Why the hell isn't anyone answering the door?

I smash the doorbell with my thumb again and hear the little ding it makes.

"Hello? Lesbians, where are you?" I shout, my voice disappearing into the night.

Geez, now I have to walk all the way around to the back to get in. I step on the disgusting green grass, suitable for bunny consumption, and make my way to the back door.

No wonder no one breaks into the house by walking in through the back, it's all grass back here.

I hurriedly turn the knob and open the back door, stepping into the kitchen, then slamming it shut. There, if the lesbians didn't hear me slam the door, they must be having sex.

"Buffy, Willow, annoying little thief, where are you?"

I walk through to the living room.

Hmmm, scary music from upstairs, they must be using it to drown out their sex noises.

I walk up the stairs, and see blue flickering light from under Buffy's closed door.

Not enough to have the music, they have to have a blue disco ball too, huh?

I step up to Buffy's door and turn the knob and open the door.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Buffy, Willow, and Dawn scream, as they hide under the covers of Buffy's bed.

"Don't need to hide your orgasms from me," I roll my eyes. "It's not like I haven't seen it before."

"What the heck are you doing here?" They all ask at the same time.

"One lesbian at a time, I can't process three questions at once."

"We all asked the same question!" They scream at me. "And we're not lesbians," the sisters say.

"Whatever, and I happen to know that Willow's a lesbian, and you two are her best friends, which means, you must have sleepovers, sleep in the same bed, and have lesbian sex."

"Huh?" Buffy shakes her head.

"And may I add, eww?" Dawn says.

"Hey!" Willow frowns, and turns on the sisters, "What's so eww about lesbian sex?"

"Hello? Sisters," Dawn points at herself and Buffy.

"Oh, for crying out loud, I didn't mean you two doing it, Buffy, and your thieving little half, I meant, you two doing it with Willow. Although, it's not like I haven't seen it happen. I mean, I am a thousand year old vengeance demon, and I have done vengeance on lots of people, and there was this one time, where these two sisters…"

"Please don't finish that sentence!" Buffy shouted.

"Fine, fine. Just get out of bed and help me."

"Why?" Buffy questions. God I wish she'd stop questioning everything I say and just do what I tell her.

"Because, there are 4 new vampire gangs in town and they're causing trouble."

"Vampire gangs?" Willow asks.

"Yes, as in 4 groups of vampires."

"What are they doing?" Buffy asks.

"They're fighting each other."

"I don't see a problem in that," Buffy muses.

"No, not actually killing each other. How can I explain this so even a child like Dawn can understand?"

"Hey, I'm not a child!" The little brown-haired thief shouts.

"Yes, because society believes the word of a thief, right?" I snicker.

"I only did it to get attention," she crosses her arms across her chest.

"Oh, much like how you're wearing skin-tight clothing now to get attention?" I smirk.

"That's different," Dawn frowns.

"Yes, you stole because you were a thief, and you're dressing like your sister, because you want to have sex."

"Um, Anya, as much as I'd like to continue this enlightening conversation, can you please get to the point?" Buffy says condescendingly.

"I was going to, until Robin Hood Girl rudely interrupted."

Dawn sticks her tongue out at me, and stick my tongue out in response.

"Can you please stick to the vampires?" Willow insists.

"Fine, but only because they're wrecking my business. It's bad enough that you," I glare at Willow, "destroyed my shop already, but now the vampire gangs are eating all my customers."

"Your customers?" Buffy asks.

"Well, potential anyway. Apparently, the red bandana vamps don't like the fact that the blue bandana vamps are eating humans in their territory, and vice versa. The same goes for the yellows and greens. So they end up harvesting more humans from each others territories as revenge."

"Okay, so which territory are you in?" Willow asks.

"I'm in the red territory, which means Buffy has to come there to clear that area out first, but she has to clear all 4 gangs, otherwise, the other ones will just move in once the reds are gone."

"Since when did I become your personal exterminator?" Buffy questions.

"Since you decided to care about the lives of other people."

"I've always cared about the lives of other people."

"There you go. Now can you clean up the problem?"

"Fine, just let me get my gear," Buffy says, starting to slide out of bed.

"Buffy…" Willow says pleadingly, grabbing a hold of the Slayer's arm.

"Shoot, I forgot. I'm sorry Will, I didn't mean to leave you like that," Buffy says softly. I knew they were lesbians together.

"Hello? As much as I'd like you two to continue to have sex, I've got a vampire problem."

"Buffy can't leave Willow," Dawn states angrily.

"Yes, yes, I understand that they're orgasm buddies and don't want to leave each other, but the situation I'm in is much more important then their 5 seconds of happiness."

"Hey!" Buffy and Willow shout together.

"Not that I'm confirming we're orgasm buddies, but if we were, it'd be way more than 5 seconds," Buffy says defensively.

"Yeah, way more. More like hours," Willow adds.

"Really, hours? Is that possible?" Buffy whispers to Willow.

Willow blushes and nods her head.

"How?" Buffy whispers.

"Spells," Willow replies, blushing madly.

"Um, guys, right here," Dawn raises her hand.

"Yes, the young impressionable one is in your bed, so can we get a move on?" I ask.

"You don't understand, Anya. I can't leave Will right now," Buffy states.

"Then bring her with you."

"I can't. She's still hurt," Buffy argues.

"I can go," Willow says, clasping Buffy's shoulder.

"Are you sure, Will?"

"Yes, she's sure," I butt in. "Besides, we can bring the Karate Kid too, who apparently has watched too many kung-fu movies."

"I have so not," Dawn whines. "I learned from the best, my sister."

"If I wasn't a thousand year old demon, I'd probably lose patience with all your whining, you little thieving…"

"Hey," Buffy interrupts. "No ragging on my sis, unless it's me."

"Yeah," Dawn grins.

God I hate her. Her and her big sis, always protecting her from me. I swear, if Buffy hadn't intervened, Dawn would be my personal slave right now for stealing from me.

She'd be getting me drinks, dusting the floor, putting the goods on the shelves under my watchful eye, all while wearing a humiliating French-maid's outfit. Although, she'd probably like it, considering the clothes she's wearing now.

"So we're settled, right? We're all going to clean out the vamps?" I ask.

"Yes, Anya," Buffy breathes. We just need to make sure we got enough weapons to take out these gangs."

"Good." I clap my hands together. "I'm glad I could talk some sense into you lesbians, especially the brown-haired one which will no longer be ragged on by me."

Dawn glares menacingly at me, while slipping out of bed.

I ignore her and make my way downstairs to the war-chest in the living room.