. We experience joy, pain, sadness, grief…" He paused and reached out to stroke her hand. "We also experience love."

Michelle spoke in a soft voice. "Danny, your family also causes a lot of pain, sadness, and grief for other people."

Danny looked down at the table. How could he explain this to her? Normally, he didn't give a damn what people thought of him or his family. Thick skin came with the territory. Michelle was different, though. He wanted her to understand. He knew she would never agree, but he needed her to understand.

Suddenly, he had an idea. He stood up and reached for Michelle's hand. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"There's someone I want you to meet."

"Michelle, you are out of your mind," she muttered to herself as she sat in the car waiting for Danny to return. "Some guy who you've know for less than a week asks you to go somewhere with him and you say yes? You have no idea what he's planning and on top of that, he's the son of a crime boss." Michelle groaned. "I'd make a great Psych experiment myself."

The car door opened and Danny reappeared. He had flowers in his hands.

"For you." He offered her a single red rose.

"Thank you." She took it from him, inhaled deeply, and smiled at its scent.

Danny reached around behind him and carefully placed a small bouquet of flowers on the back seat. The mixture of small pink rosebuds and baby's breath was held together with a soft pink bow. Danny treated the flowers as though they were made of glass. Michelle knew it was impolite to ask, but she couldn't help herself.

"Danny, they're beautiful. Who are they for?"

He started the car. "You'll see."

The two of them rode in silence for quite awhile. Michelle noticed that they were headed out of town. Where is he taking me, she wondered to herself. She began to squirm a little in her seat and hoped he wasn't paying attention to her. Danny turned the car to the right, and Michelle read the sign in front of her, "Blessed Sacrament Cemetery."

Her imagination went wild. Oh, my God! I'm in a car visiting a cemetery with Danny Santos! Now she was visibly shaken.

"Danny, wh-, why are we here?"

"Did anyone ever tell you that you ask a lot of questions? He smiled and rubbed her shoulder with his thumb. "Take it easy, Michelle. I promise you, you're perfectly safe."

He drove through the gates and down the asphalt path, stopping in front of a large oak tree several feet ahead.

"We're here."

They got out of the car and Danny retrieved the flowers from the back seat. He reached for Michelle's hand. She let him take it and he led her toward the oak tree. Its leaves swayed gently in the breeze and its shade made the area around it cool and pleasant. What a peaceful spot, Michelle thought.

Danny let go of Michelle's hand and walked to the grave directly underneath the tree. He gently placed the bouquet on the headstone, then knelt on the ground. Michelle watched as Danny blessed himself. She wasn't Catholic, but she knew the Sign of the Cross when she saw it. When Danny was finished praying, he stood and motioned for Michelle to join him. When she arrived at his side, he put his hand in hers once again.

"Michelle Bauer, I'd like you to meet Caroline Santos."

Michelle looked down at the headstone and read the dates. Caroline had barely been three months old when she had died. The numbers etched in the smooth marble also made her wonder about something else. She chose her words carefully before she spoke.

"Danny, is Caroline your daughter?"

"No, she's my niece." Danny nodded his head toward the grave next to Caroline's. Michelle read the headstone, "Miguel Santos, Jr." "My brother Mick is Caroline's father."

He sat, gently pulling her down by the hand to sit next to him, and told her the story of Caroline's brief life. As she listened, Michelle thought she saw tears begin to form around Danny's eyes.

"Danny, I'm so sorry about Caroline. I can see that you still love her very much. I'm a little confused, though. What does this have to do with me?"
"The other night you accused my family of being involved with drugs. Today, you said that you don't want to understand my life, that it's full of violence and crime. It also has love in it, Michelle. Caroline's the reason I'm a part of this life. She's the reason I want to change it."

She knew she shouldn't ask the question, but the words sprang from her lips before she could stop them.

"What does that mean, Danny? I don't understand."

"Michelle, I can't tell you that. It's…"

"Complicated, I know." Irritation began to creep into Michelle's voice. She was here for some reason, yet he was being tight-lipped and cryptic again. "I didn't start this, Daniel Santos, you did. You're the one who brought me here, remember?"

That was true. No one outside the family had ever been here, including Theresa, and they'd been engaged. If he ever hoped to gain her understanding, he was going to have to let her into part of his world. Before he did that, though, he needed her to be sure.

He squeezed her hand, but his voice was serious as he spoke. "Michelle, do you understand the question you're asking? I'll answer you, but that'll mean I'll be talking about my family and our business. Are you OK with that?"

No, she was certainly not OK with that. The thought of hearing about threats, shootings, and whatever else he might tell her scared her to death, but Michelle also knew that she wanted to get to know Danny Santos. Danny made her feel something that she had never felt for either Zachary or Jesse. She didn't have a name for this sensation yet, but she didn't want to stop feeling it. It was worth the risk. Michelle returned Danny's squeeze and tried to swallow the nervousness that had lodged in her throat.

"Go ahead, Danny."

He took a deep breath and began. "My great-grandfather began my family's business when he came to this country. In the beginning, it was small, but my great-grandfather worked hard to make it grow so that he could support his family. The police and other city officials in Springfield didn't like the way he ran his company, and they began to harass him. My great-grandfather asked family and close friends to come work for him so that they could help him protect his business."

So this is how the mob is built, Michelle thought to herself.

"With the help of my great-grandfather's friends, my family became very powerful and the police left our business alone. Over time, the company was passed to my grandfather, then my father."

Michelle remembered that the third headstone she saw had read "Miguel Santos, Sr."

Danny searched her face, trying to read her expression. "Michelle, are you sure you want to hear this?"

She tilted her head forward in a small nod. He continued.

"There are other families in Springfield who work in businesses like ours. My father made a deal with one of the other families, but the arrangement turned out badly. My father was killed, and control of the business passed to my mother."

Michelle flinched. She hadn't wanted to, but it had happened anyway. She couldn't imagine describing her mother's death to someone as the result of "a bad romantic arrangement." Danny's voice was so matter-of-fact, as though he was talking about a stranger on the street instead of his father.
"It's time to go. I think you've heard enough." He began to stand.

"No, Danny, wait." She pulled him back toward the ground. He hadn't yet told her what she really wanted to know. "Please tell me what this has to do with Caroline," she whispered.

Danny studied her for a moment. His head told him that he should stop. Even though, she had tried to hide it, he could tell that what he had said to her had made her uncomfortable.

"Michelle…"

"Danny, you brought me here to meet Caroline, right? I'd just like to know why."

For a moment, the two of them sat in silence, still joined by their hands.

"After Caroline died, my mother became a virtual recluse. For a month, she refused to see anyone and she barely talked to me or Pilar."

"It sounds like she was grieving for her granddaughter."

"In our business, that kind of grief can be very dangerous. The other families sensed weakness in my mother, and for awhile, things were pretty tense."

Michelle didn't like the sound of that.

"All of a sudden, it was now my responsibility to speak for my family and assure the others that we were still strong."

"Are you saying that you're now in charge of your family's business?" Michelle's head began to spin at the thought that she might be having a conversation with the head of a major crime family. The fact that Danny was in the mob at all was difficult enough to get used to. Even though she still didn't understand Caroline's role in all of this, Michelle had had enough of Mafia Life 101 for today. She shivered slightly.

"Michelle, let's go. It's late, it's getting dark, and you're cold."

This time, she didn't protest. As they walked, Danny draped his jacket around her. Michelle hugged it to her shoulders and wondered if any coat could take away a chill that went straight to the heart.

She had tossed and turned the entire night he had brought her home from meeting Caroline. Danny had never answered her about whether or not he was in charge of the business. No matter how hard Michelle tried to push the question out of her mind, it kept nagging at her. She knew that she was falling for him and that thought terrified her. Could the man who brought her flowers, shared personal family history with her, and made her feel something wonderful that she had never felt before also now be directly responsible for the pain, anguish, and God knows what else of innocent people? How could she allow herself to fall in love with a mobster?
Thankfully, he had left her alone since that night. Michelle had seen him at the midterm, but instead of talking to her, he simply squeezed her shoulder, smiled, and gave her a knowing look. He realized that she needed some time and space to think, and Michelle had smiled back, showing her appreciation with her eyes. However, it was now two days after the midterm and she was still was as confused as she had been at the cemetery.

A knock sounded through the kitchen. That's odd, Michelle thought. Rick was at work, and Abby and Meta would be out all morning. As she walked to the door, she saw his figure through the blinds. She nervously gripped the knob and turned it slowly.

"Hi."

"Danny, how did you know where I…?"

Damn, he thought. She's still afraid of me. "I looked your address up in the student directory. I didn't mean to startle you, Michelle. I just wanted to see how you were doing. If you want me to leave, I will."

"No, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting company, that's all. Please come in."

He smiled as he walked through the door. Even in faded jeans, a T-shirt, and no make-up, she was still gorgeous. He surveyed the room around him. It was bright and friendly. He could see fruit in a bowl on the counter. There were a few dishes in the sink, notes on the refrigerator, and a towel was hanging over a drawer handle to dry. He bet people really enjoyed themselves in this kitchen. "Nice place."

"Thanks, but it's just a regular old kitchen. I'm sure your house has one."

Actually the Santos mansion had two. "Not like this one."

"Um, where are my manners? Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm fine, but can we sit for a minute?" He wasn't going to do anything without
checking with her first. She was at least willing to carry on a conversation with him and he wasn't about to screw that up.

"Sure." She glanced toward the kitchen table. He pulled out a chair for her and she sat down. Danny then crossed the table and took his place in a chair opposite hers. It reminded him of the way they had sat during the ink blot experiment.

"Michelle, are you OK?"

"I'm just tired. I didn't get a lot of studying done, so the midterm was a little harder than I thought it was going to be." She couldn't bring herself to look at him, and he had a pretty good idea why. She hadn't gotten a lot of studying done because of what had happened at the cemetery.

"Michelle, I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have taken you to meet Caroline."

"It's not that. I'm honored that you would share such a special place with me. She twirled a curl of hair around her finger before continuing. "It's about something else that you said that day."

"What?"

"About speaking for your family. Do you? I mean, are you…?"

"Am I a mob boss?"

"Well, I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but yeah?"

"No, my mother still controls my family, but I am helping her with the business."

"Oh." She could feel the edge in her voice as her body straightened in the chair.

"Michelle, I know what that must sound like to you, but trust me when I say this. There's a lot more to this situation than what you might think."

"It's complicated, right?" She smiled. "Danny, I'm sorry. You warned me that hearing about your family's business would be difficult, but since it's a part of your life, I want to know about it." She stood, facing away from him, and walked toward the center of the room. "I guess I'm just having some trouble."

"Having some trouble with what?" He stood and walked to her, leaving about an arm's length of space between them.

She sighed, then turned to him and reached for his hand. She wasn't upset, but her voice was filled with emotion.

"Danny, the trouble is I don't know how to make the pieces fit. Since we met that day for the experiment, I've felt drawn to you. I love being with you, talking to you, sharing things with you. The images that I have of this other aspect of your life just don't make sense to me. I can't make them make sense, because I don't see you that way. My heart can't imagine you as part of that world, even though my head knows that you are. Do you understand?"

Danny understood perfectly and he could hardly contain his elation. For the first time in a long time, he was not Daniel Santos, heir to a Mafia family. Michelle just saw him as Danny. He didn't know if he'd ever been given a more wonderful gift. He took both of her hands in his, brought them to his mouth, and kissed them gently.

"Thank you, Michelle," he whispered, staring lovingly into her eyes. Danny let a moment pass then, still holding Michelle's hands, he leaned forward and touched her lips with the most tender kiss she had ever felt in her life.

Her fall was complete in that single moment. When Michelle’s lips had touched Danny’s, she knew that her heart would just have to make her head understand. The dark life of the Mafia did frighten her, but so did the thought of life without Danny Santos. She smiled at the memory of their first kiss as she walked through the park in the afternoon sun. She found Danny sitting on a bench. He had a faraway look in his eye, but it was immediately replaced with a burst of happiness when he caught sight of her.

“Hello, Beautiful,” he said as he leapt to his feet to greet her with a small kiss.
“Hi,” she smiled. “Did I interrupt you? It looked like you were doing some pretty intense thinking.”
“I was just thinking about how glad I am to see you,” he laughed as he reached around her waist to pull her down into his lap. Danny gazed at Michelle for a long moment, temporarily allowing himself to forget why he had asked her to meet him here. Michelle stayed in the moment with him, but then gently and quietly broke its spell. She could tell just by looking at Danny that she was sitting on this bench with him for a reason.

“Danny, what is it?”
The words brought him back to reality. He held her hand, but carefully slid out from underneath her so that they were now sitting side by side. With his free hand, he reached inside his coat pocket and produced a small white box tied with a red ribbon.
“Open it.”
She pulled the ribbon and removed the lid. Inside was a piece to a jigsaw puzzle. Michelle looked at him with a bewildered expression in her eyes. Danny put the box between them, reached for Michelle’s free hand, then turned her to face him.

“Michelle, my life is the ultimate jigsaw puzzle and it always has a few missing pieces, but I want to try to help you make some of them fit. This bench will give you some more information about me, but to give it to you, we’ve got to have another conversation like the one we had when we visited Caroline. Can you handle that again?”

She reached down, took the puzzle piece from its box, and turned it over and over in her hand. Michelle was not one to back away from a situation when it became difficult, but she needed a second to prepare herself for what Danny was about to say. She offered a quick silent plea to her mother for guidance, then closed her hand into a fist around the puzzle piece.
“Tell me, Danny.”

“When I was fourteen, my mother brought me to this park. It was a day like today, sunny and bright. We walked along for awhile. There was this ice cream man selling stuff in the middle of the park. My mother saw him and asked me if I wanted some ice cream. At first, I thought she was nuts. I was fourteen, not five, but something in her voice told me to say yes. Mama and I didn’t usually spend a lot of time together. I didn’t want to upset her, so I gave in. After she had paid the guy, we walked over to a bench, this bench, and sat down. We didn’t say anything. We just sat there eating our ice cream. My mother watched me the whole time. She waited until I had finished every single bite."

“Waited for what?” Michelle asked.
Danny continued on as though he hadn’t heard her. “I can still remember the taste of that ice cream cone. It was a double scoop of fudge ripple.” Danny looked down and put his face in his hands. Michelle was indeed scared, but not for herself. She was frightened for him. She gingerly put her hand on Danny’s shoulder.
“Danny, it’s OK. You don’t have to do this.”

He took a deep breath and brought his head up to face hers. “Michelle, my childhood ended with that ice cream cone. That day, my mother told me that the time had come for me to fulfill my destiny and continue my great-grandfather’s legacy. She said that she and Papa had always known that Mick would never be reliable enough to handle the business, so as the remaining male Santos, the duty now fell to me. When the time came, I would be expected to take my mother’s place. I heard all about the circumstances surrounding my father’s death. Mama told me how the business worked, who we owed money to, who owed money to us, who our enemies were, and what information we used to keep them in line.”

Michelle stared at Danny in silence. She wanted to comfort him, but she had absolutely no idea what to say. What does one say when a man has just told you that he has been groomed for a life of crime since the age of fourteen? Her heart broke at the thought of the ugly weight that was placed on Danny’s shoulders that day. Michelle decided that the only thing to do at that moment was listen. She would listen to Danny for as long as he wanted her to.

“Michelle, I love my family, but I never wanted this. Before that day on the bench, I had dreamt of going to college and moving out to LA to become the next big record producer. Mick, Pilar, and I would all get married and we’d have a bunch of kids who’d giggle, horse around, and drive us wonderfully crazy during family gatherings.”
He smiled at the happy image playing inside his head, but then his face became cold and somber once again. “Now everything’s changed. Pilar’s been in Spain for years because Mama doesn’t want her to find out about the business. Mick’s gone, and if I want to see my niece, I have to go visit a cemetery!”

The mention of Caroline particularly pained him and he got up and walked away from Michelle. She followed, not sure if she should invade his very private space. She reached for his hand and clasped it tightly. When she spoke, her voice broke.
“Oh my God, Danny! I am so, so, sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?” The words sounded stupidly simple to her, but at the moment, they were all she could think of.

He turned and touched his forehead to hers. There were tears in his eyes. “I want you to understand that I don’t have a choice. I didn’t then and I don’t now. I can’t tell you how yet, but I am trying to change things in my family. For now, though, things must be as they are.” A sob caught in his throat, but he went on. “Michelle, I love you! You are the part of my dream that is still possible. I’m sorry I told you all of this. The last thing in the world that I want to do is scare you. I don’t want to lose you.”

Michelle knew she needed to show Danny how important he was to her. She reached up and gave him a slow, powerful kiss, wishing she could suck all of the pain out of his body with her lips.

“I’m not sorry at all, Danny. I love you too, and I’m not going anywhere.”