Expect the Unexpected -- an article by Ted Lerner

For this month's edition of Hey, Joe I'm going to offer all the newcomers out there a handy drivers lesson which will go a very long way in helping you neotiate the bedlam out there on Manila's streets.

Yeah, I know. Just contemplating getting behind the wheel and taking to the roads around here is enough to cause you a seizure. But believe me, not only will this not take long, but you might actually get something useful out of it.

Ready? Here's your lesson; EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED! There that was easy wasn't it? Now go out there and get 'em! Oh, you're still not quite sure about that driving thing? Let me try to explain some more.

Contrary to what you might think, Filipino drivers actually like to keep things quite simple so just remember this; Filipino drivers do indeed follow the law-the law of the jungle.

Now to a westerner raised on living by the letter of endless laws having to suddenly abide by the law of the jungle may not exactly sound like your cup of afternoon tea, but hear me out. When it comes to driving, I've discovered that I rather like the law of the jungle. That's because I like to keep things simple. And with the law of the jungle being the only law on Manila's roads, that means when I'm driving, I don't have to think. That's because I know from the time I get behind the wheel, that I'm basically on one big giant obstacle course, and that every other driver is a very likely candidate for being a complete and total greedy jerk.

Driving in Manila means that you must completely erase from your mind any notion that other drivers will follow some kind of basic normal courtesy on the road. Again the only guarantee in Manila is that everyone on the road can and probably will do something unexpected. Once you've come to EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED, you'll actually begin to enjoy your No Rules driving experience. Think about it; no rules to worry about. Just push the gas pedal and go for it. That's what I call slack.

What's interesting as well is that the complete lack of order on the roads here has created a fascinating phenomenon; since everyone knows that there are no rules, everyone drives pretty much definsively. It's a basic survival instinct. You know that when you come to an intersection, even if you clearly have the right of way, some clown is highly likely to pull out right in front of you. Or if you have a green light, the red light facing the other direction means absolutely nothing to those drivers over there. Or simply because you're travelling on a road with a concrete divider in the middle, that hardly stops somebody from driving down the opposite direction on your side of the road.

Admittedly, accepting this kind of thinking took some time to take hold in my screwy brain. The beauty of No Rules driving really hit me though, when I returned to the States for a brief spell after driving here for about a year. While in the Philippines I was free to simply rampage all over the place, in the States I had to follow strict rules and regulations. And man do they ever have lots of things to remember. I recall one night I was driving through my hometown of Allentown, Pennsylvania when I came to an intersection. I was confronted with so many signs telling me what I could and could not do that I almost had a nervous breakdown.

"Do Not Enter." "One Way." "Watch Out for Pedestrians." "No Parking" "Stop Here!" "No Right Turn on Red Mon-Fri 7am to 9am, 4pm to 6pm, except Sat., Sun, Holidays and days when the setting sun is colored crimson," etc. You're expected to compute all of these marching orders in about a second and a half, and then if you don't do something, the guy behind you starts beeping his horn, or goes in to a fit of road rage where he wants to blow your head awayy. And God forbid if there's a cop behind you. If he sees you hesitate for a split second, he'll pull you over, accuse you of drunk driving and probably haul you off to the slammer.

Americans love their rules and cannot for the life of 'em imagine any other way to drive. But the obvious problem with having too many rules on the road is that not only does it make you completely stressed out, but people end up relying on the rules to keep them safe. There are far more fender benders and car crashes with "Rules Driving" than with "No Rules" driving. That's because in no rules driving you know there are no rules, so you drive more carefully, constantly assuming that there's a lousy driver just around the corner, or right beside you, or right in back of you, or, heck, they're all over the darn place! So remember to keep it simple. When driving in Manila, there's really nothing to think about. Just relax and EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. Of course, if you really want some good advice, I wouldn't hesitate for one second to tell you to hire yourself a driver. Let him deal with it.

Ted Lerner's website is: www.hey-joe.net

While I pretty much agree that Philippines drivers use a "law of the jungle approach", I disagree on some other things. First, I have seen many more accidents on Philippine roads, both serious and minor fender benders. Second, the average vehicle speed is much slower in the Philippines. The "No Rules" approach forces this. You can't drive fast if a vehicle can jump in front of you at any instant from any direction. In particular, traffic on Manila surface streets goes at a crawl. The government is trying to change this by installing some traffic signals and trying to get drivers to obey them. Filipinos aren't used to living by rules, so we shall see what happens in the coming years.

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