| What is Jealousy, But an Insecure Plea for Love? Chapter 1 |
| Author: Valeyard Rating: R Disclaimer: She doesn't own, so don't even bother. Author's Note (From her site): Okay, little explanation here. This is based on what happened to me when I had my first child. Loosely based is more like it. Heather had an underlying medical problem, and the doctor was incompetent (he later had his license revoked.) Unfortunately, I was a new mother and the doctor came highly recommended. So, when he told me there was nothing wrong, I believed him. However, there was a problem and by the time Heather was two months old, I was so exhausted, that when my mother came from Oklahoma to visit, I simply laid the baby in her arms, and without a word went to bed. I slept for 16 hours. First uninterrupted sleep I had in two months. I will tell you what was really wrong with her at the end of this story. My poor husband couldn't help. I wasn't able to work and he was working two jobs to keep up with the loss of income. And believe it or not, by one month after I had her, he became convinced I was having an affair. I'm not joking. Here is a loosely based account of what happened and how he finally realized he was just being insanely jealous. It's funny now, but it wasn't then. Before you get mad at him. Dan is like and unlike Vegeta. He is jealous like him, but he is a doting Dad, he would never want me to let a baby cry or just get a nanny. That isn't Dan. However, there are so many similarities, I thought it would be fun to set the story to a B/V theme. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy retelling this:-) I don't really consider this a "self insertion," because I change the story (the dialogue, etc) to fit the characters, not the characters to fit the story. However, the central events like the baby having a medical problem and how this situation was resolved stays true to what really happened. |
| Bulma was tired. No, truth be told, Bulma was more than tired. Bulma was exhausted. She sighed as she gently patted and shook the new little burden and treasure in her arms. Trunks wailed despite all her attempts to comfort him. 'Why is he crying?' Bulma was at a loss. She fed him, changed him, burped him, sang to him, rocked him--nothing seemed to help. Trunks cried every night until at least 1:00 a.m., despite everything Bulma tried to ease his new life. Trunks never slept all day, and cried every night. For a month since he was born, each day had been the same. The doctor insisted there was nothing wrong, but Bulma knew the doctor was wrong. It wasn't just her worrying about Trunks, or the frustration of not being able to help him, or the total exhaustion she felt. On top of it all, Vegeta was becoming more and more surly toward her. He had behaved like this since the child was born. He made his first demand for sex a few days after she was home from the hospital. Bulma was again confronted with the fact that Vegeta knew a lot about fighting but knew absolutely nothing about women. 'How can he be so totally without a clue about women, yet be so good in bed?' She didn't know. She often wondered if it was something just natural about the Saiya-jin. Maybe that was why Chi Chi put up with Goku. He seemed clueless about women, but Chi Chi confided in Bulma that he was fantastic in the sack. Vegeta simply didn't seem to understand that she had just given birth, or that her pregnancy had been difficult in the last few months. She still had stitches! His whole attitude was, he had waited months for it, he wasn't waiting any longer! Bulma knew he had usually strong drives. Which is why it sometimes amazed her, he stayed alone so long. He never seemed to be out of the mood. Only, now it had been a month and she still couldn't think about sex. She was still too worried about Trunks and just too damn tired. She walked back and forth across Trunks' nursery as she had night after night, praying to God that this night at least, he would go to sleep before midnight. The only answer she got was the crying of the most beloved little soul she ever knew. Bulma started crying too, but stopped herself when she saw it only upset Trunks more. Vegeta stalked in eyeing her resentfully. Bulma was amazed he could even want her which made her loathe herself more. She felt totally unappealing. She still was trying to lose post pregnancy weight. She had no makeup on and she couldn't even remember if she showered that morning. She wore sweats and a bathrobe as she walked zombie-like back and forth. Trunks' wailing was the only sound to be heard. Vegeta scowled at Trunks which made Bulma want to cry. Sometimes, she thought Vegeta hated Trunks. She already had post partum blues, with complete exhaustion deepening her blues to a black pit of despair. The thought of Vegeta hating the thing she loved most in the world, made her feel suicidal, but she had Trunks to live for. Bulma would never permit herself to leave Trunks alone in a world with a father that hated him. "You indulge that brat too much!" Vegeta launched into her immediately. "He's Saiya-jin, son of a prince, heir of a warrior race. Give him a firmer hand. Just put him in his bed and let him cry!" "And let him turn out like you?" Bulma said bluntly. "Oh, just want I want. To have Trunks grow up as cold and unfeeling as you!" Bulma started to cry feeling overwhelmed. There were just too many things to feel sad about at once. She looked down at Trunks. "Poor baby. Left to cry all alone." "He is not a 'poor baby.'" Vegeta replied. "He's Saiya-jin!" "I was talking about you!" Bulma screamed as Vegeta recoiled in shock. "No wonder you are so messed up. You think I would let that happen to Trunks? No way in hell!" "There's nothing wrong with it." Vegeta said defensively, surprise in his voice at her pity of him. Bulma sighed knowing Vegeta would not be able to fathom her pity of him. After all, he was the Saiya-jin no Ouji, she thought bitterly. The pinnacle of all Saiya-jin that ever lived. That anyone, even his wife, could feel anything for him but awe, would only infuriate him all the more. "He has to learn, that in this life, you can depend on no one but yourself." Vegeta shouted angrily. "It's important he learn that. What happens when he is in battle?" It came to Bulma with a shock that Vegeta didn't really hate Trunks. He was worried about him too-just from a totally different perspective. She felt even more sorry for him. What terrible things were done to him, to make him see life so differently from her. She wished she had Vegeta's father in front of her right then, so she could give the bastard a piece of her mind, just before she gave him a good kick in the groin. Bulma clutched Trunks as if Vegeta would take him away at any moment. "If you think I am going to let this precious baby grow up to fight and be killed like you, you are out of your mind!" Vegeta eyes went wild with fury. "You're out of your mind if you think I am going to let you do to him what Chi Chi does to Gohan! He WILL learn to fight." Vegeta said with such finality that Bulma knew she could not argue. "He either learns to fight or he won't survive!" Bulma slumped her shoulders in defeat, looking at Trunks who cried even louder because his parents were fighting again. "Not right now. You can have him later when he is older. Right now he is mine and he will know someone loves and wants to protect him. You can't deny me this!" Vegeta crossed his arms and shrugged in his own concession to defeat. "Fine then, woman. I won't deny you that." He turned to leave, then suddenly turned back toward her with ferocity, keeping his voice low but his tone was threatening enough. "But, in return you will stop denying me! He's not the only one that needs you." Vegeta's voice was down right childish with petulance and jealousy. Bulma wanted to feel so close to her still, relatively new husband. He didn't often say he needed her or for that fact that he needed anyone. As a mater of fact, he made it a point to insist on every occasion he didn't need anyone. Saying he did need her really choked her up with emotion. But that was all she could do. She was simply too tired for anything else and that made her cry more. "Don't you have any pity?" She bawled. "Can't you see I'm exhausted? I didn't ask to get pregnant with your child. I haven't even asked you to take an active part in raising him. The least you could do is understand it is YOUR child that is exhausting me!" Vegeta shrugged indifferently. "So, get an attendant to take care of him if you don't want my child. You can certainly afford one. I had one. It will do him no harm. I hardly saw my father until I was old enough for training." Bulma backed up in disbelief, clutching Trunks as if she was the only thing to save him from a cold monster. "God, I feel sorry for you Vegeta! Not only did you have a total bastard for a father, you haven't even had enough love in your life to realize what a bastard he was. Trunks is my son and I love him. I'm his mother--it's my job and I will do it." Vegeta advanced on Bulma two steps, the veins bulging from the arms held tightly at his side. "No one talks about my father like that." His voice was low but threatening. He raised his arms slightly, making tight fists, as he slammed them back down to his side. "No ONE!" Bulma turned her back on Vegeta in dismissal, but really to shield Trunks with her own body. She turned her head, eyeing Vegeta over her shoulder, daring him to do anything to his wife and son. "What do you want me to say, Vegeta? That I'm sorry about what I said, or that your father wasn't a bastard? It would be a lie and you know I have never lied to you. You want me to now?" Vegeta's eyes glistened. Bulma heart sank even more, because she had hurt him in the one area he was vulnerable--his father. She immediately regretted it, because she hadn't meant to do that. She just really did feel sorry for him sometimes. Her shoulders slumped in final defeat. "Vegeta, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm just so tired, I don't know what I'm saying half the time. Please understand. I need you, too. I'm just too tired to show it." Vegeta strode out looking, for once, truly hurt. Bulma hung her head then started walking back and forth with Trunks, before she realized he had finally fallen asleep. She laid him carefully in the crib. She was so tired, she hadn't the strength to walk out the door. Bulma simply sank down on the soft carpet and immediately fell asleep. |