Comrades! Our Nation is in Danger!

In February 2002 the People's Government of George W Bush, coralled in by perils, put out this defiant message:-

Our Motherland is menaced from all directions by the army of 100,000 imperialist agents of the Evil Axis! They threaten our nation with a myriad conspiracies!

Today, comrades, it is my duty to warn you of imminent peril.

The FBI has obtained specific and credible evidence that terrorists, disguised as window cleaners, plan to spray the Melissa virus into buildings in Jackerstown, tomorrow at 9:48 a.m. precisely. Set your cuckoo clocks and be prepared for this attack.

Information has also been received of a plot to blow up the Hicksville railroad with sulfuric acid. We believe this new exploding acid was developed by lama terrorists in the Hindu Kush.

But be of good heart, comrades! Comrade Tenet of the People's Police is even now closing in on these Axis running-dogs, and with your help will nip the conspiracy in the bud.

Be alert, aware, and on the lookout! And always remember. Our heroic leader, Comrade Bush, sits in the Oval Office, defiant and unbowed. No bourbon can unman him, no pretzel lay him low. Let us draw inspiration from his example and, facing one another, turn outward to defeat these evil terrorists and take our nation to world victory.

Long live our national socialist revolution!! Long live the Corporate States of America!!!

(Thundrous applause. All stand. Earth-shaking cheering. Bats scatter from the rafters.)