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| PAIN AND FRIENDSHIP by Janey PART 3 Andrea tossed and turned for several hours before finally succumbing to the exhaustion that overwhelmed her. James spent much of the night just watching her as he held her close to him, enthralled by the way she felt and the smoothness of her skin. Daylight was beginning to break through when he allowed his own tiredness to take him over and he drifted off to a welcome slumber with Andrea still wrapped protectively in his arms. It was late when James woke up and at first he was disoriented, then he remembered, he wasn’t in the usual guest room. He turned into the centre of the bed and outstretched his arms but the bed was empty. ‘How sweet of her to let me sleep in,’ he thought to himself as he stretched a little more. Sleepily he went to the guest room, collected his toiletries and then went and had a shower and a shave. Andrea could hear James moving about and knew she had to decide whether to face him or go out for a paper or something. Deep down inside she knew perfectly well that she had to stay and face the music because if she didn’t do it now, she was only delaying the inevitable. She was filled with dread, as she really didn’t know how to handle this. A couple of hours previously Andrea had woken to find that she was now cuddling James. Then began the swings in her emotions. One minute she was gazing at him fondly, thanking her lucky stars that things had turned out as they had; the next she was petrified of the consequences. What if either one of them realised when they saw the other, that they’d just made a huge mistake? So she comforted herself with the knowledge that all they had done was to have a bit of a kiss before she went to sleep in his arms. As James entered the kitchen Andrea couldn’t help but smile: he looked stunning. His hair was still a little wet and he had nicked himself shaving, but he looked wonderful and the aroma from his toiletries was nice and fresh. “After all these years of shaving you should be able to do it without drawing blood James,” she smiled nervously. “My mind was elsewhere,” he answered as he sat at the table beside her. “I was trying to work out if you would still be here when I came down.” “I was doing the very same thing,” she raised her eyes whilst her head was still tilted downwards, so that James could hardly make out her expression. “I almost did a runner.” “What stopped you?” James asked as Andrea filled the kettle again and got another cup ready for him. “Because we had to face each other eventually. I was just afraid that we’d both regret your staying with me.” “Why should that happen?” “I thought you know, because of kinda like how it, you know, happened that we may have some regrets that’s all, type of thing really.” James burst out laughing; “that’s cute!” Andrea stared at him, not sure of what was so funny, “what is?” “That was just you know, kinda like something I used to say all the time,” he grinned as Andrea smiled with him. “Perhaps it’s a ‘Bradfield’ thing huh?” “Maybe.” Her voice had an unfriendly edge to it. “Ok, come on. Why don’t you want to go back to the name you were born with?” Andrea gazed at her hands as she twisted them together trying to avoid answering him. “Come on Andrea, there’s something you haven’t told me.” “My uncle abused me. End of, ok? I don’t want to discuss it.” She tried to get up to make James a drink but he caught her arm to prevent her. “You run away from anything bad, don’t you? You have to confront these things love or you’re always going to be hurting.” “James I lived through it once, I will NOT relive it again.” “I’m not going to argue with you now. Not now we’re actually making some progress, but I’m here when you’re ready ok?” He smiled as Andrea nodded in response. “See, we can be serious without falling out.” “Only because I don’t want to spoil the morning.” “Well I just may,” James shrugged. “I’m curious to know what your married name was, or is that too much too soon?” “Stanley. Very boring. Oh and Andrea is actually my middle name, my first name was Christine.” “I prefer Andrea,” he smiled and his fingers stroked the back of Andrea’s hands that she’d placed on the table in front of her. “Please James, don’t.” Abruptly Andrea pulled both of her hands away from him and stood beside the sink. “Now what? All I did was touch you.” James was completely and utterly incensed. He was nonplussed as to what he was supposed to have done. “I want you to go. I’ll call you a taxi, I don’t think I can take you back.” Not once did she catch his eyes as she almost ran from the kitchen, leaving James rubbing his hands through his hair and cursing to himself. He replayed the events of the last few minutes over in his mind, and could find nothing that would have made her react in such a way. The first awkward meeting of the morning had gone ok and they were talking. They had even smiled together, and both had seemed reasonably relaxed and at ease. Then he’d touched her; nothing sexual, just a friendly caress on the back of her hands. What could be wrong with that? “Your taxi will be here in twenty minutes James,” shouted Andrea, then he heard her running up the stairs and shutting a door behind her. “Bloody great!” screeched James in exasperation. “Running away again.” He went upstairs and stood outside her bedroom; silence. So, she was going to hide in her room until he’d gone. James shook his head and tapped on the door, even though what he really wanted to do was shout, yell and bang on the door until he broke it down. “Andrea honey, come one. Please tell me what’s wrong huh? Andrea please. I don’t want to leave with this kind of atmosphere.” The note of desperation in his voice was obvious. James was hurting, and hurting like hell. “Come on love. Just talk with me. How hard is that?” “James I’ve asked you to go so please go.” “What have I said or done Andrea? I can’t believe this is because I touched your hand.” “I’m not discussing it.” James was almost at his wits end whilst Andrea sounded calm and composed and that annoyed him too. “How can you be so bloody cool, calm and collected when you’ve just managed to undo all the progress we’ve made?” He demanded. “I know what I’m doing,” was the very simple response. “I’ll see you at the studio tomorrow James.” So that was it. James paced the corridor for a while but then collected his things, packed them and then waited outside for his taxi. Andrea watched him as he ran his fingers through his hair and cursed to himself on the street outside as he waited for his cab. Her tears poured down her face, as she knew she had probably just thrown away what was possibly a real chance of happiness. Yet in her own mind she was convinced it was the only thing she could do. If she allowed James into her life more so than he was, she would no doubt destroy him too. The following day the tension at the studio was unbearable. James and Andrea practically ignored each other, and when they couldn’t avoid contact they were so stiff and polite it was untrue. Gone was the repartee and playful flirting and goading. They seemed so ill at ease and tense that Sean, Nicky and Martin felt as though they were treading on eggshells. James was in the isolation booth when he became aware of something occurring from the corner of his eye. He was straining to lip read what was being discussed by Martin and Andrea. It was obviously a tense discussion as they were both wringing their hands and pacing. Both were also apparently finding it hard to maintain eye contact. “James!” shouted Nicky. “Will you please concentrate? Take it from the top of the second verse ok?” The backing music started up again in his earphones but James was still watching Andrea and Martin. Andrea had just embraced Martin and was now moving away from him. ‘Perhaps he’s asked her what’s wrong and talked some sense into her,’ James contemplated. Nicky again berated him for messing up, but thinking things may be better with Andrea he was in a much calmer frame of mind, and at the restart of the track, gave it 100%. It was over 30 minutes later when James finally emerged. The expression on Martin’s face filled him with dread. “Right guys, I’ve got some news for you and it’s not good, I’m afraid.” “Something to do with Andrea by any chance?” James asked sarcastically. “Actually yes. She’s left us. Given me her resignation with immediate effect.” “Why?” Shouted James, absolutely stunned by this turn of events. “She just said that she felt her position had become untenable.” James grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair and made to leave. “I’ll go bring her back.” “You can’t James. When I say she’s left I mean exactly that,” said Martin with regret. “She told me she’d packed a load of her stuff into the boot of the car and was going. She’s left a set of house keys at an estate agents and is selling up.” “So she must have left a contact address with the estate agents, can’t we get it from them?” James was close to exploding with rage and despair. “James she doesn’t want us to make contact with her. She’s doing business with the agency via email and mobile. She’s given them several passwords all in a certain order to make sure that it’s only her they deal with.” “What about her stuff, I mean her furniture and things?” “In storage apparently,” Martin replied. “According to her she arranged all of this yesterday.” “I tell you something,” pondered James. “ All the stunts I thought she may pull, I never dreamt it would be this one.” “James,” Nicky interjected, “what happened with you two? Only you’ve been as thick as thieves since your engagement broke up and then today you can’t even seem to stand to be in the same room together.” “I got too close.” “I don’t understand,” said Nicky, puzzled. “A couple of nights ago I went round to hers to watch the Marilyn Monroe film that was on and stay over. I rung Anna to let her know ‘cos she was on a night out, anyway,” James paused to catch his breath and to gauge the reaction of the other three men with him. “Anna called me and called our relationship off, saying that Andrea and I should get together because it was obvious that we both fancied each other.” Sean shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “umm well,” he stuttered. “It did seem that you two were the only ones who couldn’t or wouldn’t acknowledge it.” “Damn, the amount of times I wanted to knock your heads together to make you see sense,” added Nicky. “I always knew you needed someone feisty like her Bradfield. I said so didn’t I? More than once.” “Yes, thank you all very bloody much for the relationship advice!” snapped James. “But you are not helping here!” “Whoa, steady cousin,” barked Sean in defence. “This has been a shock for us as well you know so don’t think you’ve got the monopoly on feeling confused and frustrated because you bloody well haven’t!” James was stunned. Sean’s tirade really rocked him and then it dawned on him; they all loved her. Perhaps in different ways and for different things, but they loved her none the less. All stood with ashen faces; all silently trying to envisage where she was and what she was going to do. All of them feeling completely and utterly impotent. Over the course of the next few hours James told them as much as he deemed appropriate. He certainly didn’t want to go into too much detail in case Andrea came back. People she’d trusted in the past had let her down so many times and he didn’t want to be another one to betray her. Nicky had doggedly tried to force more information out of him but James had been adamant that he would not break her confidence. “I have one word to say to you,” stated Sean calmly and James quizzically stared at his cousin. “Which is…” “Richey.” Sean said it, and then left James to contemplate the simple thought. “You mean I may know something that can help us find her,” he answered it as a statement, not a question. “Can’t you see she doesn’t want to be found? That’s why she’s tied up the loose ends.” “So you’re going to give in? Just like that! I thought you had more grit and determination about you James,” taunted Sean. “I guess if you can let her walk away without any resistance that you don’t think as much about her as we thought.” “You don’t have the first fucking clue, you git!” yelled James as his face reddened in anger. “You have no idea how many tears I’ve cried for her! Or how many walls I’ve punched in sheer frustration!” “Then show it!” countered Sean as Nicky and Martin both observed nervously. If this was going to lead to Sean and James fighting again, they knew it was advisable not to get too close. “The way you’re carrying on it’s like she’s someone you’d seen in passing, rather than someone who’d had a profound effect on you!” “Stop telling me what to do and how to live my life,” James bellowed as he wafted a fist in front of Sean’s face. “She’s gone. It’s what she wants and as much as it hurts I can’t do a bloody thing to stop her! And you know, that’s the worst bit. Knowing that I CAN’T DO ANYTHING! I’m powerless and useless and that makes me feel just bleeding grand! The woman I love has walked out of my life and I’m gutted.” “So fight for her!” insisted Sean as he watched James rugged features contort with pain as his tears flowed openly now. In an attempt to compose himself James took a deep breath before carrying on once more; “What part of this can you not get your head around? She’s arranged everything and she’s gone. She’s running from this because it’s what she does.” “Thank the lord above!” declared Sean. “Now you’ve got it! She’s running because that’s her pattern. She’s strong and feisty on her terms, namely whilst she’s still got a wall around her. You are her weakness James. You are her weakness, because she loves you too.” James crumpled and then sobbed so hard that his body rocked and his speech was incoherent. He now knew what Sean had meant; that due to his long and deep friendship with Andrea chances were she would have disclosed something to him that would be pertinent in their hunt for her. He just had to try and think what that might be. “Try and think James. Did she ever mention any places that she wanted to live in or any relatives that she had,” encouraged Martin. “Andrea hasn’t had contact with her family for a long time. They don’t even know where she is. As for places she…” “James what is it?” asked Nick as James suddenly looked up and smiled. “Several months ago when we were talking, she’d said she’d always wanted to get married in Liverpool and to have her ashes scattered at The KOP end of Anfield. But when I asked her why she hadn’t moved there she made out like she was joking.” James began to grow a little more animated. “And she let me borrow her lap top. I’ve still got it.” “You think there’s anything on it that may help?” enquired Martin nervously. “There’s one thing. She has this software on it that stores all her passwords to various sites and documents. Sean, it’s the same one that you use.” “Great, I know how that works and there are things that people most often use as passwords so that they won’t forget them. This clever little programme stores them all. Unfortunately, it’s also not very safe as once you get one password unlocked it’s easy to get into the others because the programme assumes that as you know one, you’ll know them all,” Sean smiled victoriously. “I discovered this when Rhian, who is even worse with computers that James is, managed to access all my files one day. I now have a much better programme and run it as back up for the first one. That way if someone thinks they’ve got in, they still have another programme to get through.” “Double security,” sighed James suddenly appearing dejected. “Maybe she discovered the same fault.” “Only one way to find out,” beamed Sean. “Let’s go and check shall we?” Sean was able to crack the programme within half an hour. From then on, accessing her emails and personal documents was easy. “Wait a sec,” urged Sean with a happy ring to his voice. “There’s a message here from some estate agents.” “What does it say?” “Patience James!” Sean mocked. “Right, ‘further to our meeting we shall direct all our correspondence to…” James whooped in delight. “Sean I love you!” he said as he hugged him so tight that Sean thought he may pass out. “Now go get her, Bradfield!” “I will. I’m not coming back without her.” “You’d better not or I may disown you.” James filled his car up with petrol after throwing a few things together in case he needed to stay a few days and headed for Liverpool. Thankfully the traffic was light and the weather was good making the trip a reasonably pleasant one. The nearer to Liverpool he got, the more nervous he grew. What if she told him to get lost and slammed the door in his face? What if she called the police to have him removed? All he could do was bare his soul to her. Let her see how much he truly loves her and wants her. Let her see that he’s willing to give their relationship time and understanding so that they can nurture it and watch it grow stronger. Occasionally James glanced at the map that Sean had printed off the web to ensure that he was still going the right way. Then suddenly he turned one more corner and he was on the little cul-de-sac that they had found the address for, complete with it’s ‘for rent’ sign. At least Andrea hadn’t bought it. That meant she could come back, if he could persuade her too. That would depend on whether she loved and trusted him enough. For five minutes he sat and collected his thoughts whilst just staring at the house, trying to see if there was any movement inside. ‘You can’t sit here all day Bradfield,’ he moaned to himself. ‘Go and get your lady back.’ So he gingerly stepped out of the car and his hands were visibly shaking as he tried to lock the door. He closed his eyes and steadied himself and tried again. This time he managed it. As he started to make his way to the door he began to feel nauseous as the magnitude of what he was about to do hit home. This could be the best, or the worst, day of his life. All he could do was hope it would be the former. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. He made sure they were firm and could be easily heard. Nothing. ‘Damn it,’ he groaned. So he tried again. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. “Just hang on a sec. I won’t be long.” James’ heart seemed to catch in his throat. That was her - his Andrea. Thank heaven he was at the right place. Then he heard her coming downstairs and fiddling with the key in the lock. “James!” she gasped in surprise as she swiftly tried to slam the door shut. Unfortunately for Andrea, James had anticipated her action and had put his foot in the way and reached out an arm to also keep it open. “James I don’t want you here, now go.” “Andrea I don’t believe you.” He said with a calmness that he was unready for. “I love you and I’ve come to take you home.” Part 4 Janey's stories |