| nnn |
 |
| AN UNSETTLED NIGHT by Janey I ached all over, the stiffness in my neck making me wince in discomfort and pain. Not that it was at all surprising; I had fallen asleep in an armchair; definitely not conducive to a relaxing, restful kip! As I stretched I grimaced; it was hard to discern which particular part of my body hurt the most. Then I noticed him watching me. “Richey how long have you been awake? Are you ok? Do you need a doctor?” Richey had been stricken with a bad bout of food poisoning, and had been required to spend a night in hospital hooked up to a drip. Although he was now at home, the doctors insisted on someone being with him, that someone being me. Sean, James and Nicky had gone over to Holland to do some gigs and TV appearances. In two days we would have to go back to the hospital for further tests to ensure that he was getting better. What they really meant was that they wanted to make sure he was eating and drinking rather than using it as a cover for his anorexia. Thankfully Richey had been doing really well in all areas of his life for the last six or seven months. Sure there were blips but they were few and far between. “If you won’t go to bed at least let me make the sofa more comfortable for you,” he smiled. “No way can you tell me that you were comfortable in that chair; your body was bent out of shape.” I couldn’t argue with that. “I don’t want to get too settled,” I protested. “I need to be alert quickly if you need me.” “Will you stop panicking!” he laughed. “I’m fine now, no sickness or any of the other nasty business so please, go to bed and sleep.” “I’ll curl up on the sofa.” “No you will not young lady!” Richey said determinedly, pulling me to my feet. “I damn well need a good cuddle even if you don’t.” I rocked against his thin body from the momentum of him pulling me up, and my hands splayed over his shoulders. For years we had been friends and I had lost count of the number of times I’ve slept with Richey; it was a comfort thing, for his comfort. Not that I objected, a cuddle from Richey made the world seem a better place, well, for me at least. Initially I had been a friend of Richey’s sister Rachel, soon they it became apparent that I had lots in common with Richey. We loved the same books, liked to discuss philosophy and ideology for hours at a time till those around us would drift off through sheer boredom. I saved up the money I made from my paper rounds and doing jobs for neighbours to go and see him every other weekend when he was at uni. His fellow students teased him when they first learned I was going and would be staying with him, in his bed. That good-natured teasing grew more sinister however when they realised that Richey and I had a purely platonic relationship. They tormented him about being gay or not being able to ‘get it up’! At first he had laughingly dismissed their childishness but for an ever increasingly fragile Richey, it began biting at him and the self doubt he was so often plagued with multiplied until there was no reasoning with him. The ribaldry frequently got out of hand: Richey abusing vodka to snatch a few hours sleep in amongst the noise and chaos. He would hide it from his parents by saying that he was distracted, thinking of something for his essay or thesis; by and large they seemed happy with that. Richey was actually suffering from withdrawal from the alcohol, withdrawals that would get worse before they got better. What I always looked forward to was Richey getting back with Nicky, James and Sean. He was always so at ease with them, confiding in them his troubles at university. Richey never truly believed that he belonged, he wasn’t conformist enough. Too much of Richey was a free spirit, searching for answers to his own questions on his beliefs and ideals. Not even Richey understood Richey all of the time Rachel and I often went out to the cinema or shopping, although I was much closer to Richey, Rachel and I got on very well and had fun together. Whenever I met a new boyfriend, or if Rachel did we would go out as a foursome and then give our opinions at the end of the night. If our friend didn’t like them, the boyfriend was history, no second chances; yes, we were that cruel. “I don’t know why you don’t go out with my brother,” Rachel once lamented, nursing a flat coke. “You both get on so well, it’s evident that you think the world of each other.” “Wouldn’t work Rachel.” “Why the heck not?” “I could never go out with a man who looks better in my clothes and make up than I do!” We had laughed like hell at that, much to my relief. She was right; we did get on well, very well in fact. Trouble was, I loved him, loved him as more than a friend and it hurt like hell. Richey had made it clear on numerous occasions that he didn’t think that he would ever be able to give himself completely to love, he feared jealousy would eat him up, resulting in him doing something stupid and out of character as a result. Then there were days when Richey would say that he didn’t believe that love existed at all. It all depended upon his frame of mind and mood. One thing that he was always adamant about was that he would never get married or have children; a very definite warning for any deluded woman to ‘back off’. Oh he never told me directly to stop wanting more from him, nor did his attitude towards me ever change; I’m not that certain that he knew how I yearned for him, but ‘back off’ I duly did. James took me aside one day, concerned at my subdued behaviour. I used studies and exams as an excuse though it was obvious that he didn’t believe a word of it. “I think you’re suffering from a bad case of unrequited love,” he said, smiling tenderly as he hugged me to him. “Only it’s not unrequited, you need to work to make him realise his feelings for you; he’s scared of them you see. Love is a little bit out of his comfort zone.” “Dare I ask who the hell you are prattling on about?” I bluffed. “As if you don’t know,” he chided, “Richey.” “Don’t you start,” I steamed. “You know well enough that going on a couple of dates with Miles taught me never to get personal with any of you.” “Poppycock!” James guffawed, irritatingly. “Bury your head in the sand if you want Rina.” “I am doing no such thing, I’m seeing someone as well you know.” “And you’re still a virgin, so is Richey.” “We don’t all feel the need to sleep with every date that we have.” “Miles always said that you dumped him because he didn’t compare to Richey.” “That, I find offensive!” I spat. “I gave him the elbow because he was self centred, boring and vacuous.” James laughed. “Too true. So why are you dumping your current beau? Is he too boring as well?” I spluttered in response, how the hell had James found that ok? “Overheard you and Rachel having a little chat!” We never discussed my relationship with Richey again, although James would often pull strange faces at me or nod towards Richey, with his eyebrows raised, teasing me. Thankfully I could give as good as I got so James was on the receiving end of plenty of teasing in compensation. “Are you going to stand there all night holding me or are we actually going to go to bed?” His soft sweet lilting voice brought me back from reminiscences, his large brown eyes wide with happiness. “Care to rephrase that?” “Nope!” he laughed. “We are going to bed for a nice cuddle. How else can I phrase it?” That I couldn’t answer. Richey abruptly sat up, putting the bedside light on. “Ok Rina what is it?” I stared at him blankly. “We’ve been in bed for…” he glanced at the clock, “three hours, you haven’t been to sleep, not have you relaxed. Aren’t you comfortable?” “I’m fine,” I lied. “Go back to sleep.” I turned my back to him, pretending I was trying to sleep. “Hey honey, come on. Please Rina, talk to me.” Keeping the light on Richey snuggled back under the duvet, his arms snaking around me. His breath was warm on the side of my face. It was as well that I was in bed, I felt so weak that I doubted I would be able to stand up. “Really Rich, I’m ok.” “No you’re not. Something is on your mind, let me help you Rina.” “Tomorrow, that is later on, when we get up. Right now you need to sleep; to get your strength back.” Next thing I knew he turned me onto my back and was gazing down at me, his eyes full of concern. How hard I had to resist kissing him! “Tell me because I will keep annoying you until you do.” “Richey,” I sighed wearily, the heat rising inside me. “It’s nothing that you can help me with.” “What is it you always say to me? Ah yes, talking helps. Follow some of your own advice.” I moaned, not sure of what to say or do. “We’ll talk later Richey; now isn’t the time.” “Of course it is. What ever it is that is worrying you is preventing you from sleeping so I’d say that makes it the perfect time.” “Perhaps you do; I don’t.” Once again he turned me onto my back. “Damn, you can be so bullish!” He wasn’t being stern; I could hear the humour in his voice. “Very well, if you won’t talk let me cuddle you, hopefully it will make you relax a bit.” He switched the light off, then his arms were around me once more, his breath tickling the fine hairs on the back of my neck. “Will you fucking leave me alone!” Where had that come from? Richey was flabbergasted; he’d done nothing wrong. Ashamed of my outburst, I hurriedly got out of bed, grabbed a few clothes then ran to the lounge; I would spend the rest of the night on the sofa. In only my knickers and t-shirt it wouldn’t be long before I would feel chilly but I couldn’t face going back for the rest of my clothes. Curled up in a tight foetal position I started crying. There was no excuse for my behaviour, I had hurt and perplexed Richey. The clattering noises from the kitchen made me look up, with that Richey opened the door, turned the light on. Stood in the doorway in his boxers, he seemed utterly confused and distraught. “There’s a pan of milk on the hob. We are going to have some hot chocolate, and you, young lady, are going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you. In all the years I have known you, you have never reacted to me that way.” I continued to cower in the corner of the sofa. “You can’t hide from this Rina, so I suggest you get ready to be honest with me; a trouble shared and all that.” “Richey please,” I said meekly. “Go back to bed.” “I’m going…to check on that bloody milk before it boils over.” “Here drink this.” “I don’t want hot chocolate Rich. I want peace and quiet.” “Drink it, tell me what’s getting to you, then you can have your peace and quiet.” Reluctantly I took the large blue mug and took a sip of the hot velvety chocolate. I loved the way he made hot chocolate, it was one of his specialities. “Good?” I nodded but didn’t look at him, if I made eye contact with him now, I’d be an even bigger quivering mess than I already was. Slowly but steadily I continued drinking. Richey surprised me by remaining silent though I was aware of his eyes studying me intently, making me more on edge. No way was he going to let this go. “Goodnight.” Brusquely I gave him my now empty mug, then resumed my position in the corner of the sofa. “No you don’t!” What annoyed me the most was the way that he laughed as he spoke, making my hackles rise; thus causing him more amusement. “I do so love seeing you in a strop!” he teased wickedly. “Very cute! Your eyes are deliciously fiery.” “Deliciously?” I exclaimed. “That makes no sense what so ever.” “No but it made you talk. Now sit down properly or curl up to me but stop hiding.” Despite my huffing and puffing not to mention stubborn rigidity, he soon had me tucked against him. “Relax! You know me well enough Rina so what the fuck is wrong? I’m getting seriously worried now, you are acting so out of character.” “Stop worrying and go back to bed,” I urged him, trying to push away and put some distance between us; he was so strong. Rather than give up, settling against him for a nice cuddle, I continued to fight him, my frustration eventually got the better of me and I started sobbing. This time I clung to him, needing the comfort of his familiarity. “Come on honey,” he whispered tenderly, soothing my back. “You can’t keep whatever this is bottled up; it’ll drive you insane.” “Oh Richey.” Making much appreciated soothing comments, he continued to hold me against his body, kissing the top of my head to help calm me. Suitably calmed with my breathing under control, I gazed into his concerned eyes then gave a shaky smile. What the hell possessed me into my next course of action, I have no idea. Hesitantly I put my arms around his neck, then pressed my lips against his. My mind was in overdrive; I was kissing Richey (well after a fashion) and he hadn’t been repulsed. Unfortunately my addled brain did not allow me to recognise that he wasn’t actually participating. Our mouths remained closed; there was no passion. “I’m going to bed, I’ll get you some blankets.” As he hurried off I watched dejectedly, closing my eyes, silently cursing my ineptitude. What the fuck had I done now? When he returned with blankets, sheets and a pillow his face was soft, no animosity present at all. “Shift you arse off that sofa so I can help get you settled,” he laughed. Now I was really confused. It didn’t take him long to make up the sofa for me; it certainly looked inviting. “Come on Rina, in you get.” I got snuggled, then, as I started to pull the blankets over, he stopped me. “Do you really want to sleep here on your own or do you want to come back to bed with me?” His smile was genuine and warm; he sat on the sofa seeking an answer. “But Rich…” I stumbled. “Rina, you took me by surprise, nothing more. Now if you want to stay here that’s fine, but my bed is much more comfortable. What do you say?” “You’re willing to overlook my making a pass at you?” “The hell I am!” he laughed, stroking my face. “I’m hoping that you’ll do it again, only this time I will be ready for it and won’t run away from you.” “You didn’t find it repulsive?” “Anything but! I just hadn’t seen it coming, I never dared hope that you would want to be with me,” he said softly. “Shall we try again?” He slid his body under the covers and held me close, rubbing his nose against mine. I hissed when he kissed me, his tongue gently probing forward. Instantly I opened my mouth to him and we kissed properly, sighs escaping from both of us. When he withdrew from the kiss I whimpered, making him smile. It would be so much easier to make love to you in my bed; not so cramped.” “Make love?” “Unless you don’t want to. If it’s too soon I understand.” How could it be too soon? The end <<< Janey's stories |