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"Lexie? Are you okay?"
"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine,
John-John." She smiled.
"You're too quiet."
"I'm just thinking about stuff." She smiled down
at him.
Six year old Tyler
crawled up on the arm of the couch. He pulled her braid out from behind her
and began to pull it apart.
"Are you worried about that little boy?" John
asked.
"Huh?" Lexie asked.
"That little boy, the one you're here to help. You
worried about him?" John asked.
John and Tyler didn't know that AJ
was Lexie's dad, they thought Howie was. They never
questioned the age gap, or the
fact that Lexie didn't look
anything like their parents. They hadn't asked why
Lexie never went to BSB functions either.
The boys had met all the other group members, but Howie had
also kept them pretty sheltered from the fame of the
Backstreet Boys. That meant they didn't
know the boys very well and were too young to make any connections.
"A little."
"Daddy says he's gonna be better soon." Tyler said quietly,
trying to unknot her hair.
"We hope so." She nodded. "Come on you guys,
let's go to the park." She said, trying to get from under John, but Tyler
added himself to the pile.
Their laughter reached Howie as he came up from the basement
studio into the kitchen where Leah was watching.
Leah's arms were crossed and a damp dishtowel hung from one
of her hands. The late afternoon sun filtered through
her golden hair, causing it to splash haphazardly on the tiled
kitchen floor.
"How she's doing?" He asked, seeing Lexie trying
to struggle out from under the boys.
"All right, I guess." She shrugged. She never
turned toward him. Howie headed toward the refrigerator.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"I don't know if this was a good idea.
. .what if little Alex doesn't make it? How will she feel then?"
"I couldn't not ask her."
He sighed. "He is her little brother and AJ. . ."
He pulled a soda out of the refrigerator and closed
the door, popping the can open. He took a drink as she
continued.
"I know, I know. I'm just scared for her and AJ's
family." Leah sighed. "We're so lucky Howie. All of OUR children
are
healthy and happy. . ."
"Yes, we are and we have to remember that." He
said, hugging her from behind.
Lord knows she was right. They were lucky. Their children
were healthy and happy. They had a wonderful life together
and he had been able to give her everything she had ever
needed. She in return gave him everything he had ever
wanted.
Leah turned in his arms and caught his face in her hands.
"I love you, Howie." She said with so much honesty, his
emotions caught in his throat. She kissed him gently.
"Thank you for everything." She whispered.
Lexie watched John and Tyler
run, climb, and terrorize the park. She had re-braided her hair and replaced
the clip on
the walk over there. How was she going to make it through
the rest of the afternoon, waiting for the call? AJ had said
they would hear today.
AJ.
Lexie just shook her head. She'd
seen a thousands of pictures of him, seen hours of video tape and film
footage, but
she had never seen him like she did last night. She had felt
good about their first meeting so far, but in the last couple
hours, she began to doubt herself. What would happen if
little Alex died anyway? Would he blame her or would it just be
another reason for him to avoid her for the rest of her
life?
As much has she wanted to believe
it didn't matter, the realization that it did matter creeped
up on her. God, after all of
these years, she still wanted to know. Why?
Why did he walk out on her? What had she done to make her own father
hate her so much? And what if Alex
lived? Would he thank her and be gone again? Would Lexie ever be able to. . .
STOP IT! She screamed in her head. It doesn't matter. . .it doesn't! He doesn't
love you, he has never loved you and
you have no right to betray Howie like this! You're stupid and selfish! She screamed to herself.
Lexie couldn't stand it another
moment and it was getting dark. She rounded up the boys and headed home the
three
blocks to the house. She opened the door and John and Tyler
ran in to get juice from the refrigerator. Leah and Howie
had been sitting at the kitchen table talking when they came
in. Tyler
slopped his half-full glass to the table and climbed
up on Leah's lap. John gave a flying leap into Lexie's arms, she carried him over, and they plopped into
a chair next to
Howie.
"Any word?" she asked. She watched her parents
exchange glances.
"Yes, you're a perfect match." Howie said.
"Thank god." She sighed.
"What's going on? Is this about that little boy?"
John asked, looking back at Lexie.
"Yes," Howie smiled, "They found some new
medicine that might make him better."
"Mommy?" Tyler
asked, looking up at his mom. "Can I get what the little boy has? Am I
gonna die?"
"No, no, honey." She said, "You're gonna be
just fine, you're very healthy."
Without warning, Lexie put John down and ran upstairs to her
room. She could hear Howie calling after her, but she
couldn't
stop. She was sobbing on her bed when she heard him knock and then come in.
"Honey? Lexie?
What's wrong?" he asked, sitting on her bed.
She couldn't answer, she just threw
herself into his arms and cried like a child. When she calmed down, Howie
knew
there was something on her mind and she didn't
want to talk about it. Ever since she was little, he had gotten used to
her solitary moods. She'd brew for
days on a problem, then come talk to him only as a last resort.
"I'm sorry, Dad." She said, wiping her eyes.
"It's all right. This is going to be a very emotional
time for all of us." He said, not knowing if that's
what she wanted to
hear.
"So, what do we do now?" she said, wiping her
eyes. She sat up, outside of his reach, absently tucking a stuffed animal
in her now empty arms.
"Well, we have to go to the hospital tomorrow."
Howie said.
"How come?"
"There is some pre-donor counseling you have to go through. . . they just want to talk to you."
"Okay." She nodded.
"You'll have to be admitted tomorrow too. I can have
your mom pack some things."
"No, I'll do it. Can I bring
my Discman?"
"Sure, I'm sure it'll be okay." He said, pulling
her back into his arms and kissing the top of her head.
"How long will I be there?"
"I'm not really sure. They'll
explain all of that when we arrive tomorrow at noon."
"Are Grandma and Grandpa going to be there? Should I
call them?"
"I already did, of course they're going to be
there." He smiled. "So is Polly and. . ."
"God, are they all going to show up?"
"Probably." He chuckled.
"I don't know if I want that." She said. After a
pause she asked, "Is AJ going to be there?"
"I don't know. Do you want him
to be there?" he asked. Her answer was a shrug. "Well, if you do
I'll call him."
"You would?" she asked. She pulled away and looked
up into his face. In the last 10 years, he had never offered to call
AJ for her.
"Yes." He said seriously.
"Thanks, Dad." She nodded, cuddling back into his
arms.
"Sure, honey. Anything for you." He said, resting
his cheek on her hair. "I'm very proud of you, Lexie. You're doing the
right thing and I know how scary this is."
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