janey_test-of-endurance

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TEST OF ENDURANCE by Janey

PART 1

Being Richey’s friend was tough but not half as tough as actually being Richey. Somewhere down the line the press was losing sight of Richey and merely became increasingly concerned about the latest incidents of Richey Manic. You had lost count of how many times you had helped Nicky clean him up, put him to bed and just generally make sure he was safe. Lost count of how many times he had passed out in an alcoholic haze and woke to find he’d lost yet another day. Never did you turn your back on him, even though he sorely tested your patience at times. On the few occasions when you couldn’t be with him because they were touring, Nicky would ring you regularly to keep you up to date with what was happening. If ever Nicky were late with the phone call, you would ring him. Richey had no real idea of what he put you through. Yes he knew you cared; yes he knew you loved him; yes he knew he worried you stupid at times – but he had no idea of the depth of those emotions or the pain that went alongside them.
Richey was becoming increasingly frustrated with what he considered to be ‘being ignored for being me’ by the press. They didn’t want him to be the quiet, intelligent, shy, mild mannered and polite young man that he truly is, they wanted him to ‘perform’, and Richey was more than just a little pissed off.
Time after time yourself and Nicky had tried to calm him down and reassure him not that everyone was like those ‘assholes’. Time after time, you both found yourself desperately hoping you could persuade Richey to not use any of the blades he was always able to get hold of. James and Sean did their bit too, especially when it was about alcohol abuse, but it was you and Nicky who seemed to have the most patience with him when he was wanting to carve himself up.

It’s the middle of November and the first frost of the winter has happened and as you wake from the chair you feel cold. Still disoriented you fumble around and realise that the blanket has fallen on to the floor. As you’re now awake you go over to Richey’s sleeping form to check that the dressings aren’t covered in any more blood; they’re not which is a small blessing. You check his pulse, his B/P and his temperature and they’re all within normal limits. You gently stroke away some of his black hair which is on his eye, causing his lid to blink and his lips emit a slight sigh. He looks so handsome and peaceful. If only he could be that way more often.
You had known Richey and the guys since you were almost ten. Richey had been the first one you’d struck up a friendship with but you’d soon got to know the others and discovered that you actually all got on. During Richey’s teen years you’d started to think that not all was as it should be with him. Many times he would be in floods of tears with you, then he would try to pretend nothing was wrong. Or he would grow strangely silent and go into his own world for a time; coming back completely unaware of how he had been; much more so than usual teenage behaviour.
His drawings and his writings reflected a torment that he was obviously experiencing and the first time he sheepishly showed you them, you had felt so privileged as things started to fall into place and make sense. He was far more articulate artistically than vocally and he knew that too. He had wanted to confide in you for a long time but hadn’t known how to and was also worried that you would think him a freak. That was the beginning. You had started to get as much information as you could so that when Richey gave you something containing his thoughts and feelings you could help him constructively, as well as his friend. Going into psychiatric nursing had become an obvious choice. A doctor you became good friends with had helped you to learn to suture and helped you with equipment so that you could help Richey when needed. No one else that you worked with were ever told of your friendship with Manic Street Preachers. They were totally separate lives for you.

You walk through to the bedroom deciding to let Nicky know that the bleeding has been stemmed, and also to get another blanket as it’s so cold. Once there you can’t help but smile at the sight that greets you – Wire has his legs sticking out of the end of the bed and his hair sticking up all over the place. He appears so content and settled. In all of the hotels the guys had stayed in, Nicky always had the same problem – he was too tall at 6feet 4inches, for the beds. Consequently he found it difficult to get a restful nights sleep. So, you decide to leave him to sleep, and walk back into the small lounge/ sitting room and conclude that spending the night with Richey would be all right; after all you had done it many other times in these circumstances.
Then there is a soft knock on the door. At 2.30am it was obvious that it would be James, Sean, Philip or Martin, and so you answer it and Sean walks straight in, closely followed by James.
“How is he?” whispers Sean, as he peers at Richeys’ sleeping form.
“The bleeding has stopped and his TPR are good”
“You given him ‘something’ from your friend to help him sleep?” spits James raising his brows.
“No!” you spit back. “I wanna help him James, not give him another inappropriate crutch!”
“Fine! I just need to be sure, Natalie.”
All you are capable of is glaring at him. During the past few months a distance had become evident between the pair of you, and you have no idea why. Over the years all you had ever wanted to do was be there for Richey and help him; and it had been working somewhat. Not just your help, but the guys as well. Richey now used several coping strategies and his need to cut and also drink copious amounts had been significantly reduced, which in a sense made his self-injurIous behaviour more worrying, just like tonight. All of you had tried talking with him but he had been unable, or unwilling to open up about what was bothering him. Nothing you could do or say would make Richey do something he did not want to do. Surely James knew that by now?
“Look you two!” reprimands Sean; “this is neither the time nor the place.”
“Guess not,” James moans grudgingly.
“Where’s Nicky?” asked Sean.
“Here,” comes a sleepy voice from behind you all. “You should’ve woken me earlier.”
“Figured you needed your sleep, Nick. Besides he’s fast asleep now and doing ok.”
“Good” and he moves over to take a look.
“Why don’t you go back to your room Nicky?” you say. “It’s all ok here. Really.”
“Well if you’re sure.”
“Sean! Don’t look at me like that,” you glare.
“Ok. Ok! If you’re sure we’ll go.”
“Will we indeed.” Glares James irately. “I’d rather stay here.”
“And,” you stress forcefully but politely, “I would rather you left!”
“Oh please, come on! At this rate you’ll wake Richey and he needs to rest!” storms Nicky.
“For once and for all James just fuck her and get it out of your system. The sexual tension here is unbearable,” he added and then grabbed hold of Sean and forced him out of the room, leaving the pair of you staring inanely at each other.

For what feels like an eternity the two of you just scrutinise one another, unsure of what to say or do next, but aware of the incredible electricity sparking between you. James is frowning heavily and his eyes are darting about, trying to gauge from your expression, how you feel. With the tension becoming too much, you speak hesitantly.
“James, I, I had no idea,” you utter softly.
“That’s why I’ve been such a pain in the ass,” he glimpses at his feet nervously. “Kinda took me by surprise and I didn’t know how the hell to deal with it.”
“Oh, James,” and you move further away from him and avoid gazing at him.
“I know we’ve been friends for a long while, but I think that helps, don’t you?”
“James, I can’t. I mean, well, I don’t see you in that way.”
“Natalie, what about all the times we’ve cuddled each other? The kissing? The showers we’ve taken together?” Hurt echoed through him.
“James the kissing and cuddling all came after we’d endured torrid nights with Richey, and the showers were for convenience; to save time. If I’d known….”
“So you’ve led me on?” his voice is full of fury and you are worried Richey will stir.
“I would never knowingly do that! I genuinely never knew you harboured anything other than platonic feelings for me,” you attempt to put an arm on his shoulder but James shakes you off.
“I suppose this also has something to do with that doctor friend of yours!” James spits as he lights up a cigarette and angrily stomps around the room.
“No! I am not seeing him, nor am I interested in him, but there is someone.”
“Can I ask who?”
“Think about it James. You know who it is,” and your green eyes dart across to Richey and you smile warmly and broadly.
“Richey?” asks James incredulously.
“Don’t shout! You’ll wake him.”
“Natalie I don’t understand. You know Richey can’t cope with those types of relationships; hell he doesn’t even fucking like sex.”
You know he is right. Richey did occasionally indulge in quick sex with groupies but always stated that he gained nothing from the experience. Often he had told you that he felt he was unable to love anyone, male or female, ‘that way.’
“I can’t help loving him, James. Yes I know it’s irrational; yes it’s meaningless; yes I am wasting part of my life; but I LOVE him. I mean I REALLY love him,” and you begin to cry as you allow a hand to caress Richey's hair lightly, revelling in the silkiness between your fingers.
James puts an arm compassionately around your shoulders and softly says, “ I don’t want you getting hurt, not ever, and Richey is gonna give you hurt in abundance.”
“He can’t help it James. He’s hurting himself and is still trying to deal with his demons.”
“Now you’re making excuses for him! I love Richey so much, you know I do,” he glances at you and you nod be cause he truly does, “but putting your life on hold? For what? I thought you had more common sense than that.”
“Common sense and love? I often thought that love flew in the face of common sense. I can’t stop myself from loving him James, not even if it would stop me from getting hurt.” You know by the expression on his face that James understands what you mean, and his features soften a little.
“One thing though Natalie,” he states as he walks to the door.
“What’s that?”
“I’m not going anywhere. However long it takes, I’ll wait for you.”

So, it’s you and a sleeping Richey again. As he’s still sleeping and the bed has now been vacated by Nicky, you walk through to the bedroom and take off your clothes and then get washed quickly. The bedlinen is slightly chilly to your skin and you wrap yourself tightly in it, trying to get warmed through. Thoughts spin through your mind and you wonder if you should have stayed with Richey on the couch.
“Natalie?” The word is spoken so softly you wonder if you’ve dreamt it.
“Richey?” Then you can hear the soft footsteps as he pads across to the bed.
“Will you cuddle me, please?”
“Sure thing. Come on, in you get Teddy,” and you pat the other side of the bed as an invitation.
You can hear as Richey makes his way round the bed. Then you can hear the zip of his trousers being undone: you can hear him pull his flimsy top over his head and it landing on the floor; then his trousers are being pushed down and he sits on the bed to take them off completely. Then he very swiftly pulls back the bedding and snuggles up with you, his head resting just above your left breast.
“Feel better?” you ask tenderly as you run your fingers through his silky, soft, sleek black hair.
“Much. Thank you.”
The two of you have spent so many nights like this. Richey has always loved his cuddles but especially so after ‘something’ has happened. He needs comfort; needs to feel safe again. There is nothing sexual about it; not even for you feeling the way that you do about Richey. It is purely about comforting a friend; a friend who is in torment and pain.
“Thank you, Natalie.”
Richey snuggles down a little more so that his face is on your breast and you can feel the warmth of his breath on your nipple. He moves a hand down over your stomach and begins to move it around slowly over your skin. He is hardly touching you but your body is responding and a sticky wetness is forming and your breathing is no longer smooth and controlled. You’re trying hard to contain the sigh that is forming, and bite your lip, but, it still escapes. You remain still hoping that it was too quiet for Richey to have heard. Silently you tell yourself that Richey is just being a little more affectionate than usual, even though he has never been like this with you before.
All of your nerve endings are tingling and then you hear the loud gasp of surprise as simultaneously you feel fingers playing with your pubic hair and his tongue flicking over your nipple, which is now hard, big and incredibly receptive.
“Oh, Richey,” you moan as he continues.
“Enjoy it Natalie. I know I am.”
He looks at you with his big doe eyes and you know he is telling the truth. You smile at him. This is something you’ve wished for a thousand times and now it was happening. Richey is making love with you and you feel warmth and a sense of serenity through your whole being. He hasn’t touched you intimately yet, but you feel as though he’s stoking a fire.
Then his mouth is touching your own. He is being so tender and gentle and lets his tongue glide over your lips but isn’t forcing his way into your mouth. As you part your lips, he eagerly accepts the invitation and your tongues touch each other, slowly and tentatively initially, but now he starts to kiss you more deeply. He is probing your mouth more forcefully and passionately and your hands are pulling his head even further into you. His kisses are driving you crazy and you are yearning for more, and Richey obviously knows this.
“Slowly, slowly,” he tells you. “We’ve both waited a long time for this.”
He is taking your left hand up to his mouth and as you watch he starts to flick his tongue over your palm and give you little, barely there kisses.
“Close your eyes and put your other arm behind your head and DO NOT move it.”
You do as he says, and then cry out as he snakes his tongue across the skin of your arm. Occasionally he nips your flesh between his teeth, but rather than being painful, you keep finding that you’re urging him to be more forceful. The constantly changing sensations are making you move your body around and moan and cry out in a way you know you never have prior to now.
Now he is paying the same attention to your shoulder; then along your collarbone; to your throat: to each of your ears.
“Give me your other arm now,” his voice is thick with lust, yearning and passion. Again he is making you respond in ways you didn’t know you could.
You keep your eyes closed, partly because he asked but also you worry that seeing him will send you racing over the edge and you feel perilously close as it is.
“Just concentrate on how your body is responding. Enjoy each and every minute because this is me finding out what you love. I am gonna make sure that when you cum, you’re rocked to the core.”
“Richey I want to feel you. I am going nuts here!”
“Sssshhh. Relax. The more you do, the better it will be.”
So, with your eyes closed and your body jumping each time you feel him on your skin, you are telling yourself to enjoy each and every touch as it happens, whilst also urging yourself not to feel the desire to get to where you really want to be too quickly. Though even as you’re thinking it, you know it’s not true. It’s just that he is making you feel so deliciously hot that it’s burning. You never knew Richey could inflict such a sweet, sensual pain. You don’t want it to end too quickly but the emotions and sensations are so intense that you feel as though you’re trapped in a glorious agony. You can’t bare the thought of it ending yet feel sure he will soon drive you insane if it doesn’t.
He works his tongue up your inner left thigh. He has teased every inch of your body now, except your most intimate place. He reaches the very top of your thigh and instinctively you move your legs apart as his warm breath caresses your moist lips.
“Open your eyes, Nat. I don’t think you should miss this.”
You’re looking at him, his face burning with desire; his eyes glazed with passion. You cry out as his hands part your legs a little more and he smiles at you thick with lust. You play with his hair, loving the way it curls around your fingers. The wetness from the sweat makes you sigh even more and you start to move his head down to your pussy. You raise your hips up as his wet tongue begins to lick around you.
Around you and up and down your outer lips but no more. You glare harshly, begging him to touch you, instead he smiles at you with his eyes, and a happy looking Richey is worth his weight in gold. You can feel your clit throbbing and pulsing as though it has a life of its own and you’re acutely aware that when Richey does give it some attention, it will not be long before you hit your orgasm. You’re so close to it as waves run through you, the ripples becoming stronger and more intense as Richey continues. The sparks shaking your body are more profound than any you’ve experienced through an orgasm, and you think back to what Richey had said about wanting to rock you to your core.
“Ahhhhhhhhhh!”
His mouth is sucking on your clit, and his hands are trying to keep you still on the bed, as your body shudders with pleasure that you can’t even begin to describe. You grab at the sheets and cling to them tightly, desperately hoping that your shouting of Richeys’ name really is not as loud as you think it is.
Richey sucks on you with more pressure and grazes your clit a little with his tongue and teeth, then your orgasm hits, racing through your body and making you cry out for more. Instead of a calming warmth spreading as your orgasm dissipates the depth and force continues to increase and the whole surface of your skin feels electrified.
“Uh,” you cry as another shock strikes your body.
It’s as though your whole body is being lifted and then crashed down onto the bed. You’ve pulled so hard at the sheets that they are completely lose and hanging on the floor. All the time Richey keeps sucking and licking you and you feel like your hurtling out of control. Then you feel it; like a tidal wave sweeping over you. You hold your breath and prepare for the onslaught – this is the big one.
The room is filled with sighs, groans and yells. Richey clings on tightly to you and your hands tug at Richeys’ hair as though your life depends on it. Both of you are covered in sweat and it’s making it hard for your hands to get purchase. You gasp and pant as though you have just managed a marathon, and in your own way, you know you have. Richey tries to hold your hips down as you writhe uncontrollably, your body still having spasms from the strong after shocks you can feel running over you.

Slowly Richey is kissing his way back up your stomach, then your chest and now he nuzzles at your neck. Each touch makes you sigh and a causes a small wave of pleasure to ripple through you. As he settles his head on your shoulder your breathing is still far from normal.
“Feel good, Nat?”
“Umm.” It’s still hard for you to speak. You can’t quite believe that Richey has made you feel like this.
“I’m glad.” His arms wrap around you again send a surge of pleasure through you but you also become aware of the size of his erection pressing against you, and he continues to suck on your ear lobes.
“Fuck, Rich,” and you roll into him and enjoy the sensation and warmth of his thin, yet very muscular body next to you. “That was beautiful. Did you enjoy it too?”
Richey laughs warmly, “Natalie, I loved it. More than I thought I might.”
“You’re not too sore?” and your fingers swept across the dressings on his chest, which were now coming away because of all the perspiring and Richey shakes his head.
So, you take the dressings off, being as careful as possible not to hurt him. As his flesh appears you lovingly kiss it and run your fingers over the cuts and gauges, wishing you can take his pain away. His chest feels warm and its rising and falling beneath your lips is erotic for something so simple. As you close your eyes you breathe him in; the scent that is so very much Richey; so familiar in many ways and yet now so new and undiscovered. Without words you are both smiling at each other, and Richeys strong, nimble fingers are playfully tugging at your almost black, shoulder length hair and your mouth is nearer and nearer to his. You bend your head forward and begin to kiss his Adam’s apple, loving the sensation of his pulse throbbing under your lips.
“Oh Nat,” Richey murmurs into your ear, “why has this taken us so long?”
You answer him with a passionate kiss on his lips, which he is responding to enthusiastically, urging you on and scraping his fingernails over your back, which is making you moan with pleasure. Then his hands grip around your hips and he pulls you across so that you are straddling him. His erection is now beneath your own sex and the way that it pulses against you, increases your wetness and desire to give fulfilment to Richey and you tantalising stroke back and forth over his length, marvelling at the expression on Richeys face.
“No you don’t you minx!” his mouth envelops yours and then his strong arms turn you over so that you’re beneath him and you touch the hard cock that is against your sex, wanting to guide him into you.
“Richey, please!” you cry out through near closed lips. “I want you inside. Please let me feel you.”
“Nat, this is about you. Guide me so I can give you what you want. Let me know how hard or fast you want it,” and slowly he is inching his way inside you as his fingers splay across your buttocks and hold you up.
“Richey I won’t break. You don’t need to be so careful.”
As his penis completely fills you, your hands cling to his back and you hitch your legs up so that they are against his shoulders. You can feel every inch of him and the sensation makes you cry out loud, and mutter his name over and over.
Richey throws his head back and he murmurs your name softly from his lips. Lips which are so very swollen from kissing and look enticing. Gradually he starts to move and thrust inside you, and you lift your buttocks even more, not wanting to miss even the smallest sensation of him. Richey's mouth is sucking at your nipples, his teeth occasionally nibbling on the nub, making you arch your back in the thrill of delight. Richey continued to surprise you. A Part of you had felt convinced that Richey would cry off and go to sleep once he had absorbed properly what his intimacy could imply. Yet he hadn’t. Richey who didn’t like sex, who didn’t believe he could love, was loving you and making love with you; further more, he seemed to be more than a little enjoying the experience.
You bite into Richeys shoulder as his delicious tormenting of your nipples with his tongue drives you to frenzy and he moans. You have left a mark behind but Richey merely smiles devilishly at you as he whispers, “I was hoping you would do that. Seems I’m not the only one who’s being too careful, huh?”
Then he thrusts hard and deep into you and your fingers nails dig into his back as again you nip on the flesh of his shoulder with your teeth, needing the release as he builds up the passion and fervour that was building with each thrust.
Richey is muttering your name, you’re muttering his, and you cling tighter and tighter together. Your words are becoming less coherent and more like primitive groans as you both race towards your orgasms. Richey throws his head back and his body stiffens and you know it won’t be long,
“NATALIE!” Richey shouts loudly as he gives one final thrust and then you can feel him release into you and the feel of him inside you brings on your own, and you hold him tightly as you cry his name into his shoulder.
You’re grasping him with everything thing you have as yet another orgasms leaves you breathless and stunned. Never before have you felt so fulfilled and whole. Sensuously your fingers are moving delicately over his back and shoulders as he lies on top of you, willing his breathing to return to normal. His skin is so soft and he smells so good that you suspect that you could stay like that all night and still marvel at the way he is making you respond.
“Sorry,” he mutters softly, “I was a bit quick.”
“No you weren’t. You were perfect.” You plant a kiss on the top of his head.
Suddenly you jump a little as Richey scratches his fingers along your stomach and a heavily lust laden sigh escapes from your lips, which makes Richey look up at you and smile, before he takes your mouth with his own and hooks his legs around yours.
“Thank you James,” he says quietly into your ear.
“James?”
“Umm. I heard what he said to you, and more to the point what you said back and well, that got me thinking.”
“It did?”
“Yes, it did,” he giggled lovingly. “It made me think about how I feel about you. I mean really feel about you, and I soon acknowledged that the way I feel when I’m around you is special, and that when we’re not together I miss you like mad.”
“But that could have been because we’re good friends, Richey.”
“True, but somehow, don’t ask me how, somehow I knew it wasn’t. The fact that I actually wanted to make love with you had a little to do with it too!” he kissed your forehead fleetingly.
“Rich, am I gonna wake up and this is a dream?”
“No you’re not! This is real. We are real. I’ve wondered about it before when I’ve woken up alongside you and watched you sleep and then developed a hard on! I just tried to put it down to being one of ‘those’ things. You know like an early morning stiffy?”
“How romantic,” you laughed as he hugged you to him.
“So, are you happy with the guys knowing? I want to tell the world – I LOVE NATALIE!”
“Are you sure it’s what you want? You know that they’re going to be giving you lots of advice about taking it slowly, and asking if you know what you’re doing. Plus of course, there’s the matter of a certain Mr Bradfield, to contend with.”
“I can cope with Bradders don’t worry, but how about you? They are all going to give you a hard time about me.”
“As long as you’re positive this is what you want, I can cope with anything they throw at me.”
“I’m sure, Nat. I’ve never been more certain of anything.”
“Then we are officially ‘a couple’ then!”
“Yes, we definitely are!” Richey then suddenly got up off the bed and beckoned you to join him.
“What Rich?”
“We can’t sleep on a bed that has all the bedding on the floor, so we have two choices,” he was smiling that wonderful smile. The one you never got tired of seeing. “Either we make the bed or….”
“Or?” you smirked dangerously.
“Or we make a bed down on the floor. I think we should as at least that way the sheets can’t fall any further when we get a bit athletic, right?”
“I quite agree,” and you got down on the floor beside him and began to caress his abdomen whilst you kissed his chest. “I like it down here!”

Part 2

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