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| KATIE'S SORROW by Janey <<< Part 6 PART 7 Rachel and Clara had stayed for another 35minutes after James had returned home, and Clara had insisted that he gave her a special big hug, of course, James was more than happy to oblige. James and Katie embraced when they were alone, with James letting his fingers delicately trace the contours of Katie’s face. “You didn’t say that Rachel and Clara were coming babe.” “I didn’t know that they were. Rachel just wanted to see how I was and Clara had missed me apparently.” “You ok?” His hidden meaning was evident to Katie. “Darling, I’m fine. It was great having her here,” she laughed to herself. “Plus she seemed very happy about the two of us.” “Yeah, she was funny wasn’t she? I loved that picture she did. Was that us getting married by any chance?” Katie nodded in reply and touched his lips all too briefly with her own. “Umm, wonder if she’s trying to tell us something?” “We need to think of what we’re going to get her for her birthday,” said Katie, completely ignoring the inference that James had made. “We’ve got a few months yet to sort something nice out for her,” whimpered James as his mouth teased the soft flesh beneath her earlobe. “She’s a clever little girl.” “Umm, yes she is. Especially talented with, erm, crayons.” “You’re panting well Katie,” said James with a sly smile. “Should I stop?” “I, erm, that is…I, don’t you dare stop. It feels bloody wonderful.” “Well as you put it so nicely,” drawled James thickly as he gazed at her. “Shall we continue in the shower?” “No, here.” Her eyes searched his as her chest heaved from her ragged breathing, and she started to undo the buttons on his shirt. “Please James.” “Damn I love you Katie,” James moaned as his lips met hers and he guided her to the sofa and then lay her down gently. “Are you feeling ok for this.” “Yes. I’ve taken some more Imodium and some medicine. My stomach is ok now, though I don’t want to risk eating much just yet.” Katie gazed at him in anticipation. “I am fine James. Now please, don’t keep me waiting.” They kissed passionately, yet slowly as gradually they discarded each other’s clothes onto the floor. Katie inhaled sharply as James’ arousal pressed against her hip and nervously; she inched a hand down his body until she could touch its erotic hardness and also softness. Their kisses deepened and James threw his head back as her fingertips caressed him. “You are so beautiful,” moaned James as her deft touch continued to excite him. “I want to love you James. I won’t let that bastard win,” Katie quietly moaned as her lips pinched James’ stiff nipples, and she groaned as he urged her onto him with his hand. He was close now, Katie guessed from his breathing, and the way his eyes were now watching her with desire. Her lips parted a little more and her teeth tormented James’ sensitive nipples, making him give a strange kind of half smile and half grimace. “Oh Katie,” he cried as he came over her hand and his own stomach. Katie massaged his cum into his skin and brushed fleeting kisses over his chest as his breathing gradually steadied. “You ok sweetheart?” James smiled and pulled her face up to his and gave her a loving kiss. “Thank you. Thank you so very much.” Katie said nothing, but rested her head in the curve of James’ neck and played with the soft skin of his chest with her fingertips, as she fought the demons that had risen inside her. Whilst she was pleasuring James, images of her attacker had invaded her mind, and she had had to fight against them with all her inner strength. What she really, really wanted was to be intimate with James and show him physically what he meant to her, but if that had made her shake and see such things, how the hell was she ever going to be able to give herself to him? “Hey darling are you alright?” queried James; “you’re awfully quiet.” His fingers lightly stroked her hair and arms, and he planted some tiny kisses on the top of her head. “I’m sorry James,” Katie muttered as she propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him as she spoke. “Darling you have nothing to be sorry for,” he smiled. “That was more than I dared hope for and it was wonderful.” “James, I…” Katie hesitated, unable to grasp the words that she needed. She wanted to be honest with James and tell him, but she was also afraid that he would wrap her up in cotton wool, and that wasn’t what she wanted or needed. She didn’t want the bastard who attacked her to keep impinging on her life, but she wasn’t sure how to stop it. “Hey, come on now. We have no secrets remember? You can talk to me about anything Katie; I wanna help you.” James’ eyes narrowed and darkened as he spoke and his brow was all furrowed with tension. His pain for her was transparent. The tension between the two of them was palpable. Katie gazed at him in trepidation, afraid that she would hurt him if she told him, yet knowing that she would if she didn’t. “Look sweetheart what ever it is, we can deal with it ok? We’re strong together Katie.” “James I … I saw him whilst I was…” “Oh Katie,” interjected James. “You should have said. I would have understood if you stopped you know.” “I didn’t want to James,” said Katie forcefully. “I was enjoying it and I especially enjoyed watching you get so much from it. For once it was so nice to be able to make you feel good. Then HE invaded my mind and I had to fight so damned hard to stop him from spoiling it.” “You don’t have to do it to make me happy sweetheart,” said James in hushed tones. “Just being with you makes me happy.” Katie grazed his lips with a kiss and smiled at him; “like I said James, I WANTED to. I know that it’s not going to be easy, but I want us to have a proper relationship. I’m seeing Marge, my rape counsellor tomorrow. I think I’ll talk with her about it. I mean it has to be a good sign surely that I want to?” “Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, Katie. We are both going to need to be very patient, and I don’t want you getting upset if you think it takes too long to happen,” said James. “I meant what I said about being happy being close to you, so don’t force yourself.” He flashed her a wonderful smile, nudged her head back onto his chest and then cradled her tenderly. “Umm, I could stay this way forever.” “Me too darling,” James whimpered and Katie knew it was the truth. Next morning Katie had woken first and had decided to surprise James by making him breakfast whilst he was showering. When he came down and saw her plating up bacon, sausages, eggs, mushrooms and black pudding, he giggled stupidly and planted a swift kiss on her cheek. “Toasts on its way,” Katie said brightly. “And the tea is brewing.” “What’s all this in aid of then? You’re spoiling me.” “I just wanted to. I hadn’t planned it but when I woke up it seemed a good idea.” “I’m impressed,” said James. “It certainly beats a bowl of cereal or a quick bacon sarnie.” Katie showered and sorted out her washing after James had left, and hoovered the house. By the time she had finished it was lunchtime and it wouldn’t be long before James was home again to take her to her counselling appointment. He had called her whilst she was drying herself and told her that he had arranged the time off with Martin. She smiled to herself. His concern for her and his determination to be with her whenever possible was growing on her. It was getting increasingly difficult for her to imagine how her life would be without him, and she often pondered how she had managed before he was a part of her life. Well, she’d managed; she’d existed, nothing more. How much her life had changed. James waited in the car, reading a newspaper and doing the crossword whilst Katie saw Marge, her rape counsellor. He glanced at the clock and noticed that the hour was almost gone, and Katie would soon be coming out, so he folded up the newspaper and popped it under the passenger side seat so it didn’t blow away. With it being another hot June day, all of the windows in the car were open. At least when the engine was switched on he would be able to use the air conditioning. He decided to start the car so that it would be nice and cool for Katie when she got back. He felt sure she would probably be quite upset when she came out, so decided to himself not to broach the subject with her, but instead leave for her to instigate the discussion. He saw her approaching a short time later with her shoulders slumped down, and walking slowly, looking dejected. She quietly got into the car and put her seat belt on. James could not see her eyes as because she was wearing her dark sunglasses, but he sensed from her body language that she had been crying and was still upset. “It’s ok sweetheart,” he said softly. “Let’s go home.” Katie nodded but said nothing. James took her home and they never spoke throughout the journey. Once inside she ran up the stairs and James soon heard the sound of water running and guessed she was running herself a bath. He checked the fridge and smiled as he saw there was a chilled bottle of wine in it, took it out, corked it, took two glasses and went upstairs to surprise her. The bath was covered in rich bubbles with the scent of lavender and ylang ylang and she had lit some scented candles. She was laid back with her eyes closed, but James noticed that they were swollen and puffy. She had been crying. “Hey baby,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bath. “I’ve decided that you deserve to be a little decadent and have brought us a bottle of wine to drink. What do you think?” “Umm,” she answered so quietly that James could hardly hear her. “Open your eyes sweetheart, or you’ll knock the glass over and this wine is too nice to bathe in.” “Thank you,” she said with a faint smile. “This is a nice idea.” They hardly said a word to each other but having him near comforted Katie, and James was content that she wanted him to stay. She gradually visibly relaxed and he smiled. She would talk when she was ready; he knew that, so purposely he mentioned nothing about Marge or her appointment. “Could you pass me that razor please babe?” she asked. “I need to shave my legs and what have you.” “You stay right were you are, you lady,” he smiled back to her. “I’ll shave them for you.” “James!” “What?” he laughed. “I do know how to use a razor you know!” “I know. It’s just that…well…it’s a bit weird. No guy has ever volunteered to do that and it feels…odd.” “If you really find it uncomfortable, tell me and I’ll stop. How’s that?” “Ok then,” she said, and then flashed him a nervous smile. With a beaming smile, James raised her right leg and rested it on his thigh, ignoring the wetness soaking into his jeans, grabbed the bottle of shower gel and proceeded to work up a rich lather. He then took hold of the razor and carefully started to shave her leg, rinsing the blade regularly in the water, and then continuing in a different spot. He caught her off guard when he raised her leg a little higher so he could do the back, and Katie slipped down the bath, which made her giggle. “Other leg then,” he commanded with good humour, and as she raised it out of the water for him she deliberately flicked her foot and splashed him with water and foamy bubbles. “OI!” They laughed together and Katie blushed when she realised she had actually not just splashed a little water over him, but had managed to make him really wet. “Oops,” she sniggered. “Minx! If you wanted me to join you, you only had to ask,” he smiled. “Now behave.” “Why don’t you?” she asked. “Makes sense to share it and save water.” James studied her for a moment. “You sure?” “Yes.” So James let go of her leg and took off his clothes, checking with her again before he climbed in with her, that she truly wanted it. Katie merely nodded and then moved up the bath a little so that he had room to get in. She put her right leg down the side of the bath and put her left leg onto his shoulder, and James prepared her leg with gel, like he had done with the other one, and then shaved it for her. James had cooked them mushroom omelette, chips and salad and they settled, cuddling together, on the sofa to watch some television. “Marge wants you to join in our next session,” she said simply, not meeting his eyes. “I told her about how things were between us and that I didn’t want HIM to get in the way of us having a proper relationship, and she’s concerned about the emotional trauma that could be in store for both us.” “I’ll gladly go,” he answered. “It will be useful to hear what she has to say.” “She doesn’t actually say much,” said Katie. “She has a knack of making you discover the answer for yourself, and it can be tough. You have to confront emotions and thoughts that you would rather keep hidden away.” “Baby what ever it takes, I’ll do it because I love you and I want to understand and help you. I must admit that sometimes I get worried that I’m saying or doing the right things, ‘cos I seem to be harsh with you and the last thing I want is to hurt you.” “Oh James, one of the things that I really like and feel comfortable about is that you will confront me, or tell me that you’re not going to let me provoke you. The last thing I need is for someone to be afraid to mention the words ‘rape’ or ‘assault’. That’s what happened and some people will avoid using them or even avoid the subject all together because it’s not a pleasant thing to discuss or contemplate, but it happened, and facts are facts.” “People are also not going to want to see you getting upset, Katie. That’s another reason why they’ll avoid those words or try and avoid the subject all together.” “Yeah but they can’t wrap me in cotton wool. Life isn’t like that. One thing about telling Rachel yesterday, yes it was hard, but actually it was quite a relief to let her know, and she wasn’t afraid to talk with about it. Oh don’t worry, Clara was a sleep upstairs, so she didn’t see or hear anything.” “Nicky asked me about you this morning. He’s really cut about it all. I didn’t say anything to Sean yet though, nor have I given Martin the whole picture. I didn’t know how you wanted to do it, if you want I’ll tell them, or I’ll be with you when you tell them. It’s up to you sweetheart.” “They are going to have to know soon because Sean will be miffed at having to step in for you, and well, they just deserve to know the truth. I could hide it now but at some point in the future it’s going to come up isn’t it? Someone’s going to ask why I have never had kids when I’ve always longed for a family, and whilst some might accept my telling them about the ectopic and the complications, Sean, Rhian and Terri are going to be wondering about who got me pregnant and why they didn’t know I was seeing anyone. The whole house of cards will start coming down then, so I may as well take the bull by the horns and just tell them now, and then it’s done and we can deal with it.” James hugged her and raised her chin so that he could see her face; “you are so brave do you know that?” “Nothing to do with being brave James.” “I think it is. You’re confronting all of this head on now, and I’m so proud of you.” He gave her a huge beaming smile and rubbed his nose against hers, Eskimo fashion. Katie giggled into him, and James could feel her warm breath on his face and he whispered sensually; “I love you Katie Barnes.” “Well I don’t really have much option do I?” Katie paused for a moment and raised her eyebrows. “Anyway, to go back a bit, I’ve booked us in with Marge next Monday afternoon. I know that means that we have that and the solicitor all on the same day, but it then frees you up to go Germany for the last few days of promotional work.” “Are you trying to get rid of me huh?” James teased. “I’ll stay for as long as I’m needed and don’t argue with me! Martin’s resigned himself to the fact that I am going to be messing up the schedules and has decided that quite simply he will TELL Sean that his responsibilities have increased. That should be an interesting conversation, don’t you think?” “Poor Sean. He finds it hard enough talking for the videos and stuff that you lot produce for the record company, so how the hell is he going to cope with all those interviews and photo shoots? If he just stood in for the Monday and Tuesday morning, you could join them for Tuesday lunchtime, help them with the rest of the day and then do Wednesday, before flying back Thursday morning.” “I am not leaving you on your own,” said James. “That’s all there is to it.” “Why not? James, I’ll be fine. Any way I may be back at work next week so that will keep me busy and we can keep in touch by that little instrument that’s called a telephone,” she smiled at him but James appeared less than convinced and was frowning in response to her. “Please sweetheart, don’t wrap me up in cotton wool.” “Sorry,” he muttered. “I just can’t help but be protective of you, but you’re right, I can’t molly-coddle you and stop you living your life. Hell you’ve been doing that job for years and your bloody good at it. I just worry that you’ll find it too much and still be tired all the time.” “The only way that I’ll know is to try it out,” she said simply. “This is going to be a walk in the park compared to when you go on tour. Three months is going to be such a long time to not see you.” “Yeah, it is. Martin’s working hard to renegotiate the first month’s dates and push them to the back of the tour, so that we can accommodate the trial.” “Now there’s something I’m not looking forward to.” “I know but you’re not on your own, and your solicitor and barrister will give you tons of support too, and whilst I can only try to imagine the nightmare that you might go through, once you’ve done your bit on the witness stand he can’t hurt you anymore. He’ll be locked away for a very long time.” “God, I hope so,” sighed Katie heavily. “I really bloody hope so.” James kissed her on the top of her head and she relaxed again, into his arms and closed her, nuzzling occasionally at the tender flesh under James’ Adam’s apple and felt him shiver and tremble slightly. “No prison sentence will ever take away the memory of what he did, I know that, but I hope it will help give you the confidence in yourself that you used to have. I know your self worth is almost rock bottom, but I’d like to think that between all of us, we could help you live your life without living in the shadow of his depraved act of violation. We can help you regain your trust. I’d like to think I’m helping you too.” James’ voice was incredibly soft, mellow and even, but his eyes had welled up with tears, and his breaths were getting hitched in his throat. He admired her grit, but she was still so frail, and it saddened him enormously. What he constantly tried to do was remind himself of how far she had come. The fact that she was trusting him a little more each day gave him hope and joy; it was like watching the petals gradually open into a beautiful flower, and he found it mesmerising and fascinating. Each day she showed him something new and he was convinced, deep in his soul, that she would always have the ability to do that, and to keep surprising him. Life with Katie was going to be an incredible adventure. Part 8 >>> Janey's stories |