"MOMMY, MOMMY, I saw the VOMIT!" - Anonymous 4-year old
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
"More hay, Trigger?"  "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off now.
Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs?  Neither did I.
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
What is a free gift ?  Aren't all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
"Very funny, Scotty.  Now beam down my clothes."
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Oops.  My brain just hit a bad sector.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
I don't suffer from insanity.  I enjoy every minute of it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age.  Few men act theirs.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
All generalizations are false, including this one.
C program run.  C program crash.  C programmer quit.
"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
I may not know what I'm doing, but I know how to do it
Did you hear about the new Anita Hill doll?
    You pull the string and it talks in ten years.
Avoiding the potholes on the Information Superhighway,
Leonard Nimoy for President in '96
    The Only Logical Choice.
C:\>COPY A:\MOTHER.DNA+B:\FATHER.DNA C:\BABY.EXE
As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693 ...
Bugs come in through open Windows.
Pi R squared.  Noo!  Pie R round, cornbread R square!
Machines used in demolition are called Cats. Coincidence? I think not!
We all live in a Yellow Subroutine...
Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
Wreck the Malls with Cows on Harleys, fa la la la la ...
Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts?
Don't sweat petty things... Oh.. and don't pet sweaty things!
Suicide words:  "Hey there, turtle headed Klingon dude!"
"Fascinating."  Spock figures out the Energizer Bunny.
She's dead Jim...But she's still warm..Flip a coin for her?
"It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is...dead, Jim."
Vegetarians eat vegetables ... Beware the humanitarians.
Mistress - something between a mister and a mattress.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
I took my cat in for a catscan. Diagnosis? It was a cat.
Why can't women remember to leave the lid up?
Committee--a group which keeps minutes and waste hours.
Have you pushed a Ford lately?
I need some duck tape - my duck has a quack in it.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Windows 3: The Network Consultants Full Employment Act of 1990.
Happiness is Clinton's picture on a milk carton.
I hear they're gonna put two more faces on Mt. Rushmore:  Clinton.
Save a choking virgin!  Learn the Hymen Lick maneuver
Ever notice that the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star?
Optometrist caught in lens-grinder, makes a spectacle of himself!
......(A)bort,(R)etry,(I)nfluence with a large hammer.
C:\BELFRY  "Where I keep my .BAT files."
I'm not panicking.  I'm examining all options at high speed.
Apathy Error: Don't Bother Striking Any Key
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a rock.
C:\CODE  C:\CODE\RUN  RUN CODE, RUN...
Drop your carrier ... we have you surrounded!
Scotty, beam me to the Bahamas.
People say I'm indecisive.  Am I?  I don't know.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
Diarrhea is hereditary.    It runs in your jeans.
There is never enough beer, sex, or disk space.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Welcome to Hell.  Here's your copy of Windows.
Scotsmen wear kilts because sheep can hear zippers!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI...

A Grandsons wish: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my
    Grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers."