Tom Snyder

April 1, 1998

I have edited out all of Tom Snyder's intros, comments and diatribes to make it as simple as possible. However, all of Malcolm's words are included (except for tiny things).

TS: Happy to see you.

MM: Thanks Tom.

TS: Since we last talked you ventured to South Africa on a project.

MM: Yes, I went to do a film down there.

TS: This turned out to be a land of some adventure for you.

MM: South Africa sounds sort of romantic in a way when you go there. The president of the United States was there a few days a go talking to Nelson Mandela who is a remarkable man, man of course. A great man. Unfortunately my experience of the shooting there was horrendous. First of all we weren't allowed to leave the hotel.

TS: When you say shooting, you mean filming right?

MM: Filming, yes. Sorry. It had other connotations which actually was part of the problem there's so much violence in Johannesburg it's quite staggering. Even the casting director of the film I was doing was shot in the arm, carjacking. Some done with one, there's a gang of ten people with AK-47s. This is maraudering gangs. The police laugh at you if you report anything they're like "Do me a favor." Don't have a BMW if you live in Johannesburg. A fancy car there would be a clean one. (laughs) A Toyota Camry very, very hot car (sarcastic).

TS: Aside from carjacking is it fairly safe?

MM: No. It's very dangerous. It's not just black on white, it's black on black. I think they were promised too much when the ANC swept into power and things were going to really change. Well, of course change takes time. It doesn't happen like that. They want the stuff. They see the stores full of Sony products and they WANT it now.

TS: Can you move about the city at night?

MM: No way. There's no way. No, no. Normally when we go on a film they'll supply you with a rental car. They just said "there's no way we're giving you a car." If you want to go anywhere we'll take you. That was that. We were in a big complex that had a hotel and had a mall attached to it. So we'd sort of walk around the mall every night. There were six restaurants, we did 'em pretty well. Even in the mall there was a bank that was raided and two security guards were shot in the face.

TS: You never read much about it in the papers here.

MM: Nothing here. It is really terrifying. I think per capita it must be the most violent place on planet right now, yes. We didn't go to Cape Town, I hear it's absolutely beautiful and different. The whole mood has just changed and I think the whites in South Africa are literally terrified of what's going to happen. Don't take the show down there.

TS: Remember Caligula?

MM: I remember it quite well. You seem to be coming back to this film every time I come on the show.

TS: It's big in Russia.

MM: It did well. Huge. The biggest audience I think for this film is in Russia. In fact it was so big, the mother of a director saw this film in 1980 something and sold her son that you must work with this actor who was in "Caligula" you see. He then of course saw the film, all on pirate copies. He was writing the script called the "Assassin of the Tsar", a very, very good script as it turns out. He told me he had my picture as Caligula doing one of these (holds his arm up high, pointing) in their office. (laughs)

TS: You do that every time you are on.

MM: Do I? Yes. Anyway he offered me this film, he told me I was that I was the first foreign actor ever to play a Russian in a Russian film. I don't know if that was true or not, but that was the claim he made. I was so fascinated with the script and with this man Karen Shakhnazarov that I decided to go to the Soviet Union to do it. It was in 1991 just as Gorbachov was coming to the end of his power.

TS: How does movie making differ in Russia?

MM: When you go to Russia they use anything they can get. For instance to reflect the lights they'll use aluminum foil from the oven. We'd wrap a turkey in it, they'd use it as a reflector.

TS: I don't have a problem with that.

MM: No, I don't either. Bits of string. I played two parts in this film. One a madman and the actual assassin of the Tsar and the families. A man called Yurovsky, historical fact. The first part I had to be younger so they decided to color my hair. I went to see the make up lady in Moscfilm itself. It's the huge studio right in the middle of Moscow where all these great movies were made, the Einstein movies and all that. It's very strange because there are weeds everywhere and this sort of maraudering dogs. We're doing a scene and suddenly 15 or 20 dogs suddenly came through and I'm saying "Excuse me, what are all these dogs part of the?" No, no get them out. Shoo them out. They were just there, they live there, that's it wild dogs. They're were going to tint my hair, I expected a little clear all or something, whatever it is. She got out some cologne and then they got this carbon paper from a typewriter. It still had the imprints of this sort of Russian alphabet on it. I said "What the?" Then she got out a toothbrush, dipped it in the cologne on my hair and I thought "My god this is going to be horrendous." And you know what, it was perfect. It was just the right color of blue-black. (laughs)

TS: Did you make this film in Russian only or English?

MM: Both. I could only do it of course in English. So that I would do it in English, then the poor Russian actors must've loved me for this they, but they had to learn it phonetically in English and do it in Russian as well. So we'd shoot it first in Russian. I'd do my English then I'd look and I would figure out when it was my turn to speak just by the look in their eye. "It's your turn bud" one of those. Then I would say my lines. I seemed to understand it well because they were acting in their own language. But when it came to do in English, it was impossible (mumbles). You go ah, I see yes. It completely threw me until I kind of got used to it.

TS: Do you have to short takes, memorize a few lines and then move over to the next scene?

MM: I wish, no. I had a speech in this thing, went on for twelve pages. One speech, a monologue. So I thought...I do remember the first line, "In 1853 I was born in Tomsk" and then the guy went on to tell you exactly what he did, every single day of his life from then on it.

TS: Miserable, wretched life.

MM: Exactly. I thought there's no way I'm going to learn all this. I'll talk to the director, I'll get the cuts. I go up to him and I said, "Look Karin, can we talk about this speech, I'd like to do a few little trims right now so I don't have to do it all. I've got some cuts here, what do you think?" "NO, Mike" He couldn't call me Malc. Mike. "No Mike, Russian like to talk you have to learn everything." I said, "Well Karen you know if I was somebody watching this film I'd literally go out to the bathroom, take a dump, come back and the guy's still talking about Tomsk." I mean you can't be? It took me two weeks to learn it. He had one camera only zooming in this on the whole speech, which took twelve minutes to film. Of course when I see the movie half of it's cut. (laughs)

David (on phone): How has your outlook changed reaching the age of 50?

MM: I'm having a nervous breakdown. No. 50? I feel like I'm still in my twenties. It's only when I look in the mirror do I get a shock. I still feel like I'm in my early twenties. Maybe I should start addressing that. I've always had a very youthful outlook on life.

David: In all your films you seem like your having so much fun.

MM: Thank you. I think that if you are having fun, it makes the audience kind of join in with the fun. I always try and relish what I do and have fun with it. Of course, if it's a serious part, then we're serious. It's a different kind of fun. I think that you zone in that concentration and I tell you when you get to my age which is not that old Dave, 50's not that old. Or early fifties. I don't care I'm 54. My mother's 86, and I'm going to live to at least 90.

David: Beat George Burns.

MM: Oh, yeah. What a remarkable man. Yes, thank you. Thank you.

TS: Do you ever want to be a citizen of the United States?

MM: I am a citizen of the United States, psychologically. I pay my taxes here. I'm a resident alien. I certainly wouldn't mind doing that. There's no reason I wouldn't do it. The only apprehension I have, if there is one, is that when work gets a little soft here I can always to Europe and do a little without singing all these papers. It's difficult enough. Getting back into England after a year or two it's, "Sir, in this line please, sir. Passport, please." Oh, yes certainly.

TS: With your fame? I think you would have carte blanch.

MM: Oh, you've got to be kidding? 
I say, "Excuse me, could my wife come with me in this line for UK citizens only?" In America I'm a green card holder, I can go with my wife, they don't like to split families up. "
Certainly not, sir. She has to go in that line." (Heavy British Accent) Which is about four miles long. 
"She has to go to the end of that line over there." 
I say, "In America they don't like to split families up." "
We're not in America sir." It's like Monty Python. I go into my bank and I say, 
"Oh, Hello could I...?" 
"Sorry sir, excuse me those two ladies were in front of you." "I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realize this was a queue, sorry" Go to the end. Wait. 
"Oh, yes. Could I cash a check, please?" 
"Could we have some ID, sir?" 
"Certainly, here's my credit card." 
"It doesn't have a photograph on it, does it sir?" "Well, no. Not normally, on a credit card you don't have a photograph on it." "
Sorry, sir but..." 
"This is my bank. I've been banking here for 25 years." 
"Oh, have you sir. Well, we've never seen you." 
"I know, I live in America." 
"Oh, please." 
"Could I cash a check?" 
"Well, you know sir. I'm very sorry, but you can't" 
I said, "Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was a bank! Excuse me. I come in here, could I have a loaf of bread then?" 
"Excuse me, sir" 
"Could I have a loaf of bread?" 
"Well, this is not a bakery." 
"Oh, I'm sorry! It's a bank is it? It's my money, isn't it? In the bank. I said what time do you get off work?" 
So this guy is like...I'm very bad. I get into this Monty Python thing. It's like traveling on the underground. I say to my wife, 
"We're going to travel on the underground, the tube, we call it the tube. Because we're going over to see Lindsay Anderson, I said "Look, Lindsay, he doesn't like taxis, he's one of the people, we should do this." 
And it's the best way of getting around London anyway. So we go down on the tube. 
"Two tickets please to West Hempstead." 
"Yes, sir right." 
We get on the train. It goes to the next stop from Nottinghill Gate to Lancaster Gate. There's a guy that comes around and says, "Everybody off the train. Everybody..." 
I said, "Excuse me. We're are we? We're not West Hempstead is it?" 
"No sir, you have to get off. We're going to put you on a bus now." 
I said, "A bus? Excuse me, I paid two pounds to take a tube ride. If I'd wanted a bus, I would've gone and got on a bus." 
He said, "I'm sorry sir." 
I said, "No, I'm sorry, I'm going to get a Taxi, could I have my money back?" 
He said, "No. Sorry sir, you'll have to get another ticket and go back to Notttingham Gate, where you can then apply a form 17A and get your pounds back." 
That's what it's like. I said, "All right, I want to see a policeman please. I'm not moving." 
There's a line of English people. I said, "I'm not moving until you give me my money back. It's now a matter of principle." 
I turn around and look at these sad, sorry looking people and say, "Don't you agree?" 
And they go, "Hurry up mate, I want to get home and have my tea." 
"Oh, I see. You want to have your tea, and I'm being ripped off." 
Oh, they love me. Bye oh, yeah. (laughs)

Bill (on phone): Before making it as an actor, did you hold down any odd jobs?

MM: Oh, yes I didn't start off being an actor. I started off as a wine waiter in my father's pub and general factotum. Then I was a coffee salesman, I worked for an American company called Chase and Sandborn. I sold planters peanuts and Idaho whipped potatoes. I was very good at whipping them up, they were powdered, like things they used to get in the war. But, they tasted pretty good. In fact this whole period of my life, which only lasted nine months, was the basis for the film that I made with Lindsay Anderson called "O Lucky Man!" About a coffee salesman who went on to be a film star.

TS: Is there still Chase and Sandborn coffee?

MM: I've never seen it, so I don't know. It was a company called Standard Brands, I think they were bought out, I'm not sure.

TS: I hope they still make it.

MM: Hey, me too, I used to sell the damn stuff. I used to be a coffee taster, too. (makes tasting sounds) You were a grinder, basically. Are we still on with the caller? Oh, I see, well. Are you still there? Then I went from doing that, I got a lucky break because I took some acting, elocution lessons in Liverpool with a lady who was called Mrs. Harold Ackaley, who was 82, very blind and adorable, and used to talk about the silent movies. and was a fascinating lady. She basically taught me how to act if you like, but her big thing was etiquette. She taught me how to sit on a sofa in a play. (female voice) "Now darling if you have a cup of tea your pinky must be out like this (demonstrates) and all stuff like that, you cross your legs." Stuff like that, I learned a lot from her. I got a very lucky break and got into a weekly rep from that and that's how I started being an actor. Thank you, Bill.

TS: The "New Fantasy Island", how will it differ from the old, if at all? I mean will somebody say "The plane, boss, the plane"?

MM: Yes. Somebody does say that, but it's actually very different it's much darker...I hate to use the word hip, but it's sort of 90's anyway. I'm playing Ricardo Montalban's part, Mr. Roarke. Really, I couldn't be too much different from him, because he's a marvelous actor. It's really weird, I seem to be following him around. He did a movie where he was the bad guy in one of the Star Trek movies.

TS: "The Wrath of Khan."

MM: That's right. He was brilliant in it, he's a wonderful actor. It's so weird that I did the one where I killed Kirk, it's strange that I'm connected to him.

TS: How many have you shot, or are you still to do them?

MM: No. I leave tomorrow for Hawaii. We're going to shoot them all in Hawaii. Barry Sonnenfeld is the producer, his production company with Barry Josephson, his producer. Beautifully written by two guys, called the Weiss Brothers. They've done a wonderful script. They've done a brilliant thing that differs from the old one in that it starts off, the opening and the ending now - closing, is in a travel agency in New York. A sort of 30's dusty, old. They come in and you'll see there's a calendar of this island, and the calendar actually moves, you see seaplane like this (shows flying). They have this old vacuum thing that they have in old stores where they used to put the change in it and sent it off. The tube, right. Well, that goes into Fantasy Island. It goes down from New York, boom (slaps hands, whistles, makes the tube's path) the camera goes down with it, right through the ocean, boom into Roarke's room. He's sort of shaving and he then opens his closet and it's lined with white suits. He goes in the back and gets a black one. So he wears the black one. He then goes out and tells his assistant, "There's white suits in my closet. Burn them." (laughs)