| What is Jealousy, But an Insecure Plea for Love? Chapter 2 |
| Author: Valeyard Rating: R Disclaimer: She doesn't own, so don't even bother. |
| The following morning was anything but normal. Bulma found herself still on the floor of the nursery, where she slept what remained of the night. Her nostrils were filled with the scent of new carpet. She was grateful to her father, for insisting the nursery get new carpeting before the baby was born. It was clean and fresh smelling which was heightened with a hint of spilled baby powder. Not an altogether unpleasant way to awaken. She stretched smiling at the sun diffusing through the Venetian blinds. She cocked one eye toward the clock, struggling to focus. To her horror she saw it said, 10:00 a.m. ‘Ten in the morning?’ Bulma screamed in her mind. ‘No God! Why didn’t the baby wake me up? He always gets me up at 6:00 a.m. crying his head off and practically starving. Trunks would never sleep this long unless something was terribly wrong!’ She shot off the floor faster than she thought possible and ran to the crib, SIDS the only word that ran blood red and 10 feet tall in her mind. She looked in on Trunks, afraid to find him pale and still. His color was good and she could hear his breathe coming in delicate little puffs, which was normal for his age. If there was such a thing as miracles, this had to be one. ‘He let me sleep for nine hours straight!’ Bulma was almost tempted to let him sleep longer, but she decided it wasn’t wise to push a miracle. She picked him up, and Trunks blinked in the morning sunshine and smiled at her. Then he felt his empty stomach, which Bulma could see by his souring expression, and he started bawling. ‘Never underestimate the Saiya-jin appetite, at any age!’ Bulma thought wryly. "Don’t worry, baby." She said tired, in spite of her extra sleep. "Breakfast is coming." She removed her sweat top to expose her bare breasts as she offered one to Trunks who received the nipple hungrily. Her father walked in and Bulma quickly threw her discarded sweat top over her chest, shielding her feeding baby and her exposed breasts from view. "Sorry Dad." Bulma blushed in spite of breast feeding supposedly being a natural, beautiful experience. "It’s okay honey." Her father replied. "Your mother did it enough with you. I’m used to it." Bulma knew he was lying as he blushed in spite of all his efforts to set her at ease. He quickly forgot his embarrassment and turned serious. "Bulma, I understand your wish to do it all with Trunks and that is commendable, but honey, I also see you killing yourself. Would it be so bad to hire some help?" She sighed. "Dad, I already had this discussion with Vegeta." Her father twisted his bottom lip cynically. "I can’t believe he," [Bulma noted the pointed way he said "he"] "took any interest in you or his," [another pointed emphasis on "his"] "son!" "Dad, if you are trying to say Vegeta should help," Bulma sighed and shook her head, not really comfortable discussing problems inside her marriage with those outside her marriage. "Dad, the androids are supposed to appear in several months. The boy from the future said Vegeta will die in the first fight." Bulma watched the shock register on Mr. Briefs face, because she knew, he didn’t know that aspect of the boy’s ‘prophecy.’ "If he doesn’t reach his goal of becoming Super Saiya-jin before the androids appear, he could die and the rest of us with him." Bulma looked at him, doing her best to suppress her secret desire. She thought of herself as a genius and a business woman. But there was a part of her she knew was still a woman, and she couldn’t help, as a woman, wishing Vegeta would take a more active interest in her and the baby as part of his family. "He’s got to train, Dad." Bulma looked at him seriously. "He has a death sentence hanging over him, plus his obsession to outdo Goku. Can’t you see it consumes him?" Mr. Briefs became pale turning to look out the window at the training room that could be seen just outside. "I didn’t know. No one told me. That poor boy! I can’t imagine how I could function, if I knew something like that about myself." Bulma gave into her deeper worries. "I think he’s scared. At least a little. Or if not scared, then he’s getting worried as the date for the androids to appear approaches. Not that he would ever admit it. He seems to want to be closer to me, lately. He even said he needed me last night. He’s never said that before–ever!" Bulma looked up at her father. "But I’m so tired, Dad!" Mr. Briefs looked at her soberly. "Bulma. You two are still pretty much newlyweds, although, I’m still confused on exactly how you got married." Bulma shifted position with Trunks to shield the scar on her neck from view. "Vegeta may be an alien, but he is still a man. Trunks is important, but so is your marriage. You have to make some time for each other–even if it means letting your mother take over sometimes or hiring some help!" Bulma shook her head exasperated. "That would mean going to bottle feeding! You know how important breast feeding is right now! I’m the only one who can do that!" She turned her head, hoping her dad couldn’t see she was starting to cry. "I think you put too much stock in what that doctor tells you!" Her father retorted indignantly. "Your parents raised you just fine, and you were bottle fed quite a lot!" "Dad!" Bulma said helplessly. "Don’t take it like that. I’m not suggesting you two were bad parents. I mean look at me. I couldn’t have turned out better!" Her father gave her a wry smile and she laughed, in spite of her exhaustion. "Okay, honey!" Mr. Briefs put up his hands in surrender. "I’m not going to argue with mommy!" "Dad!" Bulma blushed and then laughed. "I love you!" Her father shook her head. "You must be tired. Usually you are screaming your head off by now." He smiled mischievously. "Yeah, I am tired, but I can’t yell, anyway. That would make Trunks cry and he cries enough." "And you need to change doctors!" Mr. Briefs said firmly and walked out. "But he came so highly recommended." She said to no one in particular and then turned her attention to Trunks, who had fallen asleep at her breast. She moved him over to the rocking chair by the window. Shook him gently to wake him and then offered him the other breast. She rolled some baby blankets under each arm so she couldn’t move or fall out of the chair, and with Trunks secure in her trussed up arms, she rocked him gently until, in spite of all efforts, she fell asleep, Trunks still at the breast. Bulma raised her head, alarmed that she had fallen asleep. She checked Trunks. He had fallen asleep also. It scared her to death. What if she fell asleep and smothered him with her own breast! She would never forgive herself! Yet, Trunks looked peaceful and unhurt, sound asleep, nipple still in his mouth. She refocused her eyes to take in the room, and turned her head to look at the clock and see what time it was. ‘Dammit!’ She thought in exasperation. ‘He’s supposed to eat every two to four hours. I slept that long? Do I wake him up, or do I wait another two hours to feed him? I’m never sure about this!’ She craned her neck around and saw Vegeta with a shock. He was leaning sullenly against the far wall, partially in the shadow made by the now closed Venetian blinds. Resentment was written all over what she could see of his face. Her mind wandered momentarily as she wondered who had closed the blinds. "You noticed me." Vegeta’s voice was thick with bitter sarcasm. "I’m so touched." "Vegeta!" Bulma replied, innocent surprise in her voice. "How long have you been there? I didn’t see or hear you! You are as quiet as a cat!" "Not really." Vegeta snorted. "You slept soundly enough, Furiza’s whole battle fleet could have invaded this room, and it wouldn’t have disturbed you, in the slightest." Bulma took a quick inward breath in dread. Vegeta NEVER mentioned Furiza, unless he was in a really black mood and when he did, Bulma knew it meant something inside him was seething for a fight. "I’m sorry." She said, knowing it was a vain attempt to avoid a fight. "I fell asleep feeding the baby." "Yes, well I get hungry, as well." Vegeta said darkly. "Why are you telling me?" Bulma said, feeling the first signs of irritation. "I have enough to do right now. I don’t cook the food around here anyway, you know that! If there is a problem, take it up with the cook! Or if she isn’t keeping you in enough food, we’ll hire another one!" Bulma said the last indignantly. Vegeta pulled his trademark smirk with very dangerous tinges to it. "What makes you think I was talking about food?" Bulma looked at the floor exasperated and then at Vegeta. "For crying out loud, didn’t we just have this conversation last night? Can’t you give me a break? I am so tired all the time!" A faraway expression deepened in Vegeta’s eyes. "Time is something I don’t have to give." His voice was very quiet. "You’re not going to die, Vegeta." Bulma’s heart was tearing, as she said the words. "You will beat the androids. You just have to believe in yourself." Vegeta looked at Bulma completely stunned, as if her attempt at assurance was the most obscene thing he had ever heard. He snickered bitterly and shook his head. "Believe in yourself!" He let out a loud harsh laugh that made Bulma fear he would wake the baby. "Damn, how you have lived a sheltered life, woman!" Vegeta shook his head again. "I always hated Kakarotto for that, I don’t know why I can’t hate you, but damn, you are sheltered. It’s just so easy for you, isn’t it? It always has been!" Bulma looked down at Trunks feeling ashamed, not even sure why. Kurillin had told Bulma how Vegeta had fought bravely against Furiza. How he believed he had become a Super Saiya-jin and was the strongest in the universe. Kurillin went on to tell her how Furiza took that belief away, little by little as he slowly tortured Vegeta to death. She tried not to cry as she remembered Kurillin’s words. She wondered sometimes if Vegeta had ever really recovered from that fight. It was moments like this, when he let his guard down, she could see, the black pits of despair he hid the rest of the time. Still, she knew Vegeta. He was very good at getting what he wanted. She didn’t blame him for that. She was sure if she had to grown up under a bastard like Furiza, she would have become just as ruthless and manipulative in order to survive. She didn’t know if he was really serious about what he was saying, or if he was trying to guilt her into sex. It didn’t matter. It had worked. She got up quietly and crossed over to the crib. Laying Trunks in the crib as gently as possible. Vegeta stared at her in stunned shock. In his eyes, Bulma could see a child finding out he was getting candy for supper, when he had expected nothing to eat but ashes and dirt. He picked up her discarded sweat top and pulled her to him, guiding her out of the room, shielding those breasts, she knew he wanted so badly, from the view of prying eyes. Musical Interlude (more of the fic follows the interlude. Stay tuned:-) (I Know) I'M LOSING YOU (N. Whitfield / E. Holland / C. Grant) (as sung by Rod Stewart) Your love is fading I can feel your love fading Woman it's fading away from me 'Cause your personal touch has grown cold as if someone else controls your very soul I fooled myself long as I can I can feel the presence of another man It's there when you speak my name It's just not the same Oh honey I'm losing you I can feel it in the air, it's there everywhere Oh I'm losing you I can feel it in my bones any day you'll be up and gone Ooh I'm losing you It's all over your face someone's takin' my place Could it be that I'm losing you When I look into your eyes a reflection of a face I see Oh Lord I'm losing you I'm hurt, downhearted and worried girl 'cause that face doesn't belong to me Your love is fadin', I can feel it fadin' Oh away from me I can feel it in the air, it's there everywhere ooh I'm losing you I don't wanna lose you but I know I'm gonna groove you Oh Lord I'm losing you, and I'm a losin' you Your love is fadin', I can feel it fadin' Oh Lord I'm losing you "Well that could have been more enthusiastic!" Vegeta pushed himself out of bed, grabbing a towel out of their private linen closet, putting it over his shoulders, which was the only thing on his still naked body. Bulma felt totally devastated. Not only was she tired from Trunks but Vegeta had really put her through her paces. She was too tired to even roll over and look at Vegeta. "What did you expect, Vegeta?" Bulma said with a trace of resentment in her voice. "I’m practically awake all the time. I haven’t eaten since yesterday. I can’t remember the last time I took a shower. It’s not like we women can be sex machines all the time." "You never had any problem before." Vegeta said in a cold accusing tone. He turned to look at her. She could see him out of the corner of her eye. He looked visibly hurt. She rallied her energy and rolled over to look at him. "For crying out loud, Vegeta!" Bulma yelled, now past resentment, becoming angry. "Be reasonable. Can’t you see things have changed in our marriage?" A dark look crossed Vegeta’s face, suspicion following in its wake. "What do you mean changed?" "Vegeta, whether you like it or not, it’s not just us anymore. We are parents! I know you have spent most of your life in space, but even you can see how things change with a kid." "Stop hiding behind the brat." Vegeta yelled back. "That’s not what you meant, when you said things have changed. You’ve used that excuse long enough. Why don’t you come out and say it?" Veins started popping out on Vegeta’s forehead, which Bulma knew meant big trouble. She backed up mentally, knowing this was not good. First he mentions Furiza and now his face was turning redder with every vein that made its presence known. This wasn’t his usual upset. He was really torn up inside about something, and she was about to find out what was tearing him up, whether she liked it or not. "Say what?" Bulma screamed exasperated. "That I’m tired! Yes!" "Tired of me, you mean!" Vegeta screamed. "Who is he? I have the right to know!" Bulma’s mind did a back flip trying to take in what Vegeta just said. ‘Is he serious? I just had his kid. I work practically 24/7 to care for his child, and now he thinks I’m having an affair? This just cannot be happening!’ "Vegeta," Bulma looked at him, feeling as cold as if he slapped her right in the face, "think about this. I just had your son. Do you really think that I am such a whore that I would have your kid and then cheat on not only you but him?" Vegeta stepped back slightly, and the color slightly drained from his face, but not the suspicion from the black of his eyes. "You think I’m a real fool, don’t you? I’ve seen you throw yourself at men since I fought Zarbon while you watched." Vegeta chuckled cynically. "You would have been his whore for about five minutes before he took his time killing you. Yet, you practically threw yourself at him, while you had nothing but revulsion for me." "Oh for God’s sake, Vegeta, be reasonable!" Bulma could not believe he was throwing this in her face. "It’s not like you did anything to make yourself likable. Not only did you try to kill all of us, but you threatened to kill me if Kurillin didn’t hand over the Dragon Ball. You think that might have had anything to do with it? I had every reason to be scared to death of you. I used to have nightmares about you all the time, for God’s sake! And don’t give me any shit that you wouldn’t have killed me. You’re a damn good liar, Vegeta, but you are not that good of a liar. I have no illusions about you." "It’s not shit. I wouldn’t have!" Vegeta declared defensively. "You think I really spared both of you, because I have any love for baldy? He’s not worth the air he breathes!" Vegeta looked down, saying the next in such a quiet undertone, she could barely hear him. "You never told me you’ve had nightmares about me." He looked up at her, and at that moment, Bulma noticed his eyes looked much older than his youthful face betrayed. "Of course, I never told you." She turned over, feeling more exposed that her naked body made her feel. "Why bring up old times, that neither of us can change? I wouldn’t have even mentioned it, if you hadn’t brought up old times." "Are they really old times for you?" Bulma could hear the bitterness in Vegeta’s voice. "Of course they are old times, Vegeta!" Bulma said, hoping to appeal to some reason in him. "But, this is now! I just had your son! Obviously things have changed!" Bulma realized it was a mistake to say the word change, again, when she saw the redness return to Vegeta’s face. "It would seem the more things change with you, the more they stay the same. So, you tried getting me off the subject, but as I told you before I’m not a fool. Who the fuck is it?" Bulma was really getting angry. Here she was devoting all her time to his son, ignoring the exhaustion to try and love him, and in return Vegeta was practically accusing her of being a whore. "You, Vegeta, only you!" Bulma screamed. "For crying out loud! Be reasonable! Even if I wanted to have an affair, when would I have the time? All I do is take care of Trunks." Bulma knew it was a mistake to say "even if I wanted to have an affair," when she saw the glittering look of suspicion flare into the flame of insane jealousy in his eyes. Vegeta eyes narrowed, his sinuous body coiling in as he looked on her. "What do you mean by that?" He said in a dangerous undertone. "Vegeta will you look at me!" Bulma screamed. "I’m 30 pounds overweight. I run around most of the time in a bathrobe because I’m too tired to wear anything else. I can’t remember the last time I had a shower! I spend all the time with the baby. Do I really look like someone on the make?" "Don’t fuck with me!" Vegeta screamed back. "You’re beautiful. You know that! You sure have reminded me of that enough times, since I’ve known you. Now you pretend you think otherwise? I’ve watched how you made a fool of Yamcha. Now you think to do that with me?" "I am not having this conversation any more." Bulma screamed in exasperation. "You bug and bug me for sex. I try to give you what you want, and all I get is it thrown back in my face and practically called a whore!" Bulma burst into tears as she turned to run from the room. "Don’t you walk away from me!" Vegeta roared in fury, as his fists clenched so tight arcs of lightening ran up his body. Bulma turned very slowly and deliberately toward Vegeta. "Are you threatening me?" She coldly accused. Vegeta powered down and turned his back on Bulma, crossing his arms. "You think you’re so damn clever don’t you? The bright little genius putting it over on the Saiya-jin who’s more brawn than brain, am I right?" Vegeta’s voice was thick menace. "But you listen to me and you listen good. You made me swear I’d never hurt you, when we bonded and that is a bond I will not break." Then Vegeta turned swiftly and took her throat, nuzzling his face in close and growling ferociously. "But don’t think that counts for anyone I ever catch you with. I ever find another man with you, I will take him apart, limb by limb, member by member and I will make damn sure you watch every moment." Bulma did her best to convey Vegeta hadn’t frightened her, which she knew damn well was his intent. "Fine Vegeta, fine." She said as if she was only irritated, and not trembling from his words. "You take apart anyone you find me with. Do you notice I’m not the least bit worried?" "Fuck me, but you’re not, are you?" Vegeta word’s turned from surly and threatening to down right ugly. "Because, it’s someone you don’t think you have to worry about. That’s it, isn’ it?" "What the hell are you talking about, now?" Bulma was becoming openly angry. "Because it’s Kakarotto, isn’t it?" "WHAT!?" Bulma felt her mind expanding exponentially with every twist and turn in Vegeta’s paranoid thinking. "You think I’m going to die like that purple-haired kid told Kakaratto!" Vegeta shook with the rage his own words inspired in him. "But, you think Kakarotto will survive, don’t you?" Vegeta advanced on Bulma as his voice lowered to a menacing hiss. "So, you are just moving on, and you haven’t even the decency to tell me! The least you could do is be honest to my face!" "Vegeta!" Bulma was screaming at the top of her lungs. "You have totally lost your mind! Goku and I are friends, Vegeta, just friends! I had plenty of opportunities to be with Goku. I didn’t choose Goku, I chose you!" "Yes," Vegeta eyes narrowed and if his voice could become more bitter it would have torn the very air. "You just threw yourself at me from the moment you set eyes on me. I can just imagine how you cheered for Kakarotto when he and his friends almost killed me! The affection I have seen you have for him. You never had nightmares about him like you had about me, have you?" "Because he never threatened to kill me!" Bulma practically shrieked. "You think that might have something to do with it?" "So, much for it all being just old times." Vegeta said quietly. Bulma was crying now, both with frustration and the hurt Vegeta’s words inflicted on her. She knew she was seeing a side of Vegeta that up until now he kept hidden away. Behind that black pit of despair was a vengeful, vindictive, insanely jealous man. She also now understood why they called it insane jealousy. Because there was no reasoning with it or him. He wasn’t even listening to her. His mind was racing way ahead of both herself and him. He was giving into to his insane fears and she was being helplessly dragged along with them. "Vegeta," Bulma began, feeling the tears running down her face. "I haven’t eaten since noon, yesterday. Nor have I taken a shower in at least 24 hours. I’ve had enough of this. If you want to think all those awful things about me, I can’t stop you. But if that is what you think of me, after all this times, it makes me wonder why I ever should have trusted you!" Bulma stalked out. She heard something thud and Vegeta scream in rage. "You think me weak? That you can leave me behind so easily? I’ll show you, who is going to not only survive but defeat the androids! And then your friend," [Bulma noted the sarcastic twist on the word friend] "Kakarotto, will die slowly, I promise you!" Trunks started crying at the commotion. "You bastard you made the baby cry!" Bulma screamed in frustration. She ran to the nursery, and to her relief found her mother already picking up the baby. "I got it honey, I got it." Mrs. Briefs assured her. "You go get some breakfast, and a shower. Sounds like you could use a break after what happened." Bulma started to protest against someone else taking care of the baby but her protests died on her lips and sunk in defeat as she realized her Mother must have heard everything. "You heard?" "Hard not to hear, with all that shouting." Mrs. Briefs sighed. Bulma looked down ashamed that trouble in her marriage was so open to her parents eyes. Mrs. Briefs giggled as she patted Trunks. "He really is in love with you, isn’t he?" "Huh?" Bulma looked at her mother askance. "How can you say that, after all the awful things he just said to me?" "I didn’t hear awful things." Mrs. Briefs sighed and smiled at Bulma as if envious. "I heard a man who is insanely jealous over his wife, and fearful he was going to lose her. Someone that jealous and fearful has to be in love." Bulma looked down at the floor contemplating her mother’s words but said nothing. ‘Perhaps,’ she thought, ‘my mother is right. Vegeta isn’t being hateful. He’s being insecure. He has been told he will die in a few months. I don’t think he will. I know he is too strong to be killed. I just wish he was so sure.’ "Maybe you should go back and tell him he has nothing to worry about." Her mother suggested. Bulma knew she would not get the chance when she heard a deafening roar and watched in shock as one of the Capsule Corporations spaceships shot into the sky. Bulma watched with a numbing feeling of abandonment as the ship became smaller and smaller, finally burning into a pinpoint of light before disappearing completely. "He left me." She said without emotion. "He will be back, dear." Mrs. Briefs soothed. "No one that could say the things he did will stay away forever. He feels he has something to prove, right now. He will come back. Have faith." Bulma nodded her head, wondering why behind the sadness, she felt relief. She knew she loved Vegeta, but right now she could not feel anything toward him. The hurt he had inflicted on her, had scarred over into a place too hard for any feeling. She was completely numb. She turned and shuffled out of the room, reflexively looking at Trunks to make sure he was okay, before she went downstairs to have her first meal in 24 hours. |