Wednesday September 29, 2004
4:55p
     Well I managed to go for a whole season without any journal entries. Consider it a sign of my dull life ... a loss of ambition to even write in my Journal.

     Sometime in August, maybe September, there was a to do about us in the Analytical Group not doing any, or enough work, on the gasoline engine products. Lawrence called a meeting one afternoon to inform us. Of course it was typically ironic that I was doing a finite element analysis for one of the engine product designers at the time. I got upset and started copying any email about those products to the vice president in charge of them. If any one in that group asked me to add two numbers together he got copied on it.
     It wasn't long before he, the vp, realized work on his products happened whether or not he was aware of it. But still we in the analytical group had to go down to Anderson to be (introduced) to the gasoline product designers and engineers. The meeting was in the big fancy conference room. There was the usual introducing one's self to the others and telling what we each did. There was some discussion about different things. But the one thing that caught my attention was that the 3 top people were sitting or standing with their arms crossed. The only ones in the crowd doing that. Whenever I see that I think of the so-called subconsious body language going on. Not that I really believe some of it. The 3 people in charge of everyone else were indicating they were not interested or listening to what the other 2 were saying.
     But anyway that episode is over and done with. Well not quite. The vice president who started it all now wants us in the analytical group to be in Anderson. That's going to mean a 35 mile each way trip every workday and adding an hour to each end of the day. All this just so some vp who has an ego problem can be happy. It doesn't matter what us who are doing the real work would like. But others have already been traveling that commute for several years. Doing whatever it takes to keep a job.

     The pass two weeks, since September 15, we had a high speed digital video system in the lab. I was sort-of in charge of getting it and operating it. We got it so we could see what was really going on with one of the new products ... a new reciprocal saw mechanism.
     I had mentioned in one of regular meetings about the saw about having all the workings out in the open so we could strobe and see what was happening. Earl mentioned getting a high speed video camera. So that's what we did. I had to look at some different models and renting prices. A sales representative had been in a few weeks before with a show and tell. We ended up getting that one.
     So the last two weeks was fun work for a change. We dropped tools and watched them bounce in slow motion. Saw how the housing deflect and bulge out during impact. Made a video of a sabre saw action, a circular saw cutting wood, tried doing a router too but it didn't work out right. Looked at the gas tank vibrate and move around on one of the gasoline engine products.
     The camera was supposed to go back last Tuesday, the 22nd, but it was decided to keep it another week. The recip saw engineer spent last week using it to debug his mechanism. We could see how things were binding and hitting each other. He would make changes and then make another video. He was basically finished with it by last Friday.
     So it was to go back this past Tuesday. I guess the others got it packed up and sent off. I wasn't there.

     I've been on vacation this week. I did have thoughts of actually going down to Myrtle Beach. But it looks like I will not. I just can't make myself go that far. About half of me really wants to but the other half just dreads the things that could go wrong and how much it would cost.
     It must be going on ten years since I've been on a real vacation.
     Yesterday I managed to ride out to the Chattoga river. It has been raining a lot recently with the left over hurricanes passing by. I guess the river was the highest I've ever seen it. Water was passing over rocks and boulders that were normally dry.
     Two young guys came up behind me while I was making a video of the river. They had their kayaks and put in below the sluice. Brave young fellows but not foolish.
     While I was sitting there watching the river go by some movement caught the corner of my eye. I truned to look up stream just in time to see a big splash at the edge of the bank. A few seconds later a big log popped up to the surface and started to float down stream. I watch it pass over the submerged boulder that was normally high and dry. It floated on down stream.
     I thought about the two guys that were down stream somewhere and hoped that floating log didn't catch up with them to cause them troubles.
     I drove on into Georgia to Dalton and Clayton and then up to Highlands NC. I went to Whiteside mountain and actually managed to climb up the long not so steep back side way and then on across the top to the highest point. I don't know the last time I was up there, it may have been in 1994. I had quit going up there before I stopped going to Whitewater Falls. I do remember that it was 1984 when I was on top of Whiteside for the first time, not counting any really, really early times if any. So it's turned into a pilgramage every ten years or so to the top.
     I took my video/digital camera with me and made some pictures and short short videos. I would set the camera down on the boat cushion I carryed up too, turn it one and then walk around in front of the camera. It is really, really strange to see some old, slummped shoulder man on the playback and have to realize that's me. I've seldom every seen myself in a picture. And what it looks like on the outside doesn't match what's goins on inside. It might as well be two different people.

     It must have been Labor Day weekend that I went out to Chattoga River also. That was during the last of the river riders I guess. There was two or three groups to come floating around the bend up river. They did the normal routine of landing their rafts upstream, walk down to the sluice and then leave in groups of five to go back upstream and then float down and over the sluice.
     I went on into Dalton GA to eat lunch there and stopped back at the river on the way back home.

     It may sound like I get out more but I don't. My days and weeks are spent going to work, stop by my house and then back to Mom's house for the evening and night. I don't think I even made a visit to DM and Micky's this Summer. I wash my clothes, get grocerys and cut the grass on the weekends. I suppose the depression just sets in and doesn't let up. There's just no point in doing much of anything out of the ordinary.

     Several Saturday and Sunday afternoons I have been driving up to Holly Springs Church and Cemetery. The cemetery in on a hill side and at the top edge I park to look at Pinnicle Mountain, Camp Adger hollow and the other mountains. It mostly a quite place to be.
     But mostly still there is a grave right next to where I park. It is Woodrow Chastain and his parents. Woodie was a couple of years behind me in high school. He was killed in Vietnam August 15, 1971. So that's what I sit and think about also. The Nam years and my navy years and where I was when he was killed ... that would be NAS Oceana and living at 422 Amsterdam Court Virgina Beach.

     Brother Daniel and his lady friend went on his cross country motorcyle ride this Summer. That was from April to late August. Every now and then a post card would arrive here or he would call. His 45th high school reunion was the second week of August. Of course he was on his motorcyle ride.

     There's lots of stuff I need to write about and catch up on. But it's been too many weeks and months to remember even a quarter of them. But then again, there wouldn't be much different than what I wrote when I wrote regularly. ... Oh well, I just went into the front bedroom to start the air conditioner, put my cleaning stuff in the bathroom. I sort of remember something I needed to write about but I've forgotten it already.

Sunday October 3, 2004
5:40p
     Thursday morning about 8:30 I left my house to go for a ride out SC #11. It would be my road trip for my vacation week.
     I went the back roads up to Holly Springs. Then it was drive on pass Pinnicle, Table Rock, Saluda River into Greenville county. Past the Jones Gap turn off, through Cleveland and by the Riverside race track. Across US 25 passed between Old Camp Indian on the north and Tigerville (North Greenville College) on the south.
     A little ways pass there, I think, I pulled over to the side of the road. The truck had just turned over to 130,000 miles. So I sat there for a while and pondered about that.
     Then it was back on the road headed eastward. The other landmarks passed by were The Cliffs at Glassy where all the rich, rich people live and where the hang gliders flew. On into north Spartanburg county, Gowensville and one of the roads that turn up toward Tryon, North Carolina. This is were the hills roll and the peach orchards are.
     Whenever I see or think about Spartanburg county and peach orchards I think of one of the Hughes relatives, the Grants, who had a peach farm. The family would go over there some Sundays for a visit. They had a two story house and a well out back and a lake on their property too. I guess that's all correct, those are memories from the 1950s.
     Passed through some small town, Campobello and somewhere about there I crossed over interstate 26 that goes up to Asheville. Maybe it was at the New Prospect intersection I saw a big farm-produce building. Sort of half though about stopping but I drove on. Then about a mile or two later I stopped, turned around and went back. I bought a bag of apples, some tomatos and okra and a bottle of strawberry cider (really just strawberry juice). Then it was on to Chesnee.
     The objective of the road trip was to see Cowpens Battlegrounds and the Kings Mountain. So it wasn't much longer to the first stop. I think I got there about 10:00 or 10:30.
     The iron gates into Cowpens have revolutionary war figures on them. The vistors center is just next to the big monument that was erected during the 1930s, part of the CCC projects I guess. I went inside and looked at the exhibts. Figures dressed in period clothes, cannon and other weapons from those times too. There were two or three warships which were named after the Cowpens battlegrounds.
     One of the attendants was talking about geneology with another visitor. The visitor center had a computer connected to the internet too. I guess that's typical for all the national parks now. So anyway I brought up my website with the geneology pages and Pickens Business History pages. I don't think he was all that impressed.
     There is a road that goes around the battle grounds. It's three miles long. At the lower end of the loop there is a picnic area and that's where I stopped next. There was a group of wild turkeys just going past one of the picnic sites. I got my camera out but by the time I got into the woods with them, they stayed just ahead out of sight. There's a trail there too. I walked down it to a branch and over a bridge. It started to lead on into the woods but I didn't really feel like walking the whole thing. I turned back toward where the truck was parked.
     On around the loop I next stopped at a cabin place. It was supposedly built before 1820 something, at least that is as far back as they can document it. I walked around it and made some pictures there too. Actually made of another video of me walking up to it and onto the back porch. There was that strange old looking man again who was supposed to be me but it can't be, you know.
     The next site was mostly in the middle of where all the battling happened. Maybe a bit on the British side of things. The walkway went through some trees and then on to the more open field part. There were some fire ants alongside the paved walkway. I struck the ground with the blunt end of my walking stick to stur them up some.
     The Old Green River Road passes through the battle grounds. Actually the British and Revolutionary fighters were streched across the road. So I made some pictures there too. Sort of just stood around and pondered about things too. Of course there were those infomation stands with bits and pieces of history wrote on them there too. They are scattered all around the loop. I read them.
     The last place to see was back behind the visitor center. The walking trail starts and ends there. I saw on one of the phamplets about an 1856 monument site a short ways down the path. So that's where I was headed. The old site isn't much more than stone work in a squarish shape with a step or two going into one side. There must have been something else in the middle but only the foundation remains. It has iron work around it too. I think the cement looking monument was added later when the DAR people rebuilt the site.
     On the way back out there was a huge oak tree, actually about half a tree since a huge limb had fallen a long time ago. It was really rotten looking inside but what was left still had big limbs, branches and leaves. I made a picture of it, just it case it may have been old enough to have been a sapling when the battles happened.
     It was after 1:00 when I left the park and headed future eastward. I sort of knew then that Kings Mountain would be to far to go at that time of day. I just wanted to get on the east side of interstate 85. I can't remember the last time I was on that road that far up. It must have been my last big road trip up to Virginia Beach and the District. So anyway I get to Gaffeny and look for an eating place. It ended up being another Burger King. I sat out in the truck to eat.
     Before I went in to get the food I stood around outside the truck to get a GPS reading. I had forgotten to do that at Cowpens and would have to stop there again to get one. The back of the Buger King place is the back part of a huge parking lot for what use to be a Walmart I think. There wasn't anything around except a big truck and trailer parked there. But out of no where it seems, some dude is headed my way. He gets a few feet away and says something but I can't understand. After a couple or three trys I understand he is panhandling for money. I give him a dollar but he mumbles something about getting bacon and eggs so I give him another dollar. I think he must have been from one of the carribean islands. Either there or someother far off place or else the black dilect is really strong in Cherokee county.
     I did stop again at the Cowpens place to get the GPS reading. Then road trip was mostly just drive westward back home. Somewhere along the way where the road was straight for a long stretch there was a line of cars and a big truck headed east. Some car started to pass the big truck and I slowed down. Then when I realized he was really going to try and make it around I breaked hard and pulled more than half off the road. It was close I guess, I was still moveing forward and off the road when that driver pulled back in front of the big truck as soon as he was in front of it. I don't think anyone else slowed down. I just pulled back onto the road and kept going too.
     It was late afternoon but I decided to go to Camp Old Indain. I had been there, maybe last year. I got off of SC #11 and onto US 25 to go in the old way. I made the stop at the Old Camp and just made a couple or three pictures. About a mile before getting to the camp I passed a turn out and something interesting there so I was going back there.
     The old Poinsett Bridge is mostly hidden by the trees and brush. It must be a popular hang out place because across the road from is a really big turn out where cars park. The North Greenville College students I would gus. It may even be a trail head there but I didn't look for it. I just wanted to get some pictures of the bridge. There was a monument with writting about the history. It was build in 1829 on the road between Asheville and Greenville. I think the roadway must have eroded away from the original height. There was what would be stone work for the sides about 3 feet high but the bottom of those was about head level now.
     The last thing to do on this road trip was make a picture of the North Saluda Dam. I stopped at the entrance to the service building and walked back to the bridge of the North Fork of the Saluda. The trees have grown up on either side of the stream but the middle of the dam and waterway from the base is still visible. There may be an old picture around at Mom's house that was made from the same place. But all that was back in the late 1950s I guess. It may have been the early 1960s when it was build.
     So that's the only other road trip I made for my vacation week. Still didn't go to the beach again. Or to Virgina Beach or the District. Part of me really wants to go again but then I start thinking how much it costs for a motel and gas and wondering if I get really far from Pickens my truck will just give out and leave me stranded somewhere.

     Life otherwise is still like it's always been. Mostly depressing with no end in sight. Work and hang around Pickens to take care of Mom. Most days it just sitting, watching and feeling what's left of my life pass by. I've always kept telling myself for decades, I'll start living when this is finished or that is done or some other thing over and done with.
     I did manage to buy a sponge mop and clean the kitchen, den and bathroom floors over at my house. I dumpped all the boxes and things that had accummlated in the kitchen into the study room. So my living space looks ordered again. House cleaning is easy when you got three back rooms to toss stuff.

Monday October 4, 2004
6:35p
     Yesterday about mid morning I was sitting on the porch. There were two bluejays down on the ground looking for food. They were just at the end of the guide wires for the utility pole on the corner. There was a cardinal perched on the old clothes line pole too. I was just sitting there watching them when one of the let out a really loud call. They flew off into the water oak tree in Mrs Hunt's backyard and the cardinal flew off into the trees behind the metal building. About a half second later a falcon swooped in about 4 feet off the ground and headed to where the bluejays were just a moment before. He glided up and over the corner of the Hunt's house.
     The first day back at work was about normal for an after vacation work day. I looked through all the email. There was only one or two out of the forty something that needed a reply. There was the usual talk with Earl about what I did (or didn't do) the week before. And the talk about what went on at work the past week. The rest of the day was spent doing and FEA on a part for an engine. the sixth or seventh interation of the same part that required lots of work to get a finite element model made. I hope that was the last time I have to do that part. The man who did the geometry model doesn't do good work for making finite element models.
     One day this past week, Friday maybe. I saw a hawk in the trees around the Vickery house and down behind the Pilgram house. I got my camera out to try and catch a picture but I couldn't find it again. At least not till it flew off and I could not get in the view find then. There were three or four crows chasing after it for a while before. But it was the biggest hawk I've seen in a long time. It turned in the air one time and chased one of the crows. They decided that was enough and flew off.
     ... Paused for a phone call, it was brother Robert calling. Everything seems much the same up his way too. He's still working from his house. His whole family did another camping trip a few weeks ago too.
     It seems like there were some things I wanted to write about during the writing blackout last season. But of course I can't think of those things any more. I guess that's what I get for skipping over that part of my life.
     I will upload the pictures from the day trips and call it a night.

Tuesday October 5, 2004
5:30p
     On the way from my house to mom's house this afternoon there were a couple of women crossing the road. There were also 3 or 4 dogs following them. Coming the other way was a truck with a flat trailer. One of the smaller dogs got hit and bumped off to the side of the road. He didn't move any after that, maybe a twitch or two. I of course had already slowed down and kind-of through my hands up in the air. As I was just passing between the women on one side and the dogs on the other side a car behind the truck and trailer was trying really hard to stop. He swerved some off the road but one of the bigger dogs was still there. He managed to get by without hitting any thing.
     Today at work I found a string trimmer out back of the lab. I got it and took it apart. I needed to get some weights on some of the moving parts. I had asked one of the engine designers for the info but he hasn't been all that quick to get it. Some of the part numbers he gave me the first time can't be traced to a cad model or prints. So that's why I was scrouging around the junk pile to get parts to measure and weigh.
     I had been sleeping mostly normal this past week, actually sleeping and dozing well on to about 5:30 or 6:00. Monday night was about like that too. But this morning I woke up about 2:00 with my mind suddenly active. I did continue to lay on the floor and almost doze some, at least the time sort of went by quickly. I guess the work routine is already settling back in.

     Still trying to think of some of the things I would have written about this past season but didn't.
     About June, according to the pictures I took, a pair of replacement steam generators were brought in through Newry. I drove out there to get the pictures. I saw the first set of steam generators brought in there and moved to the Oconee nuclear station. They were almost but not quite at the same transfer place from train rail to the big multi wheel truck. I think the first time it was back up the road they had blocked off and the train came in from the west too. The lifts were almost portable, if you want to call something that big portable. They were on stacked up railroad ties and anchored some how. The first time the lifts were built into the ground. The multi wheel transport was different too, the generator rested in a cradle on more of a flat bed time thing. The first time each set of wheels were attached to each end of the generators.
     While in the area I drove down through Newry and the old mill site. Newry is still the old mill village on a ridge side type of place. The mill itself is being covered in kudzu and other vines. It's been abandoned for many years now. I made pictures of it and the old mill store and the old office building which is used as a residence now.
     Well enough writing for now.

Monday October 11, 2004
6:45p
     Stuart the pizza dude sent an email Friday-Saturday. He's in Houston Texas now, still doing the Spanish talking and insulation work, I guess, he wrote about some big suburban housing developement.
     I must have not done much this weekend cause I can't remember anything in particular. I did swap out some of the screens and storm windows. Took down the air conditioner in the front bedroom.
     Leander came up to see Mom Sunday. I went for the usual afternoon ride except I didn't go up to Holly Springs this time. I really can't remember what I did Saturday afternoon, maybe I spent a bit of time there then.
     Saw a group of boys playing soccer on the fields down by the creek. There was one girl watching them play, a girl friend of one of the them I guess.
     Spent most of the day at work trying to put together a computerized slide show about the high speed video we did a couple of weeks ago. It didn't go as easily as it was suppose to; but that is Bill Gates' microsoft programs for you.
     At least I got all the video files converted into a movie format that media players can use. That's cause the program that does it is part of the video camera thing and is not one of Gates' project.
     So anyway at least I wrote something this time.

Monday October 18, 2004
5:05a
     I think this election will the be one that reveals that corporations, special intrests, the rich, rich and others of like kind are in complete control of the governments in the States. Congress and the adminstration have been sold and bought too many times for the people to have any real say in their governments.

Tuesday October 19, 2004
4:50a
     I was listening to an NPR news program Saturday or Sunday and they talked some about the hockey lockout up in Canada. That made me think of Vlenin the Canadain who I met in the old Yahoo religion chat rooms. So I wrote him an email. Got a reply back this morning. He and his wife are doing well. He does change jobs quit often and I've always thought that was what I needed to do. But I'm too use to the security of keeping the same old job no matter how bad it may seem.
     Stuart the pizza dude started writing email again too. He's out in Houston now. ... Ah to be twenty something again and living the traveling life.
     I should just abandon the readings on the news websites and message boards. My time would be much better spent writing emails and journal entries.

Sunday October 31, 2004
6:50p
     I must have been last Sunday when I was sitting in the metal rocking chair, smoking and twisting around to flip ash into the ash tray. There was some kind of twitching and creaking and cracking in the back. It didn't feel like much then but by Tuesday it did. So I've spent the past week being careful for my back. It would hurt and ache off and on, sometime more than other times. I even got on of the straight back chairs from the conference room and moved it into my office. I think that helped, at least it felt better sitting in that kind of chair. I looked in some of the office furniture, supplies catalogs that Daralene keeps. But those chairs cost a lot, a really big lot. So maybe I will just keep the one from the conference room. They are not used that much anyway. This afternoon while sitting in the truck down at the Town Creek plaza I put a notebook behind my back and leaned back into it. I heard a pop and thought I broke something in the notebook. Since then my back has started to feel more like normal. So maybe I got all those bones back where they belong into the back bone.
     One morning this week, Tuesday I guess, I opened the top to this laptop computer. There was cracking and snapping there too. The other hinge broke loose. Now the top will not stay open, or rather all the way open or all the way closed. I used a candy dish, my carry around bag of junk, and some news papers to prop it open the rest of the week. There was a couple of mornings I just didn't feel like messing with so I went without my morning internet fix. Yesterday afternoon I brought some fiber board and small wood pieces from my house. I sawed, nailed and hammered a thingy to use for supporting the top on this computer. Maybe I can get by a few more months using it.
     I went down to Easley looking for new computers. The two places I stopped at put them together as they are ordered. I was sortof expecting to just buy something really cheap. It looks like about 600 or 700 dollars is as cheap as I can get. They would be box types and CRT monitor with no real good place to put it up here at Mom's house. So I just didn't buy anything. I figured if I was going to have to do that I might as well bring the desktop computer and CRT from my house. It's sitting in the living room now but not put together. There's still no good place to set it up.
     Mom had some bad days this week too. She stayed in bed most of the week it seems, except for the last two or three days. I don't know was was wrong, just feeling the aches and pains of old age I guess. Could have be a bit of the flu or something. That started the week before I think now. I just can't keep up with what happens when anymore. But anyway she made a doctor appointment for last Friday and I left work that afternoon to take her. She just got her medicine prescriptions. The doctor talked about doing a bone density test because of the prednosone she's taking. That's been mentioned before but she never thinks about having one done.
     I have to go down to Anderson four days this coming week. It for training on another new software program called UG motion. It something like a dynamics program.
     That's all for now.

Thursday November 4, 2004
7:25p
     This week I've been driving down to the Anderson plant. Three of us are getting trained, educated, informed about another new program. Seems like we get a lot of that these last couple of years. Lots of training but little time to use it.
     That started Wednesday. Getting up about my usual times in the mornings, it's just that I leave for a long drive, about 45 minutes, instead of a 5 minute ride. The first morning I stopped at the Hardee's up town to get a couple of buscuits (bacon, egg, cheese). I ate them on the way down. It's an ok ride through the country mostly, just have to get through Liberty on this end and outter parts of Anderson on the other end. It's mostly dark when I leave and gets lighter as the drive goes along.
     This morning was much the same, except I didn't get any biscuits.
     The day is spent sitting in a conference room in front of a computer tube. There's some breaks and going out to the smoking area outside one end of the long building. And it is a long building, must be six or seven hundred feet from on end to the other. And about that much front to back. But it's mostly listening to the others talk and work through some pratice exercises.
     The program basically uses models of tools which we use to attach joints and links and other gadgets in order to make the parts move like they are suppose to.
     Tomorrow will be the last day for all this. It's probably good because I'm getting tired of the drive already. And to think I may still end up with that daily commute one of these years. Just like others have been doing for years already.
     On Tuesday there was a design review for one of the new tools down there. That was in the afternoon and that was the first trip to Anderson and back this week.
     I get back to my house about 5:30 these days. Walk down to the mailbox to get the mail and then into the house for a quick look around. I usually pee over there too after work. Then it's back in the truck for the ride back to Mom's house.

     So the election is over and done with ... and with the expected results ... even though there was some bit of hope (wishful thinking) that there would be changes. So what does it all mean?
     We Americans have become so much fodder for the election process. The rich and powerful maintained their new found grip on the nation. Americans can be sold and bought for some fancy words with little substance. Or by he who piles the most mud on his opponent. The republicans and conservatives hate democrats and liberals more than they love their nation.
     I've already started getting use to the future reality of the States final days. There's going to be so much taken from the many and spent on the few. One party and idealogy in control of all three parts of the government for years to come.
     But all that is as I expected years ago. One party, unchecked, in control of the final years. There's only one difference between them, the republicans and ultra conservatives will bring about the end quicker than the democrats.

     The Morris trail has started this week also, more of the Carolina Investors stuff. I've become more cynical about this and Bush and everything else. It's all such an ill conceived form of so called justice. Prosecuting the two who had the least to do with stealing the money. The Homegold people will be getting away with taking our money while two sacrifical lambs are being slaughtered.
     Even the trustee of the bankruptcy is hurting people just to protect his own rear end. He's asking for money that some of the investors withdrew within ninety days of the business failure. It's so he can't be sued by some one who could say he didn't do enough to get more of the money back. Lots of those people took their own money out for emergencies, health, accidents, whatever. But even that should not have made any difference. It was their own money and they could take it out anytime they wanted.
     There's probably still some of that so called respect for the law stuff justifing the criminal trails. But it doesn't work for me. All I see are lots of people getting away with stolen money and hurting more people while looking out for themselves.
     I wonder sometimes what it is like to be a child of one of those HomeGold executives. Living their good and easy life using common people's life savings. They've been taught by their parents what it takes to live their kind of lifestyle. They probably don't even give it a second's thought. That's what the true criminal does.

     Well enough venting for tonight.

Sunday November 7, 2004
6:45p
     I was going to write in the Journal this weekend. I was going to set up the desktop computer I brought from my house this weekend. I was going to do some writing about the politics in the States this weekend. I was going to do other stuff this weekend. I was going to write about the war in Iraq this weekend. But of course I did not do much of any of them.
     I did get the gutters cleaned out for the next clutter of falling leaves. I did get some sort of way for Mom to hang clothes up in the laundry room. She had been using hangers hooked together to get them low enough. But other than those and the usual weekend things it was just another weekend.
     The secret revolution links have been hit a few times this last couple of months. They had been undiscovered since they were put up 5 or 6 years ago. Could be just someone finally stumbled into them. Could be some of the snipes, sneeks and spooks poking around ... like they did on the terroris page the month before the September 11, 2001 attacks. One night this week, or last week, I added a few more of them.
     I rode up to the Holly Springs cemetery this afternoon. Sat in the usual spot and looked at the mountains ... and Woodrow Chastain's grave. I think about doing something like start leaving things there. But I don't know how anyone who happens upon them would think ... especially his family. I suppose it is just some sort of thing about letting others know there is someone who wants to remember him.
     Sent off an email to my Canadain friend. There was a BBC report about some of the Americans looking into moving there after the election results. He said is was damn funny.

     "Go negative early, go often," Carl Rove, political advisor to Bush. "We're going to have lots of fun the next four years," Bush.
     Americans vote for the side who puts out the most negative political ads.

Sunday November 21, 2004
5:50p
     It has been four years this weekend since I moved in with Mom to take care of her during her failing health.

     The last two weeks at work have not been productive at all. I started trying to use that Unigraphics motion application but it kept crashing on me. I would do a little work, save things, do a little more work, save things then it would just stop working. Microsoft's favorite message, this program is not responding. I finally gave up after about ten days of hassling with it.
     So instead I kept drifting back to the message boards while trying to think of something else to do or try. The political talk was ... well really bad. The conservatives were gloating and putting down the liberals. The liberals were talking about how bad it's going to be in the future. I let myself get caught up in it. Of course I ended up not doing much better than everyone else ... hang with a bunch of jerks and you become a jerk.
     So I wasted 10 days following the message boards.
     I did get started on some heat problem. One of the engine engineers wanted some way to estimate the heat dissipation from the fins on the engines. I just piddle around with that off and on ... in between the political messages. I could not find anything on the internet where someone else had already worked on that problem. There were some graduate student works but that was all over my head. It didn't seem to fit our problem anyway. So I just started using the basic heat convection equation. I did manage to get some thermal images made of an engine to get the temperatures. I still don't think it will be all that useful.
     The Morris trail if over with and with the expected results. He still on bail during the appeal process. There's still has not been any of the homegold executives indicted yet. They are the ones what wasted away all the money. They have the money to out spend the state if they ever get indicted. The whole thing is just dragging on and going no where.
     The first check from the bankruptcy came this week too, that was Thursday. It was for $5,700 dollars which is 15% and there is suppose to be another one latter for another %3 for about $1,100.
     Friday I wrote a check to the church where someone I know is paster for the same amount. It's better he use it to help those who need it rather than wait for something else to happen and take it away from me again. So I got to have some of my money back for a day.
     Political stuff again ... It is really scary how the election played out and those currently in power will remain there. It is even scarier how some of those who support them talk on the message boards. It's looking more and more like the extremists in the government here will lead us all down some really bad paths. And those on the message boards will support every misstep.
     The war in Iraq is progressively get worst ... as expected. The terrorists are dispersing just ahead of the American attacks on the cities. They leave the fighting and dying to those they recruited and coericed into fighting the Americans. It will be like this from now on as long as there are Americans in Muslim countries.
     But all this just never does seem to affect Rumsfeld Bush or any of the others. They have the power to do what ever they want and they will.
     One of the brighter spots in the glooming dusk is SorryEveryBody. Lots of Americans appologzing for the election results and lots of the rest of the world accepting and making apologzes for their own.
     But wouldn't you know there are still some Americans who think that website stinks and it is like bowing to the rest of the world. So that's the state of affairs in the states now.
     Something wicked this ways comes ... looks like it's already within our midsts.

Wednesday November 24, 2004
4:20p
     It has been raining today but the western sky looks brighter now. It will cloud by up and storm some more tonight.
     I left work about 3:15 or so, most everyone else had already left. Went by my house like I always do and got the mail out of the box. There is a well worn trail across the front of the house and down the side yard to the neighbors driveway. It's kind of odd that I did that by one round trip six days a week for twenty seven years. Can't remember when I really started to notice that, maybe ten or fifteen or so years ago.
     I got an envolope from the nerology doctor, figured it was a bill even though I'm suppose to be paid up. It was empty. Called the place but got put on one of those voice mail things. I didn't leave a number to call though so maybe they will figure it out or maybe not.
     I got some clothes wash powder while there. I usually do that on the Saturday afternoon since I wash clothes that morning. There was one time recently I had forgotten to get any and just ran the clothes though the wash without any soap.
     Today at work I heated up an engine cylinder in the oven and then measured the temperature decay with it sitting in the room. Scott set up the recording instrument. It was all to determine the coefficient of heat convection. Lee and Scott got the data into a spreadsheet program and fixed it to do the calculation and plotting. Later I did a basic program to do the same thing so I could play with the equation and values. Found a mistake in the way we did it on the spreadsheet.
     Yesterday morning I was sitting here at the kitchen table. It was about 6:30 and just getting ready to turn off the computer. I think I had uploaded that morning some pictures of Scott's and Jason's families. I heard the thump of something and immediately headed for the kitchen door. Mom called out about just then. She had fallen at her bedroom door. Her knees just gave out again. So the rest of the morning was spent getting her up and into the bathroom. Fortunately nothing serious happened. I stayed around to help her with her breakfast before going on to work. Today it's mostly back to normal. She's using the walker more now but still occassionally doesn't. This morning I stayed around again till after she was up, got her breakfast and was sitting in her chair. Then I left for work.
     I still follow the abc message boards at work but not as much. It's mostly the same as always with the political tribes arguing among themselves. The flamers are still there too, I guess high schoolers still got too much time to waste away during school hours.
     There's one person who doesn't like anything near socialism. He thinks everyone should make their own way without paying anything into social programs. Basically they don't like paying taxes and having it given to welfare, unemployment, or other social programs. Then they're those who will mention the billioniares and millionares the money some of them give to charity. But they say that's different than socialism since it's voluntary. They just don't seem to make the connection that all those billionares and millionares made their fortunes under the system that supports social programs. I've decide those doing the complaining are just thousandaires and grip about the taxes they pay and blame that for why they are not millionares or billionares.
     One even said socialism is for the benefit of the society at the expense of personal freedoms and ambitions. What he's saying is that he doesn't care for the benefit of society ... just cares for his own personal gains at the expense of society.
     The most spooky thing about the message boards is that one learns there are some really passionate individuals out there who want things to proceed according to their own designs. They are the ones who will win out in the end and it makes little different if their designs do not benefit the greater whole.
     Brother Daniel sent an article about the growth of China's economy and its demand for energy and other world resources. China is going through what the States did during the 1950s and 1960s. The projected deplection of the world oil reserves just got moved up by about 20 years.

Saturday Dec 4, 2004
4:35p
     Twenty six years ago today, Dad was buried.

Sunday December 5, 2004
6:45p
     Last night I was going to write more, but like last times supper happened, then the news and the regular evening routine set in.
     This afternoon I rode up to Holling Springs Cemetery and sat awhile like every Saturday and Sunday afternoon. It's become part of that regular routine. I always try to thing about the years around 1971 when Woodie Chastain was killed. I'm always escaping back into the past.
     About Wednesday two weeks ago Lawrence passed out invitations to his wife's piano concert. So I had thought for days about really going back into that church building. So I did this afternoon, that was at 4:00.
     The music was really nice. I mostly sat in the back left side about three rows from the very back. Spent most of the time looking around and thinking of the years past. See, always escaping back to the past. Just sit thing and listen to the music and think about the past years when I use to go to church.
     Going back to the old santuary from 1954 to 1961. Then from 1965 to 1967. The summer in 1966 I think when I crawled around under the choir seats pulling out wood left from it's construction. That was when the old building was replaced with the one there now. I only went up that for about two or three weeks after school.
     Then there were a couple or three years after got out of the navy and started going to evening services. That was from about 1976 to 1978 and only for a few times. After that there were some off and on times during the 1980s. ....
     But back to today. Mrs Batson played with Lydell Crenshaw, a two piano concert. There was a man to read a bit of scripture between the playing. It was really nice. I sat Dr Batson and a few others that I knew from church. And there were some others there from work too.
     So anyway it was one of those better moments in my life ... almost happy and contented.
     This past Thanksgiving I did the cooking. Fixed one of those canned hams and made a potato salad. Also did my first biscuits from one of the recipes in the Griffin Church cook book. The church had brought their Thanksgiving dinners to mom on the Sunday before. And Leander brought up food that week too I think.
     The rest of the holidays I did mostly the usual thinks which isn't much of anything. I did cut the grass one day. I rode over the lawn three times trying to chop up the leaves. I really didn't want to have to rake and bag them and then haul them over to my house like in past years.
     Three days this last week we had another one of those in house training sessions. This one was about LS Dyna, it's a dynamics applications using finite element models. The man to gave the lectures was a vice president of the company we lease the software from. He's not from around here, as in from America, but then again he could be. He had one of those acents and none of us really known where he or his family was from. He did have a lecturer's speaking voice. I think most of the others in the near by rooms and offices heard all the lectures too.
     Daniel sent a CD with his road trip pictures and Mary's travel log on it. That was about a week ago when he sent it. It got here this past week. It wouldn't work on this computer so I had to take it to work and the computer there would. So I made another CD from it and that one works on this computer. Strange computers and all this super hi technology.
     Back to Thanksgiving weekend. Mom called Robert one day and we talked some. He's doing about like he always has. Still getting his work done by mail. His family is still doing ok also. I can't remember much of anything about what we talked about. I guess it was all the usual things along with the election politics.
     This afternoon there were some ETV fund rasing shows on. One had Bing Crosby and Perry Como film on it. That brought back some old memories too.
     Micky stopped by too. She brought a hair permenant treatment which DM had bought from Mom. There were some telephone calls about that Friday or Saturday. Mom gets things so confused sometimes. She really didn't want Lucy, Leander or Micky to do anything about her hair. One of them had called once about the permenant then another would call and not say anything about it.
     It gets really furstrating sometimes trying to figure out what she wants and doesn't want. I always end up just letting things go rather than try to do something. She .... Oh well I'm not going to try to explain anything.
     I haven't been all that productive at work the last few weeks. Maybe I've already writting about that. But anyway Fridy I wasted away just because I didn't feel like trying to do anything after all the lecture days.
     The mornings before work I just look at the BBC and CNN news websites. The ABC message boards and website don't work on this computer anymore, so I can't waste time reading those messages. I do that at work more than I should.
     Thursday morning or maybe it was earlier this past week I went back to the nifty website and strarted reading the sex stories. I really don't know why I did execpt it was just a way to waste away the time. I would copy a few of the stories to a text file, log off the internet and then just read them. Maybe it's just another way to avoid reality. Maybe it's just another way to live a vicarous life ... no real memories of my own so I just read about other people's life.
     The Iraq war just keeps getting worst, not that it's reported in the news. There's one website, dailywarnews I think, which reports on the nitty gritty bloody death news. bin laden, the Egyptian doctor and the other Jordanian Z-man have been reduced to killing their fellow Muslims for their jihad. Nothing but a bunch of murderers causing havoct for the rest of human kind.
     ... long pause.
     On the CBS interview show I heard Bob Dylan's name so I stopped to go listen to that. They were interviewing him. Talked about and showd some clips of his past. .... He's really old looking now. ... No one to answer to except the commander in chief of this world and the one we can't see. He's a believer.

Saturday December 11, 2004
4:05p
     I did the usual things this morning, go wash clothes, take off the trash and recyclables, get groceries and eat lunch. The lady at the clothes wash place down by the creek talked to one of the young Mexicans who is usually there too. All I heard was her asking him how old he was and tell him she had been in Pickens longer than that. I've never seen her talk to the Mexicans before like that.
     I went over to the BP station and filled up the truck. It was 28 dollars for 16.3 gallons. I've started writing checks again for gas. Before I would only get twenty dollars worth.
     I went to the food place to get a breakfast, eggs, bacon and grits. When I got there I ... no this was a little latter after I ate the food and finished washing clothes. I stop there again to get some orange juice. One of the young men who works there was sitting in his vehicle smoking a cig ... I guess. He's the one I had seen last week or the week before in the store talking to another customer. He was telling about his future plans which was to work for the government somehow and have one of those double careers and get two retirement checks by age 55 or so. I just thought to myself about how there may not been any future retirement checks from a defunked government.
     After lunch I got the mowers out again and ran over the leaves again. Mrs Hunt was having her lawn vacuumed so that's what got me started on that again. I had planned to do it one more time anyway. After I finished that I cleaned out the gutters, they were clogged up again.
     I finished that and sat down on the stoop out back. I had been sitting there for a few minutes in the sun. That felt warm after the being out in the cold wind on the mower. After a few minutes I got back up and started sweeping the stoop. Just then something swooshed by right at ground level. It looked bluish but it had already rounded the corner of the porch. I guess it was another falcon ... it had pointed wings. A few weeks ago something like that had happened too.
     Thanks God for a bit of spirit lifting encounter with nature.
     I rode up the Holly Spring cemetery again this afternoon and sat a while. Listened to a bluegrass station out of Spindale NC. Sat there and thought about 1971 again.
     At work this week I spent time trying to model a part on a mitre saw. There had been some returns with them breaking. The engineers in China were suppose to sent a model but email has been messed up. So I did one myself. There was some testing too to get the forces on the part when it lifts up. I thought I had everything about finished and had already started writting up the report. I did another model with the changes the Chinese engineers wanted about then. That's when I noticed I had messed up my part by leaving off a big chuck of material. So I had to start all over again. I guess I'll get that finished next week.
     Earl is off from work for the rest of the year. He left to use his vacation time this week. So now I while actually have to start doing something useful instead of tying to make up stuff.
     Lee, the new kid in the analytical group is always going to Earl for answers and opinions and explanations. Now he'll be coming to me I guess. I really don't know why they ask me stuff. I don't know much of anything about mechanical engineering. Just the stuff I've picked up and that's just enough to get by. I've never understood the principles and theory and details. But I think Lee is wising up to that ... Jerry's not really smart ... he goofs off too much too.
     Mom doesn't move around except for what she absolutely has to do. Her aches and pains and joints are getting worst. She's still coughing. She's still going without the prendisone.
     One evening this week when I was turning off and unplugging the space heaters I noticed the plug on the one in the hall was getting hot. So I stopped up at Bivens the next day at lunch and got an new one. I fixed it after eating lunch and before going back to work. I swapped the heaters between the hall and kitchen too. The one she had in the hall had some sharp corners and edges on it. She kept it pulled out into the walk space between the den and her bedroom too. Trying to blow heat into the bathroom I guess. Anyway it was in the way there and I had always worried about her falling on it.
     I've thought about getting the Christmas boxes down out of the attic. Mom hasn't mentioned anything about decorations and I don't know if she really wants anything put up. But I guess I will do it anyway.
     Oh well ... maybe this will be enough of a journal entry to last for a while.

Tuesday December 21, 2004
6:10a
     Winter Solistice Day ... have a good one ... the countdown to Spring starts today.

Saturday December 25, 2004
3:25p
     It's Christmas Day now, so Merry Christmas.
     This morning wasn't so early I got up about 5:30 which is about when I've been getting up recently. I checked the news websites and eat my bowl of cereal with grapefruit juice which is what I normally do. Sat outside and smoke a couple of cigrettes and did the cleaning up things too.
     Then I fixed our customary eggs and sausage mixed together. Mom got up while I was doing that. We ate our breakfast and then opened the presents. The rest of the early morning was sitting around watching some of the Christmas programs. A couple of Masses and the others were singing.
     I cooked lunch today. Fixed the greenbean casarole, stove top stuffing and potatoes out of the box. The turkey was cooked yesterday. Mom's brother Bob brought it up Monday. He and Edna went out to Coloroda like they do most every year. Leander has called Mom that evening too or the next day and asked if he had brought her a turkey also. He got DM and Mickie one too.
     But anyway Leander told Mom she had already put in cold water to start thawing and that's what Mom did. She had it unwrapped and ready to put in the big pot that Dad had used during his gardening. It stayed in the water for a day and half. I changed it a couple of times. Thursday I managed to get it wrapped up in foil and in the oven for about 5 hours. It already had one of those popout therometers in it but I went out to buy some things and got a regular meat therometer. It was done by the time I got back.

Sunday December 26, 2004
4:20p
     Leander and Susan came up late yesterday afternoon. They brought Mom's gifts and I got a can of cookies. Of course we didn't have anything to give in return.
     This afternoon I went to my house for an hour or so. Sat in the truck and looked at my woods and thought. Walked through the living space rooms and then went back out to sit in the truck some more.
     Then I went up to Holling Springs cemetery and sat there for a while too. Listen to that NPR game show ... which name I can't remember at the moment.
     Drove from there to the BP gas place and filled up the truck. I've been getting gas once a week for a while now. Started writing check for gas a while back when the price was up around 1.90. Now it's back down to 1.65 more or less and could have filled it up for the usual $20 limit.
     Back to Christmas day cooking. I fixed the greenbean casorole ... oh nevermind I already wrote about that.
     ...
     It is the 'twixt and 'tween days again. That feeling has basically just faded away after the last few years. There's nothing left. It's even a full moon day but it was cloudy this morning and I didn't get to see it. It saw it that previous two mornings though.
     Blame it on the war in Iraq ... that just zaps the life out of most everything now. Blame it on the dumb politicans running the show too. There are no feelings but blue feelings these times.
     ...
     Saw a wild turkey out next to the McCarter house yesterday morning. Saw a hawk fly over the plaza place ... I think that's where. I've seen hawks up at Holly Springs too. Wild life seems to be more and more seen these years. I wonder why?
     ...
     Well I guess this will be all the writing I do for now. Maybe I'll get one more entry before the years end ... five days from now. I'll just get on line and connected to the internet to upload this and then waste away the time reading the news websites. I would read the ABC's message board but their site doesn't like my old computer system.

Friday December 31, 2004
6:15p
     Washed clothes this morning including the two new shirts and three new boxer shorts. One of the shirts had red in it and I washed it by itself since the last time I mixed new clothes with white old ones they came out pink.
     Laid back down on the floor in the front bedroom some this morning.
     Fixed some turkey salad for lunch later this morning. Finished trimming the meat off the turkey Bob left before Christmas. Ate lunch.
     Drove up toward the recycle place after eating to make sure they were open today. Then went back to Mom's house to get the trash and garbage out of the freezer and the cardboard trash and drove it to the recycle place. When I got there this time it was completely full of vehicles. I had to wait outside the gate for a few minutes. I parked just inside the gate next to the glass bins and walked the trash to the different places. By the time I got that done all the vehicles had left.
     I drove from there to my house and spent about an hour there. Just laid on my couch in my living space room in my house for the last day of another year. The blanket smelled musty and dusty. The rooms are full of boxes from the middle back room. The little space heaters were trying to get the temperature up from 50 to almost 60. I dozed a little and sort of went into the dream state for a few seconds at a time. Then I got up, turned off the heat and closed up and left.
     Drove from my house Holly Springs. I went back out Gravely Road to the highway to make the long ride up the mountain highway. I just stayed at the cemetery for a few minutes. There was a dog wandering through the place when I got there. He just kind-of looked at me for a minute or two and left. It was a typical sitting there except there wasn't the usual Saturday or Sunday afternoon radio programs. Looked at Woodie Chastain's head stone. Looked at the mountains. Looked at the clouds. Then I left.
     The next stop was at Ingles to get a small pair of nail scissors. The big toe on my left foot has a badly convexed nail. It's the one that had the fungus and split down the middle. I put some sort of cream on it occassionally. Do that at night and put a bandade over it to keep it on the nail. Now I think that's what made it bow up down the middle. It hurts sometimes. Got so bad I can't cut the nail like I use to with the clippers. I tried using regular scissors once but that hurt too. All this toe nail stuff has been going on for a year I think. Seems that way.
     Got back to Mom's house. Took the clothes in and folded them up and put them in the Pizza Inn cheese boxes I use for chest of drawers. Been doing that for four years and a month now.
     Took down the Christmas tree. Got all the stuff boxed up and in the middle bedroom. I guess I'll get it back up into the attic tommorrow. Mom had already put the manger set and churches up this morning. I took that to mean it was time to take the tree down too. The wicker bells are still hanging over the kitchen table where I'm typing now. I got to remember to put away too, they got left out one year and hung there on into Spring I guess.
     It just doen't fell like the 'txist and 'tween days or the last day of the year or new year's eve or anything.
     Leander came up yesterday afternoon. She brought her vacuum cleaner and was vaccumming the kitchen when I got here. So I ended up moving the refigerator, chairs and sofa in the den. She had always talked about vaccuming Mom's house so she finally got to do that. I think Mom has mentioned housing cleaning when Leander calls. Just something she says to make conversion and telling what she hasn't done. I've vaccummed some. It's alway hard to tell what she wants done and when. It doesn't do any good to ask because she's always says just let things go.
     I went up to Burger King for hambugers, use one of the latest coupons. When I got back Leander had left but I knew that anyway. We ate our burgers and the taste made me think of the days in Virginia Beach eating at fast food places. That was thirty something years ago now.
     I guess everything all together ... it's just the end of another year. Except there was a really big earthquake and tsunami in the Indain Ocean area last Sunday. More warring going on in Iraq and other places. ... Sad.