Tuesday July 2, 1991
7:50 EST AM "the second day"
Carolina Creme. Have already been to Shonys to eat, left the truck at the Toyato sop, and walked down the road to her. The lady at the Toyato place asked for a work number, told here I was unemployed now.
So, after I get my wheels back, then what do I do? It will be another hot humid day here in the low hills. It was cooler up on Whiteside. Got red arms and face anyway, ever though I tryed to hide from the sun.
Wednesday, July 2, 1991
5:40 EST "the third day"
Huddle House. Today I cut the grass, bushed the bank beside the road, and burned the bush. It has been hot all day, it's still hot. This is the way it will be, hot, till mid September. Too hot to get out and enjoy doing. But I will do what I can, like brush the house, even though I shallnt enjoy it.
My bit of shad behind the corner post is moving me onto the edge. I guess I should just go back home. Nothing is going to happen anyway. There's storm clouds to the Northest providing cover from the sun for some peole. But it is clear tot he West, no cooling cloud for me this late afternoon. Go home and cry, cry because I am alone.
Thursday July 4, 1991
1:05 EST
Carolina Creme. This morning I brushed the West end of the house. It was overcast most of the morning. Did not really notice the bright sun till I left to come here. So that's all the work I've done. Randy did call and talked for a few minutes. It was just after I got back from eating breakfast at Carolina Fine Food. The only other place open was Hardees and it was really crowded. Randy said it was the usual do nothing holiday at work. People planning to leave at noon. No ice cream this time though. Randy invited me to eat with them tomorrow night. So that will be my first outting since quiting.
Maybe I have expected too much too soon from this not working thing. Like I should be doing something all the time. Maybe I should be, it is the lack of enthusaism and initiative that bothers me. Not doing anything at the Habitate site bothers me too, but there's nothing but a huge pile of tree trimmings to haul off (I guess). I really havent even made an effort to find out what there is to do.
Monday July 8, 1991
5:00 EST
Carolina Creme. Saw someone I know in the movie today. Saw Elizabeth in "Wild Hearts Cant Be Broken", an afternoon matinee too. So that's the highlight of the day. Besides that, it was more chipping paint, but that part is finished. Next will be the washing with the brush. Maybe by the end of the week I'll get to paint some.
Wednesday July 10, 1991
4:45 EST
Pizza Inn. Another day of scrubbing the house. But also took the old washer apart. [[ I'm going to be ignored, and that's going to bother me and I wont be able to write anything, not that I would have anyway. ]]
Friday July 12, 1991
4:45 EST
Tony's. Yesterday I didnt work on the house, just pittled around, went to Easley to get the paint. Today I started painting, did the west end box and part of the front porch. It's boring doing the porch. It will be boring again when I do it again, with the gloss.
Wednesday July 17, 1991
6:45 EST
Carolina Creme. Wendy and Lori.
Friday July 19, 1991
5:45 EST
BurgerKing, Grn'vle WHB. Painted more today, sortof boring, this painting. Except for when I finish a segment, like the porches. It does pass the time though, what will I do when I finish it all?
The funeral for Wendy and Lori was this afternoon. That happened without a passing thought. Driving to here made me think of it.
Wednesday July 24, 1991
4:00 EST
Carolina Creme. No paint today, started to but the water was off, no way to keep things clean, so I didnt start. It has mostly been a do nothing day. Paid bills, lunch at Feedroom, then laid around. Finally decided to write up the answer to the Dennis question, "step into the circle" thing. Did that and drove here to stuff it in the door. The car was gone. Dont know what to make of that, has he move or what? Will he get the package?
Anyway, that task is done, so now here I sit waiting for "Campsite" words to come to mind. Nee to write about "Without Remorse" GP thing also. [Long Pause] I think the lack of contact with other people is startig to take effect.
Saturday July 27, 1991
2:30 EST
Washette By the Creek. Worked the Habitate site this morning, that's why I'm wasing clothes now. Help did the footing in the red dirt. Went home and bathed and laid down till just a bit ago. Wish I could get in the writing mood. But it's too hot here in the truck.
Wednesday July 31, 1991
12:00 EST
WhiteSide Mtn. Front of fence, almost topside, West. I am here.
The two ladies who pased by before came back. They stopped at the top a minute then stopped again at the west end and talked among themselve. One came over to where I was and talked with me shortly. Asked if I wrote a lot, told her nto much. The usual chitchat then the usueal partings and they left. Walked up to check on the T.S., it was still there.
A little while ago, about twothirty EDT, a man, his wife and son, came bay. They saw T.S. at the top, left it there. But he asked if it was mine, I said no. The boy ran back to the top, paused, we exchanged looks, then he picked it upa nd joined his folks. She opened the package and said "ThoughtSmithing". Such is how that copy passed to other hands. What will the boy remember as he grows older?
Wednesday July 31, 1991
3:40 EST
WhiteWater Falls. I am here now.
Wednesday July 31, 1991
5:45 EST
Hardee's, Easley. Alone on the mountain, half high, it was great. Here alone, with that extra young couple and baby, it is not good.
Friday Aug 2, 1991
6:05 EST
Pizza Inn. Worked Habitate's huose behind Winn Dixie. Cleaned and painted the trim in one bedroom. So that's it.
Wednesday Aug 7, 1991
1:30 EST
Whiteside Mtn, Westend. It's been nice! Thunderstorms, all around, lightening, a shower beneath the umbrella, cool, thoughts of LA and travel. IT'S BEEN REALLY NICE!
Monday Aug 12, 1991
5:20 EST
Pete's Kitchen. An hour and ten minutes to wait for showtime. Supper's overn now, forty-five more minutes to wait.
Mostly been working on the habitiate house painting. Didnt work the other (Blue Yonder) site neither Saturday nor tonight, wont work there tomorrow either. That place is still in the mud and will stay there for a long time to come.
Would write some stuff, but I cant. Guess it is too easy to jsut sit here and waste away the time. Sit, dream, and think of all the great things I will do. [PS alone].
Friday Aug 16, 1991
5:30 EST
Carolina Creme. Today I finished the second bedroom at the habitat house. I also cut mom's grass after leveling the cutting dek. but then the cord return sspring broke.
There's one thing I think now about not being employed and doing volenteer work, there's a greater sense of accomplishment, not that it would take that much compared to what I did with Singer-Ryobi. I've got some thought about improving progress at the other worksite.
Sunday Aug 18, 1991
3:00 EST
Carolina Creme, again. What else and where else is there for me to do and be? The annual Foothills Mall - August Festival is happenig. That's the only thing different this time.
Wednesday Aug 28, 1991
6:30 EST
Carolina Creme. Mostly just been working the Blue Yonder site. Poured concrete last Friday, that was interesting. Have moved lumber and block and cut studs too. Something different besides painting or digging.
Last week got mom a new mower, the old could have been fixed, but she decided to get a new one, a Murray, the cheapest thing available. Had to get Jason to use hsi truck to take it back to her house, from WalMart.
So that's been about it. Did tune up the guitar and picked a little yesterday.
Friday Aug 30, 1991
3:20 EST
Whiteside Mtn. Topside. I am here and it has been another really great day.
Friday Sep 6, 1991
6:30 EST
Pizza Inn. Was mason helper today at the Blue Yonder habitat sit.
Monday Sep 9, 1991
5:25 EST
Carolina Creme. Post script from Sunday Sep 1, 91: Sunday Sep 1, 91 I wrecked my truck. It happened about 1:30. I was on my way to get rubber boots to work in the mud with. Just past the SC8-93 intersection,in front of Kings Recycle. There was a car and boat pulled over. Apparently one of the boat trailer axles broke loose when it went across the railroad track. That was what distracted me. When I turned back around I was closing in on the car in front. I braked and swerved but my right front hit his left rear. Busted my tire and side signal. Bent the hood, fender, bumper and other stuff. It would not have happed if the Easley city police had not stopped in the road to make a "U" turn to get back to the boat thing. Something like the same thing happend out there on 123 a while back. I wonder home many wrecks the Easley police have contributed too?
Randy was home to give me a ride back to Pickens. Waited for him at Hardees. My truck has been sitting at Bird's for a week now. Could not think of anywhere else to send it. It was the usual thing withthe wrecker and fee. I dont have that kind of insurance.
So it's been a bummer of a week!!
For the habitat thing, played mason helper. Moved block, built scaffling, shoveled mud. Did that Friday and Saturday all day. Had to finish up this morning.
Maybe not such a bummer of a week.
Wednesday Sep 11, 1991
1:55 EST
Whiteside Mtn NC. Like it's been another great day. The Falcons have attacked the buzzards all afternoon. I've never seen them this active before. A group of walkers came by a few minutes ago, they said some people were rock climbing. Guess that's why.
A couple pick up the 12:15 TS, thought I'd leave another then go sit with the climbers.
Monday Sep 16, 1991
6:30 EST
Carolina Creme. Was to see "What about Bob" movie tonight, but one of the projectors was broken. The other movie was the last(?) of the Freddie (Nightmare on Elm Street) movie. Did not want to see it even if Freddie gets killed. So much for my movie plans.
This morning I went to get my truck. Drove mom's car to her house then walked to Bird's garage. Walked Edens road and Farris Bridge road through the old childhood neighborhood. So that was different. The people have graded around the old house, the ground I played on is no longer there. Drove the truck home, then washed and waxed the truck. Trying to be nice to it, begging forgivenss for hurting it.
Wednesday Sep 18, 1991
1:30
Whiteside Mtn, almost top. PS {I threw up, too much to drink and almost a sleep too.}
Wednesday Sep 18, 1991
5:10
Hwy 11 Cafe. Sean's neighborhood. It started to rain and blow up there. Was planning to write (get started on) "A Nation Without Remorse", the GP subject about "The Other Face of Victory" which this country does not want to acknowledge. But the rains and winds came, making it difficult to write, hard to concentrate.
Neighbors are here, strange meeting them here, today, on my way to Seans. Will this mean that Sean will not be home, since I'm determined to see him?
Notice the young studs. There's a long hair one next to me. -- Sean's not here, like I thought he was (would be). Save me the trouble of calling.
Maybe he's (the one in the kitchen) an average blond haired stud, but she's (the cook I think) is below average. Does he get laid. Maybe they are just friends, {To have been blessed with a deceint body.} Bye.
Friday Sep 20, 1991
6:03 EST
Pizza Inn Ealsey. Today I went up on Glassy Mtn. The westside, the inbetween place and sat and laid around. Walked around to the end of the old trail, looed at Pinnicle and Table Rock, then went back to the inbetween place. The buzzard's flew around close three or four times. So that's how I spent the noontime and early afternoon time.
This morning I had to go tothe habitat site, the boss wanted to layout the walls, Bootise had called because he had some slack time. Missed the round table meeting this morning because of it.
Tuesday Sep 24, 1991
2:00 EST
Carolina Creme. I had carried this volume around most everwhere, especially thsoe special occassions. Yesterday ws the first of Autumn (Equinox). Sat up on Glassy in the morning to watch the sunrise. Didnt write anything then. Built a fire late afternoon. Didnt write anything then either. Thought about ride up to Whiteside to watch the Moon Rise, but didnt go. it was to be cloudy and thought if I did it would. Wnet back to Glassy to sit and wait for the moon to rise above the clouds. Didnt write anything again. Went back home and did another fire. Didnt write anything again either. Thought about geting champagne, didnt do that either.
So why do I still carry this Journal?
On Sunday evening got to chase horses around mom's neighborhood. Larime's horses got out. He raced over with only his pants on. First time Ive ever dealt with the kid. He's lively and hyperactive and physical. Walked the fence with Dean, looking for the place where the horse got out. Help Laramie rebuild the fences. It was all fun.
Friday Sep 27, 1991
5:20 EST
Pizza Inn. Pickens. Today I actually did someting, old and boring, but something. I started on the last window and doors painting.
Saturday Oct 5, 1991
12:45 EST
Huddle House. Habitat got rained out. One wall up, and one on the floor. Suppose to have had a roof on it this afternoon. This will slow things to a halt for a long while.
I am feeling the lack of things to do, people to talk with. The past three weeks have been like that. No contact with anyone who cares about me.
Out at the Warpath landing, first time there in a long while, there was this other loner with no clothes on, swimming. Just a short exchange of words, then I went and sat down elsewhere. No contact allowed, THE SAME OLD WORDS (SONGS) AGAIN.
I guess loafering is all I'm good for. You want to know why I like the rain, it's cause when it rains, I dont feel as bad about doing nothing. AN EXCUSE.
Monday Oct 7, 1991
6:00 EST
Carolina Creme. A contact, an actual contact, she said, "school, school" I looked up, "No school was a long time ago." She is a writer and artist. Was a commercial artist. A bit of teaching. She also said she studied astronmy in school, isnt that strange, what Im now reading, she says she reads too. THC.
Wednesday Oct 9, 1991
6:30 EST
Pizza Inn. Another day at the habitat site. I would not have expected that the interary wall sould have been so confusing. There's so much talk over an eighth of an inch, Tie and wall positions and other htings. Even after all the talk, walls get misplaced by 1 1/4 inch. Too much supervision in one fromor another, like he has to have something to talk about all the time. But I'm not goin to write any more about it.
The lady from Monday night has disappeared intothe never never land of brief contacts. She wont never call me and her name is not listed int he phone book.
Still havent calle the hospital or go to seek abot subsitute teaching. I'm getting scared of having nothing to do and already scared of trying to start some thing else.
Wednesday Oct 23, 1991
4:35 EST
Carolina Creme. Today I worked on detailing the habitat house drawings. Did that Monday too. Also came down here to Easley to get gas at the cheap Red Diamond. They have raised their price to 99.9, isnt that strange how it use to be 95.9 till I started buying it regularly. Life's a plot to make my life miserable.
Last Sunday (Oct 13) rode up to the District with Jackie, Scott and Jason. Went to be a part of the Police Officers Memorial dedication. We stayed at one of Joel and Jackie's old neighbor's new place. Looked at the old places in Dale City, the trees have grown up. Mostly it was sit and listen to them talk. Did one short walk along the streets from thier house to the lake and back through the woods, at night. That was nice. Slept on the basement floor (Brian's space), so did Jason, Scott slept on a fold out bed.
The trips into the district were typically big city traffic. Parked at the Eclipse the first day (Monday), by the river the next morning, then moved the car to Alexander that afternoon and rode the Meto back into DC.
Monday (Oct 14) drove into the DC to the Ecllipse. Walked up to 9th and J to Ramada for to regsister. Big fancy hotel. Rode the shuttle bus to the Procesion starting place (near Capital on Constitution). Watch the motorcybles and polic cars cruise by along with the survivors. We joined when South Carolina came by. Got to walk Pennsylvania Ave and 5th street to the memorial site.
Hung around there for a while. {{{*** Stood and watch Scott and Jason make rubbings of Joel's name. That was tough, really tough on me. ***}}}
Rode a cab back to the car then drove around DC for a while, then bact to Lakeridge.
Tuseday morning, got up early, 4:30, and drove into DC, parked by the river. Walked down D St to the Lafant Place. Rode the Metro to Judicary Sq. The Metro Stations are huge, fifty foot arched ceilings and 2 or 3 levels deep. Mostly all vendor fare machines, escallators and other modern convenices. We transferred at on station. Got to Judicary Sq about dawn, a coal city dawn. Sat around and waited to hear Joel's name called. Some of the survivors were calling their own particular name. That was touching too.
Ate biscuits at the Hardee's then walked down to the Mall. Was planning to see the museums, but they didnt open till ten. Sat on the Mall a while then rode the Metro back to Lafant and walked back to the car. Rode around some more in the thick traffic, in circles, by the river and Kennedy Center, then to Washington Moment. Scott and I did the museums, Jackie and Jason did some of the museum then off to somwhere else. They decided to stay for the offical dedication.
Moved car to King St station in Alexander and rode Metro by National Airport, Peterson, over the river, then to the same place as before. It was interesting to be undergroud, near the Pentagon. Through security gates and onto the back stands. I left to smoke and never got back onto the stands. Went and got some drinks (bakc through S.G) then stand and wait. Heard Pres Bush speak.
Rode Metro back out of DC.
Friday Oct 25, 1991
5:50 EST
Pizza Inn. Sat on the Eastside of Glassy for an hour and some. Mostly feeling bad about another lonely evening to sit through. Just did stuff today, neccessary stuff, nothing exciting. Paid bills, went to get the tuck inspected. Couldnt though, had to have theside lamp fixed. Drove to Easely to get that, then the rest of the morning bending metal to get it to fit. Then I went to Mom's to cut her grass and burn leaves. So that was how today was spent.
Before I left Glassy, a white truck pulled up. When I walked back tothe truck a few minutes later, this long blond haired dude says it's nice up here. Like always I mumbled a few words and went on to my truck and drove off.
/// I sit up there and feel sorry for my self then never advance any opportunity to meet others. ///
Sunday Oct 27, 1991
6:35 Real Time Again
Huddle Resturant. Here early (5:30) after last nights party, Halloween at Tony's.
Monday Oct 28, 1991
4:35
Carolina Creme. Another wasted day.
Monday Nov 4, 1991
6:10
Ditto.
The cold weather has arrived. City streets, cold long dark lonely nights on the cold city streets. Last Saturday, I made a campfire and burnt leaves and trash. The ironworks man stopped to talk a little. First time anyone has stopped to talk with me by the campfire.
Friday Nov 8, 1991
5:50
Car. Cre. Least I did stuff today, cleaned leaves from my gutters, raked leaves away from the house. Then went to Mom's to clean out her house gutters. Drove to Liberty to get replacement for Mom's cable box. Went to Jackie to get tape and pictures. Now I'm on the way to see Randy and Shellia.
It's been dark since before five thirty. Almost Winter hours. People shuttling between Clemson and Greenville. People who live and play in Greenville drive to Clemson. Those who live and play in Clemson drive to Greenville. That's where I imagine the traffic mover between.
Over the crest some hills, just barely seen above parked trucks, the white lights flow this way, the red lights stream away. A seeminly never ending line of cars.
Wednesdy Nov 13, 1991
6:15
Pizza Inn. So what? Went to R.C to help with her computer. She was busy all afternoon, so didnt get to teach her anything. Took a phones mesage and gave out directions and that was all I did.
At home this mornig I started cleaning the binaculars. Actually taking them apart and cleaning prisms. There has been some misalignment inthem between the two sides you know. There's shims under the prisims, one of them fell out so now I have to guess abut putting it back. Did a little more work an the binoculars after returnig from Easley, but didnt finish the job. Maybe tomorrow.
Saw Jimmy at ERC. He's gotten himself a 386-25 computer. He and a couple of others publish a V-ball news letter. He' running for State Pres of a V-ball Association, if he wins it, he'll have to move to Columbia. It's a full time job too, so he'll do a sabbatical from teaching.
Tuesday Nov 19, 1991
8:30
The Bench, Clemson. It has been a long time since I sat here. Just came from the Fall Habatit meeting. Dressed up in my cruise coat, slacks, shirt and tie. Just thuoght I should sit here for a while before going back.
Wednesday Nov 20, 1991
5:45
Pizza Inn. All I want to do is go home and go to bed and peacefully sleep the night away.
Friday Nov 22, 1991
6:05
Huddle House. Went to WhiteSide. Got there about 11:30. Thought it would be really nice. The clouds cleared up while at the Feedroom, the sun starting to shine through, the hazy washed out of the air. It was abut as clear a day as there can be lately. But it was cloudy just at the mountain, it was cold too. All I did was sit at the East end for a bit then on top. Drink a bit of the champagne and ate a bit of the bread thean about 1:30 I decide things would be better in the sun at Glassy, so I drove there and stayed till about 5:00. Jsut kindof unrolled the blanket, coverd up, and dozed for an hour. So that's how I wasted the day away.
Monday Dec 2, 1991
12:20
Carolina Creme. Will this be another wasted week? Cant seem to get enthuased about starting the things I need to and can do. It's the long hours betwee people contacts that's doing my "retirement" in. There's no longer joy in sitting on Mountain Tops alone. No "strangers' call, only predictable calls left on the answering machine.
Monday Dec 2, 1991
6:00
Caroline Creme. There's no answers at all, anymore, on the answering machine. The spooks must be tapping again. But why should I expect anyone to call me. I'm a nobody, a forgotten memory, not even a memory anyomore.
I built a fire today. That seems to be the exciting part of my "retired" llife now. Had to force myself to do that much. Pulled a lot of dead wood from my woods. Even work the area next to the neighbors. This kid drove up while I was sawing a leaner into. Pushed on it to make it break and when it did, crack, pop. the kid looked up into the woods. He stood a moment to watch then went inside. So making another fire was the highlight of the day -- probably the week.
When I got out to the Highway, when I was driving down to here, someone in a blue and sliver truck honked at me. He probably mistook me for somone else, nobody ever pays me any attention. I'll never know either.
They (the two boys working tonight) were talking about Manly. Seems he has drifted closer into the circle, strange hair and stealing out of the register (probably why he got fired). So that's the news about one of my contacts. Another data point for "everything I touch turning to shit."
Saturday Dec 14, 1991
1:45
Huddle House. I would have been the only one at Habitat this morning, except or Mike the nuke dude. Who hadnt been by since the floor work. It didnt rain but noone else showed up anyway. All I did was chip paint off the windows.
Sat around the house a bit, sat around the top of Glassy and now I sit around here, wasting time, waiting for death to come. If I dont get any activities in gear --- subconsciously me people -- I feel like death will come a lot sooner than later.
Yesterday I work my first DOA gov't food giveaway. Checking for ID and income and logging people in. Let a few of them slide by the ID and income. Barry was in charge. I thnk the last time we meet was at Jack's in '78-'79-'80, sometime backthen. The continous line only lasted an huor and few minutes. -- One of them couldnt write, but he scribbled anyway.
Wednesday Dec 18, 1991
6:30
Pizza Inn. Monday and Tuesday I worked the Greenville food giveaway. It was at the Textile Expo. Most of the work was in bagging and clean up. The big rush lasted only an houre and hald, then it was a steady walk in. I guess I'llhave to wait for a cheese giveaway to see what a busy big crowd is. Barry's mother was there two, sat beside her allmorning before I learnt who she was, Barry was introducing her to someone else. After it was mostly over, got a ham from Barry to take tothe FBC Pickens for Carolyn. So that was the excitment for this week.
Went over to Heywood for to look at Hickery Farms cheese collection. $60 for a package things. Felt really sick over the cost of things, a six ounce package cost $13. [What's the use of spending money if it makes you sick?]
Joe, Roberta and kids are here. Joe's even sitting alone for the moment, but he want come visit me. Still and forever I sit alone.
Thursday and Friday to struggle through then Saturday, Dec 21, '91. A Full Moon Winter Solistice and it will be cloudy and/or cold.
Sunday Dec 22, 1991
3:15
Carolina Creme. Just here mostly. Bought birdfeeder stuff for Mom's Christmas. That's all.
Wednesday Dec 25, 1991
7:40 AM
Glassy Mtn. My first Christmas Day SunRise, that I can remember.