"Okay so again tell me why you want to go back and get your Doctorate? Don't you know it's going to be nothing but research? You hate research!" Rebecca was lying down outside on my patio sun bathing. I was currently fighting off my latest wave of nausea. I took a deep breath and answered her.

"Because I've always wanted my doctorate in history, you know that." I wasn't going to win this battle and I jumped up and ran to the bathroom just in time.

When I emerged from the bathroom Becca was sitting on the couch with the, "I don't wanna do this" look on her face.

"What?" I asked her taking the cold cloth from her hand.

"Okay, I so don't want to mention this to you, but I have to. I think you're pregnant." I felt the tension gather in my stomach.

"I've worried about it. I have no idea if they used protection, and then I have the problem of actually knowing whose it is." I felt the nausea again but knew there was nothing there. I sat down in the easy chair across from Becca.

"Did you ask him?"

"Ask who, Aj. Hello did you forget he's never called? I haven't asked Nick because I haven't talked to him in 2 months."

"O.K. so you had sex about 3 months ago… have you missed any periods since then?"

"Yeah."

"How many Liz."

"3."

"Oh my god, Liz! You're going to the doctor tomorrow. I know you hate them but if you are pregnant I won’t let you harm this baby by not taking care of yourself!"

"Rebecca I have been taking care of myself. I haven't drunk a drop of alcohol since that night, I have eaten 3 square meals a day." She gave me a weird look, "I don't know, it's like I knew I needed to start taking care of myself. So I did." I sighed and laid my head back on the easy chair's back.

"Come on. We're going to see if you're going to be a mom! Aren't you excited?" Rebecca said as we sat in the doctor’s office the next morning. She was acting the overly perky best friend today and I was about ready to hit her over the head and shove her in my trunk.

"No. I'm not, cause I already know. You know it too." But I was lying and she knew it as well as I did. I was excited and terrified all at the same time.

"Well Elizabeth, I have some good news." I sat and watched Dr. Candide as she flipped back through my chart. I looked over at Rebecca who had begged to come in with me while I got my results. "It looks like in about 6 months your going to be a mom." She closed my chart, clasped her hands and smiled at me.

"Okay." I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think. "Thank you." I started to stand.

"I have written you a prescription for prenatal vitamins and some iron tablets. Your iron is a little lower than I like." It was like she didn't even realize how my world had just crumbled and been rebuilt within seconds.

"Okay thank you." I took the prescription from her and headed to the door.

"Elizabeth I want to see you next month. We will try a ultrasound."

"I'll know what I'm having then?" I turned and asked her.

"Maybe, if you’re far enough along." She nodded and I left the room following Rebecca.

I made it to the receptionist and made my appointment for one month later. As soon as I stepped into the hot summer air, I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Rebecca caught me before I hit the ground. "Oh sweetie. You should be excited. You have the means to take care of this baby all by your self. I know your hurting, but you have to make it through this for the baby. In six months you're going to be a mom." I looked into her eyes. She was smiling. She was so happy. Why was I hurting so badly right now?