Trust Me
      Chapter 8
 

Danny waited on the line. He hated being put on hold. Impatiently, he paced back and forth in front of the window.

"Sorry about that, Danny. Now where were we?", Ray asked.

"It's okay. Listen, Can you come to the house? I need to talk you about something and I don't think we should do it on the phone. "

"Well, I have an appointment in about twenty minutes. How about two hours from now?"

"I'll see you then."

Ray hung up the phone. Danny sounded serious. He was aware of Danny's troubles. In fact, twice in the past month he had surprise late night visits from his cousin. Both times Danny had shown up at the rectory needing to talk. Ray rarely spoke. Danny would ramble on and on about loyalty and obligations to the family and of course Michelle. He was always trying to find peace in the knowledge that he loved Michelle. He never requested Ray's input. Usually, he just wanted a sounding board, knowing that as a Priest and more importantly, a family member, Ray would listen and not judge.

The meetings bothered Ray. He had spent a large part of his life trying to reconcile the fact that he had become a Priest to escape his demons. Most of the time he felt guilty about shucking his responsibilities to the family and letting Danny take it on himself. Listening to Danny talk about pay back and duty made Ray think that if he had stuck around Danny would have at least had someone to share the burden with. The talks also left him spiritually empty. He had faith that somehow his cousin would find the correct path and would follow it, but his hope wavered often because he knew the correct path was not the Santos way.

Life as a Priest had not been bad for him or even particularly hard. It was a decision he had made out of necessity. He always laughed when someone quoted, "necessity is the mother of invention" , for if anyone knew what that meant it was Ray Santos. In order to survive, he had become a priest. It was that simple.

Ever since Ray could remember he had found solace in the ritual of the Catholic Church. As an altar boy he had been the most eager to learn and understand. Danny and Mick would make fun of him in Catechism class because he always asked the questions and was willing to discuss all aspects of religion at any given time.

The day he had gone to Father Tomas and told him he wanted to be a Priest came about after a ugly scene in the Santos Warehouse. Ray and Danny were working in the warehouse as part of their "getting to know the business" classes. Mick had been working there for a few years by then. He was the boss and Danny and Ray had the unenviable task of doing inventory and preparing orders for their clients. It was boring, but for the most part they fooled around more than they worked. One night, they had been tossing paper balls into the garbage pail in the back room of the warehouse when Mick had arrived calling for them. When they had come close to the group Mick had said, "I have a job for you two." The job had consisted of beating up a 15 year old kid that had dared to cross into Mick's territory. Danny had tried talking Mick out of it. It didn't work.

As his fist had connected with the boys chin, Ray has felt a rush and exhilaration that he had never experienced before. The next five punches had come easy. The following morning he had woken up with sore knuckles and a pain in his chest that he knew came from the disgust he felt. He had relished the fight. He had felt alive and only when it was over had he realized that being a Santos wasn't as difficult as he had thought it was going to be. Frightened by his intense reaction Ray had right then and there made up his mind. Then he told Danny. Ray always wondered if Danny had forgiven him. Never mentioned, but always present, was the fact that Ray had taken the road out and Danny had stayed.

Realizing it was close to time for his appointment Ray went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

He hung up the phone and turned toward the TV. Michelle's car was nowhere to be seen. Danny sat down in his chair and tried to relax his body. He figured he had some time to prepare. He was wrong. The door to his office burst open and he was faced with Michelle's fury.

"WHY CAN'T I LEAVE? Am I back to being your prisoner?", she screamed.

He remained as calm as he could. She had called herself his prisoner and it brought back memories he had chosen to forget. His immediate response was to yell, but he didn't . Standing up, he said quietly, "Close the door and sit down."

"Sit dow-...Who do you think you are?" Her face was red, her eyes puffy and her whole body shook with anger.

"Michelle..." Where do you begin? he wondered. "I told them to stop you..."

"Danny, you can't keep me here...", she sputtered.

"BE..cause it's not safe. I'm doing this for your own good. Now calm down and let me explain..." He got up and went to the door and shut it.

"I don't want an explanation. Call down to the gate and tell them to open it. NOW!"

"Michelle. Are you listening to me? You can't leave right now because there have been some complications and....well, I'm not going to let you go."

"You're not going to let me go? I am not yours to keep." Her voice cracked and she wasn't yelling any more. Her lips were quivering and there were tears in her eyes. Danny stood in front of her. He put his hands on her shoulders and she shook them off.

"Don't touch me." Her voice was cold and he felt a chill in his own heart.

He had not doubted she would leave. He had been expecting it, but to hear her and watch her react to him was different. He felt like he was suffocating. The walls of the office began to close in on him. Touching Michelle was second nature to him. Telling him not to touch her was like telling him not to breathe. How do you stop doing something that you can't live without? Danny's eyes flashed back and forth over hers trying to find himself in them.

He stepped back and keeping his emotions in check said, "I'm sorry. You can't leave...now", his voice cracked on the last word.

Michelle wondered why he sounded so sad. "Danny, I need to go..." she had stopped yelling and was now trying to reason with him.

"NO!" He couldn't keep it back any more. "That's it. You can't leave. If you want to go after..."

"Listen to me. I have an appoint-..."

"Michelle, I said NO! I'm not going to change my mind. It's not safe and that's all I care about right now."

Immediately she recognized that he was keeping something from her. A vital piece of information was missing and she intended to drag it out of him.

"AHH! Let me guess. Dietz. YES DIETZ! I heard everything Danny! EVERYTHING!" Her rage was back.

He had been facing the window when she began her tirade, suddenly he spun around to face her. She prepared herself for his scream and instead he simply stated, "He threatened you Michelle."

"Me?", her voice was weak again. His words hit her full force. She was the next target. Her life was marked, again. Fear over came her. Could he see it on her face?, she wondered.

He waited for her reaction. She had been caught of guard. It had quieted her, "I will do anything to protect you Michelle...I...There's no other way." He stared down at his hands. Unwilling to look at her.

"You mean you'll kill for me. Right?" At the look on his face she continued, "I haven't forgotten Danny."

"You don't think that Jesse loves you enough to kill for you, Michelle? ...Wouldn't you want him to do anything that he could to keep from losing you?..."**

"Don't make this about me." , she had expected her voice to be loud, instead it was barely a whisper.

"Michelle..." He wanted this to come out right. He needed her to understand. His Michelle had been threatened. "I'm not going to let some lunatic...I'm not going to lose you...Not that way."

"Danny..."

There was a knock on the door. They looked at each other.

"Come in." , Danny said.

"Danny, I...", Ray stopped when he saw Michelle. "Hi Michelle."

"Hi Ray."

Turning to Danny Ray said, "I had a cancellation. The person I was expecting never showed up.", he looked at Michelle.

"Yeah. Well, Michelle and I were almost done here. Umm...Can we finish this later?", he asked.

Michelle stared at him and stood up. "Finish this later?" she repeated his words, not believing what she was hearing. "NO!" She dared him to dismiss her again.

"Michelle, later!" Danny knew what she was trying to do and he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. He needed to speak to Ray. Ray would help him sort things out. He would help him keep Michelle safe.

Ray watched them and knew he had walked into the middle of something huge. Both Danny and Michelle looked like they weren't going to back down. It was actually interesting to see Danny being met right in the middle. There was one thing Danny hated--not having his way. He knew Michelle and Danny pushed pushed each others buttons, it's what made them a perfect match--most of the time.

"Ray, could you wait outside for a minute?" Danny asked his cousin. His exasperation reflected in his voice. Ray could see he was trying to keep his cool.

"No, no Ray. Stay." Michelle said sweetly. "There's no reason for him to go. Let's hear what he has to say about this." Michelle was challenging Danny.

Danny flung the pen in his hand across the room. He was about to explode.

"MICHELLE!"

"DANNY!" She yelled back in his face.

Ray adjusted his collar. This wasn't getting better. "Okay guys. That's enough. What's going on?", Ray said as he positioned himself between them. It was time to stop it.

"Ray, stay out of it." Danny said as he looked at Michelle over Ray's shoulder.

Michelle realized that they had put Ray in an awkward position. She was embarrassed. "Ray, I'm sorry." She walked to the door. Before leaving she turned back to them and said, "If you can't talk to me, maybe you can talk to your cousin."

Ray waited until the door closed behind her and blasted into his cousin. "What's going on? You two look like you're ready to kill each other."

Danny began explaining. He told Ray everything. "Ray, she's leaving me. That's why she's so mad that I stopped her." Ray looked at Danny and said, mostly to himself, "So that's why you both called me within seconds of each other..."

"What? What did you say?"

Ray realized he had said more than he should have. Trying to recover he thought of what to say next.

"Ray, don't think so hard."

Ray stayed silent.

"Michelle called you? Why?"

"I don't know Danny. Maybe because you're acting like a gangster? This isn't you. You know that."

"Ray..."

"Danny don't say anything. You're talking to me. You told her you were planning on killing Dietz. Didn't you."

"I didn't have to tell her anything. She figured it out for herself. That's not the point."

"Danny are you listening to yourself? Michelle's probably scared to death."

"Ray, he threatened her...", he said through clenched teeth. "I didn't call you here to give me your opinion. I need your help. I want Michelle to be safe. I was thinking about that convent..."

"A Convent? Danny are you nuts? She's not going to go. What's gotten into you? Do you think that by sending Michelle to a convent you can go about your business?" Ray was shaking his head. His cousin was in too deep. He was afraid for him. So this is what that moment of excitement from so long ago led to. You eventually believed in all the hype. Danny was transforming before him. Carmen must be proud. The birth of a true Santos took years of indoctrination and preparation. Hope. Faith. Ray still had that. "You have to find another way."

"I wish there were another way, Ray."

"Danny if you think I'm going to help you get rid of your wife so you can kill someone..." Danny had gone too far. Ray was mad. He was being put in a awkward position. His conscience would not allow him to stay quiet any more.

"Ray, I trust you and I need your help. There's no one else."

"You know what Danny? I don't blame Michelle for leaving. It's always what you want. You've made up your mind. That's what matters. Your mother must be so proud of you right now. Avenging Pilar's death..."

"AND protecting my wife." Danny interjected.

"Please. Don't you dare try to justify killing Dietz by claiming you are doing this for your wife. It's not about Michelle."

"So now you're going to analyze me. Tell me, what does Father Ray think? Should I turn the other cheek? You..."

Danny hesitated. He was about to say something that he knew he would regret. Ray had run scared. He had left him alone to deal with everything that being a Santos meant. Danny had not forgotten. Forgiveness was another thing. He had understood the reason why Ray couldn't fulfill his Santos destiny, but that decision had defined Danny's future.

Ray had always listened to him. He was the only person Danny had been able to confide in when things got beyond his control. He never told him, but many times he had needed to hear Ray absolve him of his sins. Confession was easier when it was his cousin listening. Ray knew what it was like. He understood and he never judged. Until now. Suddenly Danny was faced with his cousins judgment and it was pissing him off.

"Danny listen. I'm here for you. I'll help you keep Michelle safe, I will, but you have to talk to her. Trust her. You expect her to accept you and just follow you through life with no explanations. Think about what your vendetta is going to mean for your future. Is killing Dietz worth it?"

Danny played with a paper holder on his desk and didn't answer his cousin. Losing Michelle was not what he wanted. Family loyalty and tradition was swallowing him whole. There was no escape. His little sister was dead and it was up to him to make things right. Wouldn't his father expect that of him? Everything he had been taught told him that he couldn't let this go. He was the only person to do this, of that he was certain.

Ray opened the door to the office and said, "Think about it."

Danny covered his face with his hands and listened to the door close.

** From the Thanksgiving Episode/Danny confronts Michelle on the beach