c)2000, 2007 by Lumien
I know his friends, my friends know him. I haven't met his mother, but neither one of us is ready for that. I think at times he's perfect.
His smile is beautiful, his love of life contagious. When he makes love to me I feel beautiful and important. I feel as though I am the center of his universe.
Then I remember the secrets and the things he won't share. I try not to pry, but it's hard. I love him and I want to help him, but he won't let me near.
I'm patient, I'm repectful. I try not to demand too much of his time, but he feels guilty when he can't spend more with me. I tell him its okay and it is. He satisfies me in so many ways, I can't imagine telling about them. I know he is busy and the time we share is quality.
Then there are times like this when I realize he may never tell me he loves me. He's been used and hurt. He has no luck with women he tells me. I try not to be like the others and I think I succeed. When I think of all the phone conversations that should've ended with "love ya'" that end with "see ya'" and I think all this time with him was a waste.
I am ready. I love him and I want the growth of being with a man. I want to be with him when he is old and tired and no one else will ever want him again. I want him at peace and I want him with me.
We are in different places and he's not willing to move out of his. I can't wait anymore. He is not enough any more.
I've told him this and it hurt him. He still can't bring himself to say it. I realize he'll miss me, but he never loved me. Yes, I agree with him, I am special to him. I tell him again, it's not enough. He says they are only words. I say, no they are not.
I know he thinks he's a failure again, but he isn't. He's just not where I am. I can not be here by myself any more.
He is not enough. He does not love me enough. Waiting is not enough. I need to be there and as much as I want him to be there with me, he is not ready. I love him, but it is not enough.
SBF v2.007