janey_katies-sorrow-12

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KATIE'S SORROW by Janey                                <<< Part 11

PART 12

Thankfully lunch was indeed a very light-hearted affair, with all of them needing to unwind and relax after the fraught and agonising trauma of the morning. Martin was on sparkling form with his wicked sense of humour having Katie and James, wiping tears of laughter away from their eyes, and drawing some odd glances from other diners, which only spurred Martin on further.

When they had all finished, James called Don on his mobile phone and arranged for him to pick them up, drop Martin off at his car, and then to take himself and Katie to see Marge.
“Thanks for the lift and I’ll see you both tomorrow,” waved Martin, cheerily. “Hope it all goes well for you this afternoon.”
“Cheers Martin!” Katie and James waved in return.
“I’m beginning to wish that I’d done my packing as soon as we got back from mine last night,” moaned Katie as the car began its journey once more. “There is no way I’ll want to do it when we get back.”
“No problem,” James grinned. “I’ll help you. Between the pair of us we should get it done reasonably quickly; anyway, you washed and ironed everything last night, so it shouldn’t be too bad.”
“I just hate packing; always have.”
“Stop thinking and stressing about it will you?” James smiled, holding her hand a little tighter.

James seemed very surprised when they entered the room where Marge did her counselling from; it was just like a lounge rather than an office.
“Hi James,” Marge smiled warmly, shaking his outstretched hand. “Thank you for coming. Now, I don’t have many house rules, but the main one is that the person speaking is never interrupted, other than that it’s pretty relaxed. You can smoke if you wish and help yourself to a drink at any time.”
The chair he sat in was extremely comfortable, and Katie grinned at him when she sat down beside him. He wasn’t sure what to make out of it all; he’d half expected some harridan, who would treat him with suspicion and contempt, but Marge was genuinely warm and friendly, and that helped him to relax visibly.
He knew how Katie described her; highly approachable, warm, nurturing, sincere and friendly, but he had been worried that Marge would see him as someone who could screw Katie up, or that she would be highly suspicious of his motives; thankfully he knew now that that was not the case at all.

“This place certainly isn’t what I expected,” he muttered.
“A lot of people say that,” she laughed with enthusiasm. At almost 6ft tall, and well built, she could have been quite an imposing lady, however, that wasn’t the case at all. “I think the worst thing would be for people to come here and have a stark, imposing almost foreboding officious atmosphere, so I deliberately tried to have it how many of us have our homes, with nice soft chairs and rugs and things. It’s more homely and relaxing I hope, and that usually helps people to be able to talk. A safe, comfortable environment is everything.”
“Well, I was nervous as hell, I have to say, but I feel a lot better,” he smiled. “Mind if I smoke?”
“As I said,” Marge grinned, “that’s ok. Today is a double session, which means that we have two hours. Now during that time there may be long periods of silence, and that’s ok; don’t think you always have to say something. Also if ever you want to take a break and step out onto the balcony for some fresh air; that’s fine as well.”
“Bit of a risk isn’t it? I mean what if someone wanted to jump? First floor or not that could still be nasty.”
“If someone wants to take their own life James, I will try to encourage them not to, but if they try, then as an adult that is their choice.” Marge watched the shocked look wash over James’ face. “That sounds very flippant I know, but I’ve only had one person who was seeing me, take their life, and it was actually a year or more after we’d finished our sessions. They seemed to be doing well; I’d bump into them every now and again when shopping; but then something happened to their family and it was spread all over the newspapers and on the television news. They took an overdose of various tablets, and drank copious amounts of alcohol without telling anyone of their plans. They didn’t intend to fail.”
“Bloody hell.”
“Indeed.”

After a pause, giving James a chance to collect his thoughts and compose himself, the session commenced in earnest, initially with James observing and listening until he felt he had something to add. To his surprise it wasn’t difficult and he didn’t have any sense of being under duress whatever; it was not dissimilar to talking things over with Nick or Sean, except that he was left to explore things and draw his own conclusions.

Occasionally Marge would interject and seek clarification or further explanation, but for the most part, Katie and James were able to find their own way through the maze. James had never been so frank and open about his fears, concerns and emotions. He expressed his fears over what Katie was to face and his trepidation at whether or not he would be any use to her as far as support went, including his worry that he could lose it in court because he knew that it could have a catastrophic effect on the outcome. He accepted that Derren’s advice would be of some use, but confessed to feeling ‘like a twat’ when he practised them. One of the reasons for this stemmed from his love for Katie; he believed that because he loved her, he should ergo, automatically be able to administer reassurance and support.

Marge had then challenged him on this a little, querying why that should be, and he had known someone else who had been raped, became pregnant, lost the baby and then been told that they would never give birth to their own child? Initially James had been angry and his temper flared with Katie jumping in to try to restrain and calm him; Marge had made Katie refrain, and James’ anger went through a whole range of other emotions until he began sobbing like a baby. He could not cope with feeling powerless, useless, frustrated and out of his depth. As her lover and the man in her life he had this intrinsic belief that he should shoulder all of her hurt and pain; but he couldn’t because he hadn’t come to terms with his own.

After taking a break for a cigarette on the balcony, they started again, and James was given the space and freedom to explore his own reactions to the loss of the baby, the horror at discovering what had happened to Katie, and how he saw their relationship. There were lots of tears, swearing, stomping and anger, James especially taken by surprise at how much he had stored up and how the events had affected him. Without a doubt they had had a profound affect, but he had thought himself unworthy of grieving for the baby when it wasn’t his and when he wasn’t in a relationship with Katie at that point.

He and Katie often hugged one another as they bared their souls, unashamedly sobbing when they became upset. By the end of the session, they were both utterly exhausted emotionally, but it had been very productive; with James being the first to say how much he had gained from the whole experience. When Marge wondered if he would be willing to attend the next session, James had said yes without hesitation.
The two hours had flown by, and there was so much that they hadn’t even touched upon, like the advice they had about not moving in together and how they had moved their relationship on.

On arriving home they could smell the beautiful aroma of homemade curry. “Mavis,” smiled James knowingly, taking off his suit jacket, and carrying it over his arm as he walked through to the kitchen.
Mavis had used the leftover lamb, and the curry was doing very nicely on a low heat in the oven.
“That woman is indispensable,” Katie chuckled. “I’m going to have to watch her, but then we’ve been through that one before as I recall.”
“I need to shower and change,” whispered James, bestowing a light kiss beneath Katie’s right ear. “Want to join me?”
“Actually I think I will. I’d forgotten how much I hate wearing suits. I’m going to have to get used to them when I go back to work.”
“Have a talk with Martin; maybe he’ll let you off unless you have a high profile meeting to attend.”
“I can but try,” Katie muttered as she and James walked up the stairs together.

“Are you having second thoughts about going back to work?” asked James, throwing his shirt down onto the bed. “ ‘Cos you know you don’t have to go back. I won’t mind.”
“No, I do want to go back,” Katie insisted. “It’s just I have no idea if I can manage with the long hours.” She sat on the bed and stared at him. “ I used to work upto 20 hours a day James; how the hell did I manage? If I do that I will hardly see you and I won’t see a whole lot of you as it is once the record is out and the next tour starts. It’s going to be bloody bad enough when this round of promotion goes into overdrive.”
James sat down beside her, and pulled her into his torso, kissing the top of her head soothingly; “Martin’s not an unreasonable man Katie, and don’t forget Terri; she knows nothing about this yet but when she does she’ll be very supportive. We’ll find a solution that suits everyone; rest assured.”
“I shouldn’t even be worrying about it though should I? When I go back I’m on light duties, and Martin has already said we can take it slowly. I’m being stupid as per usual.”
“You are not being stupid! Your trying to take care of yourself, and why shouldn’t you? Dare I say that before all of this you were a real career woman, but now events have given you a new sense of perspective; you don’t have the same priorities as you once did.”
“Plus I’m being incredible selfish and possessive by wanting to spend as much time with you as possible. I’m not sure that’s so healthy.”
“If it isn’t we’re both guilty of it then, because that’s how I feel, but I don’t want to stifle you; you’ve always been so independent and forthright, and that’s one of the things that first attracted me to you.”
“What you mean is that I was a bolshy cow!” Katie laughed madly, tapping him on his thigh.
“You intrigued me! I loved the fact that you would argue your point and not get intimidated by the four of us screaming at you when you were right, but you would also listen to us when we explained ourselves; that meant a lot.”
“Umm, and I guess as the novelty of being together wears off, we’ll actually want to spend more time apart won’t we?” she teased, her fingers twining with the hairs at the nape of his neck.
“Bloody hope not,” James chuckled, capturing her mouth in a heady kiss.

“Hello,” said James brightly into the phone. “Nicky! How are you doing mate? Yeah it went ok for the most part, but we’ve been advised not to move in together yet, which is a bitch. Oh, it’s a long story mate; I’ll tell you about it tomorrow when we get there ok? Or you could just ask Martin, second thoughts, that won’t work will it?”
Katie glanced up from her book and smiled as James curled his legs beneath him on the sofa, ready for a good chat with his friend. Suddenly she realised, since that night when he had gone to her home and then gone to the hospital with her, he hadn’t been out for a drink, or gone round to Sean’s or Nick’s.   The two of them had become cocooned in their own little bubble and it needed to change.

“How are Seany and Nick coping?” she asked when James put the phone back down, putting down her book and snuggling into him.
“They’re doing ok, and surprisingly Seany isn’t complaining too much,” he giggled. “Martin only got there a couple of hours ago, cos the bloody flight was delayed, so he’s fuming. Thankfully, Martin had managed to persuade Terri to get there earlier today rather than tomorrow, so she’s kept them in line really.”
“I was thinking.”
“Now I’m worried!”
“OI!” she cried, tapping him on his thigh. “Behave. I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted, why don’t you and the guys get together on Saturday when us girls are going out? You know you haven’t been out for a long while.”
“Guess we could,” he muttered without much enthusiasm. “But Nick’s not too keen on going out these days, and it won’t be the same if we have to baby-sit the girls; mainly because they’ll want to play all night and we’ll spoil them rotten.”
“That’s ok. You don’t have to get drunk to have a good time you know. It’s just you haven’t spent any time with them for quite a while; apart from working I mean. You need to get out and have fun.”
“Well, I like staying in and having fun,” James drawled sexily.
“You need friends James. It’s not good for us to not spend time with others.”
“I know that, and my friends also appreciate that right now I want to be with you, and what’s more, they understand why.”
“For now they do, but one day they won’t. One day you’ll go to them and they’ll be like ‘oh, so NOW you want to know us? Well fuck off’; don’t neglect them James, please.”
“You’re right. I promise I’ll discuss it with them and get something organised, even if it isn’t for this weekend.” James nibbled the soft flesh around her neck, his right hand seeking a way into her shorts.
“Erm, Ooh James! You are a bad, bad boy!”
“And the problem with that is…?”
“Nothing.” Katie gasped at James’ finger touching her just where and how she liked it.

“Passport?”
“Yes and you?”
“Yes.”
“Tickets?”
“Yes. Hotel confirmation?”
“Yes indeedy!”
“Got all your clothes packed?”
“Yes, and you?”
“Yes, you know that.”
“Couldn’t resist,” James smirked.
“Name that we’re booked under?”
“Mr and Mrs Sartre.”
“Umm, I kinda like that.”
“Go figure.”
“You dirty thing, you.”
“Hot or not?”
“Hot”

“Stop it!” yelled James, the persistent sound of he alarm irritating him.
“Time to get up,” Katie yawned, stretching till her arms touched him.
“Fuck off.”
“Oh James,” she smiled.
“Go to fucking hell! It can’t be time.”
“It is,” she laughed, touching the alarm to turn it off.   “I do declare that it’s your fault that we didn’t get to sleep straight away! You wanting to keep chatting.”
“Are you arguing with me?” he yawned.
“Yes I am! Want to do something about it?”
“I don’t have the energy,” he yawned.
“Now that,” she smirked lasciviously, “is such a let down.”
“Why you!” James exclaimed.
“Umm, I know. Come and get me then.”
“Hmm, you are wicked!”
“Care to show me how much?”
“Do we have enough time?”

They made love in the sense that they were both intimate with one another; it was not full penetrative sex at all, but it was slow, deliberate and with emotion that was quite breath taking.

Martin had organised a car to collect them from the airport and take them to the hotel, once there; they hardly had time to unpack before Terri was knocking on their door, ready to take them to join Sean and Nicky at a radio interview.
Terri and Katie stayed outside of the studio whilst the guys conducted their interview, watching from the anteroom. James was more subdued that was usual but thankfully both Sean and Nicky were on sparkling form and ensured that there was no awkward silences or pauses.
Part of the interview comprised of a phone in from listeners. Most of the questions were about their music and how it had changed over the years; was there anything they would do differently; how do they continue to find inspiration and ideas. Then James received a question from a male fan asking if he thought he was missing out on anything when Sean and Nicky were married and had such happy and fulfilling family lives with children, whilst he was on his own. All eyes glanced at Katie, she stared down at her feet, hoping that he wouldn’t blow a gasket and start shouting at the poor chap to shut up. Thankfully, James grinned and said; “Well, I’m not married right now but I have to say that there is someone very special in my life, and she’s here on this trip with me. Her name is Katie and if I’m lucky, one day she’ll say yes and marry me.”
“And will you be wanting to have children together?” asked the DJ.
“That’s for Mother Nature to decide,” he giggled nervously, unsure of what else to say, and flashing a ‘help me, please!’ glance at Katie who could do nothing but shrug her shoulders.

“Katie what is it?” asked Terri, concerned for her colleague and friend. “Martin told me that we all needed to talk. Is it something to do with the change in plans?”
“I think we need to talk about this back at the hotel. Why don’t you come to our room before we go down for something to eat?”
“Sounds fine, and I am really pleased for the pair of you, you know. I know that you haven’t been together long, but hell fire, if ever a couple was made for each other it’s you and James, and from what I hear it’s getting deeper and deeper for you both. Certainly suits our James does the ‘I’m in love’ look.”
Katie sniggered and blushed slightly. “You’ve been talking with Nicky!”
“Actually Sean, Nicky and Martin all said the same thing; they’re all so chuffed for you. Heavens, it’s taken long enough. Phil often used to say that you both couldn’t see what was under your noses, and that you needed to have your heads banged together.”
“Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be when we were younger. Perhaps it wouldn’t have worked then, I don’t know but what ever, it’s going ok now and that’s what matters.”
“Going well! That was almost a marriage proposal in there!” Terri said in excitement. “Plus you know very well that usually if anyone tries to ask him a personal question he tells them where to go, in no uncertain terms! He was so relaxed and happy talking about you Katie; you’ve bewitched him.”
“I’m not so sure that that is a good thing,” Katie laughed, glancing across at James, who winked at her and blew her a kiss, much to the delight of Nicky and Sean who began teasing him about it, and James joined in the playful banter.
“See what I mean? You have performed a minor miracle on that man, I swear!” Terri and Katie hugged as they giggled at the boys’ antics.

After a couple more interviews they were able to go back to the hotel to freshen up and get something to eat before having some TV appearances to attend. Terri popped round as planned and James and Katie explained to her as best that they could, the unfolding events and the current state of play. Terri couldn’t hide her shock and asked Katie how the hell she had managed to continue to do her job at Hall or Nothing when such trauma was hanging over her. Katie had confessed that she had more or less gone on automatic pilot, but that there were indeed times when she’d just felt like screaming and smashing things out of despair and frustration.

The worst part though was informing her about the baby, and her inability to conceive or carry her own child now. James spoke frankly about the turmoil he went through as he watched her suffering, but also of their determination that HE wouldn’t win; with that in mind, they told Terri about the counselling and about the help they had from Derren. Yeah things had been tough for them and it wasn’t the best way to start a relationship but they were lucky because they had each other.

Martin hadn’t told Terri very much at all when she had quizzed him because he was more stressed and anxious than usual in recent times, now she knew why. His excuse had been ‘something personal Terri’ and he had refused to say anything more very obviously to protect Katie.

During their meal, Nicky and Sean had discussed some of the funnier things that had happened to them since they arrived and Mitch had shown James and Katie some of the pictures that he’d taken, all in an attempt to lift everyone’s spirits, but there was still on uncomfortable aura around. The one thing they all wanted to know about but no one dared ask about was why they would not now be moving in together. As Nicky watched the interaction between Katie and James, he realised that he couldn’t really remember them not being a couple; it was just the most natural thing in the world for these two people to be in a relationship. They were so at ease and no one could deny the love that shone from them, if only it wasn’t tempered with so much pain.

“If you want to know something,” said James, his glance darting around the table to look at each of them, “Why don’t you just ask us. I promise we won’t bite.”
“The ‘why’s’ and ‘wherefore’s’ don’t really matter do they? It’s just bad that you won’t be living as a couple, but you can still continue to stay over with each other, I take it?” asked Sean softly.
“Erm, well I think that if Katie’s solicitor gets to hear about what I said in those interviews, that I’ll be in big trouble. It was all about protecting Katie in a roundabout way, but we’re being made to feel like we’ve done something wrong, and we haven’t; all we did was fall in love.”
“No you didn’t,” exclaimed Nicky. “You’ve been in love for bloody years. What you did was finally acknowledge it.”
“Well I wouldn’t say that was a bad thing either,” added James. “We’ve both helped each other, and it’s not as if this is some brief fling is it now?”
“No, but her solicitor had good reason for it James,” sighed Martin heavily, he could see things from both points of view and didn’t want to upset James. “He’s just trying to safeguard her reputation and stop that pervert from having anymore ammunition.”
“What do you mean ‘anymore ammunition’ huh?” barked James.
“I’m sorry it didn’t come out right,” protested Martin, holding his head in his hands. “But they warned you that he would fight dirty and they just want to restrict any possible crap he can throw at you.”
“James,” whispered Katie gently stroking his arm. “Don’t make a scene.”
“I won’t, don’t worry honey,” James smiled. “It just irks me that that loathsome, foul scum has so much bloody power and control that’s all. You’ve done nothing to be ashamed of but plenty of people are telling you how to live your life and it’s not right. How can there be any justification in not letting you be happy?”
“But I am happy,” she squeezed his hand firmly with hers and smiled at him. “We’re still together aren’t we? It just means that I can’t completely move in for a while.”
“Try for practically three months; that’s a long time if you ask me.”
“It feels like that now but you’ll be away doing the video soon, then there’ll be the rehearsals for the tour and the single to promote. We’ll hardly notice it.”
“Umm,” uttered James less than convinced.
Katie hugged him, kissed him briefly on his lips and rubbed her face against his; “you bad tempered little Welsh Smurf you!”
James’ grimace relaxed into a wonderfully child-like grin and everyone around the table started whooping and teasing him in good-natured exchanges, with James responding by kissing Katie warmly.
“What am I going to with you?” he asked nibbling at her neck delightfully softly.
“Whoa no!” cried Terri. “I think we can ALL imagine the answer to that!”
The whole table laughed raucously as James and Katie held each other and joined in with the frivolity.

All too soon it was back off on the publicity train, the band finally getting back to their hotel at the unearthly hour (to Nicky) of 3a.m. James and Katie, it had to be said, were ecstatic. At each and every interview they had done, James and the guys had mentioned Katie and credited her with giving James a calmness and also a depth that he hadn’t possessed previously. James had surprisingly agreed with this, stating that it was ‘amazing what the love of a good woman could do’.

“You know that you’ve let your ‘hard man’ mask slip don’t you?” grinned Katie snuggling up to James in bed that night/morning.
“Do I care?” he asked, his fingers starting to stroke her and make her moan.
“I would hope not. Your sensitive side will bring you new fans you know.”
“Umm, more competition for you then.”
“You don’t say,” Katie said, swatting his accomplished fingers away. “Should I worry?” She propped herself up onto her elbows and gave him her pet lip pout.
“I think you may have to work a little harder!” he chuckled.
“That’s not fair.”
“Ahh, but so many temptations…I need a reminder of what I’ll be losing.”
“You need reminding?” Katie asked, askanced.
“I merely need something to compare,” he joked.
“Ahh, so you intend to sample their goods do you?” she teased in reply.
“Not necessarily,” James winked, “unless they REALLY try hard to tempt me.”
“Then I need to jog your memory don’t I? Make you recall why you love me so much.” Katie kissed him deeply and slowly but resisted his demands to deepen the kiss yet further.
“That’s not enough ammunition you know,” he drawled when they parted, his hands still rubbing up and down her backbone; loving the way she squirmed beneath his touch.
“Ahh, the word of the night ‘ammunition’!”
“Behave now!”
“Or?”
“Or I may just make you the happiest woman on earth.”

“Sure you don’t wanna try that with someone else?” she goaded.
“Not in the least!” James smirked, just like a little boy, pulling her down onto him for a passionate, deep kiss, his hands roaming over her body as he whimpered into their hot kiss.
“James I love you,” Katie murmured.
“Shush,” he muttered. “Let me love you.”
“Like you don’t?”
“Shut up!” he giggled
“Or?” Katie goaded once more.
“Or…I don’t know. I can’t think of what you would hate apart from me stopping.” Swiftly and nimbly he spun her over so that she was beneath him.
“Hmm, well there you go then!”
“So you quite like this then?” James queried, as he let is tongue roam down her body.
“Erm…it’s OK!” she spluttered pulling at the bedding, his tongue roaming around her midriff.
“I can stop sugar.”
“You can but you bloody well won’t if you know what’s good for you.”
“Threatening violence now? I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“ Me neither but if you keep…WHOA! OH hell James!” Katie threw her head back into the pillow and grasped James mouth firmly down. It was astonishing just how alive this man could make her feel: her pussy throbbing and convulsing with desire under his tongue’s probing yet delicate touch.
“Shush baby,” James smirked, his tongue still lapping purposefully at her opening.
“Don’t-you-fucking-shush-me!” Katie gasped, grasping hold harder on the bedding and ripping it away from the bed, quite literally.
“We’ll have to pay for that,” shined James, letting his index finger briefly take over from his tongue.
“Oh fuck! Please James.”
He smirked at her once again, his body rising over hers, kissing her each and every step of the way. “Is this what you want?” he asked his throbbing stiff cock ready to enter her.
“No,” said Katie making James glare at her in confusion. “Of course it is baby,” she gently smiled. “Make love with me James. Please baby.”

Gently he slid into her as he kissed her passionately, his mouth soft, gentle yet determined in it’s probing whilst his fingers stroked her tenderly igniting the flames and making her burn under his touch. “I love you Katie,” James panted. “So very fucking much.” His eyes were clouded over with love and a deep sense of longing. He needed her; he wanted her, but ultimately he wanted to make her happy and Katie knew that.
Katie raised her legs around him, urging him closer and deeper into her, nibbling on James’ shoulders and raking her nails over his bare flesh, making James hiss under her touch. “Deeper James, please.”
“I-don’t-wanna-hurt-you,” he stammered.
“Just love me James. Make love the way you want to, stop worrying about what’s happened before.” Katie grabbed him firmly by his arse and urged him to thrust firmer. “Be natural honey.”
“Katie…”
“James,” she whispered. “You won’t hurt me.”
“Oh Katie!”

Katie pulled him into her with her legs, hitching them around him and moving them to guide him; her fingers digging into his back whilst she whispered her desires into his ears. She surprised him after some time by turning him beneath her and dictating the thrusts. James latched his hands onto her breasts and kneaded them fervently, raising his head occasionally to suckle on them, and tease them with his teeth.

They bellowed as they came together; exhausted yet utterly fulfilled and complete; relishing the closeness and the intimacy that they now shared.
“Oh baby,” James sighed, guiding her head down to his chest after sweeping her hair off her face. “I am so lucky to have you in my life.”
“Hmm, I know,” Katie snickered playfully, tugging at the few hairs James had upon his chest with her fingers before bestowing tender, playful, mischievous kisses upon him. “Just remember that.”
“Like I could ever forget,” he proclaimed, spinning her over so that she was now beneath him, his fingers stroking gently around her face.
“James?”
“Yes honey.”
“How tired are you?”
“Depends,” answered James. “What are you after?”
“I’m not AFTER anything as such,” teased Katie, beaming broadly. “I was thinking of giving you a little something, IF you’re ready obviously.”
James smirked. “Darling, if you’re ok with that then I am not going to say no!”
“Mmm, so you’d quite like me to take you in my mouth and…”
“Yes!” interjected James. “I’m going to have to get used to you talking suggestively, let alone coarsely,” he declared. “Damn but it’s so- EROTIC!” His voice jumped up an octave as Katie took his penis in her mouth and began sucking eagerly on him.

Part 13 >>> coming soon

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