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| KATIE'S SORROW by Janey <<< Part 8 PART 9 The following morning James had kissed Katie goodbye, and told her to stay in bed for a while when he left for a series of radio interviews, and it had been the sound of his cleaner, Mavis doing the vacuuming, that finally woke her from her slumber at 11 am. Katie was astounded at the time, but had to confess she really did feel refreshed and was raring to go. “Sorry Katie,” said Mavis with a smile as Katie said hello. “I would have been quieter if I’d known you were here, but James never mentioned it.” “Oh, it wasn’t decided until about an hour before we got back,” she smiled. “Fancy joining me for a cuppa?” “You sit yourself down and I’ll make it.” “You spoil me you know.” “Well, it’s no more than you deserve. I’ve been working for James for over ten years and I’ve never seen him so happy. He’s not the crotchety, bad tempered old sod he used to be!” Mavis collected all the things she needed to make the tea and filled the kettle, and then sat down at the breakfast bar with Katie. “His bark’s worse than his bite,” laughed Katie. She loved chatting with Mavis, who was very frank and down to earth. She was a woman who was not afraid to speak her mind and Katie knew that that would lead to altercations with James, but James adored her. “I know and I love him for it, but don’t you dare tell him that!” Mavis sniggered. “It’s good to keep him on his toes you know.” “I’ll try to remember that for future use.” “You’ll have no problems with him Katie. Like I said, I’ve never known him so happy. He has this strange serenity about him these days. Sorry, I’m speaking out of turn.” “No, no it’s fine. I want him to be happy but things are going be tough for us. We have a lot going on and I don’t want you to take any flak from that. But if you do, please know that it’s nothing personal, but it really is some horrible stuff that we’ll be having to deal with, and James is going to find it even harder than me I would guess.” “Anything that I can help with?” Mavis asked as she poured the hot water into the teapot and then left it to brew. “No, I’m afraid not. Well, not right now any way, but we may both bend your ears at some point in the future. They’re postponing the first month of the tour and tagging it on at the end, that’s an indication for you of how big this is.” “Oh, I had no idea. It must be serious then.” “Serious, difficult, tough and emotional, to say the least. He’ll need a lot of TLC,” said Katie in a flat voice. “He may be very withdrawn, huffy and monosyllabic, or he’ll just go around swearing and cursing a hell of a lot.” “Reminds me of when his dear mum Sue, died, god bless her. Well, you’ll remember how he was.” Katie’s eyes clouded over at the sad memory. He was devastated and almost unreachable, shunning even the efforts of his friends to help and support him. It had been heartbreaking to see him so broken and distraught. “I wondered for a while if we’d lose him you know,” Katie sighed. “He was hitting the drink so hard, it was like when Richey went away all over again.” “That was a dreadful time. Not even his girlfriend of the time could reach him and Sue and Monty were petrified that they’d get a phone call saying that he’d died of alcohol poisoning; they were at their wits end with it all,” said Mavis with sadness. “I can remember when you came round to see him. He opened up to you more than anyone, but then he shut you out too. You got too close to him and he felt too vulnerable, and also guilty.” “Guilty? Why would he be feeling guilty for allowing me to help him and listen to him?” “Oh my dear, couldn’t you see it?” asked Mavis as she shook her head. “You made him smile and see a future, nothing bad I know, but then he regretted forgetting about Richey and thought that he was betraying his friend by being so happy.” “He’s never said anything. Not even now.” “That’s one reason why he never tried to ask you out until recently. He told me that all those thoughts of Richey going came back to him, and he didn’t think he could give his all to a relationship with you if that was happening,” Mavis poured the tea as she spoke, and Katie listened, enthralled. “Of course that meant that he had bad relationship after bad relationship. He just couldn’t take the chance on you due to those memories.” Katie and Mavis had continued talking for some time longer, until Katie decided that she would call James up just to say hi. Suddenly she was really missing him, and she was worried that if he was having bad thoughts about Richey’s disappearance, he possibly didn’t want to tell her due to what she was experiencing. She sat out in the garden a newspaper and a magazine to read, spoke into the phone ‘James mobile’, and the telephone automatically called it for her. He was no doubt still in an interview as she got his voice mail; “Hey darling, just wanted to say hi and I’m missing you. Call me back when you can, it’s nothing urgent. I just wanted to say that I love you. Bye baby.” The sound of the telephone made Katie jump, she glanced at the display and saw James’ name shining brightly at her. “Hey, darling. How you doing?” “It’s ok. A little tedious, but nothing too bad. Did you enjoy staying in bed this morning?” “It would have been better if you’d been with me, but never mind. I didn’t get up until nearly lunchtime.” “That’s ok. You need to get plenty of rest. What are you going to do later?” “Well, I was going to go home and bring some of my discs here so that I could do some work, but I changed my mind and decided I’d have a relaxing day reading in the garden instead. Could you stop by on your way home and pick my stuff up for me? All of the discs are in a red case to the left of the computer, I think.” “Katie you’re off on sick leave, you shouldn’t be working at all.” “Just think of it as something that’s keeping me out of mischief, James,” she said with a giggle. Then she heard lots of muttering in the background. “Sorry sweetheart,” moaned James with obvious sadness, “but we’ve got to leave for the next interview, kinda thing, you know. I’ll see you later, Katie. Big kisses and I love you.” “Love you too, babe.” Mavis had very kindly prepared a fish pie and left it in the fridge for when James got home, as well as a large bowl of salad and a very wicked chocolate and whisky mousse. “You shouldn’t have,” said Katie as she hugged Mavis warmly. “But thank you so much, I really appreciate it.” “Call me an old softy,” laughed Mavis, “but I thought it would give you some extra time together. Thirty minutes at gas 5, and the pie will be done. Oh and as a little extra tip, he likes some mozzarella grated on the top and grilled, just before it’s served.” “I’m going to have to pick your brains about this one day Mavis,” giggled Katie, “that way I’ll be able to surprise him by doing some proper cooking.” “James loves your cooking, he’s told me so. He’s looking forward to the lamb you’re doing on Sunday. That’s his all time favourite you know. Guaranteed to put him in a good mood, and he likes it just on the turn from medium to well done.” “On the turn?” asked Katie, confused. “How do I do that?” “Cook it to medium and then give it another ten minutes, that way when it’s resting all the pink has gone but it’s still nice and tender. He doesn’t like any pink in his meat but he doesn’t like it well done either. One awkward little imp is our Jamesy.” “What have I let myself in for?” Katie laughed madly. “Any problems and you can ring me. Me and George will be in on our own so it’s not a problem.” “Why don’t you both come and join us? I’m sure that James won’t mind.” “That’s sweet of you, but perhaps after you’ve got this ‘thing’ out of the way. Right now you and James don’t need any intruders.” “Mavis you’re not an intruder!” “Oh, you know what I mean, dear. When things settle down and you don’t have other things on your minds, then we’d love to come around.” “Well, I’m going to hold you to that,” Katie winked at Mavis warmly and hugged her once more. “I’ll see you next week then. Have a good weekend.” “You too, Katie.” Mid afternoon and James’ telephone rang. It was Rhian asking if she could pop round for a quick visit with Mathilda, they’d just been swimming and Mathilda wanted to see Katie. Katie had been delighted, and said yes straight away. As Katie opened the door to them, Mathilda flung her arms around her and gave a huge hug, making Rhian smile broadly. “Sean told us you were here,” said Rhian as they all walked through to the kitchen. “Hope you don’t mind us calling round.” “Course not,” said Katie. “I’ll get us some cold drinks and we can go into the garden.” “Can I stay Auntie Katie?” asked Mathilda. “I be good.” “Sweetheart you’re always good,” she laughed as she picked the youngster up in her arms. “But not tonight ok? Another time you can come and stay.” “Aww.” “If you come another time, Uncle James won’t be so busy and we can all play.” Mathilda thought about it for a while. “Ok then.” Mathilda played happily in the garden whilst Katie and Rhian talked about the trip to Germany and then the visit to Norway for the video shoot. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to Sean being away,” reflected Rhian. “You would have thought I’d be ok about it after all these years wouldn’t you?” “Why? I mean when you love someone it’s always hard to be separated isn’t it? Even more so now that Mathilda is more aware of things.” “Yeah, she really misses Sean, but I’m lucky, she’s a good kid and doesn’t play up.” “You guys are so fortunate you know, both Clara and Mathilda are adorable and so well behaved. They’re a credit to you.” “Oh Katie,” Rhian sad sadly, “I feel so bad that you and James can’t have children of your own, it’s so unjust.” “I feel so bad for James. He’d be such a great dad,” Katie sighed heavily. “I even told him once he should find someone who could have children because it wasn’t right that he had to sacrifice all that by being with me.” “Oh, you didn’t?” said Rhian, shocked. “What did James say to that?” “He said it was his choice, and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I can’t help thinking that he’ll regret it one day though, Rhian. He’s giving up a lot by being with me.” “You have got to stop thinking like that Katie. He’s giving up nothing, but gaining happiness, love and security. I know things are tough for you both right now, but you will come through this, I know that you will. You belong together. I can’t remember the last time I saw a couple who loved each other the way you two do, the real shame is that it took so bloody long for it to happen.” “It’s not just that we can’t have children, we haven’t had sex either. He keeps saying he’s happy with the kissing and cuddling and always will be, but for heavens sake, he’s only 35. How can he live a life of celibacy when we all know that he has a high sex drive and has always loved that side of a relationship.” “Because he’s in love, and he’s very understanding. You have got to stop beating yourself up about this. He knows that you need time after all that you’ve been through, so give him some credit. He’s in this for the long haul, and is trying to be as sympathetic as he can be. It would be far worse if he was in a strop because you are not ready for an intimate relationship yet, and was putting you under pressure to make love with him.” “You’re right, I know you are,” conceded Katie. “I know I’m being hard on you, and I’m sorry, but take each day as it comes and stop putting yourself under pressure. Enjoy being with him and trust him a little more. He knows what he feels Katie, and if he says he’s happy with things then that’s what he means. I know you’re sleeping together and that’s intimate in itself; as are the kisses and the cuddles, the rest will follow, if you give yourself chance.” “He’s so patient. I’m so lucky Rhian.” “You both are. It may have taken you both more that ten years, but you’re together now. That’s what matters.” James had called and told her it would be another hour or so before he would be home and Katie felt slightly deflated – she was looking forward to being with him again. Then she had a thought, and decided to ring her friend Derren Brown up to see if he could offer any practical help. Derren was well known on TV for a programme called ‘mind control’. It relied heavily on suggestion and he also used hypnotic techniques some times. Derren was actually a trained hypnotist and Katie wondered why she hadn’t thought of asking for his help previously. The worst thing he could do was say that he was out of his depth. Derren had been very supportive and had agreed to see both James and Katie together on Saturday. To help tide her over though, he was able to give her a few simple techniques that she could practise that would hopefully help ease the ‘flashbacks’ that she suffered from being intimate with James. He also emailed her the tips in case she needed any clarity. James walked in whilst Katie was watching the news, and he seemed tired and drawn as he flopped down next to her. “I’m glad to be home,” he moaned, cuddling her lovingly and planting a tiny kiss on her forehead. “I missed you.” “I missed you too,” replied Katie. “You look tired.” “I am. Tired, sweaty, and hungry.” “Go and have a shower, and I’ll put the fish pie that Mavis made in the oven.” “Damn I love that woman,” James smiled. “She looks after me so well.” “I know. I’ll have to watch her I think,” beamed Katie. “Ah, now you’re perfectly safe on that score,” whimpered James as he nuzzled on her neck. “She’d never leave George, I asked her once and she turned me down.” “You must have been heartbroken James.” “Cried for a week but she wouldn’t change her mind.” “How cruel.” “Can’t complain though ‘cos it’s all worked out for the best hasn’t it?” “How do you work that out then?” “Well, if Mavis and I had become a couple, I wouldn’t have been able to be with you, would I now?” “Her loss is my gain,” murmured Katie, kissing James deeply, drawing his body into hers. James coaxed Katie into sharing the shower with him, and then they ate the meal that Mavis had prepared for them, with Katie telling him about Rhian calling round with Mathilda. “James,” said Katie hesitantly as they sat in the garden, enjoying the early evening. “I know that tone of voice. What is it?” “You said that Nicky had encouraged you to come and tell me how you felt, that day at the office.” “And he did. I’d been talking about you for weeks, he said it was time I told you and stopped yapping on at him.” “And you said that your mum had told you to do something but you didn’t.” “Because we were always having run ins with each other and I figured that as much as I liked your bravado, we’d probably end up with one of us being killed. Katie what is it? We’ve spoken about this before.” “How long have you liked me?” She lowered her gaze, nervous at his reaction. “Since the first time I saw you, but I was seeing someone. The first time I really appreciated you though, and knew how much you meant to me was when Richey… well, you know.” “You never said anything.” “I couldn’t,” he mumbled softly. “You made me feel so good that I found myself forgetting about Richey for a while, and you made me smile and feel happy. I had no right to be happy when my friend was… well, whatever.” “Richey wouldn’t have wanted you to stop living.” James nursed his beer agitatedly. “I just couldn’t get passed him. Every time that we were close, I’d see Richey and I couldn’t handle it, Katie. It made me feel so bloody guilty, plus I was seeing someone. She fell by the wayside though, because I continuously thought of you when we were together. That’s why I shut you out. I then discovered that he didn’t invade my thoughts with other women, because they never meant as much to me. Only ever when I was with you.” “But you got engaged twice James. They must have meant something to you.” He leaned forward in his chair, sighed and groaned, then stared straight into her eyes. “Compared to you… nothing. I shut you out, and tried to ignore the effect that you had on me, but I couldn’t. You got under my skin and stayed there and nothing I could do, no woman I saw, could take you away from me.” He sighed wistfully, and ran his fingers through his hair anxiously. “I’ve been so stubborn and wasted so much fucking time. We could have been together for a long time already, instead I had meaningless relationship after fucking meaningless relationship, whilst I watched you dating dick head after dick head, who only wanted to screw you.” “And now? Do you still see Richey?” “Only in a good way. He smiles at me and talks to me in my dreams, telling me ‘bloody hell Bradders, it’s about time’.” Katie tittered. “Seriously?” “Yeah really,” James grinned in response. “I think because I’ve finally accepted how I feel instead of running away from it all the time.” “I understand things a little better now,” whispered Katie as she moved and sat on his lap. “That’s why you’ve been so understanding about my flashbacks and stuff. You know what I’m going through in a way. I mean, I know it’s not the same, but still.” “We’ve missed out on so much, haven’t we? Just think of what might have happened if we’d got together all those years ago.” “Maybe it wasn’t to be James. You were twenty-two when I first started working with Martin and Philip at Hall or Nothing, I was twenty-six and it was the biggest job of my life. You’d just ended one of your several engagements, and then embarked upon what I can only call a ‘shag-fest’. No groupie was safe!” she laughed. “Boy, I was such a rake,” he stammered, holding his head in his hands and shaking his head in disgust. “Even Richey told me off, can you believe that? Richey of all people – the man who shagged more groupies than we had all had hot dinners – took offence at my nocturnal activities. But he was right, because I wasn’t doing it out of enjoyment or fun, I was doing it out of spite and frustration. I wanted you but you were so focussed on your career and seemed completely oblivious to my being there.” “Oh James, Martin and Philip had taken a huge risk by employing me. He and Philip had seen me working at my old job liked my way with people and could see that I wasn’t happy, so they asked me to join them. I worked like a dog to repay their trust in me.” Katie placed a small kiss on James’ forehead as she nuzzled up to him. “You needed to grow up and I needed to chill out.” “Guess so. It’s just irksome that all of those years and all of those useless relationships have gone by before we made it. That’s a lot of waste and not just for us, it’s been a waste of time for those we were involved with.” “We got there in the end though. It’s going to be hard work, but I’m not going to give in without a fight. I’m determined that we’ll stay the course after what we’ve endured to get here.” “I’m not going to argue with that,” he winked at her cheekily. “Good ‘cos I’ve been thinking.” “Oh boy, now that spells trouble.” “Behave, for once in your life,” Katie admonished with a wicked grin on her face. “Or I’ll shut up and you’ll be left wondering what I was going to say.” “I’ll get it out of you one way or another,” James smirked as he caressed Katie’s breasts under her vest top and lightly bit down on her neck. “You know that you can’t resist me for long.” “Unfortunately, you’re so right. I have to develop my self control, I don’t seem to have any when I’m around you.” “Ditto,” James answered quietly. “So, what is it you want to tell me?” “Well I was thinking about going to Germany with you. What do you think?” James seemed very disappointed, sighed deeply and then said, “oh, yeah. That would be good.” “But…” “No buts. I’d love you to come, you know that.” “Then why the long face? Anyone would think I’d just kicked you in the bollocks the way you’re glaring at me.” “It’s just when you said that you’d been thinking, I kinda like, well you know, I just…” “You thought I was going to say ‘let’s move in together’ didn’t you?” she asked directly into his ear, lovingly stroking his face as she did so. He looked at her with his sad puppy dog eyes, “yeah.” “Well, I’ve thought of that too.” James’ eyes lit up in anticipation. “How about a compromise?” “Like what?” “Oh relax!” she giggled. “When we get back from Germany, I’ll get an estate agent to come and value my home, and I’ll move in to yours. If that’s ok with you, of course.” “You mean that? You’re really sure and serious about this?” James’ eyes sparkled and he moved excitedly in his chair, hugging her so tightly that she thought she may stop breathing. “I just realised that we love each other so much, so why not take a leap of faith and do it? I trust you and trust what you tell me about accepting our relationship as it is, and that you won’t put pressure on me. I’m the one putting pressure on myself to take this relationship further, quicker, and I need to take a step back and just let it develop at it’s own pace. Right now my instincts are saying that this is right. I’ve got to get rid of this hang up that I have about the physical side of it. Everything else is just perfect. I couldn’t ask for anything more.” “Fuck I love you!” he exclaimed. “I promise that you will never, ever regret this.” His mouth captured hers and he kissed her deeply and slowly, his hands playing with her breasts. “I know I won’t,” she whimpered, caressing his growing erection smoothly, and then unzipped his trousers and snaked her hand inside his boxers. “I love you so much.” “Talk to me James,” whimpered Katie seductively as she sat on the grass in front of him and took out his now erect penis, and stroked it tenderly. “You’re kidding, right? I mean, not here in the garden surely?” “It’s not as if anyone can see us.” “No, but it’s a bit… well, kinda bold, isn’t it?” “If you object I can always stop right now,” her eyes teasingly pleaded with him. “Should I stop James?” His smile said it all. Part 10 >>> Janey's stories |