I always wondered why god did the things he does .As much as I wanted an explanation for the things he has done in my life I knew I wouldn't get one. I sat there looking up into the sky as tears slowly trickled down my face,god I wish he were here I thought. Why I asked my self, why did I have to go and be so stupid. Then I envisioned way back, the first time I had ever been truly hurt. A couple of friends and I were going to a party. Well we must have had a little to much to drink so we needed a D.D.Caitlin and Brittany found a ride and left, but I guess I was too busy talking to some guy I met earlier on in the evening, to go with. He told me he would take me home if I wanted to, I told him ok so he helped me into the car and drove off. A while down the road he pulled over. He started to kiss me and touch me in places he shouldn't. I tried my hardest to get him off of me but he was just to strong.. He raped me and told me if I told any one he would kill me. He dumped me off on the side of the road and drove off. A few months later I found out that I was pregnant. To make matter's worse as soon as the baby was born I had to find a place of my own. My parents didn't want to have anything to do with the baby. I felt so bad, how would I ever explain to my child that she was an accident or that her grandparents didn't want her. Several months later my baby girl was born, I named her Jamie. We soon moved in with my friend Sara in Orlando...occasionally I went to visit my parents down in west beach but things just didn't seem the same any more. But that's not the worst part of it, When I went in to her room one morning as I did every morning. She seemed to be quieter then usual. I remember walking over toward her crib and looking down and finding her sleeping under her blanket, when I went to pick her up she was limp and cold. I knew something was wrong as I felt for a heart beat, nothing! I nearly collapsed to the floor in tears, this couldn't happen I thought as I picked her up . Sara!! I screamed through my tears. The next thing I remember is the ambulance taking her away.After that I didn't think I could go on. I moved into a different place down in Orlando along with Sara. After several months of coping things started to look up for me, just as planned disaster struck again!
