Dec 25
God,
     It was a very special night, long ago. We still give praise and thanks for what happened. A great blessing we received from You, Your presence among us. Which season, which night is not important. Only that You came to guide us, to teach us, to show us the way. We celebrate an anniversary, the anniversary of Hope's birth. Hope for man's salvation. We celebrate a new beginning, the beginning of a new age, an age when common man communes with his God, Lord, and Savior. Though tradition, legend, and folklore may veil the true events of that night. Though the reason for choosing this season blends with other celebrations--most notably the winter solstice. It is only important that we remember the event and rejoice in it's significance. That with the reverse of the sun's southward journey, the promise of a future spring and with Your Son's birth there's the promise of future salvation. As with the birth of every newborn, there's a new begin- ning full of hope, promise and future. How so powerfully multiplied it was that special night so long, long ago. From the simplest acts of poor sharing with poor to the greatest songs of praise like Hanndel's Messiah---we give jubilations to you God, for being among us, to guide us, to teach us, to show us the way.

Dec 28
God,
     It's the 'twixt and 'tween time, the days and nights from Christmas to New Years. The time that belongs to neither past nor future year. It's a suspended kind of time, with the fading of the afterglow and the awaiting of the starter's mark. Suspended in time between two worlds, is this what dying is like God? Is this foreshadowing part of the passage through the valley? Leaving behind the old way of life, anticipating future adventures in a new life? The northern world struggles through cold, dark nights while the southern world celebrates warm, bright days. What meaning is there in this? That thoughts of death and life are one in the same? Neither can exist without the other, if not for the cold would we enjoy the warmth, if not for the darkness would we really see the light. But these things have been said before by other people, yet, that lessens their meaning none at all.

Jan 4
God,
     It's the beginning of a new year, by man's reckoning. Some men say it's the top of a new year, others feel like it's the bottom. It's the difference between see- ing an easy cruise down hill and a long hard climb to the top. Yet which ever path men walk through the year, the end is the same for all. Another year departs, another year arrives. God, is it the same with life? Or is it the purpose  of life what makes the difference, between an easy cruise and a hard struggle?

Jan 20
God,
     It snowed the other week, but you already know that. It snowed a lot and it was cold too. I felt so alone, not being able to go anywhere. It wasn't like being alone but being able to get up and go whenever I wanted. And it wasn't like being alone, in some abandoned building, in some city, just like every other day and night for months and years before and days and nights hence; one grows hardened to that life. I think it was like being alone and not being able to go anywhere with the thought of having to spend a life like that. God, why is loneliness so difficult to cope with? In it's many forms and varying degrees of magnitude, to be alone is a terrible, terrible curse. Some call it solitude but that's just a fancy word for loneliness. I've been amist crowds and felt alone, I've sat at home with no where to go and felt alone. I go to a place alone and I come home alone. God, I think I would rather share some abandoned build ing in some city on a cold night than to be alone like it was the other night when it snowed. God, please look after the lonely people and not let them be lonely anymore.

Jan 23
God,
     I'm in this unfamiliar place. I've only been here once before. It's the first time I've spent time here--an afternoon, an evening, a night and a morning. Still it'll be an unfamiliar place when I leave. It's Athens, Georgia a university town. A place for education, what would you have me learn here, now? I've wander such places before, pondered those old feelings of when I was young and wanted to learn. But this time those feelings have gone. Have I past the point of learning? Educa- tion, such an omni-potent term; implications of know- ledge, of students studying, of teachers teaching, gene- ration after generation the education continues. For two hundred years the youth have past through this place, but for seven millennium the WORD has past among the young and old of the world.

Jan 29
God,
     The new year is one twelfth gone, already! The time seems to slip by much too fast. There's so much which needs to be done, all the things which were resolved to be done this year. But like last year, things are slow to get started.  God, it seems like that's the way it's been for much too long; great intentions of doing great things but by year's end little has been accomplished. How are we to know, are the intentions too great or the efforts too little? I want to help those who need help, I want to write letters which bring about peace among nations and people, I want to put an end to hatred and violence, I want to be rich so that I can give much to the poor. But then my own personal problems get in the way. Indecision, wondering which path my life is suppose to take, being alone, and other family troubles. I know what's the problem, looking at the whole, being over- whelmed by the magnitude of the task, when I should do just a bit here and a bit there.

Jan 31
God,
     In too many places around the world, there's hatred and killing among ourselves. There's always been too much of these things. Maybe it's just the knowing that's different; I've been to Beirut and Gaza, to Sri Lanka and Berlin, to Nam and most other wars of the past. I've seen and imagined all the horrors yet I haven't been either. They've been brought to me. Why are there wars, why the violence on the streets of Jerusalem, why the atrocities of Holocaust and Ida Amin? Is praying all that we can do? Have enough of us not prayed for peace?

Feb 10
God,
     I need help! I've become overwhelmed by all the bad things happening to family and friends. There's so much sadness around me. I would pray that every one would be happy and good thing happen to them. If everyone else were well taken care of, I could be happy myself. Some people make them- selves happy by helping others. How do they do that? Some people wear themselves out helping others, till they become the one who need help. Why do they do that? If I didn't care about the others, I could be happy too. But that's not right. Why is it like this, those who don't care are happy while those who do care are suffering along with the others?

Feb 16
God,
     It's the eve of Lent, a Christian celebration. But that's not what it is anymore; at least it seems that way. In New Orleans and Rio de Janero the people are singing and dancing and drinking in the streets. It didn't use to be that way. I think. Maybe it was the Middle Ages, or before, or later, anyway a long time ago in Europe, the eve of Lent was a large feast, to eat well before the days of fasting during Lent. Or something like that. But today it's feast- ing before during and after, along with other celebration for celebration's sake. No longer for Your sake. I imagine, or just would like to believe, there was a time when the cele- bration was a true remembrance of Your hardship in the wilderness. Lent seems to have suffered along with the other Christian holy days, corrupted into something which has lost its real meaning. God, please help me to hold dear in my heart the real meaning of holy days.

Feb 17
God,
     Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, the remem-  brance of Your forty days in the wilderness. John the Baptist spent time in the wilderness, so did others, so did You. It seems lots of people have had revelations while in the wilderness, Moses, Abraham, Eli, and Ezekiel. Should I include Budda and Confucius and Mohammed and other non-christains? I know there's some who would object to their inclusion. But anyway, what of this time spent in the wilderness? John the Baptist preached for there--that voice crying from the wild- erness, Moses saw the burning brush there and received the Ten Commandments from there. You were tempted there. But isn't there something else? Are we all to spend time in the wilderness? Do we learn and grow from the solitude, hardships, and communion with Your nature?

Feb 18
God,
     Yesterday was the first day of Lent. It was also the New Year for the Chinese people; they and others use the lunar method. It was a coincidence that they happened on the same day this year. But what of the reason it was so. Lent depends on Easter which depends on a full moon on or after the spring equinox. There's also numeral years and golden letter years used to set the Lent and Easter dates. The Chinese and Hebrew lunar year is similar.
     God, I guess what I need help with is understanding how the meaning of the day gets lost in the method for determining the date. Is it important to keep the Holy days in sync with the seasons and moon and stars? Is it more important to keep our lives in sync with the Holy days, maybe?

Feb 26
God,
     For the past two weeks, I've been watching the Winter Olympic Games. It is so nice to see the young athletes demonstrate their special skills in competition among them- selves. It is so nice to see the spectators enjoy being a part of the festivities. Part of the reason why I like the Olympics is their rarity, they only happen ever four years. Some of the other sports are so commonplace they mean little to me; but not to others. There's pageantry and emotion in the opening and closing ceremonies. There's something extra special in knowing that the flame has been past hand to hand across the world. There's real meaning in the words,
     "Let the word go forth among the youth of the world, to gather four years hence at...." I know one reason why I feel so, it's because with each new generation, there's hope that their future will be better than our past. But God, I heard something tonight which expresses the deep down truth of the Olympic Games. They started out talking about winning the medals, which nation won the most. But out on the streets where the common folk gathered, the young ones were talking about how great it is "just to hang out with the rest of the world!" God, help us to teach, to learn, and to practice how to hang out with the rest of the world.

Feb 29
God,
     Today is leap year day, that special day which we insert every four years into our reckoning of time. Other cultures and other eras of history insert months or days every so often. There's been so many different ways we've divided up the years, by weeks of ten and seven days, months both lunar and solar, cycles of four to sixty years, all with there methods of adjustment for making holidays and seasons occur at the same time each year. The rules can be very complex, perhaps it's because time is complex. More likely it's because man has made something complex out of something simple in nature. But the intent has always been the same, to synchronize our marking of time with nature's marking of time. Or is it Your time? God, we need to order our lives with the same intentions,  please help us to do that.

Mar 14
God,
     Accept my prayer and add it to all the others who pray. Please bring peace throughout the world. End the vio- lence and killing. Remove the bitterness and hatred. Wherever there's an injustice in the world, remove it; replace it with caring and compassion for each other. Fill us with an inner peace so that it will grow and glow and shine for others to sense. God, in Jerusalem, there's so much violence, so much  hatred. It's not right that your city be host to such things. Please fix it. Fix it so that Arab and Israeli, Moslem and Hebrew and Christain, all people live there in peace and harmony. Fix it so that they all can work out there differences in peace. God, let Jerusalem become an example of peace to the rest of the world. There's oppression in the world too. The Blacks in South Africa need your help. Please soften the hearts of the white leaders there, so that, they treat the Blacks fairly and do what's morally right. God, more than anything else, almost, there are other things more important, help each of us to voice our objections to the hatred, violence, killing, wars, in- justice, etc. Provide us means and ways and opportunity to make our objections heard and felt and most importantly effective in removing these things from the world. There's corruption and crime which hinders the progress of peace among us; help us to remove them from the world. God, what are we to do with those who practice such things--not just corruption and crime, but all the wrong things? What of those who think so little of human life that they use little children in place of dogs at pit fights?
     God, only you can remove such evil from the world.
     God, today is a World Day of Prayer for Peace, but let us not think an end to all the wars in the world will be the start of peace. There's the peace of a full stomach to the starving, the peace of shelter to the homeless, the peace of friendship to the lonely, the peace of health to the ill, the peace of freedom to the enslaved, and the list is endless. God, help us to remember to pray for all the different forms of peace.

Mar 26
God,
     Tomorrow's Palm Sunday, maybe it should be today is Palm sabbath, was it a sabbath when You entered Jerusalem? The beginning of the last seven days of teaching and miracles. That's what the remembrance is this week. So much happened that week, You healed a blind man, You had a supper, You prayed in a garden, You were arrested, tried, convicted, and executed. Every thing, every little thing was important that week. For all the years since, men have studied, pondered, wondered, wrote, taught, philosophized about that week. Still we can't agree on what happened or what it meant. The Church has split many times over differing inter- pretations. Not only that week, but Your whole life. God, maybe some view Palm Sunday as the beginning of the end. But was it not really the beginning of the beginning? Last winter was the celebration of Your birth, the birth of man's only hope, this spring is the remembrance of Your end in this life, but the beginning of our salvation.

Apr 4
God,
     I don't know what to think any more. Is there never to be happiness in this family? It's been so depressing these last few years or is many years. Every year there's some tragedy. Other families have happy lives, why can't this one? Brothers who marry, have children, then divorce. Bitter custody bat- tles which the kids have to suffer. Sons are expected to bury their fathers, but must they bury their bothers too? Then the divorcees marry again and divorce again. It drives some of the kids to drugs and alcohol and other nomad, street life things. And then there are the cousins, aunts, and uncles with bad health, more separations and divorce, and all the other bad things which have happened. It seems like there's not a single day go by that there's more bad news to hear about. It's so depressing to have to hear all the bad news every other day.
     God, I just don't know what to think any more. There's no good news to balance with the bad. Am I suffering punishment for some offense I've committed? Am I being victimized by other peoples' misfortunes? I just don't know any more.

May 1
God,
     This evening I made sure to do what I've done; to sit on top of this mountain and watch the sun set and the moon rise. Tonight is a full moon night, today is my birthday, it is a Sunday and I was born on a Sunday, but, of course you know all that. This is a special evening for me. The sunset was  nice, with all the fiery red and orange between the cool blues of mountain horizon and sky. And there was this in- teresting period of twilight from sunset to moonrise, a mysterious period of time. I watched the moon change from a pinkish, hazy light through a brownish orange to a bril- liant white. There were a few clouds to drift between me and it, which made the evening more complete. At times, my mind made the moon appear as a large ball, suspended over the valley beneath me. It was as if it was between me and that other mountain, just across the way. Then I sat and looked at the stars amidst the darkness of space. I looked at the country and city lights, both near and far. And after all of this, I walked, through the 'almost' darkness, back down the trail. Such a subtle rush to walk through the woods surrounded by night. God, today was such a special day for me. Not because it is my birthday, but because I was allowed to experience the mysteries of Your creations this evening, to commune with Your nature, and to be blessed with a day of life.

May 19
God,
     A long, long time ago You left signs for men to read; the ruins of the Babel tower, a dove with an olive leaf, handwriting on walls. And men knew how to read the signs. I've seen what I think to be signs, but I don't know, for sure. I guess maybe it's cause I wonder why would you leave signs for me. Not that they're for me personally--some are, but most are for all to see. If they would just open their senses, minds, and feelings. They can be simple signs or very complex, some can pass for coincidence, other--well I've wondered a lot about the others.
     Maybe over the years, other people have read the signs of their times and acted by them. But when reading history that's all they seem to have been, history. Was the black plague a sign? Is AIDS a sign? "wars and rumors of wars", is that sign here to be read? Maybe such signs are to grand to be read. Perhaps simpler signs are the more important, like making a wrong turn down a road only to find someone who needs help. God, I think there are still signs to sense and to read. At least I would like to think so. Help me to know when I've seen a sign, help me to read the sign correctly, help me to act correctly by the sign.

Jun 8
God,
     How am I to know if I'm doing good or not? I do what seems to be the right thing to do, but there's no real feedback that I've done any good at all. Like this one kid I saw on the streets, he had his bag and all, just sitting, passing the day away. From all appearances he was living off the streets; I had done the same once; that's what I told him when I offered a few dollars; but he refused. Told him also I was repaying a debt for those who had help me. But still he refused. He said, "that's cool" and "I'm doing all  right." There's more examples, you know them all. But when I try to do good, and I'm not allowed to, or when I do right but it goes unnoticed (as best I can tell), how am I to know if I'm really doing good or not?

Jun 23
God,
     I've become so confused and paranoid. I'm so afraid the evil one will trick me, I'm scared and terrified of making the wrong decisions--of doing something I'm not suppose to do or not doing what I should do. They are those in this world who worship evil and use others for their own ends. They can be so sly and deceitful, do anything to make a Christian trip up and fall down. Are some churches truly Christian churches or are they fake fronts to fool the faithful? Can Christians be used by the evil one to confuse other Christians into doubting their own dogma? Are such thoughts a trick of the evil one? Am I being lead down a primrose path to a pathetic end? God, I've become so confused and paranoid! Last night I was with an old friend and his family. We were sitting around the campfire, like the other nights. You know I smoked a joint with them before. I know the buzz can make people paranoid. But the inner turmoil came on so strong. Are my friends really evil for smoking? "Hate the sin but love the sinner." Has this night become another night of decision, "choose which side you want to be on kid"? Are they playing games with my mind, for my soul, or is it my own mind that's battling for my soul? God, I had to leave them. I ran away from that place and time. I know they are really good people, but because of the perceived evil---I ran away. God, I know the evil one is at work in this world, when I run, keep me from running blindly into his traps.