At the beginning of September 2002 Colonel Blitzenburger made a rare trip out of his beloved US of A to attend a high-level political conference in the UK, where he — quite forcefully — expressed his views on the implications of the last year for America and the world:-
It's been nearly a year since that fateful day of 9/11. The Enemy thought they would weaken and demoralize us. But they have given us strength! In the past year we have forged iron links to bind our nation. Yeah, and tomorrow we'll treat the world the same way.I'm 100 percent behind the security measures our government's bringing in to fight the terrorists. And I fully support our hardworking boys in the military, the FBI and the CIA who've gotta carry them out. We understand the need for them and don't winge about the inconvenience they cause. If the security boys tap our phones and read our ee-mails, our cops and army detain suspects without trial or evidence, the Citizen Corps employs our public servants to watch over us at home, at work and in the street ...
Well, hell, it's the price we pay for freedom in this changed world we live in.
And we can make virtue outta necessity. We got the chance now to run America for the silent majority, instead of a handful of pinko libruls. We need to kick misfit ass, put the boot in the commies and stomp on the head of crime and anarchy. Then we'll have a law-abiding society where our citizenry can live their lives peacefully and decently under one roof.
Beyond the 9/11 anniversary, we approach Thanksgiving. At this time of year we remember the Pilgrim Fathers, who set aside their individual strivings, and linking hands, joined together to live and work as a common community for the higher development of all.
Goddamn bunch of commie bastards! That's just the kind of subversive garbage our country has had to fight against all these years.
And here's another breed of them! In the midst of our War Of Terror we're being stabbed in the back by chuckle-headed conspiracy weirdos who say that the World Trade Center and Pentagon weren't hit by that Al Kayeeda faggot, but by robots!
Crazy, ain't it! Next they'll be saying it wasn't the commies that burned down the Reichstag, it was some steel-headed, stiff-strutting, clockwork mechanical men! I ask you, who'd believe such a thing?
I've already told you what we can do with freaks like these. And our country ain't gonna be pushed around no more by no do-gooding foreigners neither. Our administration's quite right to tell the International Court of Justice where to get off. We don't want a bunch of goddamn aliens laying down the law for our military boys. They're risking their lives to protect these greebos from themselves, even if they have to kill them to do it.
Our European buddies face the same problem as us — the unwashed hordes of aliens who daily pour across our borders and threaten to swamp our civilization. The British, they got that alien Sangatte camp across in France to worry about. Those boys, Lee Pen and George Haider, got the right idea. But I brook at Lee's plan of dumping Sangatte's inmates on our Brit allies! There's gotta be a better solution. I'm sure, if we ask them, our USAF buddies can drop a daisy-cutter on the camp.
[Shortly after this, the closure of the camp was announced. Which seems to prove Blitzie's effectiveness as a public speaker.]
Our enemies are determined and ruthless. They will stop at nothing to destroy us. Our CIA buddies have shown me proof that that Al Kayeeda faggot is breeding anthrax and other deadly germs inside the oil deposits of the Middle East. They multiply in the millions as they feed off the precious oil reserves! The whole world is menaced with ruin and death.
At all costs our boys must seize the oil fields and save the world from this evil faggot. And you can bet I'll be right in front leading our boys of the Tuxedo Ninth! Our scientists say the oil must be burned to destroy the germs. I can tell you that plans are already in place to do this. A nationwide network of workshops is being established to adapt our automobile engines to carry out this very job. Thus, we can all take part in defeating this evil plot, while benefiting ourselves as well. How's that for good comin' out of evil?
Webmaster: Freeman © the author 2002
The Colonel's First Foray
(March 2002)Blitzenburger's Reconstruction Crusade
(May 2003)Blitzenburger to Head WMD Search
(October 2003)
