Well I wasn't a whale any more but I felt like one had just been ripped out of me.

"Oh my God Liz. He is so beautiful." Becca had been to the nursery to see Alex. He was just like his mom and hadn't dropped and they decided to do a c-section because of his size. I hadn't really seen him since the operating room.

"When do you think they will bring him in?" Some of the drugs had worn off and I wanted to hold him.

"I'll go find out." I nodded as Becca left the room. A few minutes later Becca walked in with followed by a nurse carrying a bundle of blue fabric. "Here you go, mom."

"Oh." I looked at him as the nurse placed him in my arms. Perfection. I removed the blue cap that was snugly on his head and ran my fingers through his deep brown curls. I looked up at Becca, "Alexander," the tears poured down my face, "Nickolas." She nodded and I saw the tears in her eyes too.

I was sore but I was at home with the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I couldn't count how many times the nurses had come in to tell me how beautiful Alexander was. His head was covered in thick curls and his eyes where brown, deep brown. He looked absolutely nothing like me. Well unless you count the three freckles across his nose, which I wasn't too sure if they were Aj's or mine. I smiled as I looked down at him sleeping in his bed. I sighed and left the room to let him sleep. Today had been a busy day, first pictures day. I found out real quick that Alex was a ham. I don't think he stopped smiling for 5 minutes while we were there.

I sighed as the phone rang. I figured I knew who it was. My grandmother had been calling all month trying to find out who Alex’s father was. She was about to drive me insane. I wasn't about to answer the phone. I could just see myself telling her, 'Well Grammy go watch the Backstreet Boys, the tattooed one, that's the daddy." Yeah she'd believe that. I climbed into bed. I rolled over and took out the journal I had started. I knew I hadn't told Aj or Nick, partially because they hadn't called but I would not let any day go without writing down what had happened.

I wrote my journal entry and I sighed as I closed the book. I would give anything to be able to tell Nick. I just wanted to talk to Aj. I knew it wasn't right to keep him from his son. I kept telling myself that I wasn't trying to keep him from him. I just had no way of getting in touch with him.