janey_katies-sorrow-8

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KATIE'S SORROW by Janey <<< Part 7

PART 8

Katie eventually gave up trying to sleep at 4.25am with the quilt kicked over onto the floor, but still feeling uncomfortable, and not just because of the oppressive heat. Her bedroom windows were open as wide as they could be but the curtains weren’t moving. There was not even a hint of a breeze. She turned her gaze to James; he was lying on his stomach with his arms flopped over the pillow, and he appeared so peaceful. Katie ran a fingertip lightly down his spine and smiled as he sighed and stretched out even further. The simple act of watching him sleep made her glow inside; she could watch him for hours and never get bored, and she had never experienced that sensation with a man before. Not that there had been many men. James was only the fifth man she had ever slept with, and despite the fact that they hadn’t actually made love together, she was overwhelmed at the emotions he realised in her. Emotions that were slightly scary, but ultimately they were exhilarating and spell binding.

It didn’t take long for the computer to bring up the chapter of her book that she was presently working on. She sat in front of the computer in one of James’ t-shirts that still had his distinct aroma on it, drinking a cup of boiled water with limejuice, checking over what she had written so far. For the first time in quite a while she was ready to do some work on it and part of the credit for that had lain at James’ door. He had read the chapters that she had typed up and offered her some constructive criticism, whilst also lavishing praise on her.

He had been right in the areas he had pointed out as needing extra work or as being too convoluted and had drawn attention to several areas that she herself had already made notes about as well as some that she hadn’t. They had then read the work together and Katie could understand exactly what he meant and had agreed with him for the most part about how to change it, but there had been a couple of times when they had to agree to disagree. James wasn’t upset that she hadn’t inserted his suggestions as he had assured her that her changes would work just as well and that the most important thing was that she wrote it so that she was comfortable with it.

It was almost 7am when Katie heard James yawning, and a short while later, the sound of footsteps.
“Hey babe,” James yawned sleepily whilst descending the stairs. “What time did you get up?”
“A couple of hours ago. I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d come and do some work on my book before I go and face the music with everyone.”
James stood behind her, he was absolutely start naked, and draped his arms criss-cross style over her chest whilst bestowing brief kisses beneath her left ear lobe. “I fancied a nice cuddle and you weren’t there. I feel cheated,” he teased.
“Oh, I’m certain you can survive the day without it James,” Katie answered as she continued typing as best as she could with James distracting her, but then his hands snaked under the t-shirt and he began tenderly cupping and fondling her breasts.
“Our cuddles are an important part of my waking up process you know, I can’t start the day properly without one.” His lips now pulled at her ear lobe and his fingertips teased her nipples, making them jut out firmly. “And when did I say you could wear my t-shirt?”
“Erm…you didn’t,” she stuttered.
“That’s what I thought,” his lips and tongue continued driving her crazy. “So, I’d like it back. Now would be good.”
“It’s not as if you’re going to be wearing it, and you’ll have to take it off soon when you get in the shower, so what is the point?”
“The point is, that I want it back,” he said in a voice thick with lust. “So, up you get, and take it off.”
James removed his arms and stood back from her, giving her space to twizzle the chair around and stand in front of him. She was so beautiful. Her eyes were deep brown heat of mischief and desire, and her smile was just pure cheek. She was teasing him and making him work for his pleasure.
“If you want it back James,” she goaded, “then you had better take it.”
“Don’t worry,” he said as he tried to look all stern and serious, “I will do if I really need to.”

Katie deliberately allowed her gaze to wander over his body, marvelling at the beauty of him. His penis was starting to stiffen and she blushed as she smiled at him, and saw that James was blushing as well. “Well, well,” she whimpered in his ear as she ran fingertips over his firm abdomen, “what’s interesting you, I wonder?”
“I have no control over my reflexes sometimes,” he stammered.
“At 35 I would have thought you would be able to have some restraint James. It’s not as if you’re a teenager with rampant hormones now, is it, huh?”
“That’s how I am with you.”
Katie tried hard to suppress a wicked giggle, but was unable to. “You have been reading too many ‘Mills and Boon’ romances! Do you know how cheesy that sounded? Next you’ll be telling me that you have a permanent hard-on.”
“T-shirt… off… now!”
“Or?”
“Or, I will be forced to take it off myself and you know that I cannot be held responsible for my actions, if that were to happen,” he whispered sexily to her, “so, do yourself a favour and do it yourself.”
“No.”
“Katie!”
“No, no, no, no, NO!” With defiance in her eyes she stared at him, never breaking eye contact, and making him feel nervous. He wanted to play games – she’d play games.
It was a measure of how comfortable and safe that James made her feel that she was able to even contemplate winding him up this way. Nothing about him was threatening to her, they were at ease with one another, and it made Katie smile as she acknowledged that. He was a very special, very precious man, and she was determined to persevere through all the difficulties that any intimacy would cause her. This was the man she loved and respected, and his respect for her oozed from every pore of him.

Marge had warned her that no matter how much she wanted to have a full relationship with James, and how much she trusted and loved him, that the flashbacks and images would continue, and it would take strength, determination, sincerity, courage and love to help them through it. She had also told Katie that they needed to maintain their ability to confide and be honest with each other, and that Katie would have to let James know that it wasn’t him she was rejecting if she had to back out of any intimate contact, but her attacker. She had also stressed that James would have to be able to deal with the possible feelings of rejection and, perhaps, even inadequacy that his spurned advances may raise.

They had spoke at length the previous evening about what had happened during her counselling session, and as Katie had relayed as much as she was able to recall, James had listened intently. His concentration never wavering and then quite simply stated that he knew Marge was right, and he felt it was good advice.

Katie had also called Martin up and told him that she would be going in to the studio with James in the morning to inform them all about what had happened. Martin had tried to dissuade her, but she had managed to persuade him by reminding him about what he would be asking Sean to do, and that it was only right, that he knew of the circumstances behind the change in plans. After much discussion, and a consultation with James, Martin had relented and eventually agreed with her. She had then contacted Nicky and Rachel to let them know what was about to happen, so that they could support Sean and Rhian if needed.

“Right,” stated James firmly, “I’ve given you opportunity and time, so now, I will HAVE to take that bloody t-shirt off you myself, won’t I?”
“I think so,” said Katie thickly as she reached down and caressed his now very stiff dick. “You see, I like wearing it. It’s like you’re cuddling me because I can smell you on it, and that is such a huge fucking turn on.”
James was shocked. Katie hardly ever used the ‘f’ word out of the office, or unless she was extremely angry, and due to that, he found it incredibly sexy. “Do you have the slightest inclination of what your use of that word has just done to me?”
“Tell me.”
“I now have some very rude images running through my head.”
“Ouch! That’s gotta hurt.”
James laughed, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her fully on the lips. “Not at all. In fact… it’s rather nice.”
“You need that shower James,” Katie moaned quietly, “preferably a cold one to dampen your ardour.”
“Spoilsport! Five minutes isn’t going to hurt is it now? And I’m sure that you don’t want to see me all angry and upset.”
“We can’t always get what we want. Perhaps I’ll make you happy later, before we go to sleep if you’re good.”
“Aww come on Katie,” pleaded James with those infamous ‘puppy dog’ eyes. “Let’s go back to bed for a nice cuddle.”
“No! I’m going to have a shower and then write some more of this before we go and meet the gang.”
Katie then flounced by him, but James took a few quick steps, caught her arm and pulled her back. “Oh no you don’t, young lady!” he grinned wickedly. “You have something of mine that I want.”
She pretended to be confused by his comment, then rolled her eyes back and said, “oh that! Take it then,” she taunted, “if you can catch me.”
“Oi!” he shouted after her, but she was already charging up the stairs, leaving James trailing a long way behind.

The atmosphere in the studio was quite tense once they had all hugged Katie and let her know that she had much more colour to her and didn’t seem to be as drawn or tired. They had laughed, teased and joked together until the inevitable could no longer be avoided.

Katie perched nervously on the edge of the studio’s old sofa; James sat down close to her offering some moral support. Sean, Nicky and Martin stood several feet in front of her, Martin on his own but Nicky and Sean holding hands with their wives.
“I’m not sure about how this is going to go or even if I’ll be able to make my way through it, but I have to try, because certain events in my life are going to have a knock on effect to yours.” Katie took a deep breath and composed herself so that she was ready to go on. “First things first. The most immediate change is that James will not be going to Germany with Nick for the promotional work on Monday but Sean will. I’m sorry Sean, but the earliest James can get there is Tuesday afternoon.”
“I hate all that stuff though,” moaned Sean.
“Unfortunately James has to be here on Monday, Sean, and Martin will also be late. He’ll be joining you on Monday afternoon. Then in the afternoon James has an appointment to attend with me. An appointment with a rape counsellor.”
Sean and Rhian seemed flabbergasted, and the colour drained from their faces as they tried to digest the news that Katie had just imparted to them all. Even Nicky and Rachel who were already aware of the situation still seemed stunned and upset. An uneasy silence spread across the room but Katie somehow found strength to carry on and give them the necessary information and facts.

Rhian walked towards Katie, wiping away the tears that were stiff flowing, shook her head and gave her friend a big hug. Katie had managed to hold herself together until then, but the hug from Rhian broke her, and she too started to cry.
“Oh Katie,” spluttered Rhian through her tears. “I don’t know what to say. Everything seems so futile somehow.”
“Don’t worry about, I mean, it’s not the easiest of things to digest.”
“When Sean told me that Martin had contacted him to ask me to come in this morning because you were coming in with James and wanted us all there, I couldn’t help getting excited. Stupid as it is, I hoped that you and James would be letting us know you were going to get married. It always stunned me that you two never got together sooner ‘cos you’re perfect for each other.”
“Thanks,” blushed Katie. “He’s been amazing you know. I owe him so much.”
“He’s in a lot of pain too, isn’t he? How’s he been about you not having children? Damn that came out wrong.”
“Actually James has been very accepting of it. He was more upset for me, though I have to say that when I lost the baby, it affected him so bloody badly Rhian. He was heartbroken, mainly for me but he had kinda accepted that he could be a dad to the little mite, even though it wasn’t his own. We’ve done so much talking but you know, things he said are still sinking in, plus I don’t think I pay enough attention to his emotions and what he’s going through. It’s all so hard to explain, but when he talked about us and the baby being a family it didn’t freak me out, I was just gutted for him. James would be such a great dad, but he won’t get that with me.”
“Don’t say that,” urged Rhian, much more composed. “There’s always adoption or surragacy. Never say never Katie. Anyway, you can’t really think about stuff like that until you get the court case out of the way I suppose. You’re going to need all your strength and energy for that.”
“Yeah, I know. Poor Martin, he’s going to need a lot of support too. It’s going to be easy for us to forget that he and James will both be going through the wringer over this,” Katie sighed as she glanced across at him and saw the dejected expression on his face; his eyes dull and lifeless.
“Something like this I guess it’s just natural that you worry most about the woman involved,” replied Rhian, “but you’re right, it’s going to affect them too. I mean, how can it not?”
“Terri isn’t going to know what’s hit her when she gets back from her break,” said Katie. “She’s scheduled to meet Martin over in Germany on Tuesday I think it is, so he’s going to tell her then. Maybe he should have James do it.”
“Why not suggest that they both talk with her? At least they can support each other.”
“That’s a good idea. Very logical, only I don’t seem to be able to think logically very much at the moment.”
“Stop putting yourself down! I can’t begin to understand where your head is with all of this, but you are not flaky, it’s just not in your nature. Don’t give yourself a hard time. You need, to be clichéd, to allow yourself time to grieve and come to terms with it all, and that’s going to be a hard road to walk, but especially with James by your side, you can do. You will do it.” Rhian hugged her once more, and this time they both smiled, at ease with each other.

“We need to have a girlie day out some time,” said Katie. “Me, you, Rachel and the girls. It’s been a while since we did that.”
“We can organise something for when the guys are away. That way we can gossip like hell and not have to worry that they are going to over hear us!”
“I like your style! That will be so much bloody fun and exactly what I need. James and me have our mad moments but you can’t beat the girls getting together. I can regress back to my teen years without him despairing at me. I can’t wait to see Mathilda either, even if last time she had me absolutely soaked after I fell asleep in your garden. Who gave her the hosepipe I’d be interested to know.” Katie laughed as the memory washed over her.
“Erm… I cannot tell a lie… it was Seany,” and Rhian wrinkled her nose up as she smiled.
“I guessed as much. When he least expects it I’ll get him back, plus interest.”
“I may help you,” Rhian smirked. “I love winding him up.”

Katie jumped as James wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on her neck, and Rhian grinned inanely at the undeniable affection they shared for each other. They were just a perfect looking couple, but not only that, they complemented one another beautifully.
“So what the hell are you two lovely ladies plotting then?” asked James, in between his butterfly kisses on her soft skin.
“Nothing,” Katie smirked smugly.
“Umm, I’ve seen that expression in your eyes before young lady, and it means trouble with a capital ‘T’.”
“Oh ye of little faith Mr Bradfield!” interrupted Rhian. “What on earth could you possibly be inferring?”
“For all that you have to be a saint to put up with my cousin and his idiosyncrasy’s Rhian, don’t take it too far! I know what you three are like when you all decide to have a meet up. You take no prisoners and leave grown men trembling in your wake!”
“Ooh Jamesy,” crowed Rachel sarcastically as she joined them, “I hope you’re not implying that we misbehave, because we’re always perfect little angels.”
“Well that’s an interesting take on things,” he laughed. “I dread to think what you’d all get up to if you were being little devils then.”

Sean and Nick watched the others having fun and laughing riotously, and smiled at each other.
“I can’t grasp what’s happened,” mumbled Sean. “How the hell did Katie hold it all in and keep coming in to work following what happened? Maybe I’m thick, but I didn’t see anything untoward in her behaviour did you?”
Nick thrust his hands into his trouser pockets and shook his head. “Rachel didn’t either, and they spend a lot of time together. What about Rhian, did she suspect anything?”
“Nope, not a thing. Could we all have been so blinkered Nicky? There must have been something that we missed, surely.”
“I don’t know. If the infamous ‘woman’s intuition’ couldn’t pick it up, then how were we meant to? It must have been fucking hell for her though, you know, coming in and being all smiley and jovial with us, when inside she must have felt like curling up into a ball and hiding away and just being anonymous. Katie is one seriously tough cookie to have even tried to deal with it alone.”
“Ah, well at least she’s not alone any more,” said Sean as his glance darted across to James and Katie to get Nicky to take a peep too. “She has James now, and he’d do anything for her. Did you see the pain he went through as Katie was talking with us, I was expecting him to start crying. He seemed so bloody shattered.”
“He is. He’s utterly devastated,” Nick sighed. “Come on, let’s go join them.”

They ambled over to the crowd and Nicky embraced James, whilst Sean took Katie to one side and gave her a cuddle.
“Sorry about landing you in it Sean,” said Katie apologetically.
“Hey, don’t say that. I’ll do ok. It’s time I pulled my weight more with that sort of stuff anyway.” His hands rubbed her up and down her back, in a soothing gesture. “I just wish there was more I could do to help you both. Fuck Katie, I’m so fucking angry about what’s happened, and I feel ashamed that none of us noticed any problems. None of us had any idea.”
“Sean, please don’t beat yourself up about this. I didn’t want anyone to know. All I wanted to do was get on with my life as far as I could. If I stopped working or withdrew, HE would have won, and I am way too stubborn to let the bastard have the satisfaction of ruining my life.”
“Will you still be ok having Mathilda, or is it a bit too raw yet?”
“I’d love to have her sometime. I just want things to carry on as they were as far as we can possibly do that. Besides I have a good excuse for spoiling Mathilda and Clara now, don’t I?” she giggled, but her pain and sadness was etched in her features. “I love spending time with my girls, and so does James. They’ll love it as well ‘cos they both adore Uncle James.”
“Not to mention the fact that you’re living together now.”

Katie hadn’t thought about it until Sean mentioned it, but she and James were living together in a sense. Either they stayed at Katie’s or at James’, but they never stayed alone. Not for one night since she came home from the hospital. It was as if things had been that way prior to the ectopic pregnancy, because it was so natural for them to be together. It just felt right, deep inside.
“That’s all going to change. He’s going to be away more and more with promotion and rehearsals. Plus you’ll be going to Norway soon to shoot the next video, so I’ll have to get used to being on my own.”
Even the thought of it, filled her with trepidation. James was the reason for her being able to sleep; the reason the nightmares had all but stopped; a reason to smile. What would she do without him?

“I don’t want to leave her Nicky,” said James sadly.
“James you don’t have much choice mate,” Nicky sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair for the umpteenth time in exasperation. “Katie wants you to go, and you’ve said yourself that she’ll more likely as not, be back at work next week. You can’t stop her from living her life James.”
“No I don’t mean that. I don’t want to go without her, because I don’t want to be without her. I’m going to miss her so much and it’s going to be strange not having her near me. Not being able to look across at her, to smile at her, or to see her smile back.”
“Hang on a second,” said Nicky as a sly smirk crossed his features, “are you sure that you’re really James Dean Bradfield of Manic Street Preachers because he’s never been known to be mushy and sentimental like this.”
“Very funny.”
“James we know how much it hurts, but it’s a necessary evil in this business. Not that you ever get used to it, but you do kinda find ways to deal with it. At least this time it’s only for a short while. You’ll be back with her before you know it.” Nicky knew from the expression on James’ face that he wasn’t convinced. “See how she is now, all happy with the girls? That’s how you should think of her whilst we’re away James. Remember that wonderful laugh, and that bright genuine smile.”
James glanced at his watch; it was well after lunchtime. “Time for us to get off I think,” said James. “I want to buy her something nice.”
Nicky said nothing as he walked with James to the girls who were still giggling madly; because they had all done it. It was the classic ‘guilt’ present. James feels bad that Katie is staying behind and expresses it with a gift. Very predictable, and obvious.

It was almost 7pm when they finally got home, and this time they were staying at James’ home. He had gone mad with the shopping and bought her some clothes and toiletries so that she always had things for when she stayed there. He had even bought her a complete set of make up, brushes, perfumes, a hair dryer, tongs, depilator, bags and shoes, just to cover every eventuality. Katie had protested initially but James had been so determined and persuasive that she had finally relented.

In return she had bought him some aftershave, a ring that he had liked, and a beany cat that was called ‘Katie’. She told him she would spray it with some of her perfume and also cuddle it a lot, so that whilst he was away he would have a reminder of her with him. James had caused quite a commotion in the shop by kissing her and stroking her face, whilst telling her he loved her. He had made Katie blush profusely, but she had returned his affection, non-the less. They had also gone into a photo booth and had many sets of silly photos of them taken, as well as some very tender, loving ones for Katie and James to have while they were apart.

Cuddling up in bed, James became all wistful. “Katie, let’s move in together,” he whispered softly.
“James, we can’t… I mean… well, it’s so soon.”
“So? We’ve spent all this time as a couple, living together, even if it has been between two homes. It makes sense because we both love each other and only want each other. I don’t care if we never have full sex so long as I have you as my partner for the rest of my days. I just can imagine not having you in my life like this.”
“Let’s get the trial over with, and then we can talk about it if you still think the same way.”
“What do you mean by ‘if’ Katie? Nothing’s going to change.”
“Baby we don’t know that,” said Katie heavily. “We don’t know how I’ll be, plus, you can’t seriously think you can go without sex for the rest of your days? You’re a young man James; be realistic.”
“Will you stop telling me what I can or can’t cope with in that way?” James said tenderly, caressing her. “I love you, and just being with you makes me so happy that I could burst. We are intimate darling, and, we are so close.”
James then started nuzzling on her neck, nipping her flesh lightly with his teeth making Katie sigh and melt into him. “I love you Katie,” he said simply.
“I just don’t want to hurt you James,” Katie murmured breathlessly, finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate as James worked his magic on her. “I can’t promise you anything and I never want you to regret your choices.”
“If I have you here with me, what is there to regret?”
“Do you have any idea of what you’re saying James?”
“Absolutely, and, I mean every word.”
He gave her no chance to answer as his mouth took hers in a passionate kiss, whilst a hand snaked down and began to stroke her slowly and delicately, making Katie moan and scratch him over his back.
“I love you James,” she whimpered, arching her back under his touch.
“Good.”

Her body responded to him and it was as though she was dreaming. His touch was assured but gentle, and stoked her like she had never known. Her breathing was growing raspier and raspier, and her body quivered under his ministrations. All the while James kept whispering how much he loved her and how beautiful she was.

Whenever she saw HIS face encroaching on her visions and emotions, James’ voiced banished it with his whispered words and kisses. He was ensuring that she had him to cling on to and not some depraved image of hurt and pain. He constantly made her feel wanted, needed, loved and valued, and, ultimately, safe. She was free to let herself go and give herself to James.

Her orgasm approached and she clung to him as if afraid to let go, but James continued whispering lovingly to her, kissing her and nibbling at her soft skin, finding gratification in Katie’s response to his tenderness.
She whimpered and arched her body violently as her release came, and James stroked her and continued to mutter his affections to her. As her body relaxed, he held her to him and kissed her hair, happy that Katie was happy and pleasured.

“Thank you,” Katie eventually said.
“You’re ok?” he said, concerned. “I didn’t freak you out too much by talking?”
Katie propped herself up on her elbow and kissed him. “It helped me; you helped me. It took HIM away from my thoughts.”
“That was what I hoped,” he sighed as he brushed her hair away with his fingertips. “I wanted you to know I was here and loving you.”
“It worked. You made those bad visions go away.”
“Live with me Katie,” urged James. “I want us to be this way forever.”
“So do I James,” she answered sweetly, “let’s talk about it when you get back huh?”
“That’s not a ‘no’ then?”
“It’s a definite maybe, how’s that?” she giggled girlishly.
“Sounds ok to me.” He grinned back at her and they kissed for a long while before falling asleep in each others arms.

Part 9 >>>

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