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| LOVE WILL TEAR US APART By Sioux James loved you. You’ve been going out about 4 years now, quite honestly - everything was perfect; you never had an argument, just some minor disagreements. You were madly in love, he was so romantic. He had girls and groupies nagging him all the time, but he never showed an interest in them, if anything sometimes he could seem quite rude, but you got the sweet, romantic James and seeing the difference in how he acted around other females made you feel special. You met James backstage, you knew very little of the Manic Street Preachers, and just tagged along with your friend as she had no one to go with. As the band came out, everyone cheered, you could not see a thing, as you got pushed so far back. All the movement and closeness of other people was making you feel suffocated and you thought you were about to be sick. Luckily, you managed to get out and make your way to the toilets. After spending a lot of time in the toilets, you felt well again. As you walked out your friend grabbed your arm “there you bloody are, hurry up!!! WE ARE GOING BACKSTAGE!” she was so excited. As you entered the room, she instantly ran off to go grope Nicky, you went and sat on a bench and looked around, not knowing anyone. Seconds later, a very sexy, muscular man with gorgeous facial hair sits besides you. You smile at him, and then continue to glance around the room. “Hey, I’m James” this sexy, sexy man said, as he put out his hand. “Hi, I’m Jen” you say, trying not to drool when you feel his firm handshake, while looking into his brooding dark eyes. “So Jen, how’d you like tonight’s show?” James kindly said, trying to make conversation. “It was bullshit” you said without hesitation (OK! You are NOT crazy! Remember you have no idea who the Manics are, and spent the whole concert in the bathroom - so you’re excused for being so stupid!) James seemed a little stunned by your reply, but couldn’t hold in his laughter any longer, “well that’s a bit different to what I’m used to hearing!” he laughed. You looked at him, with a very confused look, “what are you talking abou…” “JAMES!! Great show! do you mind signing this?” said a girl, then a few more girls started to run over to him. You just realized who he was and what you had done - you just told James Dean Bradfield that his efforts were “bullshit”. When the fans went away, you instantly apologized, “I am so sorry! I had no idea!” James just laughed and assured you it was ok. At first you were attracted by his good looks, but then he won you over by being so sweet and forgiving, and that he could take a joke. Even though there was no need to apologize any further, you still explained to him that you missed the whole thing, that’s why you regarded it as bullshit. …… Well that’s how it all started. James loved you from that day on, you stood out from every other girl that he spoke too, and you were special to him, everyday. Your relationship was something everyone was envious of, such an amazing bond, and trust, something to good to be true. Trust was something you had learnt to have over time. Of course you hated the thought of all the people who wanted to shag James senseless, and the fact that people would actually tell James this and give him sexual offers made you jealous. You never let James know you were jealous or terrified of losing him, it would strain the relationship, but you’re glad you kept it to yourself because by now you really did feel the relationship was stable and there was no need to be jealous. You never went to parties or backstage after gigs, you felt uncomfortable and would occasionally hear comments from 15 yr old girls, “how pathetic, she’s old”, or “old groupie…that’s disgusting”, most fans didn’t like seeing James spend the night with you. You certainly were not old, you’re only 25. You never became a part of that side of James life - he didn’t blame you, everyone just treated you as a groupie and James wouldn’t tolerate that. You’d received your fair share of hate mail, even though James told you not to let it bother you- it did, it had broken you confidence quite a bit, sometimes you’d hate to leave the house. But you both knew better than to let that bring your relationship down-what you had at home was so amazing- so untouchable, no outsiders words could ever break it. James was on tour in Japan, and missing you more than ever. He had a little photo in his wallet of him and you, together, he would stare at it for hours before he would go to bed alone. It was a terrible & long tour; Sean kept asking James what was wrong, as he seemed almost lifeless on stage and lacking enthusiasm. He simply missed you. He felt the relationship was lacking something, and one thing would make it perfect - an engagement ring. After choosing the most elegant diamond ring he could find, he felt great, he was so excited to give it to you, and he knew you would love it. You never pressured James into marriage but James knew it was what you wanted, and he knew it was something he was ready for. Meanwhile back at home… You were a wreck, you couldn’t stand James gone for this long, this time it was just TOO long, and it had been 3 months. James called you quite a lot though, you pretended everything was fine. But to be honest you’d had enough, he was always busy, and if you did spend time with him, you were treated as a groupie, so either way you always managed to feel like shit. Sure, the time alone with James was incredible, but it wasn’t enough. Four years you’ve been together, and it was heading nowhere, while James was gone, you’d got the usual threatening hate mail. It honestly scared the shit out of you when you were all alone - you rarely left the house while he was gone, and always tried to have a friend over, but why should you have to suffer like this? You decided the best thing you could do was get out of this relationship, you couldn’t tell James how you felt, what was the point? What was he meant to do? Give up his career to stay home with you? It wasn’t his fault you couldn’t adapt to his working conditions. Another reason you never mentioned this to him was the fear that he may actually throw his career away for you, you knew he loved you and you knew he would do that for you, but that wouldn’t be right - he was living his dream and you loved him far too much to take that away from him. You could NOT continue this relationship, it seemed ridiculous that you were breaking up with James simply because you loved him more than you could handle. Ironically, it was love that tore you apart. The last date of the tour, James arrived home around midnight, he was so excited and full of anticipation; he couldn’t wait to turn the door handle and see your face. He missed you so much it hurt him. All he could think about doing was grabbing you and hugging you for hours on end. You meant the world to him. He had been thinking of asking you to marry him the next day, and he was going to do something romantic, but he could feel the ring in his pocket and was so happy, and anxious. He couldn’t wait that long, as soon as he saw your pretty face he was going to take your hand and ask you before you got the chance to greet him. He entered the hallway, all the lights were off, and he called out to you - no answer. He turned the lights on and walked into the kitchen with the ring box in his hand a bright smile across his face, and there it was… “I’m sorry - blame infatuation - blame imagination I was sure you’d be the one but I was wrong - it seems reality destroys our dreams - I won’t forget you” James smile faded, and his twinkling eyes soon became murky and dull. With his trembling hands, he put the little love heart shaped box back in his pocket. THE END. <<< Sioux's stories |