melody_cant-get-you-out

CAN’T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD by Melody
I hate using the title of a Kylie track but it fitted. This author has also altered some truths for the sake of the fic. Please indulge her. Enjoy.

PART 1

To say that I was pissed off was putting it mildly. For the first time I had set my central heating to come on when I got up, only to have Martin call me as I was going to bed and say that I was needed in Wales for the Manics for a while (‘as long as need be’ he said). I reset the timer only to wake up to a horrendous clanging noise. My lounge carpet was soaked through right next to my sofa! The fucking radiator had leaked.

I called British Gas, who very kindly said they could come round that day. My friend along with my next door neighbour would not be up at this ungodly hour but both had children to care for outside of school hours so I had to arrange a visit around them (not a problem me). When I stopped off on my journey for a much-needed cup of coffee, I contacted my neighbour first. Luckily she would be in from around 2pm so there was no problem.

My next problem arose trying to contact my insurance company. I was put on hold so many times and then cut off that it was driving me crazy! My lounge carpet was in a state. At best it needed a darned good steam clean, at worst I needed a new one. Oh the joy of moving furniture either way!

Worst of all was knowing that James and I had ‘unresolved’ issues, to put it mildly. We had slept together when I worked with them several months ago. It wasn’t only a one off, more of an every night occurrence. He had called me so that we could meet up but I found it difficult, especially knowing that I had to be ‘objective’ (Martin’s phrase) and represent them.   Knowing that he had since married only served to put me off more.

The worst thing Martin could have told me was to be with Manic Street Preachers, but here I was, gritting my teeth and shaking like a leaf (sorry for the sad rhyme) driving to bloody Cardiff on a frosty, foggy, crappy day.

James was outside smoking a not so very clandestine fag when I pulled up.
“Fuck,” he cried, “you of all people.”
“Tell me about it,” I whinged, pinging the automatic locking and alarm into action. “You lot are a fucking headache I don’t need right night.”
“Ditto bitch.”
“I’m a bitch? Who was the fucker that was cheating?”

He blushed and began to shuffle with discomfort.
So you should you bastard, I thought quietly.
“If you had kept it up I wouldn’t have got married!” he shot back.

That did it, in the bad mood I was already in I wasn’t going to take prisoners.
“If it wasn’t right you would have said no with or without me James,” I spat back walking confidently into the studio, ignoring his pathetic protests.

“Oh fuck, I’m going,” Nicky grinned. “I know THAT look. We’re in trouble already.”
I took a deep breath, neither he nor anyone else knew about James and me. “Ignore me, I’m crabby ‘cos everything is going wrong for me today.”
“You sure that that’s all it is?” he mumbled hesitantly.
“Positive!” I assured him with the biggest grin I possessed.
“Ohhh no you’re not,” he retorted.   “Not with that grin. What are you hiding?”
“Yeah come on,” added Sean. “We may as well know.”

I told them about my great start to the day and they were very sympathetic. Then James walked in.
“So why do we have you today then? You do appreciate we have lots crammed in?”
My psychiatric training in control and restraint as well as break away techniques made me want to pin him against the wall but that was evidently too extreme.

“Martin has told me that I am here for as long as it takes. I have a list of targets to complete.”
My phone rang. Ashamedly I took the call. The engineer wanted to know what times I wanted the heating on. Ok so I wasn’t there and the radiator in question was fucked until I had a new one installed but I figured that residual heat was better than none at all.

“A leaky radiator?” sympathised Sean. “Has it done much damage?”
James tutted but I ignored him and told Sean about my predicament. Thank goodness I had good friends and neighbours I could call on when I was away. They would be around when the new radiator would be fitted.

“I wouldn’t trust others,” whined James sarcastically.
“No, you wouldn’t,” I grunted, “but I do. Things will be fine. Once I’ve got hold of the insurance company they will be,” I grimaced.
“Don’t hold your breath,” he barked, making Sean and Nicky glare at him.
“Yeah well,” I stated, “ it isn’t up to you is it now?”
Sheepishly he turned away knowing that if he pursued it, Nicky and Sean would be on to him.

“Right,” I asserted as authoritatively as possible, “where are you up to? If I know that then I have a good idea of what I need to do. Martin is as confused as fuck because you’ve re-jigged your itinerary.”
They all had the decency to blush.
“You know how we are,” explained Nicky. “ We get ideas and run with them. This tends to mean that we miss stuff.”
“By ‘stuff’ you mean photo shoots and interviews?”

Nicky nodded.

“Great, that means people think that you are unreliable. Is there any wonder that no matter how popular your stuff may be with fans, publications, DJ’s etc, that people generally avoid you? You need to put the time in, just like you did when you started out."
“It’s fucking boring!” snarled James.
“I don’t give a shit! You act like every interview; every picture is worth a million dollars! Make yourself accessible. Fans may not like your change in direction or understand it but you will explain it a thousand times if that is what it takes!”

“Easy for you to say,” James growled.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said sarcastically. “As your PR I also have to say it more times than is palatable but I do it. It’s necessary James, like it or not.”
“Oh don’t you just love telling us what we should or shouldn’t do?”
“If you have a problem with it don’t do it. Feel free to alienate thousands of prospective new fans and dismiss some of the old core fans. I get paid whatever the fuck you do.”

James huffed and puffed whilst Nicky and Sean grimaced in confusion.
“Do what we need to do,” barked Sean to James. “You are such a stubborn mother fucker at times.”
“Don’t you start on me!” James yelled. “You have no idea what’s going on.”
“What I do know,” retorted Sean with lightening speed, “is that you are being deliberately obtusive. Get a grip!”

“This is with me and her so keep your fucking nose out it cous!”
“Outside now!” I bellowed at James.
Reluctantly, with head bowed he followed me. Once we reached the bitter cold air I rounded on him.

“Say what you need to say now James because I am not prepared to keep this up. Sean and Nicky will suffer because of it and that is not fair, in the least. Give me it with both barrels. Come on, I can take it. After all I’m the bitch that said no when I learned of the engagement aren’t I?”

“I loved you!”
“Yeah right,” I sniggered. “Is that why you never told me about her? Is that why you let me find out from Rachel? You just wanted to burn both ends of the candle didn’t you huh?”
He hopped from foot to foot. “I never knew how to tell you,” he whined. “I thought that if I said anything you would regard me as having a last fling. I wanted to tell her and then keep on with you but it all got outta hand.”

“Outta hand? That’s a very brief synopsis of the shit that was going on at the time,” I mentioned angrily. “I told Rachel how I felt about you but you got married so I assumed that I had deluded myself about our future. What was I supposed to do James? Should I know somehow that you got married because of a sense of duty?”

“I didn’t know how to say no,” he whimpered pathetically. “She had the dress, the bridesmaids, the cake, the honeymoon suite at the hotel.    It all seemed too late. If you notice in the pictures for all I’m holding her, to convince myself it was right, she never looked at me or held me. She knew it wasn’t right but being Mrs James Dean Bradfield is kudos for her career.”

I was cynical. “There must have been more than that.”
“Not really. We made love twice on the honeymoon, ok, so you don’t wanna know that,” he blushed, rubbing his face. “They were her ‘fertile’ periods and she expected to get caught.”
“She didn’t?”
“No. She had to tell her daughter that there was no brother or sister coming and the little one was distraught. It only served to tell me how wrong we were for each other. I didn’t know how to back out.”

“By saying what you have told me?”
“Oh yeah great. How do you explain that to a little girl who regards you as her daddy although you aren’t?”
I understood his dilemma. He was caught between a rock and a hard place.

“What happened after? If you knew it was wrong something must have changed.”
He squirmed, my heart going out to him. I wanted to hug him.
“Nothing changed as such…” he hesitated.
“Evidently something did.”
“She just knew…” he murmured. “I never said that there was anyone else. I told her that I thought we had both done it for the wrong reasons. We never had sex again.”

I found it hard to digest. “To this day?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “I’ve asked for a divorce, she’s thinking about it.”
“What’s to think about? If you aren’t intimate why would she want to stay?   A child is not a good enough reason.”
“We both think differently. Cora has been through so much, it isn’t fair on her.”
“Is it fair on her to have you and her mum stay together when you don’t love each other how you should?” I grimaced; I had no right to judge.

“Maybe not but I can’t hurt her.”
“But you will,” I responded. “If you aren’t in love with her mum you’ll hurt her when you do fall in love.”
“I’m in love now, have been for yonks.”
“Be honest then. Both of them deserve that.”
“Oh yeah right,” he guffawed, “when the person I love wants me to go and fuck myself”
“Has she said as much?” I stared right at him.

“You don’t have to.”

It was hard to digest what James had said. I must have misheard him.

“I mean it,” he said. “It’s written all over your face.”
“ME?”
“Yup.”
“Stop taking the piss.”
He glared at me, stared at his feet, fidgeted and mumbled a lot. “I love you.”

I had no answer for him so I hid behind a guise. “We need to get back in. Things need to be organised.” I walked back closing my ears to him. It was too painful. It was time for me to run away from facing up to the truth.

“So where are you staying?” asked Nicky, handing me a steaming hot cup of tea.
“Martin reserved a room at the Travelodge for me. I’ll go and book in later.”
“What happened with you and James?” he asked quietly. “Don’t say ‘nothing’ because I won’t believe you. I have never known either of you like that.”
“Please don’t take this the wrong way Nicky, but it has nothing to do with you.”
“When your attitudes are so appalling it has everything to do with us. What has happened? As I recall you used to get on well.”
I took a deep breath and hesitated with my response. “It’s over and done. We had a talk and cleared the air so stop worrying.”
From the glare he gave me it was obvious that he wasn’t convinced.

I listed to the finished album. It was a departure from their most recent stuff and something of a return to the raw, passionate music of the early days. I liked it. It had a new depth to it. Their maturity and accomplished musicianship came shining through. This was going to be big.

“I’m impressed. This is seriously good stuff and your lyrics are brilliant Nicky. You’re all on top form.”
Nicky blushed. “Thanks. We’re not sure about how the fans will react to it.”
“For what it’s worth, this is the hottest thing I’ve heard in years. You will give a new generation of fans when this starts to get airplay. However, that doesn’t mean that you can relax. You have to work hard in interviews, make yourselves accessible. You were too hostile and angsty when you promoted the last one. Hence the alienation. That plus the fact it was pretty dire.”

“We knew it wasn’t right but didn’t know what to do,” Sean sighed heavily, leaning against the doorjamb.
“Take some of the production away and redo it?”
“We got told it would cost too much. There were loads of individual things that we liked but it didn’t gel.”
“Don’t worry. Things are going to be great with this album.”

I stayed behind for a time after the others had all gone home to start on some ideas for the advertising campaign. I wanted it kept as simple as possible so that the music would sell itself.    I made a few notes and several rough sketches of what I thought would work. Tomorrow I would show them to the guys and get their opinions.

Once I peered out onto the carpark I was regretting my decision to stay behind. The carpark was eerie and badly lit. With all of the gumpf I was carrying, I didn’t stand much of a chance if anyone decided to mug me.

With relief I slumped in the drivers seat, hurriedly switching on the ignition. Someone started banging on the car. Panicking I lowered the handbrake and slammed the car into first gear. It wasn’t the smoothest gear change in the world but hell; I was in a hurry. The banging was coming from the front of the car. Great! Do I run them over? Or do I scare them witless?   I started tooting the horn. Someone HAD to here it.

“Will you stop!”
Hang on, I recognised that voice. It was James.
“James?” I yelled, not daring to open the window in case I was wrong.
“Yes!” he put his face against the glass. “Can I get in?”
I put the handbrake on, slammed the car into neutral and opened the door. “You frightened the life out of me!” I yelled.
“Sorry. I thought that you’d seen me.”
“Well I hadn’t.”
“Evidently.”

Seeing the ridiculousness of the situation I smiled at him. “Climb in. Where can I take you?”
“Now that is a loaded question,” he laughed, fastening his seatbelt. “Can we go to your room and talk? Or we could stop off somewhere else if you’d prefer.”
“You know what? I really need to get out of these clothes and shoes, so my room sounds fine. Just don’t read anything into it.”
“I wouldn’t dare!” he protested with a childlike giggle. “I do actually like being alive.”
I chuckled. I couldn’t help myself; his sense of humour had always made me smile.

“I can’t believe the security in this place,” moaned James watching me switch the kettle on. “Not that that’s a bad thing.”
It had taken what seemed like an eternity for me to verify the details of my pre-booked room. I’d used this company before and never encountered such stringent procedures.
Better that than they allow anyone in I thought aloud. If you have nothing to hide all those questions aren’t a problem.

“I’m going to take off these tights and shoes. Be back in a minute.” I noticed the way he was staring at me. “You want more than a hot drink?”
“I’ll pay the mini bar bill don’t worry,” he sniggered, getting up and taking two bottles of whisky and a small can of coke out the fridge. “I remembered that you like your neat.”

He poured them out and handed me one. I took a sip and them slinked into the bathroom to take off my tights. They were annoying the hell out of me.

“Cheers,” I said with a fake smile when I returned.
“Will you relax? I’m not going to pounce on you or anything.”
“Unless you want aching gonads I would hope not.”
“Hmm, you always were good with your knees,” he said blandly.

The way he covered his groin did not escape my attention, making me smile.

“So, what did you want? It must have been quite something if you couldn’t come out of the dark and almost suffered been run over.”

He stared blankly at me for quite a time, which unnerved me.

“I’m leaving her,” he said so quietly it was barely audible.
“What?” It was the last thing I had expected.
“I want you too much. You are the last thing I think of at night and the first I think of when I wake. My dreams are filled with you.”

My mind was all over the place, I couldn’t think straight. What the heck was he hoping to achieve by telling me? Did he think I would swoon into his arms and lose myself in the euphoria that we had once shared?

part 2 >>>

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