Before & After
      Hope
 

 
Danny - The Past

He climbed the trellis to her bedroom. Each foot placed with confidence. Proof he had done this before. He jumped to the balcony and stood before the French doors. I shouldn't be here... His hand reached for the gold plated knob and for the briefest moment a twinge of anger coursed through. This door is never locked... His arm fell to his side and he wiped the sweat on his jeans. Walk out of her life...leave before it's too late... His father's voice from earlier that evening echoed through his mind...


"I hear you never showed up at the warehouse last night." He sat back in his leather chair and waited for a response from his son.

"I--I lost track of time."

His father shook his head and smiled. It was a smile that made him feel anxious. He watched as the older man with hair like his own, but thinner took a long over drawn puff on his cigar. His eyes, dark and filled with ire caused Danny to look away.

"Look at me." It was an order. A command that Danny knew better not to challenge. He slowly lifted his gaze. His body straightened. His father would expect that from him.

"If you're gonna take it upon yourself to be an irresponsible punk and do whatever you fucking please you better be a man about it."

Danny wiped at his eye and waited.

"Your brother got the shit kicked out of him the other night."

"Yeah, well I..."

"Shut up!" The boom of his voice bounced off the walls of the elegant library.

"You do as I say. I told you to do a job. You said you'd be there."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"You think I don't know what you're up to?," Miguel Santos feet were now propped on the desk in front of him.

Adrenaline coursed through his body. He stared at his father's face. "I'm not up to anything."

The laughter that erupted from the older man caused him to step back. "You hear that Pete?," His father asked among his chuckles of the man that stood unobtrusively in the corner. Pete Ramos shifted his weight and nodded.

"Remember who's in charge around here. You do things right and I don't get involved. You fuck up and I'm right there."

"I'm not fucking up." Danny defended himself.

"I'm not letting you fuck up. That's the key. You know it and I know it."

Danny stared at his feet.

"Your job is to do what I say. You go where I tell you to go. No more slacking off. You got that?"

"Yes."

"You have a lot to learn Danny. Your place here is guaranteed if you follow the rules."

"Rules...," Danny uttered under his breath.

"Go on get out of here. Don't let me down again."

"Good night father."

Danny turned to leave. He strode towards the door. As his hand gripped the handle his fathers deep voice cut him down.

"Daniel, about the Bauer girl. She's for play. Don't forget that and be careful. You know what I mean?"

His held on to the knob for support. He remained glued to the spot. He knows...

He recovered enough to say over his shoulder, "Yeah..."




His eyes were fixated on the doors to Michelle's bedroom. Of course he knows... Walk away Santos...do it now... His fingers flexed over the door knob. One last time...

The handle turned in his hand and he watched the door open as if in slow motion. Her bed was lit by the moonlight. She was stretched out across the sheets. Her hair a halo of golden sun on the cotton pillow. He stood in the doorway mesmerized. He had to laugh at himself for the cliché that was now a part of his life -- She took his breath away. No matter how many times he did this he was always taken by the emotions that ran through him as he watched her sleep. The feelings overwhelmed him. He closed the door gently and walked towards the bed. Walk away... He knew exactly how many steps he would have to take to be by her side... six...nine...

His eyes wandered over her body. Her neatly painted toenails. The bend in her knee where she was ticklish. The curve of her hip covered by tiny pastel colored cotton shorts. Her arms were bare. He watched her breathe. Her chest rose against the soft fabric that dipped low over the swell of her breasts. She's for play...

She moved slightly and her arm fell over the edge of the bed. He moved back as her fingers grazed his leg. He went to her desk and opened her organizer. His hand wrapped around the piece of paper in his pocket. He had always done it this way. Never allowing himself more than ten minutes. He knew that if he didn't do it quickly he would want to stay. Leave the note...


M,

The sunrise is calling your name. I saw it for myself today. Friday.

D.

He felt like crumbling the note and throwing it away. Let her go... Sleep was impossible on days when he hadn't been with her. This morning as he tossed and turned he'd watched the sun as it began to rise from his bedroom window and all he could think of was that Michelle had to see it.

He heard the sheets being moved behind him and he spun around. Michelle was talking. He couldn't hear what she was saying. He knelt down beside the bed. He placed his face close to her own. He could feel her breath on his neck and then he heard her.

"Danny..."

His throat was suddenly dry.

There was a hint of a smile on her lips. His arm moved of it's own volition. He watched as his finger followed the contour of her chin and then her cheek without touching. Her pink tongue appeared between her lips and he fought the urge to press his lips to hers.

"Danny..." She's dreaming...of you...

His mouth covered hers before he could think about it. Softly, barely touching his lips met with hers. Her eyes opened wide. He increased the pressure of the kiss to silence her.

Her eyes darted around. Questioning him. He relinquished his hold on her.

"What are you doing here?," She whispered anxiously.

"You're not happy to see me?"

"Danny!" She sat up a bit, pulling the sheet with her.

"Do you know how beautiful you are when you're sleeping?"

"NO! What are you doing here? How?"

"You know you should learn to lock your doors."

"The notes..." A smile brushed her lips and lit her face.

"My secrets revealed."

"I've missed you," she said softly. Her words made him forget everything that had happened before. This was his reason for being...this...She's for play...Don't forget...

"Hey...why do you look so sad?," She asked. Her finger pulled on his chin.

"Why would I be sad?" He tried to cover his melancholy.

"Your eyes...are you okay?" Her voice was filled with worry.

"I'm fine. Really. Besides it's too dark in here for you to see my eyes," He joked.

She smiled with him, but he could see she wasn't convinced.

"I'd better get out of here. You go back to dreaming." He stood up and bent down to kiss her head.

She took his hand and looked up at him. "Wait. I'll go with you."

"No. It's too late."

"It's never too late Danny. Never."

"Shhhh...Go back to sleep.," he urged.

"Danny?"

"hmmmm?" He rubbed his neck.

"I worry about you."

Her eyes bore into him. He broke the stare. "You shouldn't. You don't have to."

"But I do. I see you sometimes when you think no one's watching. You seem sad and tired, very tired. Then you catch yourself and you're face changes back into the Danny that everyone knows."

"You've got me all figured out. Don't you?" He combed back her hair from her face.

"No. I think I'll gladly spend the rest of my life trying to do that," she said quietly as her lips met the palm of his hand. The rest of your life...

He knew then that he wanted to spend the rest of his life letting her do just that.



Danny - The Present

He woke in a sweat. The sheets twisted around his legs. Immediately he reached for her, still confused from his dream, only to find she wasn't there. Gasping for breath he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He could feel her presence and that comforted him. It was a familiar sensation. Over the years he had learned to accept it and to rejoice in it. It made him whole even when he was broken.

Standing up he walked to the refrigerator and found himself a bottle of water. The bottle was awfully cold against his sweaty palm. Opening it he placed the lip in his mouth and drank .

Sometimes he felt as if these dreams would drive him crazy. He downed the liquid and wondered if she remembered it the same way...





Michelle - The Past


"No. I think I'll gladly spend the rest of my life trying to do that," she said quietly as her lips met the palm of his hand.

"Tell me," she pleaded.

"Michelle..."

"Is it your family?"

"You could say that." Stop being so vague

"Expectations..." She got off her bed and walked to the desk. She turned to him with a manila envelope in her hands. "I've got Stanford...And you've got?"

"I've got a father who has planned my life for me."

"I see..."

"Do you?," he stood. "Because I sometimes wonder how it's possible that my life is so fucked up. I have no clue what it means to have a choice. He's got everything planned. Everything..." His voice had risen. Michelle's face showed concern. She listened for signs that their voices had carried.

"I don't know what to say." She leaned against her door. Her hair fell in ringlets around her slender face.

"Yeah...neither did I." The sadness washed over his face again.

"Maybe we're supposed to figure this out together. I know that being with you makes me feel alive. When I'm with you I believe that I can work it out. I'll know what to do with those papers and you'll be able to make your own decisions. Eventually it'll all make sense."

"Are you always this filled with hope?" He asked.

She could see how tired he was both physically and emotionally.

"Only when I'm with you."

He smiled in spite of himself.

"Come here." She made her way to her bed and patted the mattress. Beckoning him to share the space with her. He shook his head and walked to the French doors.

"No. I shouldn't be here."

"I don't think you should be anywhere else." Please don't go...stay here with me...let me in...

She got up and joined him. She pulled his hands to her chest. "Stay."

He brought her into his arms and greedily took her lips. She was overwhelmed by his insistence. His mouth devoured her own.

His tongue parted her lips. She didn't care about anything. Danny needed her. It didn't matter that they were in her room. They could be discovered, but that was the farthest thing from her mind as he guided her to the bed.

Her arms come around to embrace him. Her fingers caught in the curls at the nape of his neck. She nibbled on his bottom lip. Their tongues met. He placed his arms on either side of her body to support himself. Her hands caressed his face. She pulled him down onto the mattress. His fall cushioned by her own body. She drew her leg up and he settled between her legs. He ran his hands over her soft arms. Her hands were on his back under his shirt. He shivered her fingers grazed the skin over the top of his jeans and slowly moved up to his shoulders. His mouth found her neck and he placed his moist lips on her. She sighed and tugged at his shirt. He reluctantly separated from her and sat back to pull the material over his head. He tossed it to the side. He stared into her eyes as she extended her arms to welcome him. He sank into her. He placed his forehead against hers and she whispered against his lips, "Danny..."

His touch burnt her as he splayed his fingers over her smooth stomach. His hand covered the expanse of skin and moved to cup her breast. He rolled over and brought her with him. They drank from each others lips. She straddled him and sat up. His hand was caught under her night shirt holding her breast. He watched in wonder as she lifted the t-shirt over her head. Her chest was revealed to him slowly. She covered his hand with her own. She felt his desire grow. He closed his eyes when she began to move over him. His erection strained against his pants. She could hear the chafing of her soft cotton against the rough jeans and it excited her. She felt bold and wanton. Never in her life had she been so willing to give herself. No amount of coaxing on his part was necessary.

Her hands moved to his stomach. She released the first button. She traced the outline of his bulging penis through his jeans. God...

As her fingers worked on the second button he grabbed them. She glanced up at him surprised. She fell forward so her hair fell around them like a tent. "I want you."

His breathing was heavy. "I want you too."

She placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Her tongue licked at his lips. He strained against the weight of her body. She felt his penis line up with the division of her body. Her body slid down and then back up again. She suckled on his neck and she wondered if she'd leave a mark. The thought of leaving a tell all trail on his skin thrilled her. Electricity surged through her. He moved her hair out of his face. Her body moved over him again. She smiled at him wickedly and she knew he was lost in the same magical delirium as she was. Her fingers began to work on his pants again. She heard his sigh of relief as the second button came undone. He used his elbows to prop himself up and leaned in to her body. His lips found her pink nipple engorged with desire. He licked at her. The tip of hs tongue ran smoothly over her peak. The third button was undone. His arousal was dizzying.

She felt his hands slide down her back and cup her buttocks. He squeezed gently and pushed her down on him.

They had spent many nights half clothed together. Always there was an underlying sexual element to their time together, but this was the first time one or the other had not stopped before it became more than just kissing.

She arched her back. Her hands worked on button number four. As it passed through the loop hole she gaped in fascination at the outline of his penis against his shorts. She undid the last button. With her index finger she ran an imaginary line from the base to the tip. The moisture she found there surprised her and she pulled back her finger and looked at him. He was watching her with a look of fascination.

His breathing was coming in gasps. Her heart beat faster . He took each of her hands and laced his fingers through her own. She rocked gently over him. "We don't have to do this," he said.

She laughed nervously. "We don't?"

"No...," he flinched. "We don't." He smiled at her. He looks like he's ready to burst...that's how I feel...



Michelle - The Present


Her face smiled automatically at the remembrance. That night had been perfect. She sank lower into the water of the tub. The steam rose in spirals from the hot water. She took a cloth and began to gently pass it over her skin. The memories were so brilliant in her mind. She could see them in full color. Vibrant. Alive. She sighed heavily and wondered if she would ever feel that way again. Her eyes closed.



Danny - The Past


She arched her back. He stopped breathing as her fingers worked on the fourth button. He felt like a gift being opened gently and wanted to yank it from her hands and rip open the paper. Seeing her reactions was more than worth the wait. As she ran her finger over his length he thought he was going die. The anticipation of her touch without the encumbrance of the fabric that separated them had him doing long division in his mind.

She hesitated and he he knew then that he had to say it. "We don't have to do this."

"We don't?" She's nervous...

"No...," he flinched. "We don't." He smiled at her. Is that relief I see on her face?

Her silence confirmed his suspicions.

"But we can do other things...," she smiled as she positioned herself over him and lowered her body so that her most intimate parts were resting once again on his manhood. Always filled with surprises...

He could feel how wet she was. He was losing control.

She slid off of him and lay at his side. "Kiss me."

Her mouth covered his. As the kiss deepened he felt her hand fall between them and then she was touching him. Cautiously she made her way underneath the fabric and gently caressed him. He broke away from the kiss and spoke into her ear. "Michelle..."

"Am I doing this right?"


"Yeah...you're doing it right." He groaned as she rolled his testicle between her fingers.

"I have a secret."

He let her exploration continue. "You do?"

"I've never done this before."

"Do you like it?," he asked between breaths.

"It's so soft...like silk. I didn't expect that," she was whispering in his ear. Her husky voice causing ripples of excitement to course through him.

He bit on his lip.

"I thought it would be hard." She pulled the material down to expose him completely to her.

"Hmmmm..."

"Show me what to do." She's going to drive me crazy...

"Wha...What?"

"You know. How do you hold it? I want you to show me."

He covered her hand with his own and positioned her fingers over his member. The moment was so erotic that for a moment he hesitated.

Slowly he began to move his hand encouraging her to follow the motion. As they set into a rhythm she asked, "Does it feel good?"

"Yes..." He relaxed into the sensation and let her hand go alone. His body stretched.

He cupped her face and ran a finger over her lips. "You're beautiful Michelle." His hand cupped her breast. With his thumb he rubbed at her nipple.

She moaned softly against his lips as he brought her face close to his for another kiss. He bit at her lip. He tasted her with his tongue. She quickened the pace. The movement wasn't fast and desperate, but it was Michelle and that was more than enough to send him over the edge. She has no idea how she makes you feel... The thought fascinated him.

"I'm close. If you don't stop..."

"I want to see you...," She whispered as her eyes turned downward.

He groaned and felt himself explode from the inside out.


"Oh my God!," she whispered excitedly. "That's amazing!" No. You're amazing...




Danny - The present

He stood staring out the windows. The electricity of that night passed through him as the memory came to a close.

"I've never felt like that with anyone else...only you Michelle. Only you."

He climbed into the bed and lay back. Ready to dream again...