SOME KIND OF BLISS   by Nan                                                               <<< part 12

PART 13 - NOBODY LIKES A CHANGE…DO THEY?

You find James sat on the sofa, staring into space. You can’t read the expression on his face, it’s hidden in the half-light, and even if you could see it clearly, well, you’re not entirely sure you would want to. You know he has every reason in the world to be pissed off. Your eyes are so fixated on his face that you nearly jump out of your skin when the silence between you is broken by the gentle voice of his guitar being strummed by those expert fingers.
He’s sort of messing about at first, whether he’s confused or angry and upset or…. you don’t know.
Finally a song is formed from all his fumbling – Gold.
You’re relieved. You still don’t know if you’re home free, but the sound of that song sooths you. You sit down on the armchair directly opposite James and for a minute or two you allow yourself to drift away back to that seashore, to relive those moments.
The song ends and it was played to perfection.
Silence washes over the room and over the both of you, you fiddle with the little cushion, not knowing what to say. Realizing James can’t (or won’t) start the conversation either, you venture out softly:
“You can play it perfectly now.”
James sighs and rubs his hand against his cheek in that sweet way that he does: “Yeah, you know, I’ve been practicing.”
You can’t help but grin.
James continues with a resolved look on his face: “Well, at least there was something I was able to change from that night on the beach.”
Inadvertently, your face reddens and your blood boils. It seems the skin surface of your entire body is smouldering. Your first instinct is to strike back with another sarcastic comment, but you realize that’s not the point. That is so far from what you want.
You compose yourself so your voice stays as calm as possible.
“Do you really think that shagging me on that beach would have helped? God, it wouldn’t even have been good – I wasn’t ready and you know it.” You’re silent for a bit, while James just stares off into space, his fingers gently strumming the strings. You collect your thoughts and add, “well, at least one good thing would have come out of that – you would have forgotten all about me by now.”
James is still strumming in a very serene manner, he’s looking down at his guitar, and you know he couldn’t stand looking you in the eye. Finally he opens his mouth to speak, but then changes his mind and goes on strumming. You’re beginning to lose your patience and your nerve, but you’re not ready to leave. Not yet. You’ve just put everything on the line, and the least he can do is give you an honest answer.
Then he whispers gently, almost inaudibly: “Well, I wouldn’t have forgotten you,” he raises his head staring off into the distance of the Bay, “but I doubt I’d love you as much as I do after all this.”
You sit silently trying to digest all this as James stops playing his guitar still keeping it on his lap, slouching down, resting his cheek on the hollow wood. The only sound is that of your nervous breathing – the city bustle outside seems light years away, like a shush in comparison to the savage beating of your heart.
For the first time since, well, since you can remember, it feels like everything will be all right. All of your other feelings become minute, and you are overwhelmed only by the sensation of being loved – of being truly happy.
You can’t help but sigh as you repeat to yourself endlessly:
It’s going to be all right, it’s going to be all right, it’s going to be all right…
You look at James softly; he’s looking at your face trying to translate your features into a language that will give him a direct answer. You give him a look that hopefully says ‘I came after you, didn’t I? Oh yes, I know, I’ve hit you, and I’ve pushed you away in any way I could think of, but now…now…’
You stand up and slowly walk over to where James is sitting, amazed by the fact that your legs are even holding you up straight. He puts away his guitar. You sit down by his side, but find you can’t look him in the eye – even now. You’re too afraid of what he may do, of what you may do.
“I’m so glad you said that.” You sneak a peak to see his reaction. His muscles, his whole body relaxes as if he had been holding his breath for ages and was finally allowed to breath again.
He sighs, almost moans: “Yeah?”
“Mmhm” you turn so that you are now facing him and look him directly in the eye, “and I’d love to wait another year or so, and be mean to you and abuse you just to see how much you’ll love me then!” James smiles at your joke, but his face is still perplexed, so you continue, “but I don’t want to.”
James grins and gently cups your cheek in his hand: “I don’t want you to either,” he whispers, you can feel his gentle breathe against your lips, and it sends a shiver down your spine. His face comes closer and closer to yours; you could cut the tension with a knife. You’re feeling extremely light-headed, partly because of how he’s making you feel and partly because you’ve temporarily forgot how to breath,
but who needs to breathe when I could be kissing him? And for a second you being to think time has slowed down just for the two of you.
You finally take a deep breath and take in the smell of this man makes you lose your mind all over again. He smells intensely of cigarettes and whiskey and aftershave, but underneath it all there is this smell of the man, something primal and unnerving and hypnotic.
He looks at your face intently, your eyes, cheeks, nose, lips subject to his dancing gaze. Slowly he traces the tip of his index finger over your mouth while slowly reaching out behind you with his other arm. First he places it on the sofa, and only lets one or two fingers slowly caress your backside. Before long his whole hand is resting on your hip, softly pulling you in closer.
He goes back to caressing your cheek before bending his fingers, and he gently rubs the back of them across your temple, your forehead, as though studying and memorizing your face.
Although this is nothing new to you physically, it seems like a whole new world in ever other way and the thought that this is only the beginning is making your head swoon. You had it all planned out when you came here, you’d make up, and maybe you’d even be inclined to, well… But this is nothing like you imagined it to be. You’d thought you would have butterflies in your stomach before you had sex, but not because he was looking and touching your face. You have to smile at the very thought. James looks at your mouth, then your eyes and smiles gently. He stares at you with eyes you’ve never seen before. You’d always thought his eyes were one of his most attractive features, but they were nothing like this: dark and blazing, glistering with desire, want, passion, but most of all, affection, pure and simple. He touches you sweetly; his energy surrounds you with breathtaking intensity and your plan. In an instant, this whole act that you’ve both been playing just falls away.
His hand slides down to rest on the curve where your neck meets your shoulder and he caresses your jaw line with his fingers, brushing gently. If he was any more gentle you couldn't feel his fingers at all, and you feel you have to move your face to get closer to him, to increase contact when you realize what he's actually doing: you can feel every single nerve in your body awaken. The frustration of waiting is a fair price for the reward when he finally does touch you the way you so long to be touched. Your mind is drunk with anticipation.
You're so lost in thought it's almost a shock when you finally feel his lips find your cheek, savouring the softness of your skin. They slowly trail back to the soft nub of your ear, his cheek rests against yours for a moment before he whispers deep in his throat: “Please...please...I need you so badly...”
You whimper as a tremor begins at that deepest point inside you and ripples out all the way to your skin, its smooth surface giving way to tiny bumps, making it look like you're cold when indeed your very soul is on fire.
His head rises, and he looks at you questioningly. For the first few seconds all you can do is just stare at those beautiful eyes, and you realize that even if you wanted to, there's no way you could hold back your desire now. While you're deep in thought, James' face gets more and more perplexed, then worried: “I'm sorry, you know I won't push you to do anything you don't want, I just...” He seems to have run out of words as he gently cups your face in his hand and leans in to place the most wondrous kiss on your lips. The kiss speaks of his soul, his heart, and of his desire. As he tries to pull back you reach up and grab his hair, pulling him close to you, kissing him again and again, letting him know of the desire your body feels for his.
You come up for air as his lips brush across your cheek and along your jaw line. You lean your head back a little and whimper as his lips suckle the soft skin of your neck. You press your body into his, no longer worried about keeping your longing in check. He responds immediately, wrapping his arms securely around your waist, letting them explore your back, your neck and hands, anything he can reach.
You moan as his fingers gently dig into your backside, pulling you up so that you're practically sat on his lap.
"Please," he whispers next to your ear, his soft lips making your entire body shiver, "Tell me. Please, I need to hear you say it..."
You sigh as he lightly nibbles at your earlobe. "Touch me," you whisper.
"Oh god, yes," he sighs as his hungry lips run back up your flushed cheek to find your mouth again.  He claims you completely with his kiss, his tongue slowly sinking into your mouth and twining with yours. His hand slinks slowly up your side, and you shiver when his thumb delicately traces the curve of your breast. It's only now that you become aware that your nipples are delicately painful and have already been standing to attention since he first touched you, but you've been far too distracted to notice. His fingers tease you slowly, and your lips slip away from his with a soft moan as he gently rubs your nipple through the fabric of your dress.
His lips caress your neck again, and he sighs, "I want you."
"Oh James!" you gasp.
He pulls away and looks deep into your eyes to see if you’re sure about this, and he smiles when he sees that you are, but still adds: ”Please, I want you to be sure,” you move your hand to stop him, you don’t really think this is necessary, but he softly kisses your palm before removing your hand from his mouth and continuing, “I’m serious – if you want me to stop, tell me, and I’ll stop, ok?”
You softly brush his cheek, enjoying the feel of his stubble against your hand, as you smile at him: “I promise.”
His eyes flicker, and your whole body shivers at the thought of what is about to happen.


PART 14 >>>


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