Amai
Smile, it is the key that fits the lock of everybody's heart. -Anthony J. D'Angelo "Media’s famous cookies."
"Bubbly pies."
"Honey."
"Sugar cakes."
"Amai." The other kids giggled as the girl who was just named looked over at them.
She smiled brightly. "Yes?"
"We weren’t calling you...we were just naming you."
Amai continued to smile sweetly. "Oh really? For what?"
The kids looked at each other and snickered. They knew that the answer wasn’t very nice, but they also knew that someone was going to say it. Finally one of the older boys pipped up. "We were trying to think of the sweetest thing we knew."
Amai smiled even more broadly than before, if possible. "You guys! That’s so nice of you." She playfully swatted the boy on the arm. "That’s just about the nicest thing any one has ever said to me." Keeping the huge smile on her face, Amai continued on her way.
The other kids broke out in laughter again. The same boy who’d finally spoken up began imitating their peer. "You guys!" His voice was several octaves higher than normal and he held his arms in an unflattering imitation of Amai. "That’s so nice of you."
Laughter echoed through the Weyrbowl and Amai turned to see what they were doing. The boy waved mockingly at her. Blinking once or twice, Amai lifted her arm and waved back. The kids were in stiches. Amai just blew them a kiss and entered the Lower Caverns.
"Jeez...can she be anymore dim?"
"Definitely not." People began to wonder what the kids were up to, they were laughing too hard for it to be anything good.
"Standing too near her will give you a tooth ache."
"Although I don’t know who could stand near her for too long...she makes me sick to my stomach."
The out-spoken, now widely respected by his peers, boy did his Amai-impression again, to more laughter. Finally the a Harper came along and sent them off to work, but they’d continued to giggle about it all day. Amai actually thought they were complementing her. She actually never knew that they were laughing at her. She really was the dimmest girl in the whole Weyr.
From the darkness of the shadows of the Lower Caverns, Amai watched the kids finally break up and go off to their chores. In the shadows, where no one could see, she bit her lip and stopped her voice from trembling. She held back her tears and swallowed her pride. She took a few deep breaths and laid her face on the cool rock of the wall to cool it. Replacing the smile on her face, the sweetest girl in Adanuk Weyr returned to the daylight, a sparkle in her eyes, and a hole in her soul.
* * * "AH!" Media turned, her arms full with a tray of dishes, and saw Amai waiting patiently behind her. The tray was in danger of falling, but the inspiring saint grabbed it easily.
"Let me take that for you Headwoman." She smiled, green eyes sparkling.
Media sighed, hand over her heart to try and slow it’s mad pounding. "That’s okay Amai. I can handle it." The Headwoman tried to retrieve the tray.
Amai giggled. "That’s okay. You should have gotten one of us kids to carry it for you anyways." She began walking towards the kitchens. "You are the Headwoman after all!" She giggled again, her sickeningly sweet voice echoing through the halls.
Media smiled to herself. "I knew that." She tried not to say anything that could possibly be offensive to the girl, even though trying to insult Amai was like trying to saddle a herdbeast. It took forever, a lot of hard work and really wasn’t worth it. Media didn’t really have anything against the light-hearted girl, Amai just got on her nerves sometimes. The Headwoman put a hand to her head, temples pounding. That girl just doesn’t have a bad day. She cringed as Amai’s giggles echoed through the halls again. And on days like this, the fact that she doesn’t have days like this is just not fair!
The cheerful girl came skipping back. "Is there anything else you’d like me to do for you Headwoman?"
Media forced a smile. "No honey. Why don’t you go out to the field with some of your friends?"
Amai’s eyes sparkled with wonder. "That’s a wonderful idea! The rain last night really made the flowers bloom. I’m sure it will be beautiful." She skipped off towards the gates alone, but Media didn’t realize that she wasn’t bothering to take any friends. She just realized that she’d gotten the girl off her shoulders for the rest of the afternoon.
She’s a sweet girl, really. Practically a saint. But Faranth save me, I just can’t stand her sometimes! Media shook her head and continued with her work.
* * * Amai watched a solitary cloud float by as she lay in the field just outside of the Weyr. Some insects were buzzing near her ear, but where someone else would get annoyed, Amai could just ignore them. Believing her to be naturally sickening, many people didn’t realize how amazingly patient Amai was. She rolled onto her stomach in the flowers and took a big sniff. She couldn’t help smiling, really smiling. Not a made-up, good for her appearance, sickeningly sweet smile...a real smile. She closed her eyes and inhaled again. Flowers could do that to a person...well, they could do that to her. She rolled onto her back again and stared up at the clear, heart-breakingly blue sky. "So many people miss out on things like this, because they’re too busy...or don’t care enough...or just don’t bother to stop and notice..." She picked one of the blossoms and held it up against the background of the sky. She twirled it in her fingers and watched the colours change as patterns of light and shadow drifted across the petals. "At least this is one thing I’ve got." She sighed sadly, and let her smile fade, something she never did in public. She rolled her eyes as she remembered why she was out here. "Take my friends..." She snorted. "She could have just said that she didn’t want me around right then..." Amai sat up and violently yanked a flower out of the ground. "It’s not like I would have been insulted or anything. Just because I try to be optimistic, it’s not like I have feelings..." She trailed off as she saw what she’d done to the beautiful bloom. She cradled the mangled flower to her breast as she flopped back down and sighed again.
"And now I’m taking out my anger on an innocent flower." She sighed again, literally feeling lower than bugs. A little voice in her head mentioned that she had to take her anger out somewhere, keeping it all inside of her was hurting her. She firmly told that little voice to stow it and reached for her walking stick. As she began braiding flowers around it, she began to hum a melody she learned as a child, and as she hummed, she remembered.
* * *
Ten turns previous..."What do you look so glum about?" Her mother used that tone of voice that most people only use with babies and animals...but Amai knew that she was talking to her.
The six turn child immediately smiled, knowing that’s what her mother liked to see. "It’s nothing mommy. I’m perfectly happy."
"Oh no you’re not." Her mother’s voice reached heights that other people only dreamed existed. "There’s a stormy cloud floating above my princesses head."
Amai’s smile fell slighlty, but it never disappeared. Her mother had taught her that even when things were down and just not going well, there was still always something to smile about. Sunshine, flowers, kittens, the colour pink... Thinking of those things to keep her from looking as sad as she felt, Amai began the story. "Kalen said he didn’t like my dress and he said that I looked like a baby and then he pushed me in the mud." Not wanting to get her peer in trouble, even when you’re six you know the penalty for tattling, she quickly added. "But he didn’t mean to hurt me...or get my new dress all dirty. He was just playing. It was fun." Another little girl would have been in tears, but Amai was still smiling.
Her mother smiled back and gave her daughter a quick hug. If there’s one thing the green-rider was, it was unobservant. She seemed oblivious to the fact that Amai was growing up...and not all six year old girls like to suffocated in pink and cream lace. In her eyes, her daughter never aged beyond two...and she was the best daughter ever...she was always smiling. "You’re so precious...don’t worry, I’ll make you a brand new dress...prettier than the old one." She lifted her daughter into the air and spun her around. "Now I’ll race you to the wildflower field!"
Amai, filled with laughter, chased her mother out of the room and through the Weyrbowl to the fields where many beautiful flowers grew. She was so busy trying to beat her mother, she didn’t notice her mother pulling back to let her win. The green-rider may have been unobservant, but she still loved her daughter very much and only wanted to see her happy.
The two sat in the field while the mother braided a crown of flowers for her little princess. Amai smiled brightly as the crown was put on her head. Her mother was smiling too. That made Amai amazingly happy. She knew that she had to stay happy, but sometimes it was hard. Seeing her mother’s ever-present grin was a big help to a six-turn child who didn’t realize that she was already an expert at hiding her true feelings. No matter how hard she tried, Kalen’s comment still hurt.
The green-rider read her daughter’s mind. "I know sometimes things hurt, and I know sometimes people are mean. I can’t explain why to you my Amai, but that’s just the way it is. You can’t force other people to change, but if you stay happy, if you keep smiling, other people will see how happy you are and they will be happy too. Don’t let anything anyone ever tells you hurt you okay? Just smile and ignore it. Just smile and the world will smile with you."
Amai grinned and hugged her mother. "Okay! I promise!"
"That’s my little girl..."
* * * "Smile and the world smiles with you..." The words seemed so long ago now as the 16-turn girl finished tying the last flower to the wood. "Smile and the world laughs at you."
Amai stood up, brushed the stray petals and bits of stem off her pink skirt and twirled once for the sheer fun of it. She began to walk towards the beach, a sad half-smirk on her face. "No one was smiling that night..."
* * *
Ten turns ago...later that night..."How did this happen?" Magika sighed as she paced her office.
"No one’s exactly sure." Media was holding a cup of klah, but the Weyrwoman hadn’t stopped long enough for the Headwoman to hand over the drink. "It was a freak accident."
Magika rolled her eyes. "Great. That’s all we have to go on? Bad luck? Carelessness? Fate?"
Media watched as the Weyrwoman began another circuit around the room. "Well...yes...sort...of...I mean...." She sighed, exasperated. "For Faranth’s sake stand still! You’re driving me crazy."
Magika flung herself into her chair, crossed her legs and crossed her arms. "This isn’t fair."
"Accidents never are." Media shook her head sadly.
"A dragon and rider dead...because of a stupid accident." The Weyrwoman stared at the Winglist on her desk...the name of the dead woman seemed to be sticking out of the page.
"I don’t see how it could have happened..." The Headwoman sat on another chair and began to sip at the klah herself. "We just finished celebrating another Thread fight without losing anybody and, out of nowhere, two normally responsible dragons between practically on top of each other." Media sighed. "The green hadn’t a chance of staying in the air, the bronze was so much shardin’ bigger than her. His wing beat her right out of the sky..."
Magika rubbed her temples and continued to glare at the paper, as if reading the woman’s name over and over again could reverse time and make this all go away. "She had a child, didn’t she?"
Media nodded. "Amai. Beautiful girl...likes pink."
Magika nodded slowly, recognizing the description. She seemed like such a happy kid...guess she’s not going to be smiling now...
You’d be surprised. Hyth didn’t normally barge in on her rider’s private thoughts...at least not when Magika was really upset.
"What?" Magika asked the roof, as was her custom when the gold dragon wasn’t visible.
Amai’s out here with me...Mala figured you’d want to talk to the kid so I thought I’d keep her company until you were done with Media... The gold was taking a very round-about way of getting to the point.
"Yeah?" Magika continued to look at the ceiling. Media, who’d been just about to question the Weyrwoman on her last statement, realized Magika was talking to Hyth.
She’s perfectly content Magika...sitting here smiling and humming to herself.
Magika sighed sadly. Hyth she probably doesn’t understand what’s going on...
The Sr. Queen cut her Weyrwoman off. She’s know’s what’s happening Magika. She’s not stupid. She understands where her mother’s gone and why she’s not coming back. But she still seems to be happy.
"How?" Magika asked the question out-loud, unbelieving.
Hyth was silent for a minute. Apparently there are lots of things to still be happy about...like pink... The dragon was obviously sceptical. And Magika?
"Yeah?"
She says her mommy wouldn’t want her to be sad...ever...
* * * Amai couldn’t help smirking to herself, even as she remembered how hard it’d been to hold the tears in that night...but she had held them in...she had won...and pink became her talisman against all her unwanted feelings. She removed her shoes and walked a few feet out into the practically calm water. Her reflection was easily visible.
Everytime she saw herself, pink dress, and carefully dyed pink hair Amai couldn’t help smiling. She began her long walk back to the Weyr feeling refreshed and happy. She knew that it didn’t matter what other people thought of her, as long as she could stay happy there would still be good things in the world...like pink.
* * * She heard snickering as she approached the large gates leading back into Adanuk Weyr. I wonder what they’re up too... She knew they were probably just hanging around to make fun of her again. Her spirits immediately sank again. I try to ignore them...I try to act like I don’t know what they’re talking about...I’ve tried everything! Why can’t they leave me alone? She paused for a second to make sure the smile was back on her face. It was approaching evening, she’d been out for a long time, but the air was still warm, even though the sun was setting. She could hear the crickets chirping and feel the dew in the air as the temperature was slowly dropping. The sky was still blue, but a much darker shade, and still partly pink near the horizon where the sun had just disappeared. It was a beautiful night, and Amai took a second to enjoy it before entering the Weyrbowl...and getting covered in black paint.
The laughter of her normal tormentors filled her ears and Amai stood in shocked silence. She looked down at her dress...covered in black paint...she felt her hair...covered in black paint...she saw her staff...covered in black paint...and she spit, the taste of paint coating the inside of her mouth. "Wha...Why?" She was frozen with amazement...she didn’t think they’d ever go this far.
A fully grown Kalen laughed. "You still where pink Honeysuckle. We thought you needed a change."
As they laughed, something happened to Amai that hadn’t happened to her in a long time. Something she didn’t know could happen to her. Something no one could have dreamed would happen to her. As she stood there in the rapidly cooling evening air, looking at her ruined dress and hair, Amai lost her temper.
"You shardin’ bunch of klah-brained wherries!!" With a rage in her eyes that no one on Pern had ever seen before, Amai finally lashed out at her attackers. "What the hell is wrong with you all?"
The kids were frozen mid-laugh...voices stolen by the fury of Amai’s words.
"Why do you insist on driving me crazy?" Amai began to approach them. "Because I have this stupid idea that you can survive life without resorting to sadness? Because I don’t believe negative feelings are necessary? Because I like pink? You’d better give me a damn good reason or I’ll..." She trailed off menacingly, holding her walking stick like a quarterstaff. The black paint made it stick to her hands, and the smell was beginning to nauseate her.
"Umm..." Kalen looked to his friends for support, but he wasn’t going to get any. This amazingly transition in Amai’s personality was rendering the entire Weyrbowl speechless as they stopped to watch. People came nearer, trying to figure out what was going on. They were sure their eyes must have been lying to them. Was Amai actually fighting back?
Magika cringed as she saw it was exactly that. She has to flip out now...while I have Searchriders here?
Hyth seemed to be smiling. Of course.
R’lan, a Searchrider from the Pelar Protectorate, followed her over to see the ensuing fight. "Who’s that?"
Magika moaned, assuming he meant Kalen, a strong strapping boy whom everyone was sure would end up on a dragon. "Him? Trouble."
"No...the girl...in the paint..." A smile was on the Searchrider’s face.
Magika turned to look at him open-mouthed. "Amai?"
He grinned. "Yeah...Serventh thinks she’s got potential."
Magika tried her best not to be shocked. "Really?"
A loud thunking noise was heard and Kalen was on the ground. Amai, holding her walking stick like a bat now, was rubbing paint out of her eyes. She looked at the boy she had just knocked unconscious and bit her lip to hold back tears. "Great...now I’ve lost my temper..."
R’lan grinned. "Yeah. Her."
* * * As she returned from the Black Sands where she was allowed to watch the eggs sometimes, Amai heard some people talking about her.
"She’s always in such a good mood, isn’t it annoying?"
"Sickeningly sweet."
"I don’t know why R’lan brought her here."
"I’d watch out guys...I heard she flipped and almost killed somebody at her own Weyr."
"Really?"
"Her?"
"Hello!" Amai smiled brightly, her pink dress shining, her pink hair blowing in the wind. "It’s a beautiful day isn’t it?"
The people looked at each other, and then back at her. They all had smiles on their faces. "Beautiful morning Amai. Are you feeling ....well?"
"I’m feeling fine thank you! Everyone here’s so friendly." She curtseyed politely and continued on her way.
"They’re scared of you." R’lan stated the obvious. He’d grown to like Amai, even in her sickeningly sweet moments.
Amai smiled brightly, a real smile. "But at least they’re smiling." She pushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. "Smile and the world smiles with you..."
"They’re just worried that you’ll snap again."
Amai looked back at the group of people and waved. Every single one of them waved back, a smile on their faces. Amai laughed. "Y’know. I think I can live with that."
* * *
Amai is a candidate at The Pelar Protectorate.
Amai's picture is from Anastasia's Cyber Pets.
Background from Myrror Images.
