| After visiting your site, I felt some happiness but more sadness. I was happy because that was the first time I read or hear how Kaz ( my cousin ) felt about the death of his parents. I was happy that he finally started to open up and express his feeling, the whole family was worried about him and his sister. In my opinion, kaz's sister felt a little more better because she cried and grieved for days, weeks, months, and years. Even now, whenever we talk about her parents she starts crying, but I tell you one thing, no matter how many days or years go by it will always be hard to forget your beloved ones that are gone, I know this of fact because I lost my mother when I was 21 as well. The sadness that I felt was because I remembered every single second of the grief and the tears we cried when Kaz's parents had past away. It was one of the worst times I had ever been through and beleive me, I have been through a lot in my early years. This tops it all. The only way that helps us to forget is by what kaz have said that you will be happy that they are looking over you, I also think that this brought us closer than before. I want to finish this by saying that no matter what we will go through or how far we will be apart, I will always be a cousin and a best friend to kaz and his sister and I always felt that they are like my brother and sister. I love you guys. Your cousin, Abe MY NAME IS MIKE,i'm 37 and i just lost my dad,he was just not my dad but he was my best friend ,my everything in life.I'm married with a pretty great wife and two great stepdaughters,and im so messed up that,sometimes i think ill expode. i almost lost my mother also but she is doin good and now im takin care of her and every one says it will get better but its been 3 mounths now and i feel like i could just give up,is there an anwser? ive prayed ive cried it just doesent end? I just wanted to say thanks. I am doing a History interview in my Human services class on the affect a death of a parent had on a family. This page helped tremendously with making a characteristic list and setting perameters. It was hard for me to set these up , especially since I'm interviewing my own sister on the death of our father. I was only 18 months old when he passed away and still know little about him. Again, thank you very much. John I read your story and it helped. I am 41 years old now and am in the process of loosing my mother. This will be the first death in my immediate family. I know you were much younger when you suffered you loss but, based on what you have written it seems pain knows no age. I am just so thankful that I have had time to tell my mother thethings I have always wanted to tell her but was not enough of a man to do so. Thank you. Frank For what it's worth, sorry. I read your story, and it hit close to home... too close. I just lost my father about a month ago, and have had quite a difficult time dealing with it. It's good to know that what I am experiencing is not uncommon. Thank you for sharing your story. It touched me... I wish I had read it at home instead of at work though (it is not good to cry in one's cubicle). A fellow mourner in search of meaning. John I am now in the place that you have already walked through and I find it a dark, but not lonly time. Your story has made this journey a bit easier for me but I have a long way to go as He passed away only two days ago. Thank you for putting this on the net for pl like me to read, I know it will make a difference Andrew My name is Grace and yes it's ok to post my comments. I took your advice and wrote the letters to my parents. I never realized how much anger I had inside. I felt abandoned, and lost but I never let those feelings out before. I'm the oldest and I take care of my younger brother, so I have to stay strong, and never let my feelings out because I don't want him to be scared I want him to see that everything is alright. But by writing those letters I felt such a weight come off my shoulder, because I can let go of those feelings in private, without anyone knowing. Thank you for your advice. Hi. I really don't know who to ask about this, so i thought that this website looked ideal. I am a 17-year-old student at college, and there is a male friend of mine who lost his mother through cancer a week before chrismas. i think that he was just about accepting this, as he had come back to college and we were becoming very close. the thing is, last thursday, his dad had a sudden heart attack and died. he has no-one now. i feel very empty for him, and cried when i heard. i was just wondering, from someone who has been through it, what (if there is anything) i can say or do without making things worse. i haven't seen him since i heard the news and i desperately want to let him know i'll be there for him. what should i do? i need your advice? Response: Well, that's pretty sad. You know i've heard that most times a spouse will pass away within 5 years after the initial death, Some people say it's lonliness. I like to think it's of a broken heart. Just try to understand, WITHOUT saying I understand. Your friend is in a really tough place and without knowing the details, i'm not sure there is anything that you can say or do. Just be there when he needs you. It's tough, and there are no real answers. Just looking to help is a sign of a good friend. I think in your heart, you have already helped him in just caring. Just remind him, it does get easier. Not better, just easier. Have him email me if you like. At times like this you just need to talk to someone who's been there. Kaz I read your story and it made me cry. Maybe because i feel the same way. I lost my mother in 93 when i was 13 and I just lost my dad now at 21. Please write to me if you feel that you can give me some advice to help me through TripsZ Hello, I just searched on the internet to see if there was any sites which dealt with or talked about losing a parent. For me personally, I just lost my father, at only 19yrs. of age. You have obviously been through more than I have, by losing both parents in a span of 5 yrs. I am trying to deal with this devastating loss, by consoling with my friends and family. I have many stresses in my life from school work, trying to turn around my whole semester, because I just haven't been the same. I have dealt with my father's illness since Oct. and it has abruptly ended. I feel some relief, that the pressure of going in and outta the hospital is gone. I was wondering if you have any suggesstions on how I can deal with this. I also have the pressure of trying to transfer into another school for next yr., so my plate is full. Thank you for your time and efforts. -Mr.Golden I can't get over how similar your story is to mine ... I lost my father at age 19 (last may), and I have never been a person to show grief or sadness with tears. It is assumed that if we don't cry, we don't really grieve. I kinda resent that. I think it's much harder for thoses of us who keep it in. couldn't sum me up any better ... i am looking for a way to cope with this situation because i still get very upset at times ... I want to thank you for showing me someone knows where i am and possibly can talk to me to help me .. if you could, please email me Thanks Josh I LOST MY MOTHER TO CANCER IN 1992 AND ALSO KNOW HOW THAT FEELS. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY IT WILL HELP PEOPLE. IT HAS ME .THANK YOU. JACKIE Hey, Yeah, that would be fine if you posted my story. Maybe I could somehow help other people if they see stories about losing parents, because some day I hope to become a child psychiatrist. I am trying my best to help my mom, and while it is difficult sometimes, I just have to hold my head up and be brave...I'm sure you feel the same way. I guess I don't really like people to see what I am really feeling, because it makes me look weak, and it also looks like I am looking for sympathy, which I'm not. I'm glad that I have found someone who can relate to my problems, even though I constantly have people coming up to me and saying that they understand, even though they don't.It's kind of annoying how some people are so ignorant in that way. Anyways, thanks for responding! -Tracie Hi Kaz - My name is Jenni , and i too lost a parent - my dad when i was seven. he drowned. I just found your site today, and it's soo great that i did, because i'm doing a project for my sociology class on death of a parent... it looks to be a perfect resource, i hope you don't mind if i use it as a resource, with citations and props given to you?? I have just read your story and I thought it was so touching. I have just lost my dear mother six hours ago infact. I am in total shock and was just surfing the net (anything to keep me occupied) when I came across this site. I don't know how to post my story, but would like to. Please tell me how to post it on yur page. Does the pain ease. god I hope so, It hurts too much to describe. Mark. Kaz, My boyfriend is turning 18 this next week, and it has been only three and a half months since his father, age 42, died of a heart attack in front of his brother, mother, and himself. Since, their family has crumbled, his mother has started using drugs, talking of suicide, and not being a parental figure to either sons. His brother has come to violent tantrums, he is almost 16. I have taken him to visit his fathers grave, and try my best to listen and be there for him, but i never know how to deal with it, i have both of my parents, so the best i can do is try to sympathise. please help me to try to help him, i am struggling. Thanks Tiffany Hello. my name is sarah and i recently got engaged to the love of my life. His name is rob. about six months ago, rob's father committed suicide. He and i are both 18. Unfortunately, i never met his father. because of this, when rob has his "bad" moments in thinking about his dad, i really don't know what to say. Also, i am not very familiar with how men grieve. I would like to know what i can say or do to help him or to be of a comfort when he wants to talk about his dad. What makes it more difficult is that his father did not die of a natural cause, he took his own life. Do you have any advice as to how i can help him through his hard times? i feel so helpless...i am merely a shoulder to cry on but am at a loss for words when it comes to his father's death. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Sarah Response; Sarah, I am deeply sorry for your fiance. It's hard to give any advice except to keep doing what your doing. Sometimes we just need a shoulder to cry on and it makes a world of difference. I would also suggest ou gently suggest that your fiance speak to a professional that may help him talk through this situation. Suicide is an unfair way for someone to die. It leaves many issues unresolved and therapy is sometimes the best way to go. Good luck and please keep me posted. Thank you so much for your web site. I am 26, and losing my 73-year-old father to endless bouts of congestive heart failure. Meanwhile, my diabetic mother is on a walker, and coping with his illness with far too many pain pills. In the process, our family has been torn apart, and being the youngest and only single member of the family, I have found myself completely alone, somewhat bitter and thoroughly confused. As I reluctantly wait to receive "the call," I am comforted by the stories and fellowship found on your web site. Thank you to everyone who is open enough to share the pain and healing. I truly believe that the powers that be don’t give you more than you can handle, and apparently, someone must have a lot of faith in us!!! All the best, Rebecca Thank you for your wonderful insights. Especially the bit about remembering your parents love you unconditionally. I've been suffering from terrible guilt lately and thinking that they love me whatever I do has really given me a bit of relief. I've really been trying hard to do things that would make them proud of me, and you've reminded me that they are. Victoria Hi, i think its wonderful that you started this website, when i started reading your story i broke down crying. I'm 19 yrs old and I lost my mom to cancer Feb. 24, 2001. I never thought she would die from it. Its really nice to know that there are others out there going through the same thing I am. It's my first year in college, and right now I am just feeling extremely alone. Nobody I know here is experiencing the same thing I am. I have a big, supportive family, but I'm not near them right now (living in the dorms), and it would be nice to talk to others my age, or who also went through it. At this point it doesn't seem like anyone or thing could really make me feel better, but maybe people can share ways they got through this excruciating time. I thought it would get easier, but it really hasn't, and in some ways I don't want it to because I think this hurts so much because I miss her sooo much, and I never want to stop missing her presence, love, everything about her, because that is all I have left. I don't see how it will ever not hurt as much. I don't know if this exists already or not, but I think if people want to email each other or set up some type of online support group, it'd be great. I know that for me talking to a counsler doesn't seem like the best idea. I would rather know how others like me are coping, and give each other support. Sincerely, Francesca Francesca I just want to let you know how much you have helped me with your website. I am 17 years old and I lost my mother two years ago. It really is a blessing for people in this type of situation to want to help others. Please send me an email, so I can be sure you received this. Thank you again Krystal I was just browsing and came across your website. It touched me in a lot of ways. I lost my mother December 15, 1997 and things have not been the same since. She and I were best friends, and closer than any two sisters could be. She was mother and father to me. We had a bond that I can't even begin to describe. She was the love of my life. She was only 53 years old. Too young to die I thought. I only wished I had more time with her. I often wonder why she had to leave me when I needed her most. I am a mother of two daughters and I long for the relationship that I had with my mother. We are constantly at one another especially my teenage daughter. We can't agree on anything, it is really bad. I feel that things are this way because I have never been given the opportunity to talk about the loss I suffered. I feel that there is so much anger on the inside and I don't know how to let it go. I really would appreciate any help that you could give to me. Thank you in advance for any suggestions. Thank you for your web page. I recently lost my mother. She had lung cancer in December of 1999. She had a lobe of her lung removed and we thought that she would live for a long time after that. She died February 18, 2001. It has been so devastating. Sometimes I feel as if I cannot function. I want to die too sometimes. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children and that is what I hold on to, but still I feel completely overwhelmed. My dad died when I was only 21. I was the only one living at home at the time, so we became soul mates. I counted on my mother for every special event in my life. She was my best friend. My sister moved in with my mother two years ago. She continued to live in my mothers house until this past Friday. I feel like I have lost my mother all over again. My sister now lives two hours away. She wanted to be closer to her two children and her grandaughter. I understand why she wanted to move, but still I feel very lonely and isolated now. I felt as long as she was living here, I had a connection to my mother. I knew the house would be sold eventually, but now I have to face this reality. Does it ever get any easier? Am I destined to be miserable for the rest of my life? My husband tries to help me, but I feel like I need someone besides him. I never took the time to make friends of my own. I always had my mother and then, my sister. I guess I thought they would always be there for me. I thought my mother would be here forever. jreid68118 First off all thank you for your comments. I am so sorry about your loss. I know I've been there. I want you to know that you are very fortunate to have a husband and children to accomadate your thoughts but they can't be around forever and unfortuneatly the sad truth is although your husband is there for you, The loss of a parent is a void thet NO ONE can fill. I think it was the way God intended it. My advice to you is due the best you can to rely on your immediate family but you were right on in that you need more than that, I think it might be a good idea to speak to a professional, Therapy can be a wonderful release and should never be associated with 'mental disease' If the therapy in that form is not an option, well, you have me to talk to, feel free to email me whenever you like. Maybe I can help. I tell people all the time, It does get easier, but it never gets better. It seems that as time drags on, it gets worse sometimes. Time can heal, but it can also distance and too much distance can bring back the pain. You know ??? Anyways if you need anything at all, Let me know. Always, Kaz Hello. My name is Emma and my father died five weeks ago. I am currently living in Japan so i am distanced from the reality of the situation, and do not think that I fully believe it has actually happened. I just keep thinking that I will wake up soon. Although my friends have tried to be supportive, life here is difficult enough without a friend grieving. I don't know if you ever experienced the feeling of being a burden to others with your grieve. That is how I feel. My moods change all the time and the slightest thing that goes wrong I feel like I can't cope with it. Recently I have convienced myself that my friends have somehow forgotten what has happened, which really hurts me and makes me feel isolated to the point of madness. I just feel that it is better that I am not around them to spoil their fun. They act as if they don't care, I don't know if I am being over sensative, or what. Your page has helped me realise that I am not feeling like this in isolation, which is very comforting. I have looked at your site almost everyday since I have been back at work. I just want to say thank you for making this site. I am 18 years old. my mother died when i was 16. I never really dealt with it until now. i just put it all behind me. me and my father do not talk and i live on my own, and with out a mom i feel like i have no one. she was my everything. and it has been really hard for me. i don't sleep anymore as you can tell it is a school night and almost 2 am and i am on the computer thinking of my mother. i just needed to talk to someone and you sounded like someone i could talk to, that is why i wrote to you and to let you know that some of the things on your site really helped me tonight. i appreciate it. thank you, jamie Hi- I just wanted to say that I think your web site is a wonderful idea. I couldn't really read to much into it right now as my dad passed away less than three weeks ago and it was hitting very close to home. I am 29 years old and not one day in my entire life did I think my parents (or one of them) would really be gone, gone forever, no seeing them again, no talking on the phone- gone- gone. As we get older by logic we realize that one day it will happen, but you never can prepare for such devastation. My dad was only 55 years old- and in a sense I now feel cheated, abandoned and orphaned. My dad was always the strong one, the one that picked us up when we were down, made us laugh when we were sad, supported us when we made bad decisions- his love was true and unconditional. These days it still doesn't seem real. It's only been the last few that I've realized no matter how many times I call his house, he's not there and won't ever return. It's a very sad and alone feeling. I live 2000 miles away from my immediate family and each day I wake up, I wonder how I'm going to get through the next 12 hours. This truly is the worst experience one can go through. For all that have lost a parent. God bless you- I hope we all somehow find peace with losing someone we have loved so endless. Jenne I'm 20 years old now and my dad is dying from cancer. He is to the point that he can't walk and he can't talk. I never thought ANYTHING like this would be happening to me. I've always had the life that all of my friends admired. Now this is happening. I'm still in a daze. I don't like anybody to see me cry. My dad looks like he is in so much pain that I can't stay in the same room for more than a couple of minutes. I feel like me and my family are not going to be able to get through this. The other stories on your site have helped. I felt like nobody could be going through the same thing as me (which is sorta stupid), but there are. Hopefully, I will be as strong as they are. Thanks - Joy Hello my name is Cassandra and I just lost my mother on January 31, 2002 at the age of 55. I was looking for a way to ease my pain and to deal with the pain of losing my mother and I came across your site. It made me feel better to know I am not alone. I'm 25 and me and my mom's birthday is on the same day (November 1st) and it is really hard trying to cope with this. Everyday seems harder and harder. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1998 and before that my mother was a very strong woman but after she had surgery and kemo therapy and radiation it broke her body down. She went through a lot and I'm glad she's not suffering anymore but I want my mommy back. My sister and I was there when she went home to heaven. I held her hand and I read her favorite scriptures. Psalm 23 and Psalm 6. Everyday it plays back in my head like a bad movie. This pain hurts so bad and nothing can ease it.My mother was more than just my mother, she has grown to be my very best friend. I will miss her greatly and I know the rest of my family and those also who loved her will too. Everyday I look for her, to touch her, talk to her or just be with her and I can't have that anymore. The pain right now is too great. Cassandra |
| Losing a Parent A resource for those who have lost a Mom or Dad ... too soon. |