janey_in-the-beginning

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IN THE BEGINNING by Janey (Prequel to Relationships)

As soon as she entered the room he knew that he knew her from somewhere; but where? He racked his brain. He smiled and watched her glide around the room, her smile genuine and bright; she was at ease. “Jen,” he muttered without realising that other people had actually heard him, making him blush furiously when they stared at him. Swiftly he apologised and explained that he was talking to himself. She looked so very different yet still so utterly beautiful. His dad had heard him and turned to follow his son’s gaze: ‘so that’s why he’s suddenly so interested and alert!’

She had also noticed him when she had scanned the room on her arrival. For years they hadn’t seen each other yet in the course of the last 18 months she had seen him quite a few times, albeit very fleetingly. ‘Richey!’ – she had fallen in love with his Bambi eyes and truly magnificent pout immediately, unfortunately it was very difficult to get him to engage in much meaningful conversation due to his often inebriated state, and when he wasn’t drunk he was notoriously shy.

Jen had often wondered how he managed to shag so many groupies; he would often disappear with them and that was another reason why it was hard to talk with him. Philip though had explained that Richey hardly said a word to the girls concerned; they would approach him. He would then nod or just say ‘yes’, they would find somewhere, shag, and go their separate ways.

“Go over and talk with her Richey,” said Graham quietly to his son. “Everytime you see her you go gooey and love struck and she is so very obviously interested in you.”
“Maybe later when I’ve had a few more drinks,” he mused. “The rejection won’t be as bad then.”
“I don’t want to nag you but don’t drink too much. It’s a big thing for the fans of yours that are here and I’m sure they want you to remember it.”

Sony were throwing them a party after a sell out first leg UK tour, rave reviews and great album sales. Richey had also written the lyrics to several successful songs for other artists and the band had written songs for several films and had been nominated for quite a few awards. In fact, all four of them were in demand individually too.

One hundred fans had won a competition to attend the party and mix with the guys and their families. Jen was there as a guest of Terri’s; she was a neighbour of Philips and Terri and a photographer. Many years previously when both she and Manic Street Preachers were starting out, she had done a photoshoot with them, which lasted for three days. At the time the guys had complained and been very hostile but eventually they had a lot of fun doing it. Jen had held sessions according to themes and they had been able to act out some of their hopes and wishes. Ultimately because it was their own interests that she was exploring, they had gained a lot more from the experience than they had thought possible.

Straight away Jen had been drawn to Richey. He always seemed so out of place yet as soon as the lights and camera were on him, he was the consummate professional and posed like he’d been doing it forever. Unfortunately it was hard for her to get to know him because 80% of the time he was pissed and the other 20% he was either asleep or nursing a hangover.

James had been very different though. Initially he had been brash and irritable but he had quickly warmed to her and would tease her, making her laugh so that she couldn’t hold the camera steady. They got on extremely well together and at the end of shoot party that she threw for them, the two of them had had a slow dance and then spent a lot of time snogging. Jen knew though that even though she thoroughly adored him, it wouldn’t go anywhere; there wasn’t enough there for that, but they enjoyed the flirting. Both of them so comfortable with one another and it happened more than once.
They did another shoot six months later but then it was years until they all saw each other again and by then, they had all made their mark and become renowned.

Jenny had changed a lot. When she had worked with them she had had short spiked hair that was coloured bright red; these days her hair was long and back to it’s natural ash blonde colour, hence why Richey had difficulty in remembering where he knew her from.

Jen smiled at Terri after taking a glass of white wine and then walked over and gave her a big hug. “You look great Terri! So do the guys; they’ve done you proud.”
Terri tittered. “Philip read them the riot act promising to do all kinds of despicable things if they showed him up, so even though Nicky is wearing a dress, it’s very sober and his make-up is understated.”
“Well I think they look great. Richey especially,” Jen blushed taking another sip of her wine and watching him furtively.
“This is plain crazy!” exclaimed Terri with mock derision. “The pair of you have had a thing for each other since the first time that you met. Everytime you’ve been near one another recently, it’s been all you talk about but infuriatingly you won’t do anything about it.”

“I couldn’t cope with the groupies Terri.”
“Yes you could, because you love him. His drinking; his cutting; his mental health issues and his anorexia haven’t scared you off; give yourself a chance to get to know him. You’ll be very happy but I admit that it won’t be easy.”
Jen was about to answer when a pair of strong, muscular arms suddenly wrapped around her waist. “Jen,” whispered James seductively, kissing her neck. “It’s great to see you and you look beautiful! Different but beautiful and I can see that Richey is practically salivating over there. You should go and say hi.”
“I’ve just been bugging her too,” said Terri.

Aware that she didn’t stand much of a chance against Terri and James, Jen moaned: “Ok I’ll go over, so stop nagging me will you?” She pulled a face, took a deep breath and headed over for Richey, hoping that he knew who the hell she was.
Graham smiled when he noticed Jen walking towards them; maybe now something would happen.
“Graham,” said Jen brightly. “It’s great to see you again after all this time. You’re looking well but I don’t see Sherry.”
He hugged her and explained; “She’s not very well, a bad case of flu and Rachel has stayed at home with her to take care of her. She really wanted to come, knowing that you’d be here.”
“I’m surprised that either of you remember me,” Jen giggled nervously. “I’ve only met you both briefly a couple of times.”

“We follow your career,” explained Graham. “Hard not to, especially with Richey.” Without elaborating he smiled enigmatically and walked away leaving Jen and Richey staring awkwardly at each other.
“I’m glad you came,” Richey eventually spluttered self-consciously but his smile was radiant and genuine. “I hoped that you would when Terri said she had invited you.”
“I wasn’t sure that you’d remember or recognise me.”
“How could I forget?” he blushed.
“You say the sweetest things.”

Jen and Richey spent most of the party together, Richey reluctantly leaving her when he was required to spend sometime with the fans. Jen danced with James, Nick, Sean, Martin and Philip and although she was enjoying it, she really wanted to be alone somewhere quiet with Richey so that they could talk. He would no doubt laugh at her when she told him how she felt but it was something that she had to do. She had to know if there was even the slightest glimmer of hope for them.

Off all of the men to fall for and more to the point continue to be drawn to, she couldn’t have found anyone who was less ‘long term relationship friendly’ than Richey. He shagged groupies never knowing their names and was incredibly insular. He would be a hard man to love and be in love with, but Jen had nothing to lose by trying, nothing at all. Towards the end of the night, when the fans began to drift away, Jen saw an opportunity to be able to get Richey alone for a chat.
“Richey,” she managed with a good deal more bravado than she actually possessed. “Can I see you alone for a while?”
Richey’s mind was ticking over furiously; this was his chance and nervous as he was, he was determined to grab it with both hands, bite the bullet and ask if he could take her out. Of course she would laugh at him because he wasn’t relationship material, but at least he could tell his father that he had tried.
“Come with me,” said Richey. “I know a quiet corner where we won’t get disturbed.”

Jen followed him down a few corridors until he eventually opened a door and invited her in. It was a staffroom with a fridge, microwave, watercooler, kettle, cups, glasses, tea, coffee and several comfy chairs.
“It looks quite homely in here,” she remarked, standing in the middle of the room.
“It is,” smiled Richey, he then coughed and shuffled about a bit, obviously agitated and anxious. “I’m glad we’re alone because there’s something that I need to say to you. I know that you asked me here to talk to me but if I don’t say this now I don’t think I ever will.”

“Feel free,” Jen said with a warm smile, gesturing with her hands for him to continue. Richey ruffled up his hair, his nerves getting the better of him. “I don’t bite!” Thankfully it took the edge out of the situation.
“I was wondering if maybe we could, well that is…look, I know that I’m a big fuck up, but I’ve liked you for ages. Do you think maybe that we could do something together? Go out, that is.”
Jen flopped her head down in relief, a huge beaming smile spreading over her lips in sheer delight. “Oh Richey,” she sighed. “I was going to say pretty much the same thing; not that I’d call you a fuck up myself.”

Richey was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “My dad will be pleased.”
“Your dad?” Jen asked, confused as to what he was alluding to.
“Ever since we first met he’s had to put up with me talking incessantly about you.”
“Ah, that’s why he made that comment earlier! Now I understand.”
Richey nodded lamely in agreement. “I can’t believe this. I’d be lying to you if I said it was going to be plain sailing, you know my problems well enough and I’ve never done relationships; hell I’ve never done love. But I am willing to try, I want to make you happy.”
“Just be who you are Richey. Don’t ever lie to me, however bad something seems we can talk about it, but please, don’t ever lie to me.”

“Well if it’s honesty you want, my behaviour isn’t going to get any better overnight; it’s who I am.”
“No Rich, it’s a PART of who you are, there’s a difference. And, if you must go with groupies don’t flaunt it at me; and no that is not lying, it’s protecting me. I know that you’ll do it I just ask that you don’t rub my face in it.”
Richey looked downcast and sad. “I don’t want to because I feel so strongly for you, but I will hurt you. All I can say is that I will never deliberately hurt you Jen.”
“Richey.” Jen walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder and caressed his face with her other hand. “Like you said, I know your problems so I am under no illusions, but together we can try.”
Reassured, Richey embraced her. “If we’re officially dating does this mean that I can kiss you?”
Jen giggled and looked coyly at him. “After all these years of wanting you to, I insist on it!”

When his warm plump lips met hers, Jen thought that she would dissolve onto the floor. A liquid heat ran through her body and butterflies fluttered madly in her stomach. He tasted of cigarettes and booze but she didn’t care; she was with Richey and they were cuddling and enjoying their first proper kiss. What could be better?

Her lips parted and Richey sighed as he slid his tongue gently forward and began to probe her warm welcoming mouth. He rarely kissed groupies and when he did it was perfunctory and down to their insistence and persistence. This was so different. This was evoking and awakening emotions and sensations he never thought possible. He could stay and wallow in the perfection of that kiss forever. The goosebumps over his arms and the burning heat in his groin like nothing he had ever encountered, and his stomach was turning somersaults. His realisation of the true depth of his emotions both frightening and yet exhilarating.

Jen and Richey had been a couple for three months when Martin, Terri, Philip, Graham and Sherry all colluded with her to enable her to join him as a surprise when the band was in Tokyo. Both of them getting frustrated at the amount of time that they had to spend apart. They had had a one month break after the first leg of an UK tour before embarking on a ‘rest of the world’ tour. At least it would all be over soon. In two weeks they would return home for a final handful of gigs in Wales, and Jen couldn’t wait.

Philip arranged for a car to collect her from the airport and take her to the hotel; once there she would go to Richey’s room and wait for him to return. When they got to the hotel Philip had a message to phone Martin, so he did straight away; Richey had left straight after the gig, apparently on his own so Martin thought it prudent to let Philip know because he was more than likely to be heading back to the hotel. As soon as she had registered and collected her key, Philip wished her well and the porter took her bags upstairs.

She gave the porter a tip and then entered the room, wanting to walk in on her own. This would be the first time that they had shared a hotel room and she was nervous. They had only made love a couple of times, each one very special, leaving her amazed at Richey’s prowess. Not surprisingly Richey astounded himself by how much he enjoyed making love and he was eager to learn and make Jen happy.

As she walked around the room Jen smiled, talk about plush! It was sumptuous and evidently expensive. Then she heard a whimpering noise and thinking that it would be Richey drinking himself into a stupor opened a door that she figured would be the bedroom.

It was.

Jen stood open mouthed unable to say anything or move from the shock of what she was seeing. Richey was on top of the bed, still wearing a t-shirt but his jeans and boxers were pushed down to his thighs and astride him, bouncing up and down, was a big-breasted auburn haired girl – her long hair covering her face.

Despite being shocked what really caught her interest was the look of abject boredom on Richey’s face. He was just lying there apparently getting nothing out of the event.
Taking a deep breath, Jen found her voice: “I think it’s time for you to leave.” She walked over to a pile of discarded clothes topped with a skimpy black lace bra and matching briefs picked them up and deposited them in the bathroom. “Get dressed and go. You are not welcome in my bed.”

The girl stopped and was most indignant when Richey pushed her off and hurriedly took off the condom, threw it away in the nearby bin, got up off the bed and put his clothes on properly. The glare he gave the girl left her in no doubt that she had to leave and she was livid.
“How dare you! He’s not that great a fuck anyway,” she spat rushing to the bathroom.
“Then you would mind going will you?” blasted Jen angrily.

“Sorry,” muttered Richey, unable to look at Jen as he sat on the edge of the bed staring down at the floor.
Jen gazed at him and moved near him, crouched in front of him and stroked his face. “Never in your hotel room Richey; never again. I came here because the others said that you were a miserable bastard and missing me, so we organised a little surprise. I’ve missed you so much.”
What unsettled Richey the most was Jen being so remarkably calm and in control, little did he know that deep inside she was fuming and shaking with the rage; the surprise definitely on her.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t even enjoying it. I’d just got back and had sunk quite a bit of vodka pretty quickly and was about to watch some mindless junk on T.V. when there was a knock at the door. Next thing I know she’s telling me how much she loves me and that she can make me feel better.”
“Only she hasn’t.”
“No, she hasn’t.”
The door to the bathroom violently swung open and the angry girl stormed to the main door. “You are a lousy fuck Richey James!” she snarled, slamming the door behind her in a parting shot.

Tenderly Jen kissed Richey on his quivering lips. “I’m not going anywhere honey.” She then picked up the phone and dialled ‘0’ for reception.
“What are you doing?” queried Richey but Jen merely smiled enigmatically. “Hello I’m from room 303, could someone from housekeeping please bring us some fresh bedlinen? Thank you so much,” she said pretty jovially in the circumstances. “I won’t sleep in a bed that smells of you having sex with another woman.”
“Jen I…” he started to say, but Jen silenced him with a deep kiss.

With fresh crisp linen on the bed, a freshly showered Richey and Jen got into bed and cuddled.
“Richey, I need to ask you something,” said Jen hesitantly, resting her head on his chest.
“Go on,” Richey sighed feeling sick in the pit of his stomach.
“Do you want me to be your girlfriend or a friend who’s a casual fuck? I just need to know.”
“I want you to be my girlfriend; you’re very special to me, though I can see how that must sound laughable given the bizarre even of earlier.”
“As long as you’re sure. Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear; no lies remember?”
“I am being truthful.” Very gently he lifted her head with his fingers under her chin and smiled to her. “I love you Jen but I know that I don’t deserve you.”
“I think that that’s for me to decide, don’t you?” she grinned.

“Bloody hell!” exclaimed Sean at breakfast the next morning. “I wasn’t expecting you two to surface until at least lunchtime.”
“We like to surprise people,” giggled Jen, taking her seat at the large table.
“I’ve got another surprise,” announced Richey, and even Jen seemed shocked.
“Oh bloody hell,” groaned Nicky. “Is it good or bad?”
“Definitely good,” grinned Richey impishly. “Jen and I are officially in a serious relationship and I’m going to cut down on my drinking, get help to stop cutting and with the anorexia, and I am DEFINITELY, not shagging anymore groupies.”
“RICHEY!” was the collective gasp from those around the table.

Richey took Jen’s right hand in both of his and held it to his lips, bestowing a kiss on each of the fingertips. “I mean it Jen. I want us to work out and I know that in order for that to happen I have to put a lot of effort in. I love you honey; very, very much.”
“Baby don’t take on too much,” smiled Jen warmly, genuinely touched by his public declaration. “Let’s take each day as it comes.”
“That sounds sensible to me,” said Nicky. “It’s a lot to undertake all in one go; you need to find some constructive coping mechanisms. Something you haven’t yet been able to do.”

“What about you Jen?” asked James with concern. “Are you sure about this? It isn’t going to be easy.”
“I know, I knew that we started seeing each other. The fact that we are still together astounds me at times, but I didn’t go into this blind.”
“I didn’t mean that,” explained James. “You’ve known us for years, I think you make a great couple, I’m just not so sure that you can cope with all the pressure, the despair and the guilt that goes with being close to Richey.”
“You sound like you’ve given up on him,” fired Jen angrily.
“James is being honest Jen,” offered Richey. “I’ve been pissed and cut since I’ve been with you but you haven’t been there to see it, cope with it and then pick up the pieces or clean up. I’m a fuck up Jen.”
“Well you’re MY fuck up!” proclaimed Jen kissing him. “And after spending years fancying you and saying nothing, I am not about to walk away; that groupie incident last night should have told you that.”

A puzzled look worked its way around all of the faces at the table.
“Jen walked in on me being fucked by a groupie last night,” said Richey without missing a beat.
“WHAT?”
Another collective sigh of shock echoed around the table.
“It’s no big deal,” announced Jen. “Actually I’ve never known Richey seem so bored and disinterested. I told her to go; she did. We had clean linen put on the bed and then showered and made love. Now I don’t know what you think of me for that, but I love Richey and won’t let some bimbo come between us.”

“Jen we’re worried; for both of you,” said Philip with genuine concern but also warmth. “Like James said, there’s a lot of guilt that goes with this.”
“I’ve already told her that I’ll hurt her,” Richey stumbled before adding for clarification: “I’ll never knowingly hurt her. I feel so fortunate that Jen is even willing to consider being with me, and I’ve never experienced anything like this before. It scares the fuck out of me but it’s also the most exhilarating sensation I’ve ever known.”
“So this is your decision then?” asked Martin. “That speaks volumes and I’m proud of you for not running away from it Rich. Plus, for what it’s worth Jen, I think it shows how deeply you care for Richey, and like you said, you’re not blind.”

“I don’t know whether to admire you or think you’re foolish,” admitted Sean. “What I do know is that it’s totally obvious that you adore each other and it always has been, from that first photo shoot we did with you.”
“That’s when I first fell under his spell and I’ve found him irresistible ever since. Unfortunately I was utterly captivated by the little imp.”
“Look guys,” said Richey. “I understand that you’re concerned and I appreciate it, we both do. Now I’ve promised Jen that I won’t lie to her and you’ve heard me promise that I won’t go with any groupies, but please, treat us as you would any other couple.”
“Of course we will Richey,” said James. “That’s what you are. Does that also mean that if you carve yourself we can tell her because you won’t let us tell your parents the gory details.”
Richey looked at Jen and asked her what she wanted. Jen understandably wanted to know the truth.
“So, you tell her the truth; no lies.”

Nicky joined James in the grounds of the hotel for a walk after breakfast.
“How do you feel about Jen and Richey? You and Jen are pretty close.”
“You’re talking about the snogging we did after slow dances and stuff! We flirt like hell but it will never happen.”
“Not jealous or anything?” Nicky wished he could confide in his friend how he felt but he couldn’t.
“No! I think they make a fine couple. It won’t be easy but she’s a strong woman.”
“Yeah that’s what I thought. I love Jen and I think that they’re a great couple but this could be hell, especially if it goes pearshaped, I dread to think of what Richey would be like. It’s been such a big thing for him to contemplate a relationship let alone actually be in one. Then there’s the sex thing. Richey’s always said he feels nothing during sex, jealousy scares him and he’s worried he’ll be consumed by it.” Nicky stared into James soft hazel eyes and smiled. He always enjoyed being alone with him like this.
“Maybe,” declared James optimistically, “we’re being pessimistic and this relationship will be the making of him; the beginning of a new chapter if you like.”
“I hope so,” Nicky smirked.
The two friends ‘high-fived’ and continued their walk, the jokey repartee flowing easily.

Jen and Richey cuddled after making love, Richey drowsy yet relaxed and also strangely energetic; only now did he understand what people meant when they spoke of ‘fulfilling’ sex and the glorious warmth that encapsulates you. He had a contentment and serenity he had never known before, nor had he believed it possible for such a state to exist.

Jen sighed; she loved hearing Richey’s heartbeat settle down after they made love, and loved watching the relaxing glow radiate over him whilst his body slowly recovered. Slowly she lifted her head, kissed him sweetly on his lips and smiled; “I love you Richey.”
“I love you too,” he responded pulling her into him for a more passionate kiss and embrace. “And that is something that I never thought I would say to anyone other than Rachel and my parents.”
“This is the beginning of something special,” murmured Jen, until her mouth was captured once more by Richey’s.

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