Saw Rodney Dangerfield Live In Las Vagas...Awesome show!!
1.. I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have had
nothing to play with.
2.. A girl phoned me the other day and said,"Come on over, nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.
3.. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
night she called me from a hotel.
4.. One day I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy,"Hey buddy,why are you doing that? "He said
"Because you came home early."
5.. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning...put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
6.. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.
7.. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
radio.
8.. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9.. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10.. When I was born,the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father,"I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11.. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born..
12.. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13.. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them? "He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14.. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15.. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop,and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16.. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor,every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17.. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills... my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18.. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him,"How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19.. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went
on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20.. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
21.. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
THESE LAWS ARE TOO MUCH!!
SEX LAWS...
1.. If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times,
and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.
2.. Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister,
according to an Illinois state law.
3.. A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.
4.. A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on
city streets.
5.. In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed
to have sex without a permit.
6.. Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two
people having sex in a car.
7.. In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
8.. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck
driver inside a toll booth.
9.. Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish
their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of
two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to
make love on the floor between the beds.
10.. In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex
on the city's airport property.
11.. A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have
sex with a man while riding in an ambulance.
In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published
in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
12.. No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.
13.. In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a
virgin under any circumstances. (including the wedding night)
14.. The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the
missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered
illegal.
15.. In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to
parachute on Sunday afternoons.
16.. In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.
17.. A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband
to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic,
onions, or sardines.
18.. In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude.
19.. A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds,
two ounces.
20.. Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to
provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest.
According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are
wearing the nightshirts.
21.. Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding
the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
22.. During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless
their car has curtains.
23.. In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
24.. In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
25.. In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his
female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
Links to other sites on the Web
Saw Rodney Dangerfield Live In Las Vagas...Awesome show!!
1.. I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have had
nothing to play with.
2.. A girl phoned me the other day and said,"Come on over, nobody's home."
I went over. Nobody was home.
3.. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
night she called me from a hotel.
4.. One day I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy,"Hey buddy,why are you doing that? "He said
"Because you came home early."
5.. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning...put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
6.. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.
7.. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
radio.
8.. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9.. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10.. When I was born,the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father,"I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11.. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born..
12.. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13.. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them? "He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14.. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15.. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop,and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16.. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor,every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"
He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17.. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills... my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18.. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him,"How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19.. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went
on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20.. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
21.. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
THESE LAWS ARE TOO MUCH!!
SEX LAWS...
1.. If a police officer in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, suspects a couple is having sex inside a vehicle they must honk their horn three times,
and wait two minutes before being allowed to approach the scene.
2.. Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister,
according to an Illinois state law.
3.. A law in Oblong, Illinois makes it a crime to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.
4.. A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on
city streets.
5.. In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed
to have sex without a permit.
6.. Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two
people having sex in a car.
7.. In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
8.. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck
driver inside a toll booth.
9.. Hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, are required by law to furnish
their rooms with twin beds only. There should be a minimum of
two feet between the beds, and it is illegal for a couple to
make love on the floor between the beds.
10.. In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex
on the city's airport property.
11.. A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have
sex with a man while riding in an ambulance.
In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published
in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
12.. No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.
13.. In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a
virgin under any circumstances. (including the wedding night)
14.. The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the
missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered
illegal.
15.. In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to
parachute on Sunday afternoons.
16.. In Ames Iowa a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.
17.. A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband
to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic,
onions, or sardines.
18.. In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude.
19.. A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds,
two ounces.
20.. Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to
provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest.
According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are
wearing the nightshirts.
21.. Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding
the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
22.. During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless
their car has curtains.
23.. In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
24.. In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
25.. In Connorsville, Wisconsin no man shall shoot of a gun while his
female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
Links to other sites on the Web
