melody_voyage-of-discovery-3

A VOYAGE OF DISCOVERY by Melody <<< part 2

PART 3

A few weeks later Alexis was back in Wales, staying once again with Nicky. Their relationship was now out in the open, and James was unimpressed at the news. When she called him up to tell him, he had turned very nasty and angry towards her.
“Ain't that sweet,” he spat sarcastically. “So much for never dating friends any more Lexy. I can't believe it, you and Nicky, of all people! What a fucking slap in the face that is, knowing that you'd rather sleep with him than me.”
“Stop being so petty,” she shot back.
“I'm fucking hurting Lexy. How the hell do you expect me to put up with you and Nicky snogging?”
“The same way that he dealt with it James. You just grit your teeth and get on with life. He was hurting watching us.”

“He's fancied you all this time? I had no idea.”
“Me neither, I found out on the same day you talked about us rekindling the flame.”
“And you realised that you still fancied him?”
Alexis was taken aback, having been convinced that she had concealed it from everyone. “How...”
“Lexy, it was bleeding obvious.”
“Oh, ok.”
“So you figured that you'd shag him and see what happens?”
“James!”

“Don't tell me you've realised that you love him. You are doing this to spite me, to let me know that you'll never be a part of my life like that, again.”
“I would never do that!” she yelled down the phone to him. “Clearly you don't know me if you think I am capable of being that vindictive.”
“That's the way it looks Lexy. Poor Nicky, does he know that he's an experiment?”
“Experiment?” Alexis was incredulous.
“I'll bet he's not as good in bed as me.”
“I'm sure that he will be,” she shot back at him.
James gave an evil cackle. “So, you haven't shagged him yet...interesting.”
“Oh shut up! There is nothing wrong with us taking things slowly.”

“What you mean is that you don't find him sexually appealing.”
“You are putting words in my mouth.”
“We couldn't get into the sack quick enough.”
“And where did we end up?”
“Having a hell of a lot of fun. There was and is a spark between us Lexy. You can deny it all that you want but deep down you know that I'm right.”
“Yeah, you are,” she agreed, catching him off guard. “When I was considering what Nicky and you had both said that day, I made a few discoveries of my own. The big one being that I would always be sexually attracted to you, and, for all I was disgusted at your suggestion of being fuck buddies, when I thought about it, I realised it was plausible. We'd be able to shag each other and then part as friends, with no commitment.”

James gave a triumphant laugh. “I knew it! You'll be on the phone begging to see me, to have a good shag. Once you've had the best...”
“You conceited, arrogant bastard!”
James continued to snigger. “Trust me Lexy, Nicky is nothing like as adventurous as I am.”
“He'll be loving and considerate.”
“He'll be boring. You'll be staring at the ceiling wondering what you've let yourself in for.”
“Do you honestly think I would get involved with you again when you are behaving like this? I had no idea you could be so bloody evil.”
“Oh Lexy darling, I'll behave when you're with Nicky, I promise that I will. I can't make the same promise if I get you alone though.”
“Don't worry, I have more than enough determination for both of us. Nothing will happen.”
“Don't bank on it Lex.”

Sean had been surprised at the news but said that he was happy for them and wished them well. He also understood James' reaction, although Alexis didn't tell him precisely what James had said, only that he wasn't happy and was hurting. Martin and Terri had hugged Nicky and Alexis and wished them well, albeit without any real enthusiasm.

With each person that Nick and Alexis told, after being told good luck or well done, (why people said well done they had no idea). The next common comment was what about Lexy and James?
Nicky grew more and more irate every time it was said. “Great, every fucker seems to think you ought to be with James. Do you have any idea what it’s like hearing that time and time again?”
“It's annoying, insensitive and dumb,” said Alexis.
“It's making me paranoid. I'm wondering what they all know and I don't.”
“THEY,” Alexis emphasised, “know nothing. I don't want James, I'm not interested. It is you that I want to be with.”

“Do you?” he asked with a quizzical glare.
“Why else would I be here?” She pulled him against her body for a loving embrace. “I have no regrets about the decision that I made Nick. I'm happy with you, very happy.” Tenderly she stroked his face.
Nicky beamed brightly, a warmth running through his body. “Good! I don't recall being this happy ever. I think about you so much. Having you here with me, holding you in my arms means the world to me Lexy.”
“I love being here and being in your arms.”

Despite all of the affection and cuddles they shared, they didn't consummate their relationship that weekend, Nicky insisted that she have her usual room. When she had offered to share his bed and not misbehave, just so that they could fall asleep and wake up cuddling each other, Nicky said that it wasn't appropriate to do that. Alexis asked him what he meant to which he replied, the time isn't right yet.

Nicky's reaction to her suggestion had heightened the doubts that she was having. The kissing, cuddling and hand holding was lovely, she felt comfortable and happy with it. Her concerns revolved around their relationship becoming sexual. She was content with everything as it was and was having a hard time envisioning them having sex. Perhaps Nicky was also having those doubts and that was why he was so keen on them to take it slowly. Only time will tell, though Alexis.

She also pondered on how much of this was because of what James had said to her. Going out with Nicky was not a decision that she had taken lightly, she had agonised over it. Had James been right with his taunts? Did she subconsciously want to humiliate James for his fuck buddies suggestion?

Alexis tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep, playing the whole convoluted mess over and over in her mind. This was purgatory. Why couldn't she be happy with Nicky rather than analysing each and every minute detail? Rather than giving her assurance that she had made the right choice, the more she thought about the situation, the deeper her doubts became, increasing her anxiety and uncertainty.

It was four in the morning, Alexis tired as hell because of sleep eluding her. Despite hours of cogitating, she was nowhere closer to discovering the answers than when she started.
“Oh fuck it,” she said, kicking the bedding onto the floor and getting out of bed.

She grabbed a pair of knickers and a t-shirt, hurriedly pulled them on and went to Nicky's bedroom. With the light from her bedroom gently illuminating a little of Nicky's room, she saw Nicky sprawled out diagonally on the bed, his sheet and duvet in a heap on the floor. He was naked and blissfully unaware that he was being watched. His eyelids were twitching and Alexis noticed the gentle rise and fall of his chest and she found herself wondering what he was dreaming about.

James had often joked with her about the times he had woken to find her watching him, with a lovesick smirk on her face. Nicky wasn't inspiring anything like that in her at all. Her memory was showing her snapshots of James in bed, and they were giving her butterflies. Damn him for getting under her skin the way that he had.

As quietly as possible, Alexis padded over to Nicky's discarded bedding and carefully covered him up with the sheet. He murmured in his sleep, slightly changed position, thankfully NOT waking up. There was no overwhelming desire to touch him or to be close to him. With tears forming in her eyes, she went back to her room, climbed into bed and cried herself to sleep.

“Lexy honey, wake up,” shouted Nicky up the stairs.
With a loud despairing groan Alexis pulled the quilt over her head. The last thing she wanted was to see Nicky. Of course that was unrealistic, there was no way she could avoid him. A few hours of tortured sleep had done nothing to ease her discomfort or concern for her relationship with Nicky. The harder Alexis sought positives, the more negatives she became aware of.

She owed it to Nicky to at least give the relationship a chance, she knew that. Or did she? Right now all that she was certain of was having doubts about everything to do with this so called relationship. It was her stubbornness making her reluctant to give up on it. No way was she going to give James the satisfaction of being able to gloat about it to her. James...that man kept creeping into the picture, intruding on her thoughts. Had she got it so wrong? Was it possible to be in love with James? Once again the flood gates opened, Alexis sobbed her heart out. Talk about digging a hole for herself. This was one hell of a predicament to be caught up in.

Alexis cringed on hearing Nicky making his way up the stairs, knowing that she had to face him sooner rather than later.
“Lexy, come on, get up,” he said Knocking on the door and then walking straight in. He sat beside her on the bed, pulling down the sheet to her shoulders enabling him to see her face. “What's up love? You don't look well.”
“I don't feel good Nicky.”
“Oh you poor thing,” he said sympathetically. “What can I do for you?”
“I think I need to rest, I'll be fine later.”
“Let me cuddle you better.”

Nicky was wearing a pair of boxer shorts and evidently hadn't been up long either; he still had sleep in his eyes. He pulled the sheet back and slid beside her, then pulled the sheet back over them both again. Alexis blanched when he curled his arms around her, guiding her against his torso. If this was James she would have cuddled him with enthusiasm.

There I go again, she cringed, thinking of James instead of my boyfriend. This is so ridiculous! Stop being such a wimp and tell him! Tell Nicky that you have doubts.

Oblivious to Alexis' dilemma, Nicky purred contentedly, his fingers lightly caressing her bare skin.
“This is nice,” he said gently. “Spend the night with me when we go to bed tonight Lexy.”
“You said it was too soon,” she said, hoping that he would change his mind.
“I want to fall asleep with you, not make love to you.”
“Why don't you want to make love Nick?”
“It doesn't seem like the right thing to do yet. Aside from shagging groupies, I have always dated women for months before sleeping with them. It’s about respect Lexy.” He pressed his lips against her forehead. “Don't think that I don't want to, 'cos I do.”
“You do?”
He laughed in reply. “Oh honey of course I do but there's no rush is there? It isn't like either one of us is going anywhere.”

Oh Nicky, you have no idea, thought Alexis.

“Relax Lex, you are so tense.”
“It's 'cos I don't feel well Nick, I need some time alone, to rest.”
“Sorry, you don't get rid of me that easily.”

Tell me about it.

Nicky fell asleep holding her, unfortunately for Alexis her body refused to relax and give in to the tiredness coursing over her weary body. Being careful not to wake Nick, she got out of bed and had a shower. Afterwards she dressed and packed the rest of her stuff into her valise.

She put the valise in the boot of her car, made some coffee for them both, and with huge trepidation, took the drinks to her bedroom.
“Nicky, I've made you some coffee,” she said, prodding him a little to wake him.
“Coffee?” he yawned, rubbing his eyes and slowly focusing on her. “You're dressed.” He sat up in the bed, picking the cup of coffee off the bedside cabinet, his eyes roaming around the room, and a glare of displeasure spreading over his features. “Your stuff...”
“Packed and in the boot of my car. I need to go home Nick.”
“You are nowhere near well enough to go home,” he insisted.
“I am.”

“Stay the night like you had planned. You may be a lot better tomorrow.” The genuine concern radiated from him.
“I can't explain it Nicky, all I know is that I want to go home. I NEED to go home.”
“Let me go with you then, it won't take me long to pack.”
“I want to be alone Nick. I don't like people being with me when I'm not well, you know that.”

Once again she had chickened out of telling him her concerns and worries. This relationship was getting more strained by the minute. What she hoped was that time and distance from Nicky and James would help her to rationalise things more, make her realise that Nicky was the man that she wanted to be with, rather than James.

At the moment almost every thought she had was related to James and how he excited her, leaving her aching to see him again. That was how Alexis wanted to be with Nicky; anticipating being with him again; needing him to make love to her.

“Why does this all smack of you running away Lex?” In frustration Nicky threw the sheet back and sat on the edge of the bed, his back to her. “Is there something that you need to tell me?”
Go on Alexis, tell him! urged a little voice in her head.
“Well?”
“Nothing Nick. I am not feeling well and I want to go home to be miserable on my own.”
“Nothing to do with James?”
A cold chill ran down her spine. “Why do you ask that?”
“Because perhaps you've realised that you do love him.”

Alexis knelt behind him, draping her arms over his shoulders and caressed his chest, gently nibbling his neck. “No Nicky,” she whispered. She screwed her eyes up tight, praying that God wouldn't strike her down with a bolt of lightening. All she had needed to do was be honest, Nicky had given her opportunities, instead, she lied to him.

I'm not lying, I'm protecting him. This is my problem, not his. I need to sort my head out and make this work. Nicky is a good, sweet, dependable man, I am so lucky to have him.

“Hmm, that's good,” Nicky whimpered, lost in her sensual touches and completely oblivious to the thoughts that Alexis was tormented by.
She knew that his moans were a cue for her to step up the action a little, but she couldn't do it. Instead, she stopped and sat beside him. “Better not,” she said with a forced smile. “We know what will happen if we carry on.”
“I suppose you're right.” Nicky's voice was filled with dejection. “Please don't go home Lex.”
“I'll make you miserable if I stay.”
“I'll be more miserable if you leave.”
Alexis was wracked with guilt. Slowly her resolve was weakening, Nicky's mournful expression was tugging at her heart, she hated it when the sparkle left his eyes. “I need to be cruel to be kind Nick,” she said softly. “We'll end up arguing if I stay and neither of us wants that do we?”

One of the first things that Alexis did when she got home was to call Nicky and reassure him that she was fine.
“I still don't see why you couldn't stay here,” he said sulkily.
“We've been through all of that Nick. I'm going to shower and have a sleep, I'll call you again later, ok?”
“I don't have much choice do I?”

part 4 >>>

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