Chapter 2 - A Smile Like Yours I had glanced at my watch repeatedly, and I forbade myself from doing it again, fearing that it might irate me further. Pacing my way back and forth, I felt increasingly worried. He should have been here by now. And school is about to start. I freaked out at the thought. Certainly I can’t afford the punishment! I realized I have to go, but thinking about him kept me at bay. At length, I resoluted; Akira, I’m sorry, but I can wait for you no more. Hope I’ll catch up with you in school. And I hesitantly walked away. Making my way down the street in quick steps, I still couldn’t get myself past the thought. Why? What’s wrong with him? Is he ill? But yesterday, he seems fine as he usually does. And then, I halted as one dreaded thought entered my mind. Maybe yesterday, he did went off with the girl, and now… I feared the worst. All this while he had been keeping a secret from me? He has a girl...I couldn't bring myself to think of it further. But I tried to reason with my feeling again. He couldn’t be…could he? We’ve been friends since forever…somehow I realized that is not a passport for me to truly know him. He might have been keeping a secret from me...some secrets, in fact. I felt sick, and suddenly I started to be paranoid, thinking of our days to come. I just don’t know how I should react towards him anymore. Things will be completely different; no more lazy Sundays together, no more sharing intimate thoughts between us, and most importantly, I have to go about pretending that nothing had happened, which I came to realised is not me entirely...and unlikely of him too. Steady, Linez…steady girl! These are just your assumptions! Nothing is black and white for the time being. You just have to stay calm.... From the back of my mind, a factual truth emerged...I doubt I will. I lurked into the hall from the doorway, afraid that someone might spot me. Inside, the players, as usual, worked hard in a mock match. I searched for him, but it was fruitless as my eyes scanned the area. He is not in with his teammates, he did not came to practice that day. And he had never ever before cut his practice session. This is so unlikely of him. Suddenly, I sensed something behind of me, or rather someone behind, and swiftly I turned. "There goes my chance…I was just about to scare you," Koshino sampai’s disgruntled face confronted mine, but quickly he swapped it with a smile, "Why don’t you just come in?" I returned his smile forcefully, "No, it’s okay. I just want to see…" He cuts my sentence halfway through, "whether Sendoh is here or not?" Meekly, I nodded and silently I begged for him to disclose. He did when slowly, shook his head, answering my restlessness. I must have looked disappointed, and he noticed it. "Is anything wrong?" "Quite," I sighed ruefully, "He didn’t attend class either, and he doesn’t even bother to inform me." The sampai acted casually to my statement. However, he tried to ease me with his words, saying soothingly, "Something important must have came up. He’s very rational...have a little patience with him." Shrugging my shoulders was what seems appropriate at the time. Inside, I hope it was true. He coaxed me into a harmless conversation afterwards, but I was too preoccupied with my mind, and I barely paying my fullest attention to what he was blabbing about. However, I merely uttered some faked 'hmm' occasionally, as if participating deeply in it. At long last, I glanced at my watch, and realised it was time for me to excuse myself, "Ja, I have to go now." Koshino sampai looked at me longingly...or was I imagining it, I couldn't tell for sure, but looking at him like that can make anyone falters, especially the female population. He seems hesitant as I bade him farewell, but seeing that he has nothing more to say, I made my way. Suddenly his voice called out to me from behind, "Hey, wait," I stood muted, slightly puzzled, "Yes, what is it sampai?" "Since the practice will be over in a short while," he raised his left wrist, sporting a fine gold watch, indicating the present time, "Why don’t I walk you home? Just wait till I get my stuff, okay?" he had sped inside even before I could object to it. "Well actually, I’m walking you back, not the intended other way round," I made my point sarcastically, in which in turn made him smile. "I guess I had forgotten about it. But hey, I seriously don’t mind going all the way to your house." I laughed, "I was only teasing you! Besides, I’m no baby who needs to be walk back home. It’s okay, I’ll even wait till your train arrives, okay?" He shrugged his shoulder, "Yeap, whatever you say, you…stubborn and persistent baby," and he received my eminent pinch as a result. I added later on, lengthening the conversation between us, "Even Akira said that, those exact, same words as you described me. Could it be so bad?" Glancing at him, he just shrugged his shoulders, "But that’s just the way I am, right?" I glanced his way again, just in time to notice him nodded in affirmation this time. "Yeah, and that’s what make women more irresistible, from my point of view. Like water, they seems smooth and mild, however, the currents that lie beneath, is never to be underestimated. Does this make sense?" he looked at me inquiringly. I had to be truthful, and therefore, I shook my head while flashing a sheepish smile. Poetic words never agrees with my brain, and its input transformation process tends to be very slow as a result. The sampai scratched his head, "Okay then, I guess I have to make more sense." He delved his brain for an answer, and came up with one just a moment after, "You see, I like woman to be strong, yet when you see her, there is delicateness in the way she brought herself." This time, his explanation did make sense, although it still sounds a little bit poetic and philosophic. I am never a philosopher, but I knew he is. "Sampai," I voiced out after a lapse of silence seeped in, momentarily my thought shifted to something more of a reality, "Why do you come all the way to Kamakura, instead of schooling in Tokyo?" I peeked at his calm face, "There’s many good school in there, isn’t it?" Koshino kept his hands in his pockets and stared ahead, relaxed as his hair were carelessly swept by the mild sea breeze. Then, he threw his vision to the beach and a warm smile carved on his lips. Finally, after inhaling a breath of air of the surprisingly shady summer afternoon, he uttered, "Look at the scenery, then you’ll understand why." I cast my view on the coastline too. Somehow I sensed he must have feel so attached to this place, in which I find ordinary and used to it already, having lived her for as long as I could remember. I’ve occasionally seen the sampai sitting alone on the coastline last autumn, paying attention to nothing but a drawing pad on his laps. Later on, after having indulged in some investigation, I came to know that the sampai had been keeping himself busy doing some sketches of the Kamakura beach. Sometimes, he could stay there for hours, all season long. Again I threw my vision to the sea. It is calming and soothing to one’s heart, silently I agreed, "Akira mentioned to me that you’ve decided to join an art college after graduating high school. Well, I wish you the best of luck." That sent him chuckling, "That baka of a kid! I thought I had told him to be quiet about it, but I should have known better." Koshino sampai looked sheepish, carelessly combing his hair back, "He’ll never be able to keep any secret from you," he topped it off with a sigh. "Anyway, thanks for the encouragement." When he mentioned it, my mind instantly drifted, thinking about him. I had managed to forget about it just a moment ago, but somehow, it had find the way to surface. Suddenly, the senpai asked something out of the blue, and I instantly blushed at the impulsive inquiry, "What do you actually feel for Akira?" My mind raced for something to divert the topic, but I had particularly none in hand. As I fidgeted and kept mum, somehow he noticed, "I’ve thought so." "What?" the courage to voice out suddenly sprang out of nowhere, "What had you in mind?" He gave me a twisted smile, "I knew about it long ago, just by looking in your eyes. What you felt for Akira exceed the barrier of a friendship, but it’s highly understandable. How long has it been? Ten years, since you guys have know each other?" I was utterly ashamed to even look up his way, but somehow, I managed to rebut, "No, you had it all wrong. We’re just friends, nothing more than that. Be it twenty, or even thirty years, we’ll still be friends as what we are now. There’s no way to think of anything romantic between us…" The senior only smiled wryly, "So desu ka?" As I glanced away, unable to meet his penetrating gaze, I tried to block away any previous thoughts from entering. Somehow, I found his question highly disturbing, and what disturbed even more was that...knowing too well that I'll doubt my own words... "Well, see you tomorrow. And don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine." Koshino sampai flashed me a weak grin and waved back just as the commuter’s door automatically shuts in front of his face. As I gazed at him intently, I knew he was faking it, just as I am, smiling and waving my hand untiringly even though the commuter had left the station, and finally out of my view. The conversation with him had provided me insight of what I’ve not recognised before. The wall in which has kept my feelings for Akira, slowly tumbles to the ground. I retraced my steps and not long after, found myself walking down the road leading to my home. Being used to it, I let my conscience lead the way as I stared ahead, seemingly lost in space. Then I came to the exact bend, in which I have left Aki 2 days ago, and last saw him. I couldn't help but wandered, and without second thought, I took the bend. Nonchalantly I paced the narrow road which leads to a beautifully lined housing area. A double storey, white washed residence loomed into my view, a small sign bearing the name Sendoh Masaharu indicate that I have reach the destination. I looked around, only to find it deserted. Trying to enter the ground proved to be futile as I eyed the locked gate. "Aki!!...Aki!" I tried my luck calling out for him, but no answers were heard. Finally, exasperated with all the efforts thrown in, I headed for home with slow steps. Where could he be? It’s 2am, and still I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. I tossed here and there, and kicked away the comforter to cool off my body on this hot summer night, but it amounted to nothing. Not only did I feel hot, but I was also restless, my mind kept turning back to the same thought over and over again. Damn!! I decided to have a remedy of a glass of warm milk downstairs. After I got out of bed and stuffed my feet in my favourite pair of bunny slippers, I descend, hoping that I would be able to sleep afterward. As I opened the fridge, my empty stomach growled, having a mind of its own. I didn’t take dinner just now for my appetite was very poor. So, I settled on a glass of cold milk instead, accompanied with a slice of jellied bread. I was munching half-heartedly when the phone rang. Thinking that it could be none other than an emergency call at this time of the day, I picked it up fast, my heart pumped like mad thanks to the adrenaline. "Moshi moshi…" I waited patiently, but the line just went silent as if no one was at the other end. I tried again, this time louder than before, lifted with a newfound courage. "It’s me," was what finally heard. I gulped in return, and fell dead silent afterward. "Linez, you still there?" his voice sound concerned over my stillness. ] I nodded, only to realise it had been a foolish gesture, "Yes I am." Even through the phone, I could tell that he was smiling as he said, "Glad…listen, are you free to talk?" Voluntarily the words sprang out from my mouth, "Yeah, sure." I dragged the phone and continued with a faked calmness, "What is it, Kira? It’s 2am, it has got to be something." I heaved myself up to sit on the smooth surfaced marble counter top. From the other end, I heard him snickered, "Sort of…Hey, anyway, sorry for not showing these last 2 days. Something…came up," I heard him sigh regretfully, "It’s burdening, life is. I’ve just noticed today," and he sighed again, "You want to hear all about it?" "Yes?…" his words are beginning to scare me…pray it is not true…"Continue…please?" He paused long before finally finding the ease to utter, "I’ve kept something away from you…these days." Drops of sweat started to glisten my flushed face…please, please, don’t let it be true… Suddenly, his tone changed, "Nah, I think it should wait. I’m…I’m not ready yet." I face faulted…what? Come on, please tell me!… "Linez, I think I’ll discuss this with you later on, okay? I need to set a few things straight myself, before I can tell you this." I realised with dismay that it would be the end of our conversation that night, "Well, talk to you later." "No wait...Kira!" I managed to say, "Will I see you tomorrow morning, before school?" I may have sound too desperate, but it was what I really felt at the moment. Even his tone earlier had been a stranger to me, and it causes great pain to my heart. "I don’t know…maybe. I really have to go…bye," he whispered before the line went dead, a sound deafening to my suddenly sensitive eardrums. I wanted to dial his number, but sensing that it would be futile to persuade him to reveal, it put down the phone in its rightful place as I looked at it with sadness. Akira, THE Akira I knew would never be like this, hasty to hung up on me and seemingly hesitant to share his problems. I came back to the table and slumped low in the seat. He had something important in mind, and never in the course of our friendship had he ever exclude me from it. A long while of deathly silence seeps in as I tried to recollect the thought in vain. What is wrong with Aki? He sounds so...strange! Suddenly, I heard a click, and instantly, the kitchen filled with light. I shielded my eyes and saw Aunt Lily standing at the entrance, frowning to find me there. "Late night snack, missy?" She nodded apprehendly as I held up my half-filled glass of milk, faking a smile in the process, of course. Aunt Lily then opened the fridge and rummaged the interior for a glass herself, taking a seat before me as she sipped the milky substance. "But I thought I heard the phone a while ago. Was it a call, or have I been dreaming of it?" I shrugged my shoulders, looking at her as if a preposterous question had been asked, "I guess that was in your dream, aunt. I heard nothing." She gazed at me sceptically, "So desu ne?" and afterward flashed me a sly grin. Afraid she might delved deeper, I finished off the milk and went for the sink, "Absolutely." I stretched myself long and hard before making way for the stairs, and bidding her goodnight without her having the chance to ask further. I felt a gentle shake on my shoulder, and when I finally glanced up, Rie’s worried face loomed over mine, "Are you alright, Linez?" "I’m fine, Rie." I looked around before looking at the time, "Lunch’s not over yet, and it feels like ages since the lunch bell rang," I said while sitting up straight and strained my back in the process, "Ouch! It hurts…Rie, do you mind?" She smiled and stood behind me, "The usual technique?" I had found the strength enough to held a thumb up, and she quickly assigned to my request. "You’ve not been sleeping well, I suppose," I heard her said as I felt a seeping relief when her hands starts to rub my back, "Two days?" "You’re good at these guessing game. I might find that very useful, more over lately." She stopped short, "That sounds fishy. Care to explain?" I groaned, "I’d rather not, since I don’t even know what it is." My shoulders felt a nice feeling of numbness as Rie's hands balled in fists and started to knock on my back, especially on the shoulder. Sweet indulgence such as these are much appreciated in times of stress. "I’ve noticed you’ve been walking home alone these past few days. Where’s Akira?" I flinched as her strong hands grasped my shoulder and start to rub them hard. "Careful, Rie, you might break a bone or two there." She chuckles an apology, before continuing, adamant to get an answer, "About Akira, you’ve not answered me, and you’re stalling time, Linez." Sighing, I kept mum, determined not to disclose anything until everything is cleared. Another reason as to why I didn't want to say anything was that I can't find the couarge to do so. However, Rie keep lurking in my view, sporting the sweetest of all smile she had in store with those dimpled cheeks. "You're not going to tell me?" "....." "Linez? Lin....my god! I can't believe you've slept!" ** Next**