I woke slowly and stood from the bed and walked across the hallway to see Alex sitting up in his crib. I walked to him, holding back the tears that threatened to spill over. He stood holding onto the rails and I picked him up holding him closely. I knew today would be another horrible day. Aj was coming. This time, unfortunately, I knew to expect him. I just hoped that Alex wouldn’t become so upset by the whole situation as he had yesterday.
“What does Mama’s big boy want to eat this morning?” I asked him as I sat him down on his feet once we were at the bottom of the stairs. After breakfast Alex and I made our way outside into the warm sun. He decided today that he wanted to see how high he could bounce the ball. Although to me, the ball bounce wasn’t that high to Alex it was 10 feet high. Each time it bounced he would squeal and clap his hands looking at me for encouragement.
A few hours later as Alex was once again on the tractor making ‘vroom vroom’ noises. A movement caught my attention and I looked at the French doors to see Nick propped against the door jam. Once I had seen him, he headed over to me sitting down beside me on the grass.
“Hi.” He said simply.
“Hi.” I replied smiling.
“How are you doing?” He asked quietly as he looked at me.
“I’ve been better.” I replied not turning to him.
“I’m sorry.”
“How was work?” I asked just imagining how bad it must have been.
“Not too bad,” Nick thought back to the meeting the guys had been forced to attend. Aj, thankfully, wasn’t present, but in turn that made Nick nervous.
“Have I ever told you that you are a horrible liar?”
Nick laughed and nodded. “Yeah, you have.”
“So how bad was it?”
“It wasn’t good. Lots of yelling, lots of cussing.” Nick said breaking off a blade of grass.
“I’m so sorry Nick, for putting you through this.”
“Hey you didn’t make me come and see you. You didn’t even make me have sex with you.”
“I know, but I could have kept you out of this.”
“No, you didn’t do anything. I chose to be here. That’s why I’m here now. I made a decision and I’m sticking with it.” Nick said leaning back on his elbows looking at Alex.
“Well thank you. I have a feeling I’m going to need all the moral support I can get.”
“You’re welcome, but you owe me no thanks. I’m doing this for you and Alex.” Nick sat up straight as the doorbell rang. My heart raced as I looked at him. I could feel the dread settle in my chest.
“I’ll get it.” He stood and walked toward the house. I couldn’t watch as he entered the house. I knew who it would be and I wanted as much pleasant time as I could get before he ruined my day.
Nick entered the house as the door bell rang again. He knew Aj was never a patient man, but he rolled his eyes as the door bell rang for the third time. “Dammit I’m coming already.” Nick said as he pulled open the door. Aj wasn’t expecting Nick to be there and he stared at him for a brief second.
“Where is he?” He asked as he entered the house.
“Hello to you too, asshole. He’s in the backyard.” Nick said walking away from Aj. Nick sat down beside me and watched as Aj walked over to Alex. I couldn’t hear what he was saying to Alex but Alex was smiling.
Some time later, around Alex’s nap time, I stood and walked toward Aj. “I’m sorry, but its time for Alex’s nap.” I felt like a fool telling the father of my child that it was his nap time like I was a stranger. Aj nodded and kissed Alex on the head.
“I’ll see you later, little man.” I bent down and picked up Alex taking him into the house. By the time I entered his bedroom, Alex was all ready half asleep. He had always been such a wonderful child. I laid him down in his crib and tucked the blanket around him making sure ‘mister lumpy’ was near him. Mister Lumpy was a large yellow teddy bear that Nick had bought him. When I descended the stairs, Nick was sitting on the couch staring out the window.
“Where is Aj?”
“He left.” I nodded and sighed. I had never planned on keeping Aj from seeing his son when he found out but it was so stressful when Aj showed up. We sat in a peaceful silence for a while until the doorbell rang again.
“I’ll get it.” I said as I stood from the couch. I opened the door to a man wearing a brown UPS uniform.
“Ms. Johnson?” He asked.
“Yes?”
“I have a certified letter for you. I need you to sign here.” He said holding out a clip board. I signed my name and handed the clip board back to him. He in turn handed me a brown manilla envelope. I nodded and closed the door walking back to the living room. I opened the envelope and pulled out the papers that were stapled together. I read the heading out loud.
“Petition for DNA paternity test.” My heart dropped as I looked further down the page. “Alexander James McLean versus Elizabeth Alana Johnson. Nick! He’s filing to get legal custody!” In one second my world shattered around my feet. The thought had never crossed my mind that he would take Alex from me. I couldn’t breathe. My world slowly began to turn black before me. Nick caught me before I hit the floor.
For just an instant after I woke, my world was right. Alex was safe, I was happy. But almost as fast it had come, it went and I remembered Aj’s visit to the house. I sat straight up from the couch with every intention of checking on Alex. But as I did my world swam around me again, my stomach lurching.
“Whoa, lay down. You can’t just jump up like that.” Nick said as he pushed me back down on the couch.
“Where is Alex?” I asked, my voice weak.
“He’s outside with Becca.”
“Is he okay?”
“Yes he’s fine,” I nodded and closed my eyes.
“Nick, what if he takes him away from me?” I asked my voice cracking with restrained tears.
“Don’t worry. He won’t. Aj does a lot of things he doesn’t mean when he’s angry. Everything will be fine. He will work it out with you. I promise.” Nick replied running his hand over my head.
“I won’t survive Nick. I have to have him. I can’t...” I paused, taking a deep breath, “I can’t live without him.” I lost the battle with my tears as they flowed from my eyes.
“I know. I promise you will be fine. Alex will be fine. Shhh, it’s okay.” He said as he pulled me to him hugging me while I cried.