| She saw them today. After three long and tiring years of concealing and hiding, she saw them. I had a moment of weakness. I let my guard down. I forgot the importance of keeping them hidden and now I’m to pay the price. She’s sending me away. Heh, I don’t care though. I hate this place and every one in it. Her, my school, my so-called friends, this god forsaken hick town. I’ll be glad to get away. I don’t know where I’m going. No matter what I say she won’t tell me. The cabs coming in a few minutes to take me to the bus station. I’ve packed all my things into one single suitcase. All my messily belongings fit neatly into one teeny suitcase. I look one last time at my room. The peeling discolored wallpaper that had been here as far back as I can remember looked even more dank and dirty somehow. This room wasn’t my room. I may have slept in it but in some ones room when you look around your supposed to see things that remind you of that person. Tokens from their experiences. Not in mine. Though I have lived here for 9 years it’s still the same as it was back then. Same orange ugly carpet that smelt of cat urine. Same dilapidated dresser with the broken mirror that if u stood in the right place u could maybe actually see yourself in it. There are no holes from the staples I would have used on posters of my favorite bands. She forbid that. She forbid me from a lot of things but for the most part she forbid me to live. I can’t help but smile. A true smile, something I haven’t done in years. It felt good to smile. I’m getting out of here and I’m never coming back. She’s coming down the hall. I can always tell it's her. The way she drags her long fake shiny red nails along the wall gives her away every time. She opens the door and I have to hold my breath to keep from gagging at the smell of whisky and cigars that wafts from her. She leans on the doorframe and smirks at me, showing her yellow, crooked teeth. “Ya finished packin?” She asks her words cold and harsh. All I can do is nod my head, afraid to speak. I stand up and grab my suitcase. I turn to her and wait for her to move from the door. Either she didn’t take the hint or she wasn’t letting me by intentionally. She stares at me, her expression blank and unreadable. I can’t help the swell of fear that creeps up my spine. She stares at where they are hidden. Even though my baggy jeans cover them I can't help but self-consciously move my suitcase to cover them. She scoffs at me. “Your disgusting dear.” She says lovingly and steps towards me. I instinctively want to step back but from experience I know not to. It would only make matters worse. “I’ll be glad when you’re gone. Get you and your filth out of my home.” I want to yell back at her that her ‘home’ was already filthy but I can’t muster up the courage. “I pity the people who are taking you in.” She reaches her hand out and caresses the side of my face. I flinch and hope she doesn’t notice. She does and before I have time to even blink I’m thrown to the floor, the side of my face stinging. Silent tears break free from my strong facade. I watch frightened as she bends down beside me. She grabs my face roughly in her hand. “You could have been so beautiful.” She says snidely. “Like me… but instead you had to be this worthless ugly thing. Sometimes,” She kneels down still grasping my face, “I wonder if you’re really mine. I ponder how I could ever give birth to such an abomination.” Her words don’t hurt me anymore. I’ve heard them many times. So many that they’ve lost there meaning. All I can concentrate on is the bruises I feel forming under her fingertips. My hatred for this woman intensifies and all I want to do is kill her. Kill her for all the things she’s done to me over the years. She opens her mouth to say something but the sound of a horn outside stops her. She stands up and looks out the window. All I can do is lay there and stare at the ceiling. I feel dead. “Cabs here.” She says then walks out of the room. I slowly sit up and whimper sadly. I cover my mouth trying to muffle it. I push myself up and brush myself off. I swallow the lump in my throat and walk out of ‘my’ room and close the door. I walk down the cave like hallway and down the stairs. At the bottom I look around for her. She sits in the living room ignoring me. I sigh and walk out the front door. As I walk down the sidewalk a sense of freedom comes over me. I don’t even bother to take in the street I’ve grown up on. I reach the cab and get in not knowing my destinations and not caring. I’m free and that’s all that matters. As the cab slowly gets swallowed into the bustling traffic I pull out my Discman and put on the headphones. I bob my head to the music and for the first time, in such a long time, I’m giggling. TBC |
| Part 1 |
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